BFC 5-0 Luton Town, Saturday 22nd November 2025

Apologies for this, but my report will come in chunks as I'm writing it on my phone in-between painting missions. And that is as thrilling as any of my stories.

Pt 1: R.I.P. Caton. Who will get to the pub first and hold the door open now?

What a crazy game that was. Arriving with zero expectation (Rovrum and Port Vale in mind) we tank Luton on 31% possession, could've scored more, and the only thing we talk about at half time (3 nil up) is the referee. Who says we're only happy when we're moaning?

The ref. I'll ignore all of his correct decisions, cos I dare say there were some. But when your left winger, who's been skinning the fullback ALL GAME, goes down after the ball's gone, it's cos HE'S BEEN FOULED. Cleary is streaking away, 2 on 2. Why the bejesus would he go down? A yellow card all day...which means that hapless fullback is off. Instead, Cleary gets carded for diving. Mystifying.

Then the free kick for Connell's goal. DKD has dropped a shoulder, cut inside and he's sent the entire defence the wrong way. He's pulling the trigger, a free shot on goal, from the edge of the box. This is undeniably a GOALSCORING OPPORTUNITY as he's cynically tripped, pulling the trigger. But, (cos it's outside the box?) the ref gives a yellow. Out of interest, how far out was DKD when he scored? (So that's Luton down to 9 men, by my and Waddington's estimate...cos he made the same point to me yesterday.)

Then, 2nd half, us 3-0 up, he cards Bland for dummying a free kick. Eh? Sometimes, just sometimes, you dummy the free kick to check the lay of the defence. ie, will they push up and leave us offside? It is one of the most tenuous yellow cards for time wasting I've ever seen. We are 3 nil up, FFS.

Pt 2: the goals.

We panned the Hatters for 5, and if Yoganathan could finish, we'd have had a couple more. And the DKD miss, close range, 1st time, where he wrongfoots the keeper. We were FAB-U-LOUS and A-MAZING at the same time. Craig Revell-Hall would've been proud.

We go ahead early when Cleary dinks the ball over the keeper from DKD's deft chip. Rewind further and who won the ball to begin with? Cleary. MotM is nailed, 7 minutes in. It's soon 2 tho, Cleary wreaking havoc, the defender back tracking, and Reyes hammering it across goal, thru the defender's legs for an onrushing Kelly to tap home. I love Kelly. I love Cleary.

Yoga misses his 2, a cut inside and slam off the bar, then he bamboozles the keeper by simply not touching it, like that Pele effort years ago. (Pele missed too.) Yoga screws his effort off the post with DKD running in back stick.

Unbelievably, it's 3 by half time. Unbelievable, cos not only does Connell hit the target from a free kick, but it goes in. Key to this goal however are a couple of Reds standing next to their wall. While everyone expects the players to move and Connell to blast it, instead he chips it over the wall to the keeper's left. Any other week the keeper simply walks across and catches it, so fair play to our set piece coach.

4 nil is a scramble in the box from another Cleary ball in. I love Cleary. Watson is credited, but elsewhere I've seen it down as an OG. I just know it went in. Then DKD adds the icing with his usual sublime finish that only he at this club can manage. There's 15 left, but Coach Conor throws the towel in for Luton and hauls DKD and Cleary. The Hatters have received enough punishment.


Pt 3:
*** Cleary. I hope Stockport are allowed to pick O'Keeffe on Satdy. Imagine Corey trying to stop THAT! (Actually, Stockport have drafted in 34 year old free transfer Jack Hunt, without a club since the summer. Let's hope he's playing!)
** Connell. Ran everything. Chased back. Tackled. Intercepted. Passed. Scored.
* DKD. It all starts with that dink. Why can't our central midfielders do that? Excellent interplay throughout with Cleary.

Official MOTM: Cleary

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cleary 2. Yoganathan 3. Connell

Despatches:
Was it a Coach Conor masterclass? Press, but not too much, enough to tempt Luton into playing it through the lines for us to pick it up on the front foot. Time and time and time again. Utter madness from them. Every time we won it we were looking at 4v 4, 3v 3 etc.

