Reading 2-0 BFC, Saturday 29th February 2020

‘If Schmidt and Bahre are the answer, I don’t even know the question.’

Welcome to ...

After 3 clean sheets and 3 victories, normal service has resumed after a meek loss at Reading.  One should never get one’s hopes up, but this was definitely one we could file under ‘winnable’.  Indeed, even when one down at half time I was optimistic – we’d played poorly and still created 3 blinding opportunities.  Imagine what will happen when we ‘click’.  Little did I know, this was our good half.

The Colosseum awaits its gladiators.

The first half was a strange affair from our perspective.  Like any Sunday morning game, we looked at our most dangerous when Reading had the ball.  Their defence took risks and lacked the capability to see them through.  Cauley robbed one of them on the halfway line, strode forward and drilled it wide.   Critics pointed out the 3 Reds players in support (versus one defender) while I’d highlight how he scored from the same position at Plymouth last season.  And if I was Cauley, would I pass the ball to someone less capable? 

Not the Main Stand side.

Brown had earlier missed a similar chance, a free shot from the edge of the area.  The kind Andy Liddell used to bury.  Then, in the last minute of the half, a Reading player was again caught dawdling in possession, Thomas robbed him, made a beeline for the penalty area and passed it to Cauley.  The shot, from the edge of the box, was easily saved but somehow the rebound fell to him again and he crashed an almighty shot towards the roof of the net, only for the keeper to come good again.  That was the last time we threatened.

The managers prowl their technical areas.

Did I mention we were one down?  After 17 minutes, Reading curled a beautiful free kick into the danger zone.  It looked initially like we’d dealt with it…but oh no, the ball bobbled around and somehow squirmed into our net.  From the far end it was difficult to understand what happened, but it looked like the ball got caught up in Jacob Brown’s feet.  An OG?

A genuine Reading v Barnsley match ticket.  How much am I bid?

The second half was a masterclass in holding onto a one-nil.  Reading spent the entire half getting men behind the ball, while we went sideways-sideways-backwards-sideways.  It was pure Keith Hill from us, as, even when we won the ball, we were so pedestrian they simply trotted back into position.  Mind, it also helped they had the best player on the pitch, a massive central midfielder, Ejaria (who, it turns out, is actually a Liverpool player).  Time and again he bullied our midgety midfield, time and again he’d track back, overtake them, and snuff out the danger.

Action in front of a sparse Main Stand.

We ‘enjoyed’ 62% possession, but, as someone said, Mowatt must have had the ball for 20 minutes.  At one point, determined to keep possession against absolutely no-one, he turned back towards his own goal.  Hadn’t he noticed Reading running back into their own half every time they lost it?  Cos we had.  Needless to say they then scored with possibly their first foray into our half.  Poor defending too, as Halme (I think) was turned on the halfway line and never looked like getting back.  Collins, off his line, less ‘narrowed the angle’ than ‘gave the bloke an open goal’.  2-0, game over.

A bad day at the office, but the rotund woman hasn’t started warbling yet.  We live to fight another day.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Woodrow.  Only one who looked capable.    

** No-one.

* Him again. No-one.

Londontykes' MOTM: 1, Woodrow  2. Jordan Williams  3. No-one

Players give thanks.  Officials skulk off.

Despatches:The shot count was 21-7 in our favour.  Another misnomer, as 15 of them must have been dinked or hoofed into the stand.  We problies lost 5 minutes there, as there weren’t many ballboys/fans behind that far goal.

In positive news, the lesser sighted Captain (Phil) rocked up to the pub, as well as Big Jim.  I also bumped into Tim at the game (welcome back!) as well as a few of the regulars.  And I don’t know who to feel sorry for out of Loko and his San Franciscan girlfriend: her, for enduring the cold of Reading, or him, for being forced to tour the galleries of London on Sunday in return.  Poor Ben…

Drink du jour: IPA in Greyfriars.  Champion.

Away: 735

The Damage:

£20 ent

£14 train

£2 bus to stadium (I'm sure it used to be 3!)

£3 programme

= £39

Madjeski panorama

1st view of the stadium

The teams meet 'n' greet

Courthouse Reds' salubrious coach.

