Luton Town 2-1 BFC, Saturday 25th April 2026

‘It’s made of long cod pieces.’

I love Kenilworth Road. The low roof. The acoustics. The entrance through someone’s backyard. And the paying of 26 quid to not be able to see EITHER set of goalposts. Still, good job it’s ‘safe standing’ (as opposed to their previously ‘unsafe seating’, where anyone over 5 foot tall couldn’t get out of their seat cos they were jammed in) as this allowed peeps to move around and crane necks around whichever stanchion was in the way this time. Consequently, over the course of 90 minutes, I think I dropped my shoulder left...or right..then left again, more often than Maradona in his prime. And yet I still couldn’t avoid watching another defeat.

Yes, we’re back to playing well and losing, which is what poor teams do. Who was this week’s defence failing to keep a clean sheet? Was it MdG and O’Connell in the middle? I know when push came to shove, it was some bloke called Mads Andersen winning the header off the corner for them to scramble in the winner. I wish we still had him (though probably not on the wages he’s now on).

And it’s not just the defence, is it? We are all of 15 minutes in before Luca Connell fouls their man for a penalty. The very epitome of 'a rash challenge.’ 1 nil. Was there anything more depressing this week than reading Connell is contracted to us for another season? (Yes! O’Keeffe’s here till 2028!) So is Nwakali (2027, that is). But what’s the odds that a new manager will do exactly what Coaches Collins, Clarke and Conor have done, and pick Connell anyway? He’s barely had a decent game since Duff left. (Can we have him back as well?)

Still, we equalised. Kelly picks it up on the halfway line, drives forward 30 yards and the interception falls to Cleary and although his shot is saved, Phillips heads the rebound into an empty net. Oompah loompahs, peaky blinders and a 6 foot shark behind me go wild. Well, it is what should have been the last game of the season.

And then, during our period of being the better side in the second half, we have the obligatory penalty shout turned down, as Phillips rounds the keeper then crashes to the floor after bumping into their covering defender. Not for me, this one, but if you don’t ask, you don’t get. And you don’t get, even if you do.

Then, before the hour, Coach Conor goes for the jugular, sending on Gent and McGoldrick for Earl and Bradshaw. Then it’s Nwakali for Bland on 70, and Farrell and Banks for Phillips and Cleary. It does the trick – we concede. Still, at least it’s not Devante Cole, given a 26 minute trot out for the Hatters. Apparently, they think he’s useless. (I know he is.)

The match winds down with us camping on the edge of their box but refusing to do owt with it. Same old, same old. Is the season over yet? It can’t come quick enough (again). And with Conor telling us there’s no hope next season, I wish it was this time next year already!

Onwards and upwards!

*** Kelly. Everything good about us going forward stems from Kelly.
** Phillips. Most likely looking goalscorer (apart from the fact he WAS our goalscorer).
* No-one. I have no memory of anybody else impressing me. But then again, I was drinking till 3 in the morning.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. Phillips 3. MdG

Despatches:
Special mention to Nice Guy Chris and Equally Nice Wife Jane, who put me up Friday nite. (Considering my train ticket was 90 quid, this was a welcome respite from losing my fortune.) And cheers to that there Andy Jones, who not only bought my train ticket* (generous of him!) from Kings X to Luton, but came laden with bottles of Leffe. He can come again!

*I think he actually wants paying for this.

Indeed, I continued the Leffe theme at Luton Wetherspoons, the Super Reds reputation preceding them as we were barred from 1st choice, The Bricklayers. This is a real shame, as I’ve not had a fight with a Luton fan in ages. Has anybody? Everyone was in good spirits in Spoons (as the kids call it), whether a Hatter or Tyke. They still had something riding on their season, while we were just glad it’ll soon be over.

On that note, I was wavering on Satdy. Should I go to Northampton on Tuesday nite? I’ve only been once, and we lost. And I know it’s crap (a new build in an out of town retail park) but they’re going down, and I don’t know when we’ll see them again. (‘Season after next...unless they come back up!’) But, you know what? I think Luton was my 37th game of a long season. And this game should have been played on a Satdy, weeks ago, but both teams have too many internationals and called it off. So, if they can’t be bothered playing it on a Satdy, I can’t be bothered coming down for it.

Oh, and we had a guest in the away end, Satdy – Vimal Yoganathan. Good on him. I think Vimal even got a selfie with Jonesy.

Drink du jour: Leffe in Wetherspoons.

Away: 1,179, sellout. (11,781). ‘We’re off to Bromley...you’re going as well!’

