BFC 2-1 Rotherham United, Tuesday 26th August 2025

‘No Budweiser? You can’t be telling me that!’

Who’s our coach these days? Neill Collins? Darrell Clarke? Keith Hill (cheers for that one, Farnham)? We were 1 nil down and for the last 20 minutes of the half we watched as the Super Reds passed it sideways, sideways, backwards, square, slightly forwards, sideways, sideways…ad infinitum. At one point we DEFINITELY mustered over 30 passes without losing possession, which, back in the 70s, was unheard of. However, this is the era of Pepball and Rovrum weren’t pressing, and we weren’t taking risks. Anyone would think WE were winning and were just running the clock down. Then we’d kick it forward and lose it. Oh, THAT’S why we’re kicking it safely square. Still, it never ended up back at the keeper. (I continue to be all about the positives.)

It was an awful half of football from us. We shoulda been 2 down before they scored. Cooper made 2 one-on-one saves, while Barrett (one of this week’s centre half partnership – who did YOU get in the sweep?) cleared one off the line while his mate Shepherd blocked another certain goal on the 6 yard line. We were struggling. 7 changes probably didn’t help; only Coops, Shepherd, Vickers and DKD surviving the cull. Thankfully, cometh the half-time, cometh the men: Phillips and Ogbeta sent on to relieve a poor Yoganathan and Cleary. Dynamic management indeed.

Sadly, this is where I must interrupt the report. Towards the end of half-time I snuck off to the toilet when some small child dropped a SCALDING drink on my foot. Honestly, time stood still, as it was a full second later before the pain exploded. ‘YOU LITTLE FUCKING PR*CK’ I screamed before departing for the bog, before me and his mam got into a row. For those who saw that occasion I lost my temper on the train to Walsall when coffee was spilt on me, you’ll have realised my Kryptonite. I have since ALMOST calmed down. I’ve dropped a drink or 2 in my time, and chances are the kid dropped it cos it was TOO F***ING HOT.

Anyway, once I’d relieved myself, I took off my shoe and sock. Should I stand in the Ponty End toilets and run my foot under the tap, or would that look a bit weird? The pain had subsided somewhat, so I elected to man up and get back out there. The Super Reds needed me. I lasted 10 minutes, none of which I can remember for the match. Hanging with former nurse and St. Johns ambulanceman Wadd, he advised I go to 1st aid. My foot was killing me. To cut a boring story short, I limped to the 1st aid post (halfway, under the East Stand) where I was looked after for 20 minutes. Allegedly, we scored 2.

I came back out to a hero’s welcome no response whatsoever, though I did get a text from Nozzer asking how I was, cos he’d seen me limping along the front of the East Stand. And then I watched the last 10 minutes where their keeper was in our box a lot more than our centre forward was in theirs (true).

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cooper. 2 crucial early saves kept us in it.
** Barrett. Cleared off the line.
* Shepherd. Great block.

Official MOTM: No idea. Anybody? (It was Vickers.)

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1= Cooper / Phillips 3. Vickers

Despatches:
Guess what is possibly the greatest cause of injury at Oakwell (beyond Barnsley FC boring fans to death)? Yes, that’s right. Hot drinks. On my return into the Ponty from the toilets, a steward nearly caused me to explode again, as she warned me to be careful ‘cos someone’s spilt a drink’, pointing at the liquid spread across the concrete. In no uncertain terms I explained to her that I KNEW a drink had been spilt there because…etc. More profanities may have gone her way too. I apologise.

Oh, we did create a chance. A chip forward gave Russell a free header. Sadly, it was at the far end, and for reasons I’ve yet to fathom, the Waddingtons and Molls of this world prefer to sit in the Ponty, low enough that you’ve got little idea what goes on in the other box. I’m told it was an awful miss by those cunning enough to stay at home. I thought it was curling a bit left, and Russell was coming in from the right, so to direct it on target would have defied the laws of physics. But, as I said, it was a crap view.

Drink du jour: Leffe at Bramahs, with the Galvins. Thousands of ‘em! (Hi Josie!)

Away: 871 (5,803)

The Damage:
£16 ent
c.£8 petrol
= c.£24

BFC 2-2 (5-4 pens) Fleetwood Town, Wednesday 13th August 2025

‘Double U?’ ‘No, W’

It’s home game #2 of a run of 3 in 8 days. No wonder there’s not many of us here (3,259). All of us home fans are also ‘packed’ into the East Stand, so 2 sides are empty, and there’s only 165 taking up nearly 6,000 seats in the away end. But it’s sunny, warm, and there’s a buzz amongst those there which exceeded far bigger crowds last season. Plus Coach Conor has named a pretty strong team, including experienced heads like DKD and Russell. New signing Watson starts at right back, while Kelly is given his full debut in midfield, next to Bland. Shepherd is back from his suspension, and he’s with Conor Barrett at the back, our 4th central defensive partnership in 4 games.