Reading 3-0 BFC, Tuesday 28th November 2017

‘We take one step back to go two steps further back.’

Reading, a Tuesday night.

A week is a long time in football, probably too long to be writing match report after the event, but here goes; maybe it’ll be even less accurate than usual…

Well, it all started at K Town.  Of course Andy and I would be there on time, and of course, our chauffeur (Dave) wouldn’t.  Still, 20 minutes…enough time for a pint.  Yes please.  Sadly, Dave arrived and we had to down the remnants.  There went our excuse, we had to go now…

All went as expected.  Plenty of queues and an hour and a half to drive 30 odd miles.  Then, just as the traffic actually flowed, the dam was about to burst.  Either we made kick off and I wet myself, or….  Luckily, the team had been announced.  An uninspiring line-up (no Hedges, after the Leeds cameo..and Potts out wide.  No Bradshaw or Thiam, but Ugbo given a run out.  Moncur still there.  WTF?)  Yeah, no rush.

A bit busier in this stand.

Sadly, we didn’t miss much.  Got there in plenty of time to see which team could give it away the most.  What a terrible pair of teams.  Noticeably, the game was played in our half, making us the lesser of two appalling sides, but it still came as a shock to concede.  Reading have a corner, and their bloke saunters towards the front post, 6 yards out.  I can’t say he lost his marker, cos I don’t think he had one in the 1^st place.  The resultant flick-on is fumbled into the net by Davies.  The highlight for me was seeing one terrace regular going potty at Davies.  (You’ll know him by sight; a moustachioed mate of a hairy mate who knows Molly.  Does that narrow it down?  Wears glasses, straightish, slightly thinning, greying hair?  60+.  Come on , you know who I mean.  Anyway, him.)  Well, he was going berserk at Davies, and he still hadn’t calmed down by half time as…

Reading celebrate #1.

We concede a 2^nd.  From a Reading point of view, it must look a blinder, 20 odd yarder into the top corner.  Sadly, from behind it, it was all a bit slow-mo for me as the player gets a lucky hit which goes over Davies, who’s off his line.  I’m rather more p***ed off with Williams getting the wrong side of said player and neither centre half closing him down, allowing a free hit.  Didn’t we concede this goal 3 days earlier at home to Leeds?  Heckingbottom can share some of my ire there too.  Once is a mistake, twice is stupidity, etc.

So I said to the bloke next to me...'Oi!'

Still, Hecky realises we are beyond woeful and attempts to do something radical, hauling off 3 (it could have been 10) of our penny dreadfuls: MacDonald, Gardner and Ugbo.  The improvement is noticeable.  We now have 2 up front and we’re pressing them, instead of vice versa.  Unfortunately, chances are still at a premium and Reading go up the other end and cannon a long shot off the post.  Then, with 5 mins left, comes our chance.  Thiam backheels a delightful ball into the path of Starman Barnes, who’s on fire of late.  However, like all left-footers, he only has one foot and strikes the ball off the post from 15 yards with his right.  Should have bagged, and that’s our lot.  But to cap an atrocious night, Davies makes a great save from a shot, tipping it onto the bar, and while the rest of our defence stand still, there’s a tap-in of a header for them.  God we are s***.

*** Fryers.  Did alright.  In a game where ‘alright’ makes you our best player over 90 minutes.  

** Thiam.  Audacious backheel.

* No-one.  

Londontykes' MOTM:  1. Thiam  2. Williams  3. Fryers

Onwards and upwards!

Away: c200.  Peas rattling around a tunnel.  The home end was the same.  

Full time.  Can we go home now?

Despatches:

I’m not going to go through the entire team, but what is the point of a Gardner?  (Actually…I need my lawn mown.  Do you think he’d be up to it?)  And as for everyone’s favourite least favourite player (Moncur) I read a piece in the Sun at the weekend, with our resident godbotherer thanking the Good Lord for his ‘footballing talent’.  Well, after nearly choking on my own vomit, I did start wishing he’d at least be a bit more Calvinist.  Perhaps if he did some f***ing work, he might yet make a footballer.  As for the moaning (before and after) about Hedges not being in the team, I can understand that.  Hedges did damage against Leeds on the LEFT wing…and our best player is our left winger (Barnes).  So to put Hedges on the left, you then have to mess around with Barnes.  And Leicester City’s Barnes is way more valuable to us than Barnsley’s Hedges, which is a real shame.  Oh well.  Oh, and if one moment summed up our performance, it was one of our classic corners.  We play it short, it goes back, goes back again, then again, and before you know it, Davies is in possession.  Compare with their 1^st goal.

