BFC 0-2 Lincoln City, Monday 29th December 2025

‘She should have swallowed.’

My day today was this: Spent the morning driving round the Huddersfield suburbs with a flat tyre looking for an open garage; sitting in a cancer ward while Sarah gets chemo; went home and washed up (having to fill the basin twice, cos the water escaped the 1st time); going to see the Super Reds. You can imagine which brought least joy.

We were poor. Or, at least, Lincoln were a sight better than Mansfield. Was that why Darrell didn’t even rant at half-time as we stood a goal down? Or was it resignation? (It was certainly resignation at the end, as the few who stayed gave the most cursory of boos, nothing like Boxing Day.) Resignation. Again. Like under the dying days of Collins, of Clarke. Apathy is worse than anger, and judging by the gaps in the home end, there was plenty of apathy tonite. Even the drummer didn’t show up. Does he only do special occasions?

It’s all Caylan Vickers’ fault, Mansfield. So Coach Conor drops him and brings the GOAT into midfield, Watson replacing said GOAT at right back. It takes GOAT 8 minutes to play a ball behind his teammate to set up the Lincoln counter attack. One foul later and the free kick is swung in from the right. Do I remember this right? Was their guy on his own, 4 yards out, when he bangs the header past Cooper? Now, call me a traditionalist, but I expect a keeper to come and catch a ball that’s only 4 yards in front of him, especially when there’s no traffic to get through. Let’s hope TV doesn’t prove me otherwise, but I’d be willing to bet, when the free kick is taken, that Cooper is closer to where the ball lands than any other player. Get rid.

Do we manage an attack ourselves in that 1st half? Cleary has a shot that smacks a defender’s head. We also have a penalty claim, as the ball strikes an Impish hand. Yes, it could have been given, but really, we’re feeding off scraps. Lincoln have our measure; at one point they triple up on Cleary. They later do the same on Kelly. Do they ever bother marking Connell, Bland or Yoganathan? Not that I noticed.

Lincoln are extremely well organised, and that’s it. Every time we have possession, they have 8-10 men behind the ball. Usually 8 (2 banks of 4) before we knock it around sideways and it becomes 10. If ever we venture forward we are massively outnumbered. Well played Lincoln City. Unspectacular, but manage the basics...and I’m led to believe they’re 2nd in the table (I still refuse to look).

Half-time comes and Coach Conor bursts into action, subbing Yoga for Phillips. And he even lets Phillips have a couple of shots, though that doesn’t end well. About 2 minutes into the 2nd half he wastes what would prove to be our best chance, screwing a close range shot wide. (Later, he’s spotted at right back again. WTAF is our manager doing?) Other chances include...no, scrub that. Our only other chance is Kelly missing the same opportunity from a 37 year old’s beautiful cross. But the game had gone by then. 0-2 and into injury time.

And WHAT A STRIKE their second was. Shepherd heads a corner clear (I’m not putting this goal on the kitchen fitter). It falls from the sky to the edge of our box where former Fowl and Smog Monster Adam Reach rolls back the years to lash one in off the bar on the volley. Where’s our defensive midfield when you need ‘em? That ball took an age to come down and yet there still wasn’t a Barnsley player in sight. Oh well. I stood up and applauded, and plenty of others put their hands together (and not around Coach Conor’s neck).

I rather got the impression that had we scored a couple, Lincoln woulda gone and got 3, or 4. They looked like they played well within themselves and that gift of an early goal meant they just had to remain compact and let our mistakes do the talking. It was just all...too easy.

I’ve just had a text from the NNN (Nozzer News Network). He claims we are 2 pts above relegation. I refuse to look, and I refuse to believe him.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Earl. Couldn't really fault him. Won his headers. Found Reds players with the ball. Didn’t gift the opposition any goals.
** Kelly. We’re onto the default settings now. Made a few runs forward, but invariably outnumbered and toothless.
* Cleary. Had a shot and a couple of crosses. Most likely to create summat, but didn’t.