Of course, that's not what I was saying late in the game, as Shepherd hobbles around, injured. Instead, Conor hauls off Earl for Ogbeta, when the obvious thing to do was replace Shep and move Earl across. Fingers crossed Shep is OK.

The players? They were all outstanding, save for Earl (hapless) and Phillips. A classic Earl howler has him heading it straight to their centre forward, who rounds Cooper, before....Roberts and Shepherd chase him down, the latter getting the crucial block. As Nice Guy said, it was 1 nil then.

As for Phillips, he must think he's in his own space and time continuum, as he constantly lost it in possession while wondering where the bloke who's tackled him has come from. (HE'S BEHIND YOUUUUU!)


Pt 4 (nearly there!)
Luton Town. Christ on a bike. 2 years ago I caught some of them giving Liverpoo a decent game in the Prem (4-3?) Now look at them. Losing five nil to US. (Us, not the United States). I've no idea when we last hit 5. So, mention in despatches to Farnham senior, who decided he'd rather watch his recording of day 2 of the Ashes (or 'the final day' as it'll come to be known) rather than come to Oakwell. Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa. Sorry.

The atmosphere: it's a good job we were winning. Handsomely. Cos God knows what it would have sounded like were we losing. It was like a friendly. It was embarrassing, so good job a mate of mine was up from London to witness it.

Away: 1478. Farnham needs to enter competitions, he was 22 off. Mind, it was about 700 at 4 nil, and even fewer at 5. Well done the rest. You don't get to see Brazil every week (and no, it wasn't sung.).

The Damage:
c.£7 travel

.

BFC 0-1 Luton Town, Tuesday 17th August 2021

‘We stole 3 points on Setdi so….’

Well, that was a midweek treat. If I was one of those people who liked puzzles, last night’s game woulda left a Mastermind champ baffled. What on earth WERE we doing? I’ll start with the playing out from the back. Here we are, a middling Championship club, attempting to take short goalkicks to defenders in our own box, while the opposition press. If Arsenal can’t manage it, why do we think we can? We invariably got away with it, by kicking it 30 yards into touch. But if the keeper simply kicked it long from the off we’d be on the halfway line and the ball still in play (I’m presuming Collins keeps it on the pitch). I thought WE were the team with the high press, not the team inviting it on us. I didn’t see any advantage to us doing it, aside from the entertainment of wondering whether we’d get away with it. So in that sense, I got a dark kick out of it. What about our own press? Didn’t we ship in this latest Teutonic coach cos he he’s groomed in the way we play? Well, our press looked like Freezer running the keeper down on his own from time to time.

The entire match looked like one grand experiment in how not to win a football match. Clarke Oduor,started as one of the front 3, FFS. A nifty bit of footwork here, a nimble bit of movement there, does not make up for the fact that he’s not a forward in a million years. (Less kind Londontykes than I wonder if he’ll ever be a footballer in a million years. The player whose goal kept us up 2 years ago! What has happened to this lad’s career…?) And I still thought he was the only forward worth watching, if only cos his trickery beat the odd man. What did the rest provide? Freezer – graft, but nowt else. Cauley – I’ve no idea, though I once saw him run back 50 yards to win a ball. Perhaps that’s why he offers nothing the other way, knackered. Victor even came on. Nicked the ball off a defender brilliantly, had a 10 yard headstart, and still failed to get the cross in. As for Devante Cole. Is he fast? Or useless? Or fast and useless? If Jay Jay Okocha was so good they named him twice, is Devante so bad we SIGNED him twice? Carlton Morris was anonymous too. (He was out injured.)

Our biggest attacking threat second half (losing one nil) was centre half Kitching becoming a makeshift left winger. WTF? Or Benson dropping deep to launch a ball at Kitching and Helik, who pushed up to support a toothless attack. I can’t decide if this is experimental foreign genius or a throwback to the good old days of just lumping it forward to the Big Guy(s). So often, second half, Benson would be on the halfway line in the centre half position, while the aforementioned centre halves were 30 or 40 yards down the pitch. Maybe Benson is playing as a quarterback, the deep lying playmaker behind all his teammates? Again, foreign tactical nouse. I’ll say this. If you play backgammon, you might win 1 in 10 games playing idiosyncratically. However, you’ll lose far more than you win.