The one plus I can think of was the reciprocal arrangement we had with Reading, whereby season ticket holders got a fiver off.  This kind of thing should happen more often.  We’re the ones footing Moncur’s wages, etc.

Drink du jour: Leffe, Camden Pale Ale

The Damage:
£20 ent
£15 travel/parking

The Tunes:
Sunburst and Snowblind (Cocteau Twins)
Hippopotamus (Sparks)
If You’re Feeling Sinister (Belle and Sebastian)

'Thanks for your effort.'  'Whatever.'

Reading 0-0 BFC, Saturday 11th February 2017

‘Jesus was born in 3000 BC’

Berkshire's new literacy policy is going well.

In summary, not as boring as Preston and better than Rovrum.  4 games in, post-Hourihane, and we’ve scored 2 goals (conceded 3).  And we really don’t look like we’ll score…and neither do we look like we’ll concede.  Keith Hill’s dream!  But we can be more than pleased with ourselves this week, as we really limited a side away who're gunning for automatic promotion.  Though if you read the press, you’d think we’d stifled THEM rather than vice versa.  Listen kids, we weren’t penned in our own half.  Far from it.  And perhaps if the Royals had thrown more men forward to break us down, we’d have been more adventurous ourselves.  Thus, our 2^nd goalless game in 2.  And last week I couldn’t remember when we’d last had a nil-nil!  (I worked it out….Wigan home, Burton away).  But we’ve gone from 2^nd top scorers in the league to 5^th in a handful of games.  Oh well – it was good while it lasted.

This is what the outside of a football stadium looks like.

Despite having to catch a ba5tard bus to the stadium, I always enjoy a trip to Reading.  Even better, the big pub by the station (Three Guineas?) has been refurbished, ready for our arrival.  So, naturally, they won’t let me, Reedy and Selwood in.  Something about no football colours, but if we’re willing to sit there with our coats on the whole time…no ta.  We quickly elect to part with our money at a hostelry who will appreciate us for what we are: yobs.  (We did wonder whether those wandering around the town centre in rugby shirts would be similarly accorded short shrift).  So we went across the road to…The Social (?) where football shirts were also barred, but there was no-one else there, so we had a warmer-upper while the technologically gifted looked up ‘craft pubs Reading’ on their whatchamacallit.  Greyfriars it was, and a cracking pub too.  The bus to the ground left from outside an’ all.  So why we left it to go to the appalling ‘paddy pub’ (that’s what the taxi driver called it) I’ll never know.  Something about food, but no-one ate and several pints couldn’t be finished, such was their awfulness.  

The best of customer service at Reading.

So, onwards to the arena.  4 quid return!  Christ on a bike.  In Germany, these things are free.  I’m sure it was £2.50 last time.  I mean, we only paid 12 quid for a return from London.  Not impressed.  Still, at least it gets you there.  And Reading really make the effort with away fans, signage everywhere making you feel at home in the stadium. 

Reading FC-embossed pie.  Very nice actually.

Did we win 3-1 last time we were here?  Fatboy Jennings and Noble-Lazarus bagging 25 yarders.  Well, it was very different this time as the only shot we had on target was a long range trickler from Marley.  He did, however, hit the post (and given how close he was, he’ll be kicking himself).  Later, Hamill blazed over with his left foot when he ought to have done better.  Them?  No idea.  I think Davies made one decent save, that was it.

Reading beach.

*** MacDonald.  I read in the programme he was on Reading’s books as a junior.  An added incentive to play out of his skin then.  Dominated. 

** Roberts.   Where there’s one, there’s the other one.  No wonder Reading barely had a shot.

* Hammill.  Go on then.  Wadd can’t argue, cos he wasn’t there!  Frustrated Reading.