Official MOTM: Kelly (see earlier: ‘default settings’)

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. Cleary 3. Earl

Despatches:
Coach Conor’s 2nd half response? Sends on a Jalo for Watson, with the GOAT to right back. Then MdG for Roberts (injured? Hope so!) before sending on a pensioner in the 87th minute for the GOAT (and Phillips to right back). Still, at least he resists temptation to bring on Farrugia, but it’s not pretty. Still, you never see a goalless draw at Oakwell, do you!?

With nobody else wanting to go, I think I’ll give Wigan a miss, especially as there’s a tasty looking Stalybridge Celtic v Bury game on down the road. I still quite fancy Port Vale, but 3 Reds games in a week? I wouldn’t wish that on anybody right now.

Drink du jour: Tiny Rebel Clwb Tropicana at Heaven and Ale. Plus a roast turkey and stuffing sandwich and a few roasties. I was winning life at that point.

Away: 1,529 (10,711 - never). ‘Barnsley get battered everywhere they go....everywhere they go.’ Indeed.

The Damage:
c.£7 petrol
= c.£7

Lincoln City 3-1 BFC, Tuesday 9th December 2025

‘Room for a little un? By, it’s cold in here.’

I knew it was going too well. I even said so in the pub. I’d found (free) parking close to the ground. The journey had gone smoothly, including pick ups for Lucas from school, Wadd in ‘tarn’ and Stu in Retford. We’d managed to get into the nearby Wetherspoons, despite the doormen looking out for ne’er do wells (Reds fans?) We’d even managed to get a table, and order food. Honestly, being the doom monger I am, I was worried for the journey home if we won tonite. I needn’t have worried.

It was an even opening half hour or so. Twice we’d had the opportunity to play a ball inbetween the centre halves for Cleary to run onto, and twice a poor effort was intercepted (Kelly, DKD). Not that it would have mattered. Cleary was playing as badly as anyone I’ve seen this season. If he controlled the ball, he lost it. And he didn’t often control it. At the other end (in a galaxy far, far, away) Lincoln cleared the bar when it looked easier to score.

However, gradually, Lincoln took control and the general feeling when it came was that ‘it was coming’. They always looked like they had an extra man in the move, but Watson (tonite’s left back) slips, the player cuts inside, and rockets a shot into the far corner. Too easy. We limp to half-time. Changes need to be made. What will Coach Conor come up with?

He takes Yoganathan off. It’s all his fault. (Can I just say, Vimal created the our only chance of note, 1st half, a pullback for DKD’s saved shot). Replaced down the right by a player without a right foot (Farrugia). What is Conor’s obsession with playing Farrugia here? He’s very fast, but even if he strips a player down the line, he can’t cross it in cos he’s only got one foot and that’s not where the ball is.

That said, we are transformed (I’ll ignore an early scare, Cooper tipping a shot round the post after Phillips’ aberration). We are by far the better side. Cleary is getting into the game, and we are on the front foot. And on 67 DKD grabs the equaliser following the kind of sweet move we’ve seen quite often this season. Phillips lays it out wide to Bland who drills the ball low across goal for DKD to sidefoot home. WE ARE IN THIS! Right, heads down, let’s go and get the winner. We hadn’t stopped celebrating before we were picking the ball out of our own net. WTF?

From the re-start after our goal, they play the ball back to the keeper, who chips a soft ball forward. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR CENTRE HALVES ARE (today it’s Shepherd and MdG) but they have 2 (TWO!) players clean through. Watson’s little legs are feverishly scurrying but he’s nowhere near as the cheeky Imp lifts the ball over Cooper, who’s run out of his goal to join in the embarrassment. Sunday league defending.

I tried looking on the positive side. 1-2 is better than 0-1 in my world, it proves we can score. Unfortunately, it also woke the Lincoln fans up. They were now bouncing while we were disconsolate. ‘You only sing when you’re winning’ chanted some Reds fans in response. ‘They’ve been winning most of the match’ Wadd unhelpfully pointed out.

