BFC 1-3 Stockport County, Saturday 2nd May 2026

‘F***ing disgusting. F***ing outrageous.’

Well, I’m glad that’s over. We can all have 3 months off now and watch England fail instead. I’m reminded of the Orient manager’s quote at the weekend about it being a wasted year, coaching the (crap) players at his club. I know the feeling. I’ve wasted a year of my supporting life on a side where 3 of the top 4 league starters were Luca Connell (39), Jack Shepherd (37) and ‘Jono’ Bland (32). No wonder we struggled. Still, after a magnificent tail-off in what form we did have, we’ve now finished in our worst league position since the days of Dire, (2002-03, 19th). Note: Isiah the Messiah came in for an injured Dire and saved us with a late winner at home to Brentford in our last home game. Sorry kids, but I’m dealing with facts, not opinions, on this one.

We have finished 15th, below the mighty Doncaster Rovers. I also notice that we’ve swapped positions with Mansfield Town (now 10th) since a certain Jon Russell was deemed ‘surplus to requirements’. Oh well. Roughly 30 games of Connell and Bland neither setting owt up, nor scoring, nor protecting our defence. Shepherd being the WOAT (Worst of all Time) centre half, his partnership (is that the right word?) with Roberts being the worst in memory. Why have 2 centre halves who can’t defend, can’t control a ball, and can’t pass a ball, when you can have 2? At the same time!? And left backs who can’t kick it with their left foot? It’s been so bad that Earl returning at fullback has been a RELIEF. And he’s poor as well.

Which is as close as I can get to a link back to the game. We’re however many minutes in when Earl plays a suicidal ball across the back straight to their player. Why the mad Hatter elects to control it, rather than simply sidefoot it past today’s ineptitude in goal (Flavell) I know not. The extra touch costs him and MdG is in on the block. Flavell then makes a couple of routine saves, and you start thinking, hang on, he might just have the basics, when…he lets an innocuous cross slip through his grasp for a tap-in on the line. Awful. This is why he can’t be trusted with being our first choice. Though blaming him for not being good enough is like blaming Shepherd for being picked. God apparently loves triers, so he must adore this pair. (Mind, who’s on the backpost losing his man? Why, it’s Captain Marvel himself, but I can forgive him this one. You expect your keeper to be able to CATCH a ball...don’t you?)

We settle back, expecting Stockport to run riot now. They need a win to make sure of a play-off place (having been turned over at home to relegated Port Vale midweek) while we have nothing to play for, beyond new contracts for those facing unemployment in the summer (MdG, O’Connell and Phillips of those on display). But Cleary is showing glimmers of what he was before February; a winger who can beat a player and put a ball in. We may get something yet.

And so it is we equalize. Phillips has already had a header saved when he flicks another one goalwards from a Connell free kick. The keeper pulls off an absolute WORLDY, but is slow to get up as O’Keeffe hooks the rebound back across goal for Adam to head in on the goalline. 10 minutes later, Phillips’ reward for being the most likely to score (indeed, for being the one to score) is to be hooked. A good chance to see sub Lennon on the wing. Or getting lost in the middle (cheers, Conor).

We go behind on 71 to one of the most bizarre decisions of a season of bizarre decisions. O’Connell clearly tackles their guy. It’s not even in dispute. The ball trickles towards the wing. Their guy goes down and I’m not even sure why. I am as perplexed as anybody when the ref points to the spot. As is my Blunt mate, who expresses his surprise in greater vocality than I. I’m just dumbfounded. Maybe I’d open my mouth if there was something riding on it, but I’m just in shock. Who cares? It makes no difference to our season. 1-2. For all the penalties awarded against us this season, have we saved one?

Thereafter, Coach Conor sends on Marc Roberts to save the game. Or give us his last hurrah. There is no ‘we all dream of a team of Marc Roberts’. A pity, as this is our 2nd funniest chant after Luca Connell ‘putting on a show’ (where’s that disappeared to?) MdG is pulled. Goodbye Mael. I don’t suppose we’ll give you another contract, not that you’d want one. I liked you, even if plenty found in you a scapegoat. (Still, difficult to blame him when he wasn’t playing!) Farrell is also on for Bradshaw; like Roberts, another player who’ll be fondly remembered only for his 1st stint with us.

The changes make no difference, so off go the Undynamic Duo (Connell and Bland) with Nwakali and Banks coming on. I’ve no idea what the formation is, but we put everyone in their half, so when Nwakali loses the ball in injury time, their player is clean through from his own territory. And while it’s cruel to compare Flavell to the likes of Luke Steele, the one thing I can say about the latter is that he always saved one-on-ones. Flavell doesn’t, and he doesn’t. 1-3. Thank goodness that’s all over.

