BFC 2-0 Scunthorpe United, Saturday 2nd February 2019

‘Mutton dressed as lamb?  Mutton dressed as yak, more like.’’

The pre-match meal of champions.

Well, that was easy.  An early goal up, another before half time and despite Davies tipping over a close ranger as the 1^st half drew to a close, the result was never in doubt.  I suggested we could all go home after McGeehan had notched the 2^nd and so it proved.  I don’t think Scunny had a shot on target the second half.  Mind, I’m not sure we had that many.  But with the team knocking the ball around confidently, a couple of rounds of ‘It’s just like watching Brazil’  were heard from the Ponty.  We are a team on the march.

More town centre rebuilding.

The Adam Hammill Appreciation Society (AHAS) also turned out in force, as the former Reds’ legend took to the field for new club Scunny, and till about the 70^th minute he was the only player’s name I heard chanted.  According to the papers today, he also should have had a penalty, having ‘been chopped by Pinnock.’  I wish I could remember it, but it passed me by.  As a member of the AHAS, I’d like to think it happened though.  Perhaps I was daydreaming, cos for once I was there for kick off. 

I still miss Grove Street School.

We went ahead with a very bizarre goal. Mowatt lined one up from 35 yards and just as I was shouting ‘NOT FROM THERE!’ the ball drifted into the middle of the net.  The consensus was the keeper must have lost the flight of the ball due to the low sun. Or put another way, I’d never have forgiven Davies for conceding the same.  Looked like the keeper moved out of the way of it. Anyway, thanks very much.

Note the sun in the keeper's eyes.

With Mowatt pulling the strings in midfield, we pressed on and scored another jammy goal after 41 mins, McGeehan heading home when the ball deflected to him.  Still, you have to be in it to win it and his late runs into the box are a thing of majesty.  The Oakwell Paul Scholes.  Scunny then have 2 chances to pull one back before half time and Davies saves. Always said he was a great keeper.

Match action in front of the old Main Stand.

Half time came and went.  I was back sitting downstairs today cos my dad’s friend is ill and couldn’t make it upstairs, so I did the decent thing.  Luckily (selfishly) I didn’t have to do the coffee run this time as she came flask in hand.  But one thing I don’t miss about the back row of the lower tier is the number of spectators (I’ll not call them ‘fans’) who leave the match early.  Do they leave a film early? What’s the rush?  Can’t afford to miss the start of whatever Ant and Dec are presenting this week?  At least the bloke next to me had forgotten to put his man perfume on this week.  Small mercies.  

The Ponty v Scunny.

All this waffle is to say that even a day later I can’t remember owt about the 2^nd half.  Something tells me Brown nearly scored. Kiefer had a goal disallowed, but looked miles offside.  But that was 1^st half.  Yeah, about all I remember was Hammill got subbed, the home fans sang his name again, and at the end he came back on to do a mini lap of honour and hug as many of his old teammates as he could.  Anyone would think he wishes he were still at Oakwell.  I know plenty of others wish he was.
In a word: comfortable
Onwards and upwards!
*** Mowatt .  Absolutely ran the show.  Give and gos, driving forward, supreme passing, scored.  Sponsors MOTM. 
** McGeehan.  Best central midfield partnership in the division? 
* Davies.  Faultless (though he had nothing to do, 2^nd half)
Londontykes' MOTM: 1. Mowatt  2. McGeehan  3. Cavare

In an away end far, far away...980 Scunny fans.  Good effort.

Despatches:

Cavare again looked excellent going forward and between him and Brown, the future of the right looks certain.  Pinniloss, in for Williams, was solid if unspectacular.  Pinnock was his usual level of ubercool and Lindsay had another good game.  Best defensive partnership in the division?  Thiam had a couple of decent runs.  Up top, Moore looked on point without ever looking like scoring, while Cauley had a very quiet game.  Still, best front two in the division?  
As ever, well done our privatised rail companies, as the Hull Trains vehicle we were on was 45 minutes late.  That’s 45 extra minutes in a cold waiting room in Doncaster.  Ba5tards.  The mood was slightly more chipper in Kings X, as a Londontyke who shall remain nameless (A. Reed) attempted to help the tourist stragglers at platform 9 and ¾ by renting a trolley for them to pose with.  They were not grateful.

Drink du jour: Schniederweisse (#7) and Weihanstephaner (Parcel Yard).  Inbetween?  Spiced rum and ginger ale (not ginger beer; we have learnt that lesson).

Away: 980.  Very decent, given their home average.

The Damage:
£26 train
£2 fanzine
= £28

The Tunes:
Plumb (Field Music)
Portishead (Portishead)

East Stand pano

Ponty pano (cheers Jonesy!)

Be proud!

Welcome to ....

BFC 0-0 Scunthorpe United, Saturday 25th March 2016

“Before I make a mistake, I don’t make that mistake.” (Johan Cruyff, R.I.P.)