Still, 20 odd minutes left, we can still get something. 3 minutes later it’s 3-1. This defence is appalling. MdG heads a ball UPWARDS instead of OUTWARDS, everyone stands and stares and an Imp, on his own, knocks it across goal on the volley for a free header on the backpost. Down and out in Sincil Bank. The only team threatening hereafter wore red and white stripes.

It's ok tho. At least it’s not far to the car.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Kelly. I asked Wadd who’d played well (if anybody). He said Kelly. The reason I was asking, was cos it was only Kelly wot stood out for me, but I’m starting to get paranoid that I’m only voting for him cos he’s my favourite player. I don’t want to turn into Bob with Chris Shuker!
** No-one. No-one else came close to Kelly.
* DKD. Scored, had another shot saved. If you think we’re bad now, imagine how bad we’d be without the division’s top scorer.

Londontykes MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. DKD 3. Cooper

Despatches:
This defence of ours. It’s terrible. And it doesn’t matter who plays in it. Take the left back spot. Who’s played there this season? Ogbeta, Earl, MdG, Gent, Watson. Wasn’t loanee Rooney also played there? Have I missed anyone? I take Chris’s point about how well recruitment did with regards to Kelly and Cleary...but what about centre half? What about centre forward? What about left back? And this Rooney bloke. How bad must he be that he can’t get in the team ahead of Shepherd, Roberts, Earl, MdG? Is this the best Coach Conor can do with regards his footie contacts? A Derby reserve player he remembers playing youth football?

As for St. Conor, Wadd said someone on that there social media was criticising the defensive coach. Hourihane is untouchable. Even when the team can’t defend, it’s not his fault. He’s the one who brought Keogh in, he’s the one in overall control of the team, he’s the one who brings on Farrugia on the right while Vickers is left twiddling his thumbs on the bench, he’s the...etc

Dismal.

Away: 737

Drink du jour: Leffe at the Ritz Wetherspoon.

The Damage:
26 ent
c.30 petrol
= c£56

BFC 4-3 Lincoln City, Saturday 1st March 2025

‘We didn’t sign a striker. But it doesn’t matter Cos we’ve got Max Watters.’

Just over a week ago we were solid midtable, going nowhere fast. 8 days later, 3 wins in a row and we’ve given ourselves a chance of 8th. COYR! Today’s victory was an odd one. There were 7 goals but it was hardly a thriller. There was little jeopardy till the last 4 minutes, as we raced into a 3-0 and 4-1 lead before trying to give it away. Sorry, before Coach Clarke tried to give it away by hauling off the first team for the poorest bench in eons (one of whom actually scored!)

Yes, we were ahead within 12 minutes, as DKD darted inbetween two statuesque defenders to lob the keeper, himself stranded in no-mans land. Then, with the half hour up, we were away and cruising, as DKD played in Phillips to lash home, low. Honestly, what had happened to Lincoln? Last season, they came to Oakwell and tore us apart, 5-1. Now they looked on a par with Crawley Town.

Still, they had half-time to hope. Given our second half form this season, who didn’t expect us to collapse? Instead, their backline mess up and gift Georgie Gent on the backpost after good work from DKD and Humphreys. Georgie Gent! Finally paying off some of that 200k we spunked on him? Not so fast. An Impish ball to our backpost has Gent falling over himself and chesting it down for them to score. WTAF? If he wasn’t there, he’d have done a better job.

To be fair, the team tinkering had already begun. Why wouldn’t you start subbing players at two nil? Watters is on for Humphreys, while O’Keeffe was hauled for Lembikisa at half-time. The coup de grace is Benson for Beds (he’s seen enough of them) on for Phillips. Mind, all looks rosy again when Watters is played through on the halfway line. (Benson actually won the ball.) He strides forward to the edge of the box, bamboozles the defender, drops a shoulder, goes right, and drives the ball across the keeper into the far bottom corner. Absolutely superb.