Anyway, goodbye to this team. If you need a reason to be cheerful, we’ll never see this line up again (4-2-3-1):

Flavell O’Keeffe MdG O’Connell Earl Connell Bland Phillips Kelly Cleary Bradshaw

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cleary. Beat players, whipped in crosses. Hopefully will tempt clubs into dangling a few mill our way.
** Kelly. Not his strongest game, but he’s that far ahead of what we have...Patrick, it’s been a pleasure seeing you develop, put your all into every game, having some personal and professional pride in every appearance while attempting to drag the team up by the scruff of its neck. I also apologise that you’ve had to bear such responsibility on your young shoulders. I can only wish you well in your career development and hope you do your new club proud, whoever it might be. So long, and thanks for all the fish. But if you’re still with us in September, you need a new agent. (Note to BFC: don’t sell him cheap.)
* Phillips. Scored. Nobody else did (for us).

Official MOTM: Kelly

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cleary 2= Kelly / MdG / Phillips

Despatches:
I see we gave McGoldrick the POTY trophy. Not bad for 3 months off, plus another month at the end. Nice to see it being awarded at some exec function, midweek, too. Must make an extra few hundred quid out of it, rather than have it unveiled pre-match in front of the whole crowd. The club are always on the lookout for ideas of how to get fans to Oakwell early, in the hope they buy an extra pie. I can look back on the anticipation I used to feel with fondness.

In other moans, the club announce the game as all-ticket 2 days before the match. 2 days! Presumably this was a SYP directive, normally attuned to a capacity away end. Some of us DON’T actually hang on every word that comes out of Oakwell, so big thanks to whichever Londontyke informed me, cos it meant I had to buy a ticket for my mate. I realise we we wouldn’t have sold too many tickets on walk-up sales, but still.

And who next for our manager/head coach? Hugo Colace was in the crowd, but I can’t see it being him. You don’t go from Bangor City to Barnsley. (Mind, we gave Coach Conor the job, and he’d not managed ANYWHERE!) Of the runners and riders, I’d accept a Staniel Dendal back. Correct, he couldn’t defend either, but that was in a division higher than this. Though admittedly, it’s gonna be a mammoth task given the players we currently have. But one has to be optimistic. We’re shipping out a lot of chaff (while keeping plenty more). A new manager...ANY new manager...can only improve on this season...can’t they?

See you in August.

Drink du jour: Beartown Inception in Spiral.

Away: 2,609 (12,940). And South Yorkshire’s finest made it all ticket...for this?

The Damage:
£8 petrol
£4 prog
£31 replica shirt
= £43

One more thing. Official POTY was McGoldrick (despite having 3 months off). Londontykes POTY was the supreme Patrick Kelly (2nd Cleary, 3rd McG). Not everyone let us down this season.

Stockport County 1-1 BFC, Saturday 29th November 2025

‘You’ve NEVER had a Toby Carvery!?’

Well, we came, we saw, we conquered. Then it got to half-time and I told Andy that Conor would change it at half-time, tell the players that’s enough of their excellence, best to go back to mediocrity and give County a way back. And so it proved. I think we spend most of the second 45 on the back foot. And I wouldn’t say we weren’t interested in attacking, but DKD, Yoganathan and Cleary looked out on their feet. Indeed, when Cleary weas injured, it was obvious now was the time to take him off. So, like last week (Shepherd), Conor leaves an injured player on till he collapses.

It’s a good job Conor is canonised. He’s untouchable. He resolutely refused to change owt, 2nd half, and we never saw the ball at our end (the end we were nominally kicking towards). It was screaming out for wholesale changes up top. Instead, Cleary (who had a dreadful 2nd half, couldn’t beat an egg) was allowed to limp on till the 77th minute. Then what? We chuck a left back on for him (Ogbeta), give it 10 more mins, then send on McGoldrick for Phillips (who can’t have been tired, he’d never moved from the centre circle the whole half, playing the Molby/Bland role).

Did I say we were all over the place? We possibly went to a back 5 (back 10?) with MdG moved inwards from his bizarre left back position he started in (skinned twice in the opening 10 minutes). I’m sure MdG appreciates being hung out to dry by St. Conor. Which meant not one, not two, but THREE centre halves unable to stop the County bloke having a free volley from close range in the 89th minute. One-all, and let’s hang on for the draw.

All this after an outstanding opening period, Yoganathan, Cleary, DKD and Kelly taking it to them, Shepherd and Roberts holding fort at the back, and Luca up and down winning tackles. After a couple of scares (off target efforts after those aforementioned skins of MdG) we took the lead with a cracking move. Yoga wins the ball, high, lays it to Kelly who drives forward before laying it out wide for a free Cleary to drill the ball across goal for Yoga to get his studs on it. Brilliant goal, and it could have been more.

