Crook Town 3-1 Seaham Red Star, Saturday 14th October 2023

Crook Town 3-1 Seaham Red Star, Northern League Division 1, The Sir Tom Cowie Millfield, att. 312

Time is nearly upon us. Or me, at least. The legals are going through and I’ll soon be moving to the Pennines. How many more Northern League games will I ever see, with a plethora of new non-league grounds to visit in the West Yorks/Greater Manchester area? Thus, I plump for an old favourite, Crook Town. It’s that or Darlington in the National League North, and their football was abysmal when I saw them a fortnight ago. It’s a no brainer, which is lucky.

Millfield is easily in my top 3 of Northern League grounds. Two sides are built into a natural hill and you can easily imagine the place holding 10,000+ as it did in the glory days of the 1950s. Presently, two sides are grassed over (did they once hold terraces?) but there’s still a large terrace behind the near goal as you enter. These days, they have picnic tables on top. Today is gloriously sunny...but also cold. Typical north-eastern, even when the sun’s out it’s chilly. Having lived down south many years, I’m there in coat and scarf. I chat to the only other scarf-wearing fan in the ground, a lady of similar age. She’d have her gloves on too, she adds, if her son hadn’t already nicked them for himself. Meantime, there are still the usual types in their shorts. What is it about these people?

To the right is grass banking. ‘Please keep off the grass’ is emblazoned on each floodlight pylon. Are they trying to legally protect themselves in case an idiot slips on the bank? As it is, the only way to the top of the bank (and therefore enjoy a better view) is to keep ON the grass. Mind, few do, as the majority of the crowd are on the terrace or in the main stand.

As the terrace swings round the pitch, the refreshment kiosk divides it and the main stand. ‘Only Foods and Sauces.’ Brilliant. It’s right up there with Ryton’s ‘The Scran Van’. Big choice too, none of which I took up. Then the Main Stand, a traditional structure with a pitched roof immaculately painted. A floodlight pokes through the roof (and impedes visibility) but who cares? They don’t make ‘em like they used to!

Today I grab a beer from the social club (near the entrance) and find an unused picnic table to perch my ale on. Before long I’m joined by a couple of others, one man and his carer (true). We chat throughout the half and it’s a genuine surprise when the ref blows the half-time whistle. Time has flown. While they go off for a tea to warm up, I circumnavigate the ground, taking care TO KEEP OFF THE GRASS. I pass the obligatory non-league dog and have a good stroke. He’s a friendly chap.

Second half, I start on the terrace under cover. I’ve nipped into the social club to visit the gents and it’s very busy. I feel like half the crowd is in here to warm up. No-one is anywhere near finishing their pint as I leave to find the teams already out. Crook, halfway up the league are hosting strugglers Seaham Red Star. Within 15 minutes it’s one-all, as Crook’s lead lasts all of 2 minutes. Time ticks by and with 3 mins left and the draw looking likely, Crook throw on The Big Man. A free kick is punted from the centre spot, The Big Man holds off a defender and hooks home. Seaham attempt to respond but are picked off on the counter for 3-1. The fans from the social club are now grouped at the back of the terrace chanting about the glory of their Crook heroes. It’s a fine way to end.

The Damage:
£7 ent
£1 programme*
£3.80 Stella Artois (pint)
= £11.80

*which I lost, probably dropped on the floor when I took my coat off to get in the car. I wouldn't mind, but the last time I was here, they'd ran out. I'll never own a Crook Town FC programme!

Billingham Town A-A Crook Town, Saturday 18th December 2021

Billingham Town A-A Crook Town, Northern League Division 1, Bedford Terrace, att. c.120

Cold, damp, foggy…what better way to spend Satdy afternoon than in the Northern League in December? The Auckland derby – West v Bishop – called, but I’ve been to Darlington Road this season. I needed somewhere else, close to home, where I hadn’t been. Thus, too far to Blyth Town (called off anyway) and I figured Billingham could do with my support more than West.

Parked up (with the help of Google Maps) next to the ground, I paid my seven quid and was in. No programmes, and barely any fans, save for a few wearing the black and amber of Crook. I think the rest were in the clubhouse, which I hadn’t yet discovered. Just time for a little wander to the far side before battle commenced, both teams coming out to no fanfare at all as I looked up from my phone to see them ready to kick off. I could just about see the far goal, but I could definitely hear the Billy Town drummer. My God, a drummer, at this level. I couldn’t see him, but he was in the Main Stand somewhere, opposite.