Londontykes MOTM:1. MacDonald   2. Hamill   3. Roberts

Despatches:
Scowen was excellent, till he was subbed, injured.  This gave Moncur the best part of the 2^nd half to impress.  He didn’t.  Seems to specialise in taking too long to make a pass, and getting it nicked from under him.  Like ‘Dangerous’ Brian O’Callaghan used to do – ‘cept in midfield.  Bradshaw looked alright.  I feel sorry for him tho. Imagine what he’d do with a SUPPLY.  I was also impressed with Williams’ workrate, while it was great to see Yiadom back.  Jones also impressed at right back.

Flattening out the mud at full time.

Drink du jour: just beer.  Then another one back in Paddington, before falling asleep near the end of Mark Watson’s set at the Old Vic.  I can sleep anywhere…

Away: 700 and odd.  Poor atmosphere all round.  Seems those January transfers have really knocked the stuffing out of the fans.  And you needn’t bother waiting for the Royals to be roused.

Onwards and upwards!

The Damage:12 train4 bus20 ent3 prog3+ steak and ale pie, which was really rather good.= 42

The Tunes:
Mixmag June '15 - Jamie Jones
Mixmag Feb '15 - RL Grime

The teams line up.

Reading's hardcore.

Clever design.

Hecky.  Still one of our own.

Yours truly, courtesy of BFC twitter feed.

Full time.  Job well done.

Reading 1-3 Barnsley, Tuesday 25th March 2014

‘Back From the Dead’

You Reds!!!!!!!!!!!!  Who are these people who forego the chance of a Tuesday nite trip to Reading based on nothing more than us being s*** all season??? The Midweek Massive (all 187 of ‘em!) get their just desserts as we crush the Royals with a couple of unbelievable goals.  Mind, in our predicament, I guess any goals are ‘unbelievable’, but wow, you shoulda seen the belters from RNL and Jennings!

Everyone's favourite Australian feels at home

Bad news early doors as I’m met at the turnstyle to be told it’s 30 bloody quids.  Had I known this, I wouldn’t have bothered.  Especially when I learnt it was a fiver cheaper had I bought it in advance, like I coulda done at Oakwell on Satdy.  Why does no-one tell me these things!!??  Do you honestly think I have the time to be trawling round t’interweb and BFC’s ticketing page?  Booooo.  Still, I’m there now.  When you’ve reached the Madjeski and you’re miles out of Reading, nevermind London, what choice do you have??  Even the buses won’t be going back till after the game.  It was a decision I didn’t regret.

I’m greeted by friendly, chatty stewards, who also found the 30 smackeroonies a tad over the top (my ticket said ‘max. price £30' – why couldn’t I pay the MINIMUM price?)  On entering though, what a world of difference to your average 2^nd division experience.  They’ve only gone and got themselves BFC ‘highlights’ on their concourse screens.  And it really is highlights, as most of our goals (not many) are on there and most of the opposition’s (a lot) weren’t. Great editing, RFC!  The bar staff meantime are all wearing snazzy red shirts with ‘Grove St, S71, Yorkshire’ emblazoned across them.  (the staff had to hand these back every game and were told that they ‘couldn’t part with them for less than 20 quid’).  Another steward held a sign up pointing to a smoking area – what will Reds fans DO, not having to have a fag in the toilets?  And signs everywhere saying ‘Reading FC welcomes…’ followed by colour prints of our badge. These boys really make an effort.  And the steak and ale pies (£3.20) were truly glorious – but Tickle wouldn’t know, cos I got the last one!

I want one!

BFC highlights (there are any???)

Really, you're TOO nice.

Of course, all that is merely decoration, when we’re about to be stuffed by a side chasing the play-offs.  Wilson’s made changes though and Etuhu (‘I remember him, he used to play for Barnsley’) is in at right back for the Hapless Hunt (alliteration and rhyming slang all in one phrase – I thank you), while Reuben Noble-Lazarus makes another attempt at resurrecting his career from the bench.  Let play commence!

