Harrogate Town 0-3 BFC, Saturday 19th July 2025

‘We’re having a party when Wednesday die.’

Sarah is out for the day and I’ve nothing better to do, so on a whim I decide I’ll drive the hour to Harrogate to see the latest iteration of the Super Reds. I know, I know, it’s only a friendly and it means nowt, just an extension of the training regime of the summer, but surely I’ll learn SUMMINK? Besides, it’s a chance to have a sneak preview of a new signing or 3. And the opportunity to make a snap decision on whether all the optimism over Coach Conor is justified. Let’s go!

We line up with a flat back 4. Hence Coach Conor has loaned out Cotter and O’Keefe, presumably for their inability to defend. (FYI, I’ll miss Cotter. Marauding runs, pace, passion, and can throw a ball. O’Keefe? Showed glimpses of being decent, but I’d put him in the remedial class for his slow development at defending. Hasn’t improved in 2 years.) Today it’s MDG’s turn at being a right back. So, we can’t turn right wingbacks into rightbacks, so we’re going to turn a centre half into one? I’ve not got great hopes. In the centre, Roberts is partnering Jack Shepherd, our Great White Hope after a successful spell at Bratfud last season. And left back is the Plymouth loanee whose name begins with ‘O’ (I think). Ogbata or summink.

Centre midfield is Russell and Bland, while right midfield is the complete left-footer (I mean that in the literal sense) Farrugia. Phillips, DKD and new fans favourite McGoldrick float around the other spaces. Fans favourite? He’s not even played a game and the fans are chanting his name. I’ll add this to my irk that fans on social media are already referring to him on social media by his nickname, ‘Didzy’. I’m sorry, but I’m not calling players who’ve not done anything for us by their NICKNAME. Do we refer to ‘Phillipsy’? ‘Coops’ (new keeper Murphy Cooper) ‘Hapless’? (Watters) No we don’t. So why start now? Mind, the bloke next to me likes him ‘cos at least he’s wearing black boots’. I’m with him on that one.

It takes us 6 minutes to score. A corner is put in and Jack Shepherd heads home, unchallenged. (He’d later get his head to another corner. Have we found a centre half who could be dangerous in THEIR box, as well as ours?) Otherwise, we’re knocking it about nicely. McGoldrick was coming deep for the ball. Too deep? Or drawing defenders out of position, a la McAtee the season before last? I couldn’t tell. Still, he gets his reward for his hard work a few minutes before half-time DKD drives into space, inviting McGoldrick’s marker to come across and cover. The resultant pass is perfect in timing, pace and accuracy, leaving Didzy (Jesus Christ!) to dink it over the oncoming keeper. Perfect. Have we got a finisher? Or is there no pressure in a friendly at Harrogate. Either way, I’m not missing Watters already.

Or maybe I am. I heard someone say they’ll miss the Watters chant. ‘We didn’t sign a striker, but it doesn’t matter,..cos we’ve got Max Watters.’ Me too. I loved that chant, the most ironic in football history. It blatantly DID matter. We were 4th in January. We finished 12th. He’s now been sent on loan to Dundee United. (You should see what their PR guy wrote about him on Twitter. Go on, have a look. PR gold. You’d think we’d just lost Shearer, Kane, Van Basten and Lineker all at once. From memory, my fave bit was how he fired us to the play-offs 2 seasons ago!) In memory of Max (R.I.P.) we had paid (PAID!) good money for him after he was sh*te on loan...600k...and his wages (allegedly) were 6k a week...so in 2 seasons he’s cost us…(quick bit of mental arithmetic)...£1.2m. ONE POINT TWO MILLION. Plus whatever we’re subsidising Dundee United, cos they’re not paying that in wages. Anyway, it’s his last year of a three year contract with us. Such a shame we won’t have chance to wave him goodbye. (Two fingers?)