The Damage:
£90 train (Wakefield to London rtn)
£10 train (Kings X to Luton rtn)
£26 ent
= £126

BFC 5-0 Luton Town, Saturday 22nd November 2025

Apologies for this, but my report will come in chunks as I'm writing it on my phone in-between painting missions. And that is as thrilling as any of my stories.

Pt 1: R.I.P. Caton. Who will get to the pub first and hold the door open now?

What a crazy game that was. Arriving with zero expectation (Rovrum and Port Vale in mind) we tank Luton on 31% possession, could've scored more, and the only thing we talk about at half time (3 nil up) is the referee. Who says we're only happy when we're moaning?

The ref. I'll ignore all of his correct decisions, cos I dare say there were some. But when your left winger, who's been skinning the fullback ALL GAME, goes down after the ball's gone, it's cos HE'S BEEN FOULED. Cleary is streaking away, 2 on 2. Why the bejesus would he go down? A yellow card all day...which means that hapless fullback is off. Instead, Cleary gets carded for diving. Mystifying.

Then the free kick for Connell's goal. DKD has dropped a shoulder, cut inside and he's sent the entire defence the wrong way. He's pulling the trigger, a free shot on goal, from the edge of the box. This is undeniably a GOALSCORING OPPORTUNITY as he's cynically tripped, pulling the trigger. But, (cos it's outside the box?) the ref gives a yellow. Out of interest, how far out was DKD when he scored? (So that's Luton down to 9 men, by my and Waddington's estimate...cos he made the same point to me yesterday.)

Then, 2nd half, us 3-0 up, he cards Bland for dummying a free kick. Eh? Sometimes, just sometimes, you dummy the free kick to check the lay of the defence. ie, will they push up and leave us offside? It is one of the most tenuous yellow cards for time wasting I've ever seen. We are 3 nil up, FFS.

Pt 2: the goals.

We panned the Hatters for 5, and if Yoganathan could finish, we'd have had a couple more. And the DKD miss, close range, 1st time, where he wrongfoots the keeper. We were FAB-U-LOUS and A-MAZING at the same time. Craig Revell-Hall would've been proud.

We go ahead early when Cleary dinks the ball over the keeper from DKD's deft chip. Rewind further and who won the ball to begin with? Cleary. MotM is nailed, 7 minutes in. It's soon 2 tho, Cleary wreaking havoc, the defender back tracking, and Reyes hammering it across goal, thru the defender's legs for an onrushing Kelly to tap home. I love Kelly. I love Cleary.

Yoga misses his 2, a cut inside and slam off the bar, then he bamboozles the keeper by simply not touching it, like that Pele effort years ago. (Pele missed too.) Yoga screws his effort off the post with DKD running in back stick.

Unbelievably, it's 3 by half time. Unbelievable, cos not only does Connell hit the target from a free kick, but it goes in. Key to this goal however are a couple of Reds standing next to their wall. While everyone expects the players to move and Connell to blast it, instead he chips it over the wall to the keeper's left. Any other week the keeper simply walks across and catches it, so fair play to our set piece coach.

4 nil is a scramble in the box from another Cleary ball in. I love Cleary. Watson is credited, but elsewhere I've seen it down as an OG. I just know it went in. Then DKD adds the icing with his usual sublime finish that only he at this club can manage. There's 15 left, but Coach Conor throws the towel in for Luton and hauls DKD and Cleary. The Hatters have received enough punishment.


Pt 3:
*** Cleary. I hope Stockport are allowed to pick O'Keeffe on Satdy. Imagine Corey trying to stop THAT! (Actually, Stockport have drafted in 34 year old free transfer Jack Hunt, without a club since the summer. Let's hope he's playing!)
** Connell. Ran everything. Chased back. Tackled. Intercepted. Passed. Scored.
* DKD. It all starts with that dink. Why can't our central midfielders do that? Excellent interplay throughout with Cleary.

Official MOTM: Cleary

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cleary 2. Yoganathan 3. Connell

Despatches:
Was it a Coach Conor masterclass? Press, but not too much, enough to tempt Luton into playing it through the lines for us to pick it up on the front foot. Time and time and time again. Utter madness from them. Every time we won it we were looking at 4v 4, 3v 3 etc.

Of course, that's not what I was saying late in the game, as Shepherd hobbles around, injured. Instead, Conor hauls off Earl for Ogbeta, when the obvious thing to do was replace Shep and move Earl across. Fingers crossed Shep is OK.

