BFC 0-1 Doncaster Rovers, Saturday 21st March 2026

’Do they have sarcasm in heaven?’

Is there ANYONE we can’t lose to? After relegation certs Rovrum and Port Vale humiliate us on our own patch, it is now former relegation certs Doncaster Rovers’ turn. Only we could lose a goalless draw. They were rubbish. We were rubbish. The game was rubbish.

Still, the day was enlivened by a quite remarkable interview post-match on Radio Sheffield, where Coach Conor told us we had no chance of a top 6 place, never had a chance of a top 6 place, and neither would we next season. Honesty? Negativity? Stupidity? Or all 3? Honesty, well yes, it’s difficult to get into the top 3 without a centre forward under 82 and no defence. Negativity? It’s one thing to be saying we’re not coming close this season, but next season too? And stupidity? Season ticket renewal begging letters will be out soon, and a strapline of ‘we’ve got no chance’ is a bemusing way to convince us to part with £400. It was a manifesto for being pessimistic. I can get onboard with that! But if your own manager can’t be a cheerleader for the team’s prospects, who can? Granted, I couldn’t stand the bullsh*t that came out of Little Lee’s big mouth, but you have to talk up your chances, don’t you?

Also, whatever we think of the current crop of players, it is the head coach’s job to get a tune out of them. Is Conor accepting how limited he is? This week we learnt that the Super Reds spend £11.5m (that’s MILLION) on wages in 24-25. I’d have thought that’s enough to put a challenge in this season, even if we’ve managed to offload Benson For Beds (The Glassman) and Watters off our wage bill. (The latter, I’m pretty sure IS on our wage bill, there’s no way Dundee United are paying him £6k/week.) I’d like to think that paying out 10 million+ in wages (I know, I know, it includes non-playing staff too, but surely you’re paying your players the most) would be enough to form a football team capable of beating one of Port Vale, Rovrum or Donny.

Master tactician Coach Conor had a new one on Satdy: he’d outfox Donny by playing our star winger as a centre forward. As A. Jones of Sidcup said, it was like when Davey played JCR centre mid. It didn’t take anyone in the stands longer than a quarter of an hour to see that Cleary clearly had no idea what he was doing. It took Conor 45. The answer? Hauling Banks, putting on The GOAT and reverting to the usual 4-2-3-1 with the Undynamic Dup holding fort on the halfway line. While I think about it Luca Connell has TWO deliveries: underhit and overhit. Is there NOBODY at Oakwell who can kick a deadball better than this shyster. If I see one more gently dinked outswinger from a Connell corner, I think I’ll explode. Or chunter on about what a waste of space he is. (He also had one of our…2?...shots in the 1st half, a typically weak effort dragged wide.)

That said, after nothing of substance happened in the opening half, we regained our mojo for 10 or 15 minutes. Kelly was driving forward, taking players on. Yoganathan was winning it, losing it, winning it...and losing it again (but had at least gained some territory) while McG flitted about in his inimitable way. Then we switch off. A ball comes in from their right, and Corey O’Keeffe ends up the wrong side of the forward before ‘a silly tug’ (The Yorkshire Post). I couldn’t really see, but the Donny fans certainly felt it was a pen. On looking at it on telly, I’m surprised O’Keeffe didn’t get a red card too, preventing a tap-in. Another week, another failure to keep a clean sheet.

Worse, former useless Red Elliott Lee pokes a low one just to the keeper’s left. Sadly, the keeper goers right. Story of Crapman’s season. Still, the award was a slight surprise. The ref had been letting plenty of challenges go, which pleased everybody. Then he gave Donny 3 cheap free kicks in 5 minutes for their equivalent of the ‘Shepherd Flop.’ As for the winning ticket for our own ‘Shepherd Flop’, we’ll never know. Donny scoring broke the scoreboard. I’d say Jack’s latest effort was around 83 (minutes in, not marks out of 100).