Second half, everything changes. County may well have changed formation, or whatever. But they changed SUMMAT and Conor needs to learn to switch things himself. The equaliser, late as it came, was the LEAST County deserved.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Kelly. Drove forward time and again, even 2nd half.
** Connell. Good tackling, good covering, decent passing.
* Shepherd. Shepherd and Roberts were OUTSTANDING, 2nd half, but Shep nicks it just for the time Roberts brought the ball down like Beckenbauer...and promptly side-footed it straight to a Stockport player on the break.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. Connell 3. Shepherd

Despatches:
For all their pressure, I remember Cooper only making one good save. MdG, a right-footed player who gets brickbats at right back, is blatantly not a left back. Ogbeta, who is, is benched again. Why? (Last week he was sick, but that was a week ago). As I said, Phillips was this week’s Bland. It took me ages to notice him, 2nd half, then I realised that’s cos he’s under instruction not to move. Just hold your position, Adam, that’s right, just stand there. No, no, another foot to the left. That’s it. Just there. Yoga, DKD, Cleary...classic performances of 2 halves. None of them turned up 2nd half. Oh, and McGoldrick came on and they scored 2 minutes later.

Still, I enjoy Stockport away. Like last season, Reedy and I went on a pub crawl after the match (cos, remember, the game had been switched to 12:30 so the nation could watch). Those crazy Belgians were over too (Chris’s...great nephew?...plus 2 mates). Some of the photos one showed us were an eye opener. I’ll leave it at that.

Oh, and they’ve only gone and given us a ROOF this season. As Andy struggled with his PTSD (‘reminds me of Crawley’) I marveled at how a roof built in 2025 could have so many stanchions. I presume it’s temporary (just like Gillingham’s away end). It was like watching from inside a marquee. But the rain was constant in the 1st half, and we were dry. (Does that mean we’re the opposite of a ‘fairweather team’?)

Drink du jour: Abbeydale Deception and Lancaster Wooky Juice at The Petersgate Tap, Siren Lumina and Deya Steady Rolling Man at The Cracked Actor, 2 beers for 17 quid at Threads, Konig Ludwig weissbier at the Piccadilly Tap.

Away: 1,152 (sellout)

The Damage:
£26 ent
£20.40 train
= £46.40

Stockport County 2-0 BFC, Saturday 8th February 2025

‘It wer a massive plane, not one o’them small uns.’

The thing about low ebbs is that you don’t know till further down the line whether it was a low ebb. Are we currently at a low ebb? Or can things get WORSE? Anyway, all this and more were mused upon as we stared out onto Edgeley Park, two nil down, and our new centre forward replaced up front by a left wing back who’s been there 3 weeks. What a sh*tshow. What is Clarke DOING? (I’ve read one theory that he’s trying to get a message to the board, like someone held hostage and trying to blink morse code to a camera, without actually knowing any morse code). And would any other football club loan out their only other fit centre forward (Cosgrove) to ‘promotion rivals’? (Yes, I heard that phrase on Satdy, but we soon corrected the County fans in the pub.) Watters injured, Jalo injured, that centre forward who only got 2 games loaned out (can’t remember his name but he scored 2 last week for…Barrow? Morecambe? Andy...Andy Dallas. Got there! Woo hoo. Alzheimers staved off for another week) and now Cosgrove loaned out, to a side who’re FOURTH in the table, ie, better than us. All it needed was Cosgrove to come on and score, a la Isiah Rankin the other year when he went on loan to Grimsby and scored a hattrick against us. But apparently he wasn’t allowed to play. Is that an EFL rule these days? I wish it could be otherwise, cos given we rate him low enough to send out when we’ve no-one else, surely we wouldn’t be afraid for Cosgrove to turn out against us!?

Yes, we have a new centre forward, a French bloke we got from Bastia in Cyprus. Given our erstwhile Bastia correspondent A. Jones esq knows nowt about him, our hopes are suitably low. And he didn’t disappoint, barely getting a touch 1st half and being hauled at half-time. (Still, so was MdG on his debut and he’s turned out half decent.) I think the half time stats had us down as ONE touch in their box in that opening half. Needless to say, that touch wasn’t a goal, or a shot, or anything really. DKD may also have curled a shot wide, or I may be imagining that.