The legends come out

Reading looked a good side, very fast on the attack and slick interplay.  So it was with some comfort that we had a right back who could turn and chase at pace and didn’t get caught upfield.  And despite M’Voto’s obvious immobility, he generally stood in the right place, made some crunching tackles and won every header.  And through all this we had a midfield attempting to pass the ball to each other.  It was all quite the novelty.  Still, it was a surprise to go ahead. Being at the other end, I’m not sure what went right, but O’Grady found himself wide left in the box, with the keeper bearing down on him.  Dawson steamed (jogged) into the penalty area, O’G passed him the ball and he drove home.  REF!  Blow your whistle now!  Full time!  Only 74 more minutes to hang on.

Reading needn’t have panicked.  Within a few minutes they were back level, due to the worst penalty decision I’ve seen for years.  That Cheating Ba5tard Russian (I can’t spell his name…Pogrebnyak?) went one-on-one with Etuhu, they went shoulder to shoulder and the CBR just threw himself to the floor. Never have I seen such a big bloke go down like the proverbial sack of s*** since THAT penalty Dion Dublin got to beat us in the last minute at Cov in the Premiership (and look where THEY are now – karma!)  I’d love to have justified the ref’s decision, just to annoy Andy Reed, but a) it was awful and b) Andy wasn’t there.  We have to EARN the right to bag a goal and yet the opposition just get handed them on a plate.  At least it wasn’t our defence serving it up this time.  CBR nonchalantly drilled it home to Steele’s bottom left, Steele nonchalantly dived bottom right.

That’s it, our dreams shattered in minutes.  No chance now.  Reading pressed, but we held our own.  But we didn’t simply sit in our half (that made a change).  We tried taking it to ‘em.  However, there were few chances and the Super Reds were applauded off at half time, job well done.

2^nd half and we came out BLAZING.  RNL came on for Pedersen (it took me till about the 80^th minute to realise Pedersen was the one who’d gone off, such is his general anonymity).  And lo and behold!   ‘Lazarus back from the dead to save Reds’ headlines at the ready as a quick break means 2 on 2 and RNL picks it up wide right.  He could get a shot off 1^st time (if he had a right foot) but he doesn’t.  So he cuts inside and curls a SWEET effort into the far top corner from 20 yards.  Pure class.  You could tell he meant it, all the way.  Pedersen – just slink off back to Norway.  Or the Netherlands, or wherever you came from.  THAT is how it’s done.  The fans go berserk – except for the Family Rogers, who are somewhere under the stand tending to the lucky mascot (Ben) who has somehow scalded himself with Bovril.  I call it natural selection.  (Hope he's ok now!)

12 minutes into the half and Jennings breaks on the left.  He cuts inside slightly and unleashes a FEROCIOUS drive into the top corner, right in front of us. Even as it hit the net, I’m still convinced it was side netting.  I thought only Polish Tom could hit a ball like this for us.  An absolute blinder, even better than his goal against Forest t’other week.  YOU REDSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And then we comfortably see out the game, like we never can.  Reading threatened once, an absolute ‘worldy’ from Steele tipping over a header, and that was it.  Not even the obligatory consolation to make it nervous.  I could get used to this.  Best 30 quids I’ve spent in a while!

Get in!

For MOTM, I’m really spoilt, so I’m gonna give credit where it’s due to one or two players I’ve previously not been impressed with, who really put in a  shift tonite.  (No Mellis, that’s NOT you).

*** Lawrence.  Actually looked like a player tonite, running our midfield, both in attack and defence, before understandably tiring and being subbed.

** Etuhu.  I’ve already said it – a right back who can tackle, chase back at pace and doesn’t go wandering upfield losing the ball and being out of position. Imagine!  Just a shame he got done for a penalty by simply running next to that CBR.

* M’Voto.  While it was his awfulness which led to their goal (did he miss the ball, or pass it back, I can’t remember) he won everything thereafter.  And we all like a Big Bad Centre Half sliding in on the touchline and putting ball and man out of play.  Go Jean-Yves!

And there it was.  Got a lift back with Dave (result!) so no schlep to Reading station, and a final, fond, farewell (Cobber) to Mr Tickle – who came, saw (4 games) and conquered (twice).  As many victories as the rest of us had seen in months.  He doesn’t know what the fuss is about!

COME ON YOU REDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A

ps, (Slacki) in the cold harsh light of day, would you like to e-mail us your convoluted joke that you told me last night?  Or is it best forgotten?