Where was I? Centre forwards. Well, good job we’ve adequate cover. Cosgrove’s gone, Jalo’s made of glass, and that leaves some kid from the juniors (Keiron Graham?) Yes, Watters is that bad we’ve sent him out despite having NOBODY. Cos McGoldrick isn’t gonna complete 90 minutes anytime soon. Or ever. We’ve obviously got somebody lined up. Or else we’ll wait to see who’s still out of contract come August end, as we did Humphreys. Oh yeah, he’ll not be missed either. Half a dozen decent performances once our season had ended.

Jalo was there today. In the stand, sat down. And the poor lad didn’t half look embarrassed as the fans behind the goal serenaded him...’Jalo, Jalo, Jalo...he’s better than Christiano.’ The only chant better than the Watters one. In other team news, Luca was missing. I honestly hadn’t noticed till 80 minutes in, and even then I had it pointed out to me. Hopefully he was packing his bags, but the Chron said he had an injury. Let’s hope this is a classic example of a club lying to protect their ‘asset’ while he engineers a move to 3rd division titans Wycombe Wanderers. (Have they REALLY offered £1.3m? Are we REALLY haggling? I suspect neither is true.)

Indeed, the fans were in good voice that 1st half, in particular mocking Wednesday’s (latest?) crisis. ‘We’re having a party when Wednesday die’ apparently. And this Chansiri chap is becoming more and more popular everywhere in South Yorkshire outside of S6. Keep it up, Washday.

I moved round the pitch at half-time, to stand on the halfway line and get a better view of our midfield movement and passing. Nothing happened. Farrugia hurt himself sliding out and heading the advertising hoardings. Personally, I’d have put my arms out to cushion the fall. Hopefully he’s alright, though there was nothing in his display to suggest he’s a starter. He looks quite pacey, but what’s the point if it’s down the right wing and you can’t kick it with that foot?

Reyes Cleary came on (left wing) and made a couple of direct runs with no end product, while a couple of youth lads came on to run about and look keen. Following the Farrugia episode, where he was seen off by a defender (fairly IMHO, though it wound up the fans behind the goal) tempers became flared as the Sulphurites (one of THE great nicknames) put in a couple of robust challenges on the halfway line, causing Coach Conor and their manager – the owner’s son, can’t remember his name, but I wish I was the son of a football club owner! – to do passable impressions of Scrappy Doo. Lemme at ‘em, lemme at ‘em!

Then, as we’d all given up on a match breaking out, another sub, Yoganathan, strode forward, chopped back onto his left foot and curled one into the far top corner from the apex of the box. Bergkampesque. (If Bergkamp could do it on his left foot, which he couldn’t.) 3 nil to the Super Reds. I am strangely optimistic. I think we could do really well this season. If we’re playing in the 4th division.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Shepherd. Won everything in the air, made a couple of covering blocks, scored. We’ll ignore the aberration (see ‘Despatches’)
** Cooper. Faultless. Commanded his area both in deeds and words. Bosses communication. (Noticeably when MDG was told to leave a throughball. Memories of MDG messing at least 2 of these up with different keepers last season.) Also made a superb late diving save to tip one round the post.
* Didzy. Great finish for the goal and looked good in possession. A pity he didn’t have the pace to take on a 45 yard run when clean through though.

*For the avoidance of doubt, pre-season friendly top 3s will NOT count in the Londontyke POTY totals.

Despatches:
Short goal kicks. We looked like an accident waiting to happen. And in one, we were. The ball is played to Shepherd, who plays a Sulphurite clean through. Thankfully, Cooper was quick out and the player blazed it over. But, really, if we can’t pass it around Harrogate, it’s not gonna work against Cardiff, Plymouth, etc I’m getting Marcus Schopp levels of PTSD here. And it’s not like we suck the opposition in to ‘play it through the lines’. No, we suck them forward so the keeper is left with no choice but to boot it long. Which he could have done, no risk, straight from the goalkick.

Something I did notice, 1st half. I think BFC had brought their own cameraman, as Coach Conor was issuing him with orders during one corner routine. (The cameras are on the roof above the dugouts.) Will every club let us do this? Do they have to? Or is it just while we perfect those corner routines during friendlies?