And I have to say...it works. We are ALL OVER THEM. Been a while since I’ve seen such a one-sided game. I think Cleary (on the left wing this time, rather than Satdy’s right) has more touches than their team. He’s Cleary (!) on a different level to them. Time and again he beats his man and puts a cross in. Russell heads in early doors and DKD misses 2 chances, an easy sidefoot and a difficult volley. (I hope the scouts were watching.) It’s too easy. And what happens when it’s too easy? They score.

We are 2 seconds off the end of 1st half injury time when a corner is swung in. Does it flick in off someone? Does it go in unaided? I’ve since looked at it a dozen times on t’internet and I’ve no idea. I see Barrett runs to the front post and gets under the ball. Could he have jumped a bit higher? Equally though, even if it does clear him, a ball shouldn’t harmlessly run into the far corner. You can’t have NOBODY on it. A player on the far post would have cleared it too. The usual bugbear about marking space versus having a man on the (back) post.

So there it is, one-way traffic and somehow it’s one-all. In a weird prelude to their goal though, they’d also had an effort disallowed earlier, the ball going in direct from a THROW-IN! This took me back to the Premiership promotion season. Opening home game, we go a goal down to Huddersfield as Dave Watson pulls his arms back from touching the ball cos he knows no-one has touched it. Unlike that day, this ref knew the rules. (We went on to beat Hudds 3-1, a possible sliding doors moment averted.)

Coach Conor brings on Leo Farrell at HT. Whohellhe? (Ans: from the juniors). DKD is off. Oh dear, who’s gonna take us through now? Thankfully, Cleary carries on as before, strips the fullback, whips a ball in and an idiot defender sticks a leg out to deflect home. Easy, easy! Farrell then has the chance to extend the lead but the keeper saves. If he never scores a goal for Barnsley, he’ll regret trying to take it round the keeper rather than dink it over him.

On the hour, Yoganathan and Farrugia are sent on for Bland and Vickers, before Coach Conor sends on Captain Fantastic Connell (for Shepherd; I can’t remember what tactical nonsense we verted to. If reverting is going back to something, would ‘vert’ be to do something for the 1st time?) Anyway, if by ‘seeing out’ you mean ‘hitting a glorious penalty into the top corner in a penalty shootout’, Coach Conor got it bang on. If so, this bloke has the Midas touch.

Yes, we’re into injury time and it’s just so, so easy. As it was in the 1st half. But there’s some confusion as Coach Conor wants to make a sub. Cleary thinks it’s him, but it turns out to be Ogbeta. Now, I’ve heard of people mixing up their blacks, but I’ve never heard of a black person mistaking HIMSELF for another black person. Anyway, the message eventually gets through to Cleary that he’s not being offered his standing ovation for a job well done and that he’s on till the end. I don’t think he’s in the right head space either, as within a minute he fails to track back, leading to an overlap on their right and the ball pulled back to be swept home. To err once (conceding in 1st half injury time) is human. To do it twice (conceding in 2nd half injury time) is careless.

Thank goodness it went straight to pens. When was the last time anyone saw a decent extra-time? We go 1st, are always in front, but Kelly finds the bar with what would have been the winner. Honestly, it’s an inch from being perfect, top corner. Still, it’s somehow fitting that Cleary scores the winner (6th pen) even though we had to wait for keeper Cooper to save. Rovrum at home next. Let the celebrations begin!

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cleary. Just give him the ball.
** Kelly. Ran centre mid.
* Bland. As above. The front 4 don’t get the ball without a base.

Official MOTM: Cleary

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cleary 2. Kelly 3. Bland

Despatches:
I was with Lord S in the ticket office pre-match. No problems buying my ticket (though £2 extra on the day – NONE of BFC’s messages on ‘socials’, or even their ticketing page, told me THAT) but I had to leave the office as I was cracking up. ‘How do you spell your name?’ ‘… W’ ‘Double U?’ ‘No, W’ ‘Double U?’ Anyway, we got in, only missing 5 minutes.

This is a minor thing (hopefully) and just a sign of rustiness, but three times the ball ended up out of play due to a misunderstanding between Vickers and Russell. Both showed their class at times (after opening their legs?) but with each other…they need more practice.

Drink du jour: Karate and Friendship pale ale (very nice) and Hazy Rider New England IPA (bit dodgy – was it ‘off’? Or is that it’s normal taste?) at Heaven and Ale.

Away: 165 (3,259)

The Damage:
£16 ent
c.£8 petrol
= c.£24

BFC 1-0 Sheffield United, Tuesday 27th August 2024

‘Do you think the Victorians called The Victorian Arcade ‘The Victorian Arcade?’’