A goal down, at home to local rivals, we piled forward for the last 20 and had them pinned in their box, keeper making save after save. Or b) our only effort was a smart move in the last minute that led to Kelly stabbing it goalwards and the keeper turning it around the post superbly. (Not sure it was going in, mind.)

The season is officially over. Anyone who thought we’d ever challenge for a play-off place is an idiot. Conor says so.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Kelly. I don’t know how this lad keeps up his morale, constantly driving forward while all around stand and watch.
** O’Connell. There must be some reason they’re not getting near our goal. (‘Cos they were crap?’)
* Lennon. Had a positive 20 mins after coming on for Cleary, wide left.

Official MOTM: Kelly

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. O’Connell 3= Lennon / McGoldrick

Despatches:
I tried resisting temptation to be positive pre-match, but the sun shone down, and I’d not seen queues like this at Oakwell for a while. Suspiciously long queues. ‘Searching people for tennis balls’ was the theory. Why else would there be lines of folk snaking from each turnstile? I’m presuming it had nothing to do with the box office being shut. Maybe BFC are just like the rest of us – beholden to when a tradesman can actually be bothered to make it. There must be some reason they’re not doing this work in the summer. Oh, and writing ‘POLITE NOTICE’ on a notice DOES NOT MAKE IT SO. So we now have a portacabin for a ticket office till some Polish bloke pops round to sort it out. (Actually, if he was Polish, the job would already be done.)

The players? I love the idea that we were hit hard by Bradshaw’s late withdrawal. Guess what? Donny were without their star player, Luke Molyneux, and their star former Blunt pensioner centre forward Billy. Maybe Rovrum can bring in Keith Edwards and all these crap League 1 South Yorkshire sides can have one. Let’s not also forget that Donny’s defence was marshalled by Matty Pearson, considered not good enough at Oakwell seemingly 20 years ago. (He was a crap left back, but played alright centre half.) I never noticed Elliott Lee, either with us or against.

Goodman had nothing to do in goal, but did it very well. Shepherd was back for MdG at centre half, another outlandish decision from Coach Conor. Sadly, he only miscontrolled it and nearly fell over once, nearly putting them clean through. I know MdG isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but at least he can control a ball, and run forward with it. Watson was this week’s ‘right footer at left back’ (while we had 2 left footed left backs on the bench). The highlight, possibly of the match, if not his own performance, was when Tennai messed up a throw-in and hoofed the ball 60 yards upfield in a hissy fit. He scored as well. Yellow card, hilarious. O’Keeffe...well, he settled the game, so well done him.

Connell, I’ve nothing new to expand on. Bit like his game, really. Bland did ok coming on, even making a run forward (just the one). Banks was unlucky to be dragged, possibly putting his hand up at half-time when Conor asked ‘who wants to be pulled off?’ McGoldrick had a nightmare opening 20, giving the ball away 4 or 5 times, while Cleary continues to show he needs a fortnite off.

Drink du jour: Verdant Lightbulb at Spiral.

Away: 2,824 (13,026). ‘Your support is f***ing sh*t’ the away end sang…not realising that at the time (1st half), it was our best atmosphere in months. We soon put an end to it though, and by the end were chanting against the board (of course).

The Damage:
£7 petrol
= £7

BFC 1-1 Doncaster Rovers, Saturday 24th November 2018

‘It’s Angie’s turn.’

Be Proud.

More apologies for the late posting of a match report.  Maybe I should apologise the one time I’m on time?  So, what can I remember from 4 days ago?  We problies looked the better team, but Donny undoubtedly had the better chances and, were it not for a superb Adam Davies save, we’d have lost with the last kick of the game.  But we can’t say we weren’t warned – Donny must have broke 3 on 3 half a dozen times, and were it not for the worst interpretation by a centre forward of the offside law seen at Oakwell since a Mr B. Dire used to give linesmen overtime, we’d have long been despatched.  As it was, Marquis (?) saved our bacon time and time again with his ineptitude.

The teams come out...