Oh, and talking of corners...I saw my 1st corner awarded for a keeper holding onto the ball 8 seconds. I think that’s the new rule, anyway.

Drink du jour: None.

Away: 821 (2,261).

The Damage:
£12 ent
£5 prog (x2)*
c.£20 petrol
= £42

*you read that right. A FIVER for a programme. At a friendly. To be fair, it covered 3 matches (Rovrum and Carlisle too). And I don’t mind keeping Harrogate in business. It’s a lovely day out!

Harrogate Town 2-2 Barnsley, Wednesday 20th July 2022

‘Barnsley get battered everywhere they go (everywhere they go).’

New season, same old. But at least it’s just (I hope!) the Under 23s taking a leaf out of the first team. Defence all over the place, midfield everywhere and nowhere, toothless forward line. All it needed was Marcus Schopp in the dugout and us playing goalkicks inside our box and we’d have had the complete set. Thankfully, the centre halves weren’t taking short goalkicks, but we did spend quite a bit of time passing it around aimlessly between the back 4.

Yep, welcome back everyone! I took a late decision, Tuesday, to go to the game the next day. ‘But tickets have sold out’. What!? Yes, unbeknownst to me, the Super Reds had sold out their allocation of 600 tickets, on the assumption that this was a first team fixture. (Actually, given the youth of our side the last few years, how would anybody know?) The Sulphurites (great nickname!) had missed a trick here, as 544 home fans (543 if you discount me) ‘filled’ the rest of the 5,000 capacity stadium.

I rocked up early to buy a ticket in the home end. I’d tried buying one online before I left home but for some reason I couldn’t….despite the website saying I could ‘buy one online until 7pm.’ Why would I buy online if I can simply buy one at the ground? Answer: I couldn’t. I’m in the ticket office and am told I need to buy it online. I try again, this time on my phone (it was on my laptop earlier). Same result, I’m being hindered by their website. I tell him to have a go…same result. (I want to eradicate ‘user error’ from the possibilities.) Have I bought a ticket here before? ‘Yes. Yes, I have!’ A few of us went last season. No, they’ve no record of me. I have to re-register. Still, nothing. So Ticket Guy goes on his in-house computer and logs my details and sells me a ticket. Whilst there, someone else arrives, wanting 3 tickets. He’s told he’ll have to register each person for a ticket, thereby needing to go through the rigmarole 3 times (presuming it even works for him) ‘because Barnsley have sold out’. What a palaver. Welcome to the new season!

I still have a couple of hours to kick-off, so head towards town for a beer. 10 minutes walk away is a smart Victorian pub, The Empress. It’s a nice day, so a pint of Neck Oil, pls, and a table outside. £5.80. That should assuage my homesickness for London. I guess petrol’s expensive and they have to haul it all the way from Das Kapital. After my solitary pint (driving!) I head back to have the pick of the home terrace. Last time I was here, it was packed. Tonite I’m joined by about 12 of da yoof, who, credit to ‘em, are in good voice. ‘We hate Barnsley’…and Bradford…and Leeds. And I’ve never heard ‘North Yorkshire la la la’ before and I don't especially wish to again.

The teams come out and it seems you’re unlikely to get a game for the Reds unless your name starts with ‘J’. We have Jack, Jordan, Jordan, Jasper, Jason and Joe, with support on the bench from Jamie and another Jack. The main experience comes from Jordan Williams (I trust this is a ‘getting back to fitness’ exercise, rather than a sign of where he is in the pecking order) and Jack Walton. Luke Thomas is there too, ‘but he’s only young’. Nicky Cadden starts too, and apparently plays 32 minutes without me noticing him once. Hondermarck continues from last season, looking the worst right back since that bloke back in our division 3 days who backed off and backed off with his arms out like he was playing basketball. Rhys Brown? Anyway, why is it….we change managers and yet STILL players are played in a position which doesn’t suit them? (A recent example being the last clown agreeing with Schopp that Oduor is somehow a forward.)