Of course, the game is won now. Bob thinks it’s a chance to boost our goal difference. The coach thinks otherwise. Gent is off (injured). A chance for Conor Barrett to unimpress at right back, with Lembikisa to continue his awfulness on the opposite flank. Who are these people who think playing left back and right back are the same thing? Have they ever tried it? He also drags DKD for Rodrigues (‘the baguette munching Frenchman’). I am at least pleased for those who’ve never seen this bloke play before. Admit, it, you’ve forgotten what he was like already.

Within two minutes, the Imps make it 4-2. Barrett has yet to figure where he’s meant to be standing, and the ball is played into the space where a right wing back might normally be expected to be. An Imp runs onto it and leaves Earl for dead. Earl is running in treacle. He always is. Still, a smart finish from their player, burying it low off the far post. (I’ll get to the finishing later.)

With 6 mins (plus injury time) left, all the talk is whether we can throw this away, a la Ipshit all those years ago. I am weirdly confident. I must say though, I’m placing my faith in Lincoln’s inability rather than...

We are 2 minutes into the added time when Barrett inexplicably lets their player wriggle past him. PLEASE let this cameo be the first and last I see of this guy. He is TERRIBLE. (There’s a reason he can only sneak a rare place on the bench.) A mad scramble ends in the inevitable…a toe poke into our net...and FINALLY. Game on! Some jeopardy! Suddenly it’s all hands to the decks as a defence containing Barrett, Lembikisa, Earl and Roberts attempt to hang on, while all other outfielders are haring around like they CARE. And, if anything, we looked more likely to break and score. But we didn’t. Cos we’re still not good enough.

Onwards and upwards!

*** DKD. He’s on FIRE! Who’s betting he’ll still be here next season?
** Roberts. Won his challenges and remained composed. That’s two in a row.
* Russell. Another tidy performance linking up midfield and up top.

Official MOTM: Russell (I think).

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. DKD 2. Roberts 3. Russell

Despatches:
Well done all concerned on the new flag. Looked great, though I’m not sure about ‘Barnsley FC – a rare delight’. Rare in what way? That there’s only one of them (Barnsley FC)? Or ‘rare’ in that they usually fail to deliver (especially at home)? Works both ways, I guess. Putting my sensible head on, I’d have gone ‘Spectamur Agendo’. Let us be judged by our acts. For you will be. Players, coaches, owners...Directors of Recruitment. And I guess someone already has Billy Casper giving it the two fingered salute for their own flag, otherwise I’d have that an’ all. But hey! Baby steps. (We’re a little away from Standard Liege having a banner for a returning player showing a fan having cut off said player’s head with a machete, blood dripping, head in one hand, machete in the other.)

XG today 0.82 v 1.65. What can it all mean? Well, it tells you that we outperformed our expected tally. It tells you that the shots we took don’t normally end up in goals, ie, they were either blinding finishes, or the keeper has messed up. It was the former, barring Gent nicking one from a panicky defence (and even that was a good finish, cutting in and finishing with his wrong foot). But, as ever, we’re relying on good hits. As were they.

No MdG today. We didn’t appeal his red card midweek, which tells me there was enough in it to give it. McCarthy stood in and we won again. Anyone would think it’s coincidence. Maybe it is. Connell was suspended too but Nwakali didn’t help himself, having his worst game yet, losing the ball in dangerous areas. Everyone agreed Lembikisa was as bad, if not worse, once he’d switched sides. Good job he was only on for 45. O’Keeffe was poor, Gent same. I thought Earl was average, which in his world, is above average. I’m not sure the keeper saved owt (remember: he turned their XG of 1.42 into 3!). Oh, hang on, he did, smothering a 1-on-1 at 3 or 4-1. Humphreys and Phillips had their moments, though the former is not a centre forward, even if you play him there.