Still, it’s difficult to win a game when so many individuals were below par.  Bahre couldn’t do s***, no matter how much he tried.  Someone put him out of his misery and drag him off.  No – full game (though I notice he was dropped for Sunderland last nite).  Hedges?  Is it even news how awful he is? A once promising winger is now forced to play 4^th choice left back, and it shows.  He has no semblance of how to defend, and the theory that he’d be any good going forward has long since left this parish.  Then there’s the enigma that is Cavare.  A couple of times, he came across (from right back) to cover deficiencies on the left flank.  But what’s the point if you’re going to give the opposition the ball?  Twice he ceded possession in our box (including the last gasp chance for Donny to win it), which is criminal, and that’s not including giving Donny the ball for their goal.  Can you teach CONCENTRATION?  (Could we get one of the subs to run alongside him on the touchline, shouting ‘CONCENTRATE’ at him, every couple of minutes or so?)

The Donny hordes

So, thank goodness for Cauley Woodrow, on as sub on the hour mark, and hooking in the equaliser a couple of minutes later.  Moncur was on too, and we had Donny pinned back, for all of…oooooh….10 minutes?  I can’t remember us missing any chances as such, mainly cos nobody wants to give the ball to Kiefer Moore in a scoring position.  Rule number one for any school team: GIVE THE BALL TO THE BEST PLAYER.  Preferably somewhere near their goal.  We continue to give Donny space on the break, and it would have been no surprise to see them snatch it.  (Did I also mention they hit the bar 1^st half with a 25 yarder?)  Let’s be positive: this was a point won against decent opposition.  You can’t win ‘em all, I guess.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Pinnock.  Class personified.  Superlative positioning, cool, calm and composed; never flustered under pressure, played the ball out to teammates.  Best centre half performance I’ve seen this season.  Twitter MOTM.

** Lindsay.  Some good tackles and blocks; the perfect foil for Pinnock.

* Moore.  Head and shoulders…etc

Londontykes' MOTM:  1. Pinnock  2. Lindsay  3. Davies

The autumn sun lowers over the Ponty.

Despatches:

F***ing East Midland Trains, or whatever they’re called this week.  Our tickets were double booked, so I could hardly boot out the lovely ladies in our seats.  Anton and I went to the unreserved carriage…which didn’t exist.  7 carriages, 3 of which were 1^st class.  Packed train, anyone getting on north of London only got a seat if someone left the train.  Pathetic.  As I told the ticket inspector/train guard, after I’d walked 3 carriages for a p***.  ‘It’s a bit busy cos it’s Saturday and there’s football on.’  What?  Like there is every week from August to May?  F*** me.  Get a grip, East Midland.

Under ‘highlight of the day’ we also learned that Andy Reed would have been ‘Angela’ had he been born without a little Andy.  A new nickname was born.

Can the owner of a lemon please come to staircase B...

Drink du jour: A welcome return of JD and Coke.  Wheat beer (Scheneiderweiss?) in the Old #7, then unfiltered Bernard in the Sheffield Tap.  I do like the Sheffield Tap.

Away: 1,800, I think.

The Damage:
£30 train
= £30

The Tunes:
Bottle It In (Kurt Vile)
Wakin On A Pretty Day (Kurt Vile)
Electro-Soma (B12)

Ponty End pano v Donny (cheers Jonesy!)

The walk up the hill to Oakwell.

Fans outside the Ponty.

The minimalist offerings of the East Stand club shop.

The old Main Stand.

The Super Reds defend a late corner.

Welcome to ...

BFC 1-0 Doncaster Rovers, Saturday 20th February 2016

‘Bunny’s too tight to mention.’

It's a sign (literally!)  Come on you Reds!

With Bob back in Vienna, normal service was resumed with the Reds back to deserved winning ways against local traveller outfit Doncaster Rovers.  In fact, the only surprise was it took 81 minutes to score, as we battered them in the 1^st half only to come in scoreless.  It coulda been 4 or 5, but for some great saves and poor finishing.  Shame then (for the keeper) that when we finally made the breakthrough, it was his fault, as he pushed a soft Hourihane effort into the path of substitute Fletcher.  Game over.