Grove Street, home of the Super Reds

The writing was on the wall before this match, as international call ups for our loan crew, as well as injuries, meant 4 forced changes.  No Winnall and Watkins, or Fletcher and Isgrove…or even that bloke from Everton we’re teaching to be a fullback.  Does that mean 5 changes then?  So, the excuses can start there.  In came Scowen, Aidey White (welcome back!), Chapman and Toney (welcome back!)  One of these had a half decent game.

Anyone would think we're at Wembley next week

Scunny ripped us to pieces that 1^st half.  Or did we rip ourselves to pieces? Defenders tried (and failed) to pass the ball around the back 4 and Scunny were gifted balls in promising positions in our own third.  The suicide missions appeared every 10 mins, but Davies saved an early one-on-one and 2 great chances were put wide, one by ex-Red Jim O’Brien, no less.  (Big Jim was later given a round of applause having been subbed, injured.)  Other half chances were equally spurned.
Talking of ex-Reds, they had Stephen Dawson bossing midfield.  I say bossing – he certainly had more possession than any of ours, despite his girth.  Sadly, there was no sign of Scott Wiseman, a player who I’m sure would’ve had a warm welcome.  Tw*t.

This week's minute's silence...for the Brussels bombings

Where was I?  Oh yes, Scunny really ought to have been out of sight by half time and we crawled in relieved, nil-nil.  The improvement in the second half could not have been avoided, we’d been that bad.  We finally had an effort on target, a superb save from a header (Roberts?)  Then Hourihane hit a screamer on the volley which nearly decapitated a defender, while another volley was blocked.  Finally, a free kick was tipped over, but it was easy for the keeper.  The half was another ‘huff and puff’ effort, without the incisive play of earlier form.  And when Hammill spent 5 minutes playing in one boot cos he didn’t know how to (un)tie a shoelace, that was it.

The Scunny midfield...on a wall in the East Stand.

*** Williams.  Another sound defensive performance, this time at his rightful place of right back.  Twitter MOTM.
** Roberts.  Looked solid next to his comedy partner, Alfie.  Still tried to give them a goal tho with a poor pass.* Hourihane.  Seemingly the only player interested in scoring for us. 2 super volleys, both blocked, and a free kick tipped over.

Londontykes' Top 3:
1. Roberts / Williams
3. Hourihane
Despatches:Hammill threatened to deceive wide left, but really, him and White didn’t gel as previous.  Maybe once Aidey is match fit?  Chapman was bloody awful.  If we had any subs, he’d have been off at half time.  Ditto Mawson, who was determined to let them score, with some crazy passing.  Someone tell him he’s not Beckenbauer (yet).  Brownhill was anonymous while Scowen ran around all keen but lost it every time he had it.  Think Brendan O’Connell without the ability.  The tactical plan to play one up top and spend the match hoofing it to him plainly didn’t work.  I really felt sorry for Toney (the loanee) who battled well but was often left isolated.  Overall, I’m hoping this was a hard earned point, rather than 2 lost, cos we didn’t deserve owt.  As my dad said ‘if they don’t score we might have a chance of a draw’.  

Oakwell in the sun

Drink du jour: Leffe, Erdinger, Birra Moretti and Asahi.  With plenty of vodka inbetween.  Yes, I fell asleep on the bus and had to walk back from the last stop…past the place I got knocked over t’other week.  Cheers.

Away: 813.  Superb turnout from one of the league’s littler teams.

The Damage:
27 train
5 mug
3 prog
2 fanzine

The Ponty v Scunny

'Irons, irons'

Looking toward the away end

Match action

Dawson and O'Brien in better days

Barnsley 1-2 Scunthorpe United, Saturday 29th November 2014

‘Can you please call home?  Your wife’s had her back doors smashed in.’

The view from The Ponty

This week’s match report shall be brought to you thanks to the sponsorship of Mr ???, member of our East London Parish and proud bearer of a recent wedding ring. Congratulations, Rhys, and thanks very much for paying for the two essential elements of the ‘Booze Express’.

Anyway, it was great to see Rhys finally make a game, along with Marius, over from Norway and it was great to see the Super Reds show what they’ve been missing: f*** all.  We were appalling from start to finish.  Or at least from the 20^th minute, cos I missed that much trying to get in. Crowd congestion?  No.  The rigmarole of getting a replacement ticket for not having my ST with me.  (My dad has our season tickets and he was unable to make it today cos of the north east being in lock down due to some explosion near the A1 at Catterick.)

The old Main Stand

So obviously I made sure I got to the ground early to sort this out.  Or 2:45pm as its known and within about 5 minutes I was served.  OK so far. Only the lady serving me (and I got the impression she was a recent recruit) couldn’t find my ‘client registration’ details or whatever stupid title they give us ‘supporters’ these days.  I provided as many details as I possibly could (dad’s address, my address, etc) and 5 mins of holding up everyone else in the queue later, plus help from Sharon (the boss) she’d found me.  Crack on. A replacement ticket printed, off I go.