The players? They were all outstanding, save for Earl (hapless) and Phillips. A classic Earl howler has him heading it straight to their centre forward, who rounds Cooper, before....Roberts and Shepherd chase him down, the latter getting the crucial block. As Nice Guy said, it was 1 nil then.

As for Phillips, he must think he's in his own space and time continuum, as he constantly lost it in possession while wondering where the bloke who's tackled him has come from. (HE'S BEHIND YOUUUUU!)


Pt 4 (nearly there!)
Luton Town. Christ on a bike. 2 years ago I caught some of them giving Liverpoo a decent game in the Prem (4-3?) Now look at them. Losing five nil to US. (Us, not the United States). I've no idea when we last hit 5. So, mention in despatches to Farnham senior, who decided he'd rather watch his recording of day 2 of the Ashes (or 'the final day' as it'll come to be known) rather than come to Oakwell. Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa. Sorry.

The atmosphere: it's a good job we were winning. Handsomely. Cos God knows what it would have sounded like were we losing. It was like a friendly. It was embarrassing, so good job a mate of mine was up from London to witness it.

Away: 1478. Farnham needs to enter competitions, he was 22 off. Mind, it was about 700 at 4 nil, and even fewer at 5. Well done the rest. You don't get to see Brazil every week (and no, it wasn't sung.).

The Damage:
c.£7 travel

.

BFC 0-1 Luton Town, Tuesday 17th August 2021

‘We stole 3 points on Setdi so….’

Well, that was a midweek treat. If I was one of those people who liked puzzles, last night’s game woulda left a Mastermind champ baffled. What on earth WERE we doing? I’ll start with the playing out from the back. Here we are, a middling Championship club, attempting to take short goalkicks to defenders in our own box, while the opposition press. If Arsenal can’t manage it, why do we think we can? We invariably got away with it, by kicking it 30 yards into touch. But if the keeper simply kicked it long from the off we’d be on the halfway line and the ball still in play (I’m presuming Collins keeps it on the pitch). I thought WE were the team with the high press, not the team inviting it on us. I didn’t see any advantage to us doing it, aside from the entertainment of wondering whether we’d get away with it. So in that sense, I got a dark kick out of it. What about our own press? Didn’t we ship in this latest Teutonic coach cos he he’s groomed in the way we play? Well, our press looked like Freezer running the keeper down on his own from time to time.

The entire match looked like one grand experiment in how not to win a football match. Clarke Oduor,started as one of the front 3, FFS. A nifty bit of footwork here, a nimble bit of movement there, does not make up for the fact that he’s not a forward in a million years. (Less kind Londontykes than I wonder if he’ll ever be a footballer in a million years. The player whose goal kept us up 2 years ago! What has happened to this lad’s career…?) And I still thought he was the only forward worth watching, if only cos his trickery beat the odd man. What did the rest provide? Freezer – graft, but nowt else. Cauley – I’ve no idea, though I once saw him run back 50 yards to win a ball. Perhaps that’s why he offers nothing the other way, knackered. Victor even came on. Nicked the ball off a defender brilliantly, had a 10 yard headstart, and still failed to get the cross in. As for Devante Cole. Is he fast? Or useless? Or fast and useless? If Jay Jay Okocha was so good they named him twice, is Devante so bad we SIGNED him twice? Carlton Morris was anonymous too. (He was out injured.)

Our biggest attacking threat second half (losing one nil) was centre half Kitching becoming a makeshift left winger. WTF? Or Benson dropping deep to launch a ball at Kitching and Helik, who pushed up to support a toothless attack. I can’t decide if this is experimental foreign genius or a throwback to the good old days of just lumping it forward to the Big Guy(s). So often, second half, Benson would be on the halfway line in the centre half position, while the aforementioned centre halves were 30 or 40 yards down the pitch. Maybe Benson is playing as a quarterback, the deep lying playmaker behind all his teammates? Again, foreign tactical nouse. I’ll say this. If you play backgammon, you might win 1 in 10 games playing idiosyncratically. However, you’ll lose far more than you win.

We went one down within 3 minutes. I was ‘lucky’ – I’d only just got in after more turnstile shenanighans as season cards weren’t scanning. ‘Have you downloaded it to your phone?’ the turnstile operator asked. ‘I tried, but that didn’t work either’. She let me in unscanned. I’d just taken my seat when I saw the Hatters break free down the right. Where the f*** is Williams??? (On the bench, since you ask.) The ball is squared to a man free in the centre. As a panicking defender covers him, he lets the ball run on for another free Luton player to run in and bury it into the bottom corner from 20 yards. A fine finish. I’ve since seen it on telly – the Luton right back hoofs a free kick 60 yards down the line, Helik misjudges the flight and fails to make contact, leaving the right winger in. Is it Helik’s fault? Or did he have to come across to cover for the absent left wing back? (FYI, Styles was left wing back. Maybe nobody had told him he’d been switched from centre mid tonite?) As I said, more conundrums.