We went one down within 3 minutes. I was ‘lucky’ – I’d only just got in after more turnstile shenanighans as season cards weren’t scanning. ‘Have you downloaded it to your phone?’ the turnstile operator asked. ‘I tried, but that didn’t work either’. She let me in unscanned. I’d just taken my seat when I saw the Hatters break free down the right. Where the f*** is Williams??? (On the bench, since you ask.) The ball is squared to a man free in the centre. As a panicking defender covers him, he lets the ball run on for another free Luton player to run in and bury it into the bottom corner from 20 yards. A fine finish. I’ve since seen it on telly – the Luton right back hoofs a free kick 60 yards down the line, Helik misjudges the flight and fails to make contact, leaving the right winger in. Is it Helik’s fault? Or did he have to come across to cover for the absent left wing back? (FYI, Styles was left wing back. Maybe nobody had told him he’d been switched from centre mid tonite?) As I said, more conundrums.

Others may disagree, but I thought Luton looked way more dangerous throughout. They had big lads who looked faster and fitter than our little fellas. They nearly added a second when one of them brushed Benson aside to run clean through. Another attack ended with Bree miscuing from 8 yards. What a homecoming that could have been. In the meantime, we had a weak effort from Brittain, sidefooting a right wing cross which the keeper saved with ease. PUT YOUR FOOT THROUGH IT MAN! Though why I’m bothering to tell Brittain how to finish, I don’t know. This bloke will never score a goal for Barnsley. (Still, at least his crossing’s on point. If by ‘on point’ you mean ‘Shukeresque’. The one time he didn’t hit the first man, he put it too far in front of the lunging forwards and it skidded wide.)

Still, we’ve definitely improved our ability to tippy-tappy. 70% possession, and (I’m told by the BBC website) 3 shots on target. We NEVER had 3 shots on target. One of them must have been the Styles shot which the keeper did us the favour of saving even though it was going wide, thereby causing momentary pandemonium as it pinged around the box and Brittain had a ferocious shot blocked (was that the 3rd shot on target? I didn’t think they counted blocked shots?) Eventually, we ran out of forwards to bring on, none of them having had a shot. Luton looked comfortable, and I’m convinced they’d have had more if they needed to. Lansbury hit the shot of the match, a half volley from the apex of the box, which Collins did well to save. Oh, I remember another ‘shot’ we had…Benson charged down a defender and his ‘tackle’ rebounded at pace towards the away end goal. It went wide, but it provided a frisson of entertainment where there was none.

So there it is. 2 home games against the might of Cov and Luton. One we should have been knocked out of sight (but won) and last night. This does not augur well for the season, but it could be worse – I could be watching our one touch hoofball of last season. Yes, it’s nice to win, but if winning is the ONLY thing that matters, you might as well just read the result in the paper. I want to be entertained WHILE I watch the game, and I think the coach and players are TRYING (very!). If I’m being generous, they’re just a little out of practice. But the forwards are a real concern. I don’t know how long Morris is out for, but these Belgians had better be good. (ps, do they even EXIST? Or will it be more Phil Gridelet syndrome?)

Onwards and upwards!

*** Sibbick. I am honestly short of candidates, but he didn’t do much wrong and had to come across from right to left to make a crucial block 1st half.
** Kitching. I said I’m short of contenders, but it’s not his fault he’s playing left wing. Perhaps he’d have seen some of the ball if Styles would give it to him. (My friend Diane was convinced Styles was avoiding him on purpose.)
* Benson. Made some good passes…but also made some bad passes.

Official MOTM: Palmer. Not bad, considering he went off at half time. (He didn’t, but I never saw him second half.)