And then there’s Max Watters. Nothing makes you appreciate a centre forward than not having one. That French bloke? The Orish wingback? Aidy Marsh? Honestly, Max Watters came back looking like a combo of Nat Lofthouse, Tommy Lawton and Alan Shearer. I imagine. Either way, he looks a class above the alternative, and I applaud him for it. (I’d still accept a refund in a heartbeat.) So good in fact, the Ponty were singing his name to the tune of Billy Joel’s ‘We didn’t start the fire’. It was always burning since the world’s been turning. (I used to love that song. Still do. Note to the PA: you;ve binned the dirge that is Hey Jude, replaced it with that whine about taking me home…let’s get the ground chanting Watters’ name!!!! I’ll get the petition for Billy Joel now!

Oh, and then I jetted off to see Fatdog in Manchester. I was a bit surprised, wearing my Reds shirt, to get a ‘YOOO REDDDS!’ from some young lad who wasn’t even born when said shirt was first worn. Fatdog were unbelievable too. File under ‘need to be seen to be believed’.

Drink du jour: House Party IPA in Spiral, Weihenstephaner (Sheffield Tap), Beavertown Neck Oil (Manchester Academy)

Away: 1,217 (11,914). A couple of da yoof got off the train, cans in hand, exited the railway station and instantly broke into a round of ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole, I wanna go home.’ Listen kids. If you’ve not been before, you need to see a bit more of the place before coming to a fair judgement. And if you have been before…well, why’ve you come back? Kn*bheads.

The Damage:
£11 train
= £11

Lincoln City 1-2 BFC, Saturday 17th August 2024

‘Serenity now, serenity now.’

This is why we’re better off in division 3. Cathedral, cobbles and German wheat beer. Where are Washday traipsing this weekend? Sunderland. Ever been to Sunderland? As well as fantasy trips to Hull, Stoke, Middlesbrough...it’s a just a tour of this summer’s far right ‘troubles’ innit? You can chuck in Dirty L**ds too. Whereas we also get Shrewsbury, Exeter, Cambridge...Rotherham. Ok, I’ll stop there.

Plus we win more in division 3. Often while playing quite badly. And so it was today, as we nick 2 goals from the only efforts I remember on target (save for a Cotter shot blocked) while a commanding performance between the sticks from our league debutant (and Chelsea 8th choice) Slonina brought renewed optimism for our chances this season. Sign a striker and we might even finish top half!

As Nozzer said, it was a most pleasant day out. Nice Guy Chris and Mrs Nice Guy met us at the train station and pre-match was spent in last season’s craft ale house, BeerHeadz. Mind, I lost Reedy and Nozzer on the way up, as I appeared to know half the street. There were Reds here, there and everywhere. Problies had to get there early for Lincoln Pride. I must pass on my thanks to Googlemaps too, directing me around the entire circumference of the cathedral to get to Beerheadz. Lovely. (You don’t get this in Sunderland...it doesn’t have a cathedral.) People who know me, will, of course, blame my inability to use technology properly.

Had a lovely walk along the river to the ground, too. Well, we would’ve done, were it not for the police barring any Reds fans from the pleasure. We got to admire the - ahem – characterful local housing instead. I hate being bullied. (It was the same afterwards.) Surely we Barnsley fans have an impeccable reputation, and are not the sort to destroy brand new toilets later on at the ground (rumour had it). To be fair, they could do with new toilets. As folk queued 5 deep for the urinals, fans simply p***ed in the sinks. And that was the Ladies. What was I saying about the appeal of division 3?

We had good seats, so much so we didn’t use them. High up, but not too central, so avoided the idiots (adjacent company excepted). Besides, from where we were, we could keep an eye on Chris, who’d rather sit near the front so he can’t see owt at the far end. (I should talk; even now people are telling me Roberts grabbed our winner, when I know full well it was Cosgrove heading home. Do we have too many blond Adonides? It seems we do; if Connell wasn’t so one-footed, I wouldn’t know the difference between him and Craig in centre-mid either). Anyway, that goal was at the far end. It’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

Roberts’ goal was also early enough in the second half that many fans missed it. I know that feeling. But far away as it was, I detected a fine cross from B. Cotter. Love you Bazza! That put us two up, Cosgrove scoring after 13 with a beautiful pass into the far corner from just inside the box following immaculate control. Piece of cake this division.