Jasper Moon looked even weaker without a Helik or a Mads in support, while Sraha….well, what can I say which doesn’t bring out the usual comments of ‘how can you judge a player so quickly?’ It’s the little things he does….or doesn’t. He stands ball watching as the spherical object clears his head, looks around, sees the forward run past him, then decides he’d better put a trot on. (‘Trot’ being the operative adjective.) I realise ‘he’s only young’ but this is something that shouldn’t even need coaching into him. If he’s in our first team this season, we’re looking at 4th division football next season. (Fingers crossed Harrogate stay up, I wanna come back.)

The Sulphurites (still a great nickname!) come close 2 or 3 times before I spy dinner. It might only be a friendly, but who can resist (jellyless) pork pie and mushy peas, with mint sauce? I know, I know, some of you will think leaving out the jelly is verging on blasphemy, but I never liked that bit anyway. Whatthehell is it? A murmur goes up behind me in the queue and I take a couple of steps back in time to see the ball lifted over Walton in goal for a tap-in. 1-0.

We continue to knock it around the back 4 like Keith Hill never went away (total football!) before punting it forward for Aidy Marsh or Fabio Jalo to lose. Jalo looks vaguely exciting…or is it the hair? Problies the hair. Since Toby Sibbick was shorn of his dreads, I’ve little to gaze at beyond the poor standard of football. Will Jalo ever see the light of a first team shirt? Well, he showed he’s more than capable, as a burst of pace and strength saw off 2 defenders to leave him clean through….and before he reached the box, he’d nearly been caught up and he wellies the ball into the side netting. There was just a smidgen of the Odejayi about that finish, I thought.

Then we equalised, with the last kick of the half. It came out of nothing. Jordan Williams, taking a throw-in on the right, sees Luke Thomas step inside and drag the defender out. Obviously this is a cunning ruse for Thomas to run into space down the right wing, which is where Jordan throws it. Only the ruse is cleverer than that….Thomas is stood still, looking perplexed and gives chase to the defender who’s onto it. He wraps his leg around said defender, wins the ball, advances to the box and crosses low for Marsh, who at the 3rd or 4th bite of the cherry, shoots in from around 8 yards.

We generally control the second half, least in terms of possession, though the Sulphurites (great…etc) look more dangerous on the break. However, it is the Super Reds wot go a goal up. Luke Thomas (him again) runs into the box and his low cross is cleared for our first corner of the game (they’ve had about 5 by this point). His inswinger isn’t dealt with by keeper and centre half and the resultant corner from the other side is headed in by Jasper Moon. Come on you Reds!

It wasn’t to last however, and the homesters deservedly equalise. They’ve already missed a couple of times when clean through before another slick move against statuesque centre halves gives them another chance to roll it past Walton, which they do. All in all, a poor performance against 4th division relegation favourites. Of course, I made the usual pact. If we won, the future’s rosy, Sraha will captain us to the Premiership, etc, and if we didn’t….well, it doesn’t matter, it’s only a friendly, it’s all about fitness, you don’t know if they’ve had an earlier workout that day…blah blah blah. Besides, it’s only the under 23s, innit!?

Onwards and upwards!

*** Luke Thomas. I said we were poor! But give this youngster some credit, not only was he our likeliest attacking threat, he chased back, put challenges in. I’m not saying he’s great, but the effort’s there. On a day when I attended my first Catholic Mass, perhaps we might yet see Luke’s resurrection as a Barnsley player!

Despatches:
I though the programme looked a bit glossy…turned out it covered not one, not two….not even three home friendlies, but FOUR. That must be a record. Washday, Rovrum, Hudds and us. At 600 away fans at each (I presume) that’s a tidy summer’s payday for Harrogate, though I wonder if it was only us got restricted to 600 cos of our…err….reputation. Hicksy did complain the stewards had their sniffer dogs out. For a friendly. Anyway, for those interested, our ‘key men’ are Helik, Styles and…Callum Brittain. I suspect it’s the Harrogate programme wot got the latter sold. Have we REALLY just got £1.5m for a player who can’t hit a barn door with a cow’s ar5e?