Fortunately, we were at the end Stockport were attacking, so we saw plenty of the ball. One hoof over the top sees resident carthorse/oil tanker Donovan Pines turn on a sixpence (yeah, right) and strain towards his own goal while their forward gives chase. As they reach the edge of the area, Pines falls down trying to make the challenge, leaving Olaofe (Yes, I’ve just looked it up) clean through to bury it. In another plot twist you couldn’t make up outside of Oakwell, he’s the bloke we would’ve signed on loan 2 years back, were the powers-that-be able to send a fax on time. Unbelievable.

That’s on the half hour and the game is effectively over 4 mins later when Earl dangles a leg in the area as their bloke takes a pass and cuts in. Penalty. Honestly, who trains these defenders? Oh, I hadn’t mentioned. Clarke has decided to go to a flat back 4, having heard my moaning about 3 centre halves not being able to do what 2 used to do, he’s gone to two, Pines and MdG, with Earl left back and O’Keefe right. This allowed us to cram in all those quality midfielders we think we’ve got...Nwakali, Connell, Russell, DKD and Phillips...so they could get utterly BOSSED by Stockport. That first half was as bad as could be and NO-ONE came out of it without criticism.

Another legendary talking to from Clarke at half-time and Rodrigues (yes, I’ve just looked him up an’ all) is pulled and Farrugia is put on. Where’s he gonna play, then? CENTRE FORWARD. But of course he is! Why wouldn’t you? He spent the half making the right runs, but starved of supply, so probably had even fewer touches than the French bloke. But I suppose he occupied a space, allowing our other exciting players to get on the ball. Was that what happened? Beer clouds my judgement, but I don’t remember a vast improvement till another loanee, Lembikisa came on. (Yeah, yeah, I’ve just had to look up his name. Anyway, the bloke with dreads. Love dreads. At least if we’re gonna be rubbish, play Lembikisa and I can at least have man-envy over his hair.) Anyway, he came on and made a few promising runs down the right.

And we had a couple of chances. Russell heads it down and the keeper makes a great diving save. Not long after, Russell gets his head to a corner. Straight at the keeper. But at least he’s getting in there and they're on target. DKD is making himself known and buzzes around the box impressively. Finally, in injury time, the two combine to pull a goal back. DKD shows what composure is by PASSING the ball into the net, via the far post. I hope Watters was watching. Time stood still as Russell rolled the ball to DKD. I believe that’s 11 goals this season. That’s just about one goal for every place we are in this league. (I hear we’re 10th, but I refuse to look at the table when we lose. Which we’ve been doing a lot of, of late.)

Onwards and upwards!

*** DKD. He’s not quite reached Tina Turner levels, but he’s certainly ‘better than all the rest’.
** Russell. Came close to scoring (twice).
* Lembikisi. Nice hair.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. DKD 2. Phillips 3= Russell / No-one

Despatches:
Did I imagine it or was Luca Connell playing left wing back part of the game? I’m hoping it was some alcohol-induced hallucination. Isn’t Farrugia a left wing back? Why not put him there, and Connell centre forward!? Actually, let’s not play anybody in their proper positions. Donovan Pines right wing. Gauci defensive mid. Earl in goal. We can’t do much worse.

As Andy alluded to, the atmosphere in the away end was terrible. If it wasn’t a deafening wall of silence, it was ‘sack the board, sack the board.’ Who’s going to sack the board? The board? Let’s start with sacking whoever’s in charge of recruitment…that bloke from Huddersfield with the Eastern European name. Pep Guardiola couldn’t turn some of these ‘rough diamonds’ into footballers; Clarke certainly can’t. In the Chron, he claimed ‘What Darrell felt we needed was a guy who could stretch the game, was physically really good, could get in behind and play as a bit of a target man’. So I bought him this Frenchman. Note: Clarke didn’t ask for someone who could score goals. So recruitment bloke gets to claim he’s done his job. (Note II: the French bloke did not stretch the game, wasn’t physically anything, couldn’t get behind and most definitely wasn’t a target man. But hey, it’s only 45 minutes in.)

As for Clarke, it's always the manager (coach) who gets it for the results. In which case, he's got 2 more matches or the board sack him for the predicament they've put him in. We are doomed, captain, doomed.

Drink du jour: Northern Monk Faith on the train; Stella in Our Lady’s Catholic social club (Andy and I got ourselves adopted by a County fan, Paula); Kronenburg at the Crown (‘this real ale thing’s going well, Andy’)...Rustic Pale dry wheat ale at Runaway, Green Arches Greenhouse hazy pale in the Petersgate Tap and finishing on Deleriums Tremens and Lumina Siren IPA in The Cracked Actor, where we got chatting on to a divorced cross dresser and his mate (also divorced). Personally, I’m looking forward to visiting Stockport again next season!

Away: 1,300 (sellout).

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
£20 train
£25 ent
= c.£53