I couldn’t see Lincoln getting back into it. Slonina had saved a one-on-one in the first half and commanded his area like no Reds keeper within immediate memory. However, his kicking was very much of the Adam Davies variety. Yet I’m sure I read he was good with his feet. Maybe he’s a dancer? Anyway, between him and defensive giants Pines and Roberts, nevermind MdG, Earl and Cotter...and big lads up top in Cosgrove and Watters...every time Lincoln got a corner, I told Andy ‘we’re not gonna concede from a set piece THIS SEASON.’ So we conceded from a set piece, as a corner was half cleared and a bloke with the glorious name of House swivelled and half volleyed into the far corner. ‘Who in the Reds team would score THAT?’ ‘Nobody.’ ‘House hits home’ the Lincoln Gazette confusingly headlines. Probably.

From that point on, we sat back and soaked up what barely constituted pressure. A couple of soft headers straight to Slonina, the closest other time we came to conceding was when Roberts chopped the right winger as he crossed it in. It was undoubtedly a foul. The only question was whether it was in the box. The ref had a great view of it…and ignored it completely. Good man. Oh, and a miscommunication between keeper and MdG. But I wasn’t worried. I wasn’t.

Last week: bottom of the table. This week: top of the bottom half.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Slonina. Remember that name. This kid will go far. (So he should, I hear he cost Chelsea 10 mill.) USA! USA!
** . Cotter. Raided the right wing, didn’t let the ball go under his foot for a throw once...and set up what turned out to be the winner.
* Pines. Dominant and composed.

Londontykes’ POTY: 1. Slonina 2. Cosgrove 3= Pines/Cotter

Despatches:
I’m liking this new manager – he tells it like it is. ‘The fans were 10/10, we were 3/10.’ One of the big problems with Neill Collins last season was his continuous inability to call a spade a spade. The football would be terrible and yet we’d ‘played well’ or ‘controlled the game’. Fans aren’t stupid. Sorry, all fans aren’t stupid.

Can I rewind? I know the best chance they had of scoring. Marc Roberts. What a liability he looked with the ball was at his feet. Gave it away almost as much as Phillips, but in much more dangerous areas. I’d rather he DIDN’T have to fling himself about trying (often succeeding) in winning the ball back. Just bl**dy control the ball and pass it simple. Simple. He’s like a s*** Chris Morgan. Obviously lucky not to concede a penalty, he also gave away a cheap corner despite being in control of the ball, being outwitted by an opponent whose IQ is in double figures. Unfortunately, Roberts is of an age where he won’t/can’t learn. Then there’s the fans, chanting ‘we all dream of a team of Marc Roberts’. I spent half the second half picturing what that would look like. It’s not pretty. Thanks for the winner tho.

Phillips was dire. Not as anonymous as last week (good) cos he kept giving the ball away (bad). Not even a wild hoof into the crowd this week, that’s how bad he was. If it’s true we’re after Keilor-Dunn, I’d take the money on Phillips and run. And Earl. What’s the point of him? We’re playing with wingbacks but he’s NOT A WINGBACK. Basically offered nothing going forward down the left. I can only imagine the manager is trying to make us the BIGGEST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE, so we don’t concede from set pieces...blah blah blah. MdG? Never noticed him till a(nother) misunderstanding with the goalkeeper nearly led to his backpass dribbling into an empty net.

Connell and Craig looked tidy, but didn’t do a lot, while Cosgrove and Watters...well, the former scored at least. We need a striker.

Oh, and the highlight of the day? On the train back, watching a drunk, middle aged, bald, Reds fan hammer on the door of the toilet for 10 solid minutes...before the train guard opened the door to tell him it wasn’t the toilet. Reedy is still cackling.

Drink du jour: Flotzinger Weissbier in BerrHeadz, Cloudwater Fuzzy in The Strait and Narrow.

Away: 1,845 (sellout).

The Damage:
£39 train (inc two together card)
£8 petrol
£25 ent
= £72