Others may disagree, but I thought Luton looked way more dangerous throughout. They had big lads who looked faster and fitter than our little fellas. They nearly added a second when one of them brushed Benson aside to run clean through. Another attack ended with Bree miscuing from 8 yards. What a homecoming that could have been. In the meantime, we had a weak effort from Brittain, sidefooting a right wing cross which the keeper saved with ease. PUT YOUR FOOT THROUGH IT MAN! Though why I’m bothering to tell Brittain how to finish, I don’t know. This bloke will never score a goal for Barnsley. (Still, at least his crossing’s on point. If by ‘on point’ you mean ‘Shukeresque’. The one time he didn’t hit the first man, he put it too far in front of the lunging forwards and it skidded wide.)

Still, we’ve definitely improved our ability to tippy-tappy. 70% possession, and (I’m told by the BBC website) 3 shots on target. We NEVER had 3 shots on target. One of them must have been the Styles shot which the keeper did us the favour of saving even though it was going wide, thereby causing momentary pandemonium as it pinged around the box and Brittain had a ferocious shot blocked (was that the 3rd shot on target? I didn’t think they counted blocked shots?) Eventually, we ran out of forwards to bring on, none of them having had a shot. Luton looked comfortable, and I’m convinced they’d have had more if they needed to. Lansbury hit the shot of the match, a half volley from the apex of the box, which Collins did well to save. Oh, I remember another ‘shot’ we had…Benson charged down a defender and his ‘tackle’ rebounded at pace towards the away end goal. It went wide, but it provided a frisson of entertainment where there was none.

So there it is. 2 home games against the might of Cov and Luton. One we should have been knocked out of sight (but won) and last night. This does not augur well for the season, but it could be worse – I could be watching our one touch hoofball of last season. Yes, it’s nice to win, but if winning is the ONLY thing that matters, you might as well just read the result in the paper. I want to be entertained WHILE I watch the game, and I think the coach and players are TRYING (very!). If I’m being generous, they’re just a little out of practice. But the forwards are a real concern. I don’t know how long Morris is out for, but these Belgians had better be good. (ps, do they even EXIST? Or will it be more Phil Gridelet syndrome?)

Onwards and upwards!

*** Sibbick. I am honestly short of candidates, but he didn’t do much wrong and had to come across from right to left to make a crucial block 1st half.
** Kitching. I said I’m short of contenders, but it’s not his fault he’s playing left wing. Perhaps he’d have seen some of the ball if Styles would give it to him. (My friend Diane was convinced Styles was avoiding him on purpose.)
* Benson. Made some good passes…but also made some bad passes.

Official MOTM: Palmer. Not bad, considering he went off at half time. (He didn’t, but I never saw him second half.)

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Sibbick 2. Benson 3= Kitching/Palmer

Despatches:
Palmer was right in the game 1st half, but I honestly don’t know where he went 2nd half. Did he just join the crowd as Benson hoofed the ball up? Styles was in the game a lot more than Satdy. How does he manage to be in the game more at left back than centre mid? The only positive I can say for Brittain is that his ponytail is as bad as mine. (I’ve been putting off having a haircut since lockdown but I’ve lost my reasoning that ‘if it’s not safe enough to be in the away end of a football match, I don’t see how it’s safe to be in a barbers’). Collins made a save but at one point went for a wander, leading to the Bree miss. (I think it was from one of those short goalkicks. How I laughed.) As for the forwards, the lack of any more mentions should suffice.

Drink du jour: None. But I did enjoy my ham and pease pudding sandwich that I brought along. Mos’def the MVP.

Away: 748 (Att: 12,999) A tremendous effort from Luton. Midweek they bring more than a Bristol City on a Satdy.

The Damage:
£3 prog
= £3

plus petrol…£10? Yes, cheaper today, as I had Diane to share the petrol with.

The Tunes:
Imidiwan (Tinariwen)
Greatest Hits (Thin Lizzy)

ps, it was Slacki's daughter's Lola's 1st ever game. Poor kid. While I hope she enjoyed it, she'd better get used to it! (And yes, she said at half time that Daddy had said some very bad words during the first half.)