Drink du jour: Beavertown Neck Oil.

Away: 600. (601 if I include myself.)

The Damage:
£10 ent
£3 programme
£5.50 pie and peas
£34 petrol
= £52.50

The Tunes:
Wet Leg (Wet Leg)
The Overload (Yard Act)
Heidi: The Jackathon Volume 2 (Mixmag, April 2014)

Harrogate Town 6-1 Scunthorpe United, Saturday 9th October 2021

Harrogate Town 6-1 Scunthorpe United, League 2, EnviroVent Stadium (Wetherby Road), att. 3,180

It’s another international break, and the perfect opportunity for those of us who support a higher division side to put aside the stress of watching one’s own team suffer. I wasn’t alone. Not only did three former Londontykes (plus Junior) make the journey from various parts of Yorkshire, but a couple of us shared a taxi with a couple of Huddersfield fans doing same. The driver said he’d just dropped off some Derby fans too, so no wonder the match broke attendance records, their highest league crowd ever (3,180). It looked more too, as the ground purports to hold 5,000 and there wasn’t much space to be seen. Scunny brought a few too (though I’m sure they regretted it.)

I drove, and well done Loko, who was a few minutes ahead and guided me in (Google Maps being…errr….as little inconsistent). We parked up a couple of streets from the ground, the local disc parking only covering the very nearest streets. It helped getting there early, giving us the chance to walk into the centre, and partake in a beer (just one!) at the magnificent Major Tom’s. Quality craft ales and a Schneiderweisse wheat beer for myself. We all agreed we’re coming back to Harrogate (by train, whatever the cost).

The original plan was to get to the ground early, bag a barrier to lean on, so that went out of the window as we foraged for a Greggs before jumping in taxis. There were healthy queues, partly due to only 5 turnstiles covering 2 sides of the ground. We were soon enough in though as we bemoaned the ‘tickets’ being on Wadd’s phone. (We were all looking forward to having paper copies. How will we remember certain games once Alzheimers kicks in?)

We may have missed a minute. The stand to our right, a thin terrace the length of the touchline, looked packed. As did behind the goal, in front of us. So we stood near the corner flag, and along with a few dozen more, ignored any stewards requests for us to move into the stand proper. It wasn’t a great view of the goal this end, but we could see well enough to the far end, as Harrogate racked up an amazing 5-0 lead by half-time. Fair play to Scunthorpe too. Without their haplessness, there’s no way the Sulphurites (I can’t decide if that’s the best or worst nickname of all time) would’ve scored so many, though their pace melted The Irons (apologies).

On the opposite touchline was the Main Stand, another small, one-tiered affair, and the away end looked a mirror of the home. Scunny had brought a few hundred and a few left early (as in, 1st half early), as we discovered when a blue smoke bomb was hurled over the boundary wall and onto the pitch near us. Before today I’d have been hard pushed to bracket Scunthorpe United with Dinamo Zagreb, but they’re the only sets of fans I’ve seen chucking smoke bombs into a stadium from outside. (Dinamo were playing Austria Vienna away, not Harrogate.) An insane thing to do. I’d never leave a game early.

While we pondered whether Neil Cox would resign as Scunny manager (they’re 2nd off bottom, Town 2nd off top) their side came out early to warm up. It worked too, as they had 3 decent efforts blocked before pulling one back. Still, the last word went to Town, with a late penalty off the post. 6-1 and Harrogate marching on (to promotion?). Plans have already been made for us to return this season. It was nice to enjoy football again.

The Damage:
£16 ent
£3 programme
£5 taxi
= £24

The Tunes:
BBC 5Live
The Bairns (Rachel Unthank and the Winterset)
BBC6 Music (Craig Charles’ Funk and Soul Show)