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Sibbick 2. Benson 3= Kitching/Palmer

Despatches:
Palmer was right in the game 1st half, but I honestly don’t know where he went 2nd half. Did he just join the crowd as Benson hoofed the ball up? Styles was in the game a lot more than Satdy. How does he manage to be in the game more at left back than centre mid? The only positive I can say for Brittain is that his ponytail is as bad as mine. (I’ve been putting off having a haircut since lockdown but I’ve lost my reasoning that ‘if it’s not safe enough to be in the away end of a football match, I don’t see how it’s safe to be in a barbers’). Collins made a save but at one point went for a wander, leading to the Bree miss. (I think it was from one of those short goalkicks. How I laughed.) As for the forwards, the lack of any more mentions should suffice.

Drink du jour: None. But I did enjoy my ham and pease pudding sandwich that I brought along. Mos’def the MVP.

Away: 748 (Att: 12,999) A tremendous effort from Luton. Midweek they bring more than a Bristol City on a Satdy.

The Damage:
£3 prog
= £3

plus petrol…£10? Yes, cheaper today, as I had Diane to share the petrol with.

The Tunes:
Imidiwan (Tinariwen)
Greatest Hits (Thin Lizzy)

ps, it was Slacki's daughter's Lola's 1st ever game. Poor kid. While I hope she enjoyed it, she'd better get used to it! (And yes, she said at half time that Daddy had said some very bad words during the first half.)

BFC 3-2 Luton Town, Saturday 13th October 2018

‘The Beatles are just idiots’

Sky are in town.

It’s international weekend and the nation demands our game at home to Luton Town is on Sky.  Furthermore, it’s a midday kick-off.  F*** the fans, though no doubt some (Barnsley-based) Reds fans think the game should be called off, since keeper Davies has been called up to Wales’ bench and this-season’s-big-thing Dougall is having another training sesh with Oz.  Personally, I’d rather play the game.  Davies is no great miss and Dougall gets booked enough to be missing future games anyway.  We have to learn to cope somehow.

One way.  My way...or the highway.

And for 4 minutes we aren’t coping much at all.  It’s all Luton, we’re penned in our half…and we break away and score with our first foray into their half.  The Magnificent Potts (ours, not theirs, though I did enjoy right wing Potts being marked by left back Potts) drives forward, digs the ball out from under his feet, beats 2 or 3 players and drills it into the bottom corner from 20 yards.  The new Redfearn.  (Well, he certainly looks more Neil Redfearn than the 2 last hopefuls, Stephen Dawson and Gary Jones.)  Our midfield now take the game by the scruff of the neck and are SUBLIME (by 3^rd division standards).

The teams come out.

That new bloke Moncur is simply dazzling.  The Hatters can’t get near him, even at walking pace, as he rolls the ball back and forward under his studs.  The new Hammill stepover?  Indeed, George sets up #2 as he breaks clear on the left, holds it up, cuts inside, and lays it on a plate for an on-rushing (on-jogging?) McGeehan to stroke into the bottom corner 1^st time.  Beautiful.  But credit where it’s due, the dummy from Behre to send Moncur clear was a cut above.  How can we NOT get promotion?

Pre-match meet 'n' greet.

Further credit to McGeehan.  He’s been in and out of the team, and today he’s been told to play further back in the Dougall roll.  How ironic then that he bags.  But 3 times I saw him chase back, including one last-man tackle.  Superb.  Even better that it's against the club we signed him from.  Maybe BECAUSE it's the club...etc

Not quite so superb were our young uns.  Ben Williams at left back was having a mare, and topped it by giving away an injury-time penalty to give Luton a sniff.  I thnk he got caught blind-sided, but it was still careless.  Later, as a fan berated the ref for not giving one of theirs a yellow for persistent misconduct, I pondered how Williams had avoided a card till that point.  Nothing went right for him.  Missing tackles, giving balls away and losing it when up in attack.  Good management by Stendal though, taking him off after 70 or so minutes; not so early it kills his confidence, not so late it cost us.

A rather excellent 807 from Luton, midday KO and all.