There were a few fans on this side, including a couple of raucous away fans. Most spectators stood under a small cover. It may not have been raining, but it looked warmer and cosier. Behind the goal I’d walked past an even smaller stand – a former bus shelter (timetable still in place) propped behind the two step terrace.

Billingham, amongst 4 teams roughly tied at the bottom of the league, didn’t lok out of place against a midtable Crook side who’d threatened the top 4 not so long since. But the pitch was heavy, the effort was high, and neither team gave ground. Chances were at a premium and the sides went in at half-time nil nil. In the meantime I chatted on to former league president Mike Amos, who’d had to change his plans to see the Auckland derby, called off at 1:45pm. (Some people get personal phonecalls from team secretaries.)

I continued my circumnavigation of the ground. Where was everybody? I noticed them sloping off before half-time. They were all in the clubhouse over the other side. Upon finding, I went in for toilet and warmth. I sank into the comfiest of couches while marvelling at being able to buy a large bottle of Pino Gricho for 8 quid. I didn’t see any takers.

Second half, I tried out the Main Stand. I stood at the back, having changed sides to avoid the drummer. Great view. Well, considering it was foggy. And 16 minutes in, the ref blew his whistle and came over to the two coaches. What was going on? I presumed an injury of some kind, but no. Two minutes of chit-chat and that was it – the ref had called it a day, despite conditions being no worse than at kick-off. I milled around, listening to various fans chunter their frustrations before I was approached by someone looking very official in an FA overcoat, carrying a clipboard. ‘I’ve no idea why it’s been called off.’ Oh dear.

The Damage:
£7 ent
£1 tea
= £8

The Tunes:
Pure, Impure (Seefeel)
BBC5Live

Crook Town 1-4 North Shields, Wednesday 27th October 2021

Crook Town 1-4 North Shields, Northern League Division 1, The Sir Tom Cowie Millfield, att. 365

Having already been to Crook once this season (albeit a friendly) it was nice to come for pure enjoyment rather than the priority being a groundhop. Millfield is a glorious Northern League ground, and while it’s heyday of thousands may be long gone, Crook still get relatively healthy crowds in the Northern League. As of last Saturday, they had the 7th highest average, 318 (Consett currently have the highest, 543).

Tonight’s visitors, North Shields, are the 4th best supported (358) and brought a number this evening. Oftentimes, you’d be hard fetched to know in the Northern League if there are any away fans in the ground, but Shields fans appeared to take over the Main Stand…or were they just more vociferous in nature? Most of the Crook contingent stood on the covered terrace adjacent, and the general hubbub meant an excellent atmosphere. The vast majority of the crowd, 365, or one for every day of the year, was on this side of the pitch. The wind was up and there was rain in the air, though it mostly held off.

Opposite and behind the goal to the left are grass banks. A couple of teenagers idled behind one goal while perhaps a dozen elders camped on the far touchline. Behind the goal at the turnstile end is probably the biggest terrace left in the Northern League (alongside its covered neighbour) and it was here I stood to take a phone call….and witness the Shields’ equaliser, a flick on from a free kick. This tidily cancelled out Crook’s opener, another header from a free kick.

Half-time came, and I stood in a queue at the ‘Only fools and sauces’ refreshment hut. If only I didn’t detest cheese, the allure of a ‘Black and amber burger’ woulda been tempting…burger, black pudding, bacon and cheese. Yours for four-fifty. Instead, I waited 10 mins for a cuppa, the queue barely moved and I gave up as the players were back out on the pitch. A cosy alternative would have been to have a pint in the social club, but my snobbishness with regard to beer found me wanting.

Another want was a programme. I hung back at the entrance, to take a photo…and missed out on the last programme. Oh well. ‘Apparently you can pick one up online.’ Cheers, but my determination doesn’t stretch that far. Still, though, I did meet a dog dressed in his (black and amber) scarf, and yes, he is a season ticket holder. He didn’t speak for himself, I should add, the bloke attached to his lead told me. You can’t beat a dog bearing the team’s colours at a non-league game.

The second half was a non-event in terms of a competition, as Shields strolled to a 4-1 victory and Crook never threatening. While this leaves Crook firmly ensconced in midtable, Shields are up to 3rd and could yet challenge for the league. Mind, promotion is compulsory these days (or else they’re demoted 2 divisions…to the Northern League 2nd division). Do Shields WANT promotion? I dunno. But I know plenty that don’t, added costs an’ all.

The Damage:
£6 ent
= £6

The Tunes:
Tunes 2011-2019 (Burial)