The youth didn’t look too healthy. What was he? 17? 18? It was difficult to tell, given that he was leant over the toilet trough, his head leaning against the metal wall, his hands desperately holding on to the ledge of the p***er. I pity the poor lad’s mate who’d have had to take him home, stinking of urine. Please tell me he had a mate. ‘This doesn’t happen in the East Stand’ I said to another smirking middle-aged bloke.

Yes, I was in the Ponty with the idiots last nite. Fancied a change. See how the other half live. And as the Blunts pressed for an equaliser late on, I didn’t know if the fact I could barely see the far end was a help or a hindrance. For the first time in a long time I was actually invested in the result. The team was MAGNIFICENT as it battled to victory against the big city higher division neighbours. Plus they silenced a full away end very early on. I don’t think I could have stood 5,000 crowing Blunts (I said ‘Blunts’, not ...)

I said I was with the idiots. I would have been – but one had already nicked my seat, back row. To hell with it, I’ll go and sit with Wadd. I could be the new Molly! But some others had nicked that seat too. All this in a stand that was less than half full. Still, I’m forever banging on that unreserved seating in the Ponty is at the heart of improving the atmosphere at Oakwell. Well, it did last nite! Mind, if I have one regret, it’s not swapping seats with Wadd at half-time,and given my right ear a break. Christ, he talks, and Christ, very little is about the match in front of him. Molly owes me one.

The opening half undoubtedly belonged to the Blunts, but we held strong, aside from Earl being stripped (he can add ‘left back’ to ‘left wingback’ as positions he’s not suited to. His worst effort was in trying to let the ball out of play, leaving the winger to dance round him and pull the ball back for Billy Blunt to sidefoot off the post from 6 yards. Unmissable. So unmissable, I’d have put money on Devante scoring. Or Dire. Or Dave Regis*. Winnall would have scored it twice. That said, the defence stood tall and happily gave away corners confident they’d head the ball clear. (We had both Pines and Roberts in there; the Blunts meantime had no Kieffer Moore. THAT would have been interesting.)

*I’m aware all 3 share the same ethnicity; this is coincidence. I was just had to find a 3rd after the first 2 trip off my tongue like my own slaver. And now I have to get paranoid cos the word for the spittle that dribbles from your mouth is the same spelling as...anyway, I give up.

I couldn’t see us scoring tho, despite them having Adam Davies in goal. (Yes, THE Adam Davies.) ‘Do we get pens after 90 minutes?’ I asked young Lucas. I was grasping for anything, still thinking if we concede one, we’ll concede 3, 4, 5. If we don’t concede at all, at least we’ll have the opportunity to beat them on pens. And we wouldn’t even have to suffer extra time. My fears were misguided – we were AWESOME (dude) that 2nd half, absolutely awesome.

We were on the front foot from the start, as Cotter rampaged down the right. On current form, he’s a better right winger than Farage. (Where’s he gone? Don’t bother replying.) The goal came courtesy of Bazza too, with a little help from his friends. A beautiful throughball to Phillips, wide right, is returned, low, across goal for Sniffer Watters to bury from 4 yards into an empty net. What a player this Watters bloke is. 2 goals in 2 games, is there no stopping him? (It’s transfer deadline week; can I see a show of hands on who WOULDN’T sell him, if we could, if anyone wanted him, if if...) Great goal.

That was earlyish, 2nd half, but for half an hour we were the better side. Then, with subs on and time ticking…the Blunts sending an SOS to star man Hamer on the bench…from 77 on we were under the cosh. I say 77, cos they had 3 chances in 3 mins. But the defence held out, the midfield never stopped running and the forwards put a shift in. It was like the good old days of a cup upset. Oh, and Max Watters has now scored more winners for Barnsley in derbies than everyone except Jamal Campbell-Ryce. Incredible.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cotter. 2nd home game in a row he’s been diddled out of MOTM by Phillips. Waddington said it, Darrell, who I met outside, said it, I’m saying it, everyone who saw the game said it. So we took him off an hour or so in (injured?) and we were never the same.
** Roberts. Headed and cleared everything.
* Pines. See above. No wonder we were so keen to let them have corner after corner!

Official MOTM: Phillips

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cotter 2. Watters 3. Lofthouse

Despatches:
I’ll not go through the team, the lot of ‘em were heroes. Special mentions to Marsh and Yoganathan as replacements for regulars Cosgrove and whoever plays with Connell in the middle..

But the crowd. If the Blunts brought 5,000 (should be easy to feed; 5 fish and a couple of loaves….or is the other way around?) that means 5,739 Reds fans. Pathetic. I saw on social media folk complaining it was 17 quid. OK, I get that, it could be less. But a league game is 29 quid FFS. I’d have thought 17 was almost good value. It didn’t deter dem blades. Maybe the clue is in being relegated from the Prem. With away allocations last season of 3,000 or less, and a desperation to see their team battered, this probably represented many of their fans with a rare chance of seeing an away game. So the price suited THEM. But perhaps the powers-that-be at Oakwell need to be more in touch with our own fans. (However, we could’ve given tickets away and not got rid of more than 10,000, so it’s a tricky game.) But it was bliss seeing a full, yet silent, away end. Enjoyed that. Well done you Super Reds. 1st home win since February. 1st win against the Blunts since...?