So, 2-1 at half time, and for all our midfield intertwinations (!?) Luton were good value for their goal. 3 or 4 times they’d broken in numbers and 3 or 4 tims they’d been let down by a stray offside.  Davies’ replacement Walton fumbled a shot straight to their centre forward who tapped in but was denied for offside.  The Luton manager went mad, and between Colin Murray and Ian ‘Ollie’ Holloway on EFL Quest, they decided Luton were hard done to as ‘it was only his shoulder offside and you can’t score with your shoulder.’  Well, Ollie, that’s as maybe, but the last time I looked, the rule book didn’t take account of that.  Correct decision.

I've been to Luton.  It's too late.  (Only kidding!)

The second half was a bit of a non-event.  Neither side did much, so we sent Thiam on.  The goal scoring machine (4 in a year) suitably lashed it into the far top corner from 25 yards.  Where’s he been?  This year’s bet with Nice Guy Chris was made on the train back; he bet Mamadou will get 15+ this season.  Presuming you can’t take candy off babies (or old men) I offered him 13.  Generous to a fault, I am.

The view towards the Ponty.

Still time for us to make it uncomfortable for ourselves though, allowing Luton to nick one late on.  Oh yeah, pure Davies in goal, as Walton shows he’s learnt from his master by watching a 40 yard cross sail over him, hit the far post and be knocked in on the rebound.  No wonder Davies still gets a game if this is the level of subordinate.  At least Walton kicks well though.  I’ll throw him that bone.

*** Moncur.  As someone Whats-apped at half time ‘he’s OWNING this pitch’.  Tailed off later, like the match itself.  Twitter MOTM.

** McGeehan.  As noted earlier, it wasn’t just his goal.  The effort matched it.

* Potts.  What a difference a year makes.  Last season he looked cumbersome and slow, this year he’s faster, fitter and bigger than anything he’s up against.  One 50 yard run where he shrugged off 3 players deserved better.

Londontykes' MOTM: 1. Potts 2. Moncur 3. Mowatt

The Super Reds celebrate Thiam's screamer.

Despatches:

Walton and nowt to do…and conceded two.  Pinny and Linny…chances were skinny (actually, they both nearly gifted Luton a goal each).  Williams, Ben…4 out of 10.  Behre, the German…my kind of Merman.  Lacks a fishy bottom half, but has an engine like a swordfish, always pressing from the front.  Brown…he was down…couldn’t hold a ball up for toffee.  While Mamadou…he’s new….can’t remember ever seeing him get summat right before.  So I enjoyed his next touch after his goal, as we broke 3 on 3 and Thiam kicked the pass out for a throw.  Hapless.  ‘Message to feet.  Kick ball out wide for Reds player to run onto.  Doh.’  Oh, and I nearly forgot Mowatt.  Excellent inter-passing with the rest of midfield.  We rock!

The sun is out, the floodlights are on.

Drink du jour: Midday kick off, so no beer there then.  Had a couple afterwards in Wakey, including one in MILF-heaven (I don’t think that’s what it’s called, but this IS a town with a ‘Fanny and Bacardi’).  Decided to take it easy on train, a 4-pack of Leffe, as I was off into Camden to see Kruder and Dorfmeister.  The long and the short was after some bleepy s*** I got so drunk I don't remember much until waking up in a panic on the tube and jumping off…to find I’d left my bag…containing some work, a Reds tracksuit top and Satdy’s Guardian.  Oh, and a couple of tickets for Charlton next Satdy.  ‘I’m surprised that doesn’t happen more often’ said an unsurprised better half.  Balls.

Onwards and upwards!

Away: 807.  Decent turnout, given KO time and on Sky.

The Damage:
£29 train
£3 prog
£2 zine (x3)
= £38

The Tunes:
Slowdive (Slowdive)
DJ Kicks (Kruder and Dorfmeister)

Luton pano from the East Stand upper.

Luton pano from the Ponty (cheers Jonesy).

Heading towards t'well.

The Ponty v Luton.

Home time!