I get to the Pukka Pies East Stand Lower turnstile, handily located halfway round the stadium, past 2 sets of Pukka Pies East Stand Upper turnstiles (why?).  It’s now 5 past 3 and of the two open ‘stiles, one is shutting. The one I go in, the lady scans my ticket but no, it’s not registering.  ‘And I’ve been told by my boss today not to let ANYONE in if it doesn’t register’.  OK, I’m now officially irritated, but hey!  I’ve only travelled up from London and I know the match will be the sh*ttest part of my day.  (Almost prescient, eh, given later proceedings.)

I go back to the ticket office.  But no, it’s shut. No worries, I trot to the main club office and a nice lady there gives me a replacement replacement ticket.  I stroll back to my turnstile (I know I’m not missing much) and GUESS WHAT? Same again.  My conversation is somewhat abrupt and I stomp back to the ticket office.  This time I tell the woman it’s no use giving me a replacement ticket, just get me in the stadium.  Sharon, who by now has (rightfully) kicked off her heels and was looking forward to a sit down after the pre-match madness, comes to my rescue (not for the first time; witness the time I forgot my Chelsea match ticket).  She puts on her shoes, comes out and marches me through one of the main gates.  So whatever the crowd was, add one, cos I’m not included.  And since I came through the ‘disabled corner’ I decide I’ll go and sit in the Ponty End for a change.  I find a spare chair high up right behind the goal. 

The Pukka Pies East Stand

Within a minute I see 3 strange refereeing decisions which ALL go against Barnsley.  Shoulder to shoulder is a free kick to them, while a push by them is unpunished, before Berry is booked for tackling somebody.  (Ok, he scissored him a bit.)  Still, at least summat had happened, cos the guy next to me said the only thing of note in the 1^st 20 mins was Winnall getting injured under no challenge whatsoever. Shame, I was looking forward to seeing if he could hold a ball up today.

Then it happens. GOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!  The ball is pulled back to Trotta who rifles it home with his left, high into the net.  Seeing it on telly, I realise my view behind t’nets is not all that when the ball’s at the far end.  I thought he was maybe 12 yards out.  Turns out it was 6.  Within a minute, Scunny equalise.  That poor excuse for a defender Nyatanga is turned with ease and the resultant shot, although well saved by Turnbull, is knocked into an empty net by Madden.  Proper poacher’s goal, while we stand around watching.  As usual.

In injury time (can I blame Winnall?) Scunny go ahead, as Madden runs at Bailey and Ramage, who for 15 yards resolutely refuses to put a tackle in, allowing Madden to meander forward before striking low to the far corner.  Maddening.  (Pun intended.)  We are losing at home to a side 2^nd off bottom who’ve drawn 2 and lost 9 of their previous 11 visits to Oakwell.  Why am I not surprised?

704 away supporters. Good effort Scunny!

2^nd half, we have the ‘lion’s share of the possession’ yet at no point do we look like we WANT IT.  Passes go sideways, sideways, back and if anything, it looks like we must be winning, as we attempt to wind down the clock.  Scunny look best placed to score, on the break, but they’re a poor side too.  We still fashion chances though. Devante Cole brings the ball down superbly, then blazes it over the bar from 8 yards.  Berry misses a header at the far post a minute after being named MOTM (‘he does nothing everywhere’ – Rhys) and Hemmings dinks a soft header into the keeper’s arms. So even in a game where we create nowt, we had chances.  Go figure.

*** No-one. Appalling.  OK, harsh, cos I can problies count 3 or 4 players who had a decent game, so….TURNBULL.  Caught everything, distribution excellent, no chance with either goal.

** Dudgeon.  When your full back and goalkeeper are the only players giving any hint of ‘impetus’ or energy, you know something’s not going right.

* Crainie. Probably beat more players than anyone else in a red shirt.  See above re: ‘you know something’s not going right....’

Sponsors’ MOTM: Berry.  ‘He does nothing everywhere.’  I like that one.

Despatches:
Hourihane proved he’s Premiership class by blaming other players when his passes went astray; Nyatanga and Ramage looked useless; Cole is the new Bambi on ice; Trotta looked a good prospect, good control – though completely missed one ball, when he ran across a defender to meet a mishit Hourihane corner; And the player who came out with the most credit for me was the injured Williams; without him we looked truly s*** going forward.

Drink du jour: with a larger than usual contingent, we had champagne on the way up (Congrats again, Rhys) and a choice of JD and coke or vodka and orange on the way back.  Then the day was made complete by a trip up to Camden Town for Heavy Metal Heaven at the Dublin Castle.  (Sample quote: ‘ARE YOU GUYS READY TO GO MENTAL FOR SOME METAL!!!????’ (No.)  And if I learnt anything from yesterday, it’s that you need to have your passport to get into any bar on the Camden strip.  What’s the world coming to?

Oh dear...