A damp day matchday.

There was only one (enforced) change to the team, with Long having returned to Burnley, we upped our quota of Barnsley players in the starting XI to eight;  Roberts was back, with Nyatanga on the bench.  And aside from an early misunderstanding with Mawson which nearly let Donny in, he was generally solid.  Or at least as solid as I’ve seen him.  His distribution was poor at times though; Chris Morganesque.

The teams come out.

Bree also looked a bit iffy at times, while it was a shame to see Aidey White get crippled.  Although a poor tackle which rightly brought a yellow card, I don’t think their lad meant to harm him.  Hope he’s back soon.  His replacement, Williams, didn’t look great either.  Still, for all that, we were in complete control and although we tailed off after the break, we could still bring on Fletcher and Scowen (for Isgrove and Brownhill) thereby upping the tempo and grabbing the winner.

Toby!  Toby!

Winnall continued his goal drought (nought in two) despite several chances, but he was in a positive frame, staying on his feet, etc.  Hourihane again made tackles (who is this new bloke?) but his corner delivery was unimpressive, gently dinking them to the keeper.  Oh, and what did he do with a free kick?  Well, he kicked it over the bar of course.  Why is he still allowed to shoot from free kicks?  Surely we have other players who can also kick a ball over the bar?

*** Hammill.  Who else?  Head and shoulders above everyone else, as he has been since he came.  Ripped them apart 1^st half, brought a superb save from the keeper, tipping a 20 yarder round the post, as well as whipping in crosses and beating players all day long.  So we stopped passing to him 2^nd half.  Twitter MOTM.  
** Hourihane.   Controlled central mid and got the shot in for Fletcher to score.
* Fletcher of Man U.  Supersub does it again.  What a player to be able to bring on and fair play to the management for leaving on Watkins and Winnall and really going for it.

Londontykes Top 3:
1. Hammill
2. Hourihane
3. Mawson

'Barnsley's a sh*thole'.  Oh, the irony.

Despatches:It’s been a while since the away support have hit us with an early round of ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole’ and it’s always hilarious when it comes from fans of a town (city) as salubrious as Doncaster.  Still, he who crows last crows longest and I did enjoy ‘Donny’s a sh*thole, I’m glad we’re at home’.

Drink du jour: vodka and orange or JD and coke.  Yes, fell asleep and missed my stop, but only by one.  (I think my subconscious self heard ‘Peckham Library’ and I burst into life)

Away: 1,421.  Good turnout from Donny, though they didn’t seem to have much other than those half hearted chants about what a grim place Barnsley is.  Meantime, we had 1500 more home fans than usually turn out, which must have been a surprise to BFC as programmes had run out before kick-off.
On a related to nothing else note, I worked out yesterday that BFC have won their last 5 home league games I’ve seen, as well as the last 4 away games I’ve been to.  I ought to be sponsored to attend.  (ps, I’ll not be at Bury or Crewe, so expect the worst.)
Onwards and upwards!

The Damage: 
19.10 travel
2 fanzine

Aidey White is carried off.

The Ponty v Donny.

The view towards the away end.

Match action.

Home time!

Doncaster Rovers 1-0 Barnsley, Saturday 17th January 2015

'Get him sent off you pie-eating ba5tard.'

No comment

It was the best of days, it was the worst of days.   Forgetting match tickets and watching a dreadful performance was tempered by copious drinking including sessions back in London with Norwegian gaolers and a large braces-wearing Russian businessman (gangster?)