Drink du jour: Paulaner Weissbier (cans of) in Spiral City.

Away: 5,000 (sellout). Looked more, but 5,000 is the only figure I can find.

The Damage:
£17 ent
c. £8 petrol
£3 programme
= £28

Arsenal 2-1 Norwich City, Tuesday 24th October 2017

Arsenal 2-1 Norwich City, AET (att. ’58,444’ – not in a million years)

Welcome to ....

A dream draw in my household, as a week off work coincided with the 4th round of the ‘Carabao Cup’ and my partner’s team, Norwich, being drawn at the Emirates. Even better, tickets were a tenner, a far cry from t’other year, when I looked into a similar Canary venture to Old Trafford, where the home side were charging £47. We didn’t go to that one.

This claim used to amuse me at Highbury too.

I have a number of Arsenal season ticket holding friends, and, despite Norwich immediately selling out their 5,000 allocation (later increased to 8,800), tickets were easily procured in the home end. Jolly decent tickets they were too, back of the lower tier, near the halfway line, somewhere behind Arsene. I did ask would we be ‘Arsene in’ or ‘Arsene Out’ today? ‘I love him, but he should have gone 5 years ago.’ Like every other neutral, I look forward to seeing what happens to the Arse(nal) after Wenger leaves. I should imagine the same as now, but without the attractive football.

The teams line up.  Obvs I wasn't at my seat yet.

Of course, the Emirates, or ‘The Library’ is a grand stadium, of that there is no doubt. Though the floodlights are in one’s eyes, in the lower tier. I’d have preferred the upper tier (£20) but my mate didn’t think 4 hours was a quick enough response time for an e-mail and jumped in with the lower tier. Still a good view of the pitch, and the widest seats in the league (allegedly). Certainly very comfortable, and again, favourably compares to the last time I was at Old Trafford, where they really wedge you in (or is that just the away end?)

Looking towards the away end.

The programme was a bargainsome £3.50 and full of the kind of tittle tattle I enjoy, such as this being Arsenal’s 7th home match of the season, each one having been played on a different day of the week, surely some kind of record. Also, it was Andrew Madley’s 1st Arsenal game he’s reffed. This may mean nought, ‘cept he’s the older bro of Premiership ref Robert Madley. At least Andrew kept with family tradition, denying Norwich a certain penalty in extra time (Robert had denied West Brom another stone-waller the other week). Oh well.

Arsene prowls the technical area.

Norwich went ahead after half an hour or so, the Murphy twin they didn’t sell to Newcastle latching onto a throughball while the keeper (debutant Macey) dithered. Thereafter, Arsenal Arsenalled it around without looking too dangerous, while Norwich lined up on the edge of their own box and failed on the odd break. Then, with 5 mins of normal time remaining, Arsenal brought on some unknown youngster (Edward Nketiah). Wow! The reaction was immediate, with Nketiah equalising from close range with his 1st touch, then bagging the winner in extra time, a header off a corner. ‘Eddie, Eddie’ sang the home crowd, while other members of the fraternity got on their iphones to find out whothehell he is.  (yes, Jo, I mean you!)

'He is widely considered the best player of all time' ho ho.

There was still time for Eddie to have a couple of shots at the hattrick, before Norwich were denied a penalty when their wide man was barged over by Debuchy, French international fullback that he is. Of course it was no penalty. There’s no way an experienced Arsenal player would need to foul a Championship plodder. (We’ll ignore the earlier foul by Elneny when Norwich looked like going clear, a yellow rather than red. At least the ref spotted it was a foul).

Arsenal and Eddie celebrate.

Then, with a minute left, the move which should cement Eddie’s place in a future Carabao Cup game: when breaking with only one defender in front of him, he ran it to the corner flag. Premiership class. It was time to leave, to back street Cuban boozer (only in North London) ‘El Commandante’ where I drank a delectable local brew, an IPA, ‘N7’ (see what they did there?) while everyone else drank that brew beloved of Fidel, Che, et al - San Miguel. A thoroughly pleasant evening all round.

This fella could still problies do a job for Arsenal, eyes closed.

ps, re: the official attendance. How can it be 58,000 odd? Most of the upper tier (save for the away end) was empty. And with the season tickets not including the league cup…I’m puzzled. I’d have thought c.40,000.

The Damage:
£10 ent
£3.50 prog
£5 hot dog (no onions; they were 30 pence extra)
= £18.50

Arsenal v Norwich panorama.

Where's Wally?