The day started badly.  I read a text saying my mate and his son couldn’t make it, the mother-in-law was in hospital and on her way out. So I completely forgot the match tickets. I called Donny’s box office, can I buy a ticket on the day?  After explaining my situ, they told me to phone BFC and ask them to e-mail Donny with the ticket details and they'd give me reaplcements. So I did.  I explained I’d left 3 tickets at home and BFC e-mailed Donny.  So I was quite chuffed when we met a ticketless Reds fans from Cheshire in the pub – he’d take one off my hands.  Got to the ground, only one ticket was there for me.  I blame BFC.  So I bought an extra and, fair play to Donny, they said they’d reimburse me if I write to them.  (Andy remembers Donny doing the same for Tim one year, so well done them.)

That's more like it

Got to Donny to be met by Salisbury and piles of police.  We ducked out of the way and avoided the forced march to the stadium and went to the pub.  The town centre was full of coppers too, as marauding Donny scrotes looked for kids their own age to fight.  Cos they’d have been panned by anyone over 16.  Older Barnsley scrotes later left me locked out of the pub, as, outside making a phonecall, a bunch of them arrived at the pub with coppers in tow, who quickly barred their entry.  When I went to go back inside, explaining I’d just been on the phone, the jobsworth in yellow refused while a tarn knobhead shouted ‘dunt believe him, he’s wi’ us’.  Pr*ck.  Luckily, we had a match to get to.

An industrial estate, somewhere in Doncaster.

Ah, the match.  Absolutely f***ing awful.  Donny passed it around, giving and going and generally being made to look like Arsenal, while we couldn’t thread the simplest of passes.  We made it to half time somehow level.  It should have been 2 or 3, but their forwards were as bad as our midfield, failing to seriously test Turnbull.  No panic, Danny will change things at half time and we’ll get a grip.

Second half – exactly the same.  Though Wilson later makes some bewildering changes so we end up having a big centre forward playing out wide, the marvellously named Mike Phenix.  We proceed to give him plenty of supply, while starving an actual winger (Kiwomya) on the other side.  It’s difficult to say who was the worst of the worst, though by us it was Jennings taking the most flack.  Fat and s*** appeared to be the jist of it.

The Super Reds come out.  As good as it got.

Salisbury had had enough with 20 minutes left, suggesting we leave.  I have to hand it to him, he was right about us being unable to withstand the Donny pressure. I think he told me that every 5 minutes in that second half, until they did.  And what a blow, as Holgate, making his 1^st mistake of the match, is punished.  Holgate gambled on winning the ball, lost out and found himself the wrong side.  Still, Forrester had plenty to do as he cut inside and curled an absolute beauty into the far top corner.  Great strike. Mason’s performance further implodes as he takes injury time a little too literally and goes through Tyson.  That’s him out for 3 games then, but on the plus side, I s’pose it means we won’t sell him in this January window.  (Or will we?)

*** M’Voto.  Probably the reason Turnbull had so little to do despite the Donny pressure.
** Turnbull.  A couple of good saves and confident handling.
* Nyatanga.  1 or 2 dodgy moments but compared to everyone else’s 10 or 11…

Londontykes top 3:
1. M'Voto
2. Smith
3= Holgate / Turnbull

Despatches:
Jennings – fat and s***.  Waring – 6 feet 5 and never in the right place to win a header.  Kiwomya – the invisible man.  Hourihane – what DOES he do?  Berry – problies the best of a bad midfield bunch.  THAT’S how bad we were.  Smith – someone teach him to cross a ball.  Lalkovic had a few promising moments before fizzling out, problies the best of what could loosely be termed our ‘attack’.

Then we walked the half an hour or so back to town, all the time being flanked by police and once near the centre, every street blocked off in an effort to force everyone to the station.  No thanks – there’s beer to be had.  And 2 Greggs’ pasties.

Final Score.

Drink du jour: vodka and orange.  And 6 pints once we got back to London.  Yes, I fell asleep on the bus back and missed my stop.  And yes, Sarah’s been in a mood with me all day.  (Seems she doesn’t like being woken up by a drunken lout.)

Away: 2,548.  Our ‘ultra’ element took over the far corner, bounced around and let off a flare.  Everyone else spent the game moaning. 

Match action

Meccano must be making a fortune these days...

Depresseds of Barnsley.