BFC 1-0 QPR, Saturday 12th February 2022

‘I’ve got more chance of winning the half-time draw than we have of winning today.’

What is that weird feeling? I can’t quite put my finger on it. A sort of tingly sensation, making one smile nonsensically like a demented patient of Bethlem Royal Hospital (‘Bedlam’). A strange sense of joy, of positivism, of joie de vivre (is that right? My French is merde.) Oh yes, WE WON A GAME. Was it the Righteous Brothers who sang ‘You’ve lost that losing feeling...’? Barnsley are back (Barnsley are back)!

We outfought and outshot a Rangers side lacking the creativity and fluidity which have taken them to 4th in the table. Who’d have thunk they were 7 unbeaten, and us 13 without a win? Yet they should have opened the scoring early, as a cross to the backpost had a Ranger on his own, 6 yards from his nearest marker. Thankfully, instead of simply directing it towards goal with his right foot, he did everything to get it onto his left and blazed it into the crowd. What is it with one-footed players?

Talking of creative, we have Benson, who nearly broke the deadlock with a sublime pass which created a 2 on 1. Unfortunately, the 2 on 1 was in Rangers’ favour, but hey ho. Small steps, and all. Helik legged it across to make a superb block. In the meantime, we took pot shots from 20 yards which, while often on target, never really threatened. The most eye catching effort was from Jordan Williams, who ran from his own half and burst past at least 4 opposition midfielders in a way no-one else in our team can, before launching it over the bar in a way many of our team can.

One thing I’ll say for the second half – Rangers didn’t once threaten. Even when that last minute cross was millimetres from Dyke’s head, I was never worried. Us? Gomes blazed over on the volley from 10 yards. Poor. Another couple of ‘sighters’ and the best we had was 2 breaks down the left with Quina. Shirley (Bassi) was ahead of him, unmarked, an easy ball and a chance to cross. Quina ignored him, twice, to get his head down and run into traffic, the ball greedy so-and-so. The danger with this approach is that Shirley will stop making those runs. So it was with some trepidation that Quina broke away again, ignoring my screams to ‘PASS THE BALL!’ to lash home from 20 yards. What do I know? (Well, I know he wasted 2 promising attacks with his earlier unwillingness to part with the ball.)

Onwards and upwards!

*** Quina. Am I really giving MOTM to someone just for scoring? YES! But he did bring the ball forward a few times, which is a few times more than anybody else save for Jordan.
**Helik. Am I really giving 2nd for someone making a goal saving block? YES! (I’m having trouble sorting the wheat from the chaff this week; they were generally much of a muchness.)
* Vita. Why not? Looked comfortable coming forward.

Official MOTM: Quina. Won….so we named one.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Quina 2. Vita 3. Helik

Despatches:
Leaving the ground, there were people doing that weird thing they do, where open their mouths and show off their tooth decay. Smiling, I think they call it. ‘How many points are we off t’play-offs?’ I heard one fan ask amid joyful cackling. I was just happy we were off the bottom after Derby’s defeat. Oh. (I didn’t realise we were a staggering FOUR points behind a team who’d given us a 21 point headstart.) So, no, no time to get carried away. Just proof we’ve carried our midfield all season and we’re looking to a Watford reserve player (note: Watford are bottom of the Premiership) and a clean sheet to eke out a victory. I guess I was just disappointed Jonesy had finally seen a win this season. I was looking forward to us taking it to the wire!!!!

As for winning our 1st game in whenever, one must assume we did something different today. And I did – was it the pre-match steak bake? Or walking through the Alhambra to the ground, avoiding the usual hike around the train station while that bridge never gets built?

Drink du jour: What was that IPA in the record shop pub beginning with ‘E’? Epilogue? Epilepsy? Leprosy? No, can’t have been the latter, doesn’t begin with ‘E’. (What begins with an ‘E’? A decent night out!)

Away: 1,405. Never seen so many of ‘em. Took them 8 minutes for a round of ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole, I wanna go home.’ Point of order on this one, chairman – QPR (or Shepherd’s Bush) is the only place I’ve ever been food poisoned pre-match, vomiting all over a pub wall within an hour of imbibing.

Number of league games since a midfielder owned by Barnsley FC scored a goal: 25. Can someone else check this, please? I can hardly believe it myself. Benson, Palmer, Styles, Brittain, Wolfe….ok, I believe it a bit more now. (FYI, Styles bagged in August. August!) Tell me I’ve missed one…

The Damage:
c. £32 petrol
£3 programme
£18 mugs
= c. £35

The Tunes:
BBC 5Live
Skywriting (The Field Mice)
Craig Charles’ Funk and Soul Show (BBC6 Music)

BFC 5-3 QPR, Saturday 14th December 2019

‘I got results back.  Ah’m all clear, Debs!’

Welcome to ....

A tempestuous week meant drinking from 9am on the Booze Express to Barnsley.  Heading out of the EU, and Tories even taking over my home constituency of Sedgefield, it was left to Barnsley FC to cheer me up.  Christ.  I don’t fancy my chances.  I hadn’t seen them win all season, in 8 or 9 attempts.  By the final whistle today we’d hit 5 and won our 3^rd game of the season.  Must be the Boris effect!

It's matchday, so obvs you can't use the station pedestrian footbridge.

Course, I missed the first two goals, as it took an age for the box office to assign next week’s Millwall match tickets (and I still didn’t buy enough, idiot).  I traipsed round the back of the Ponty in time to hear a distant cheer.  F***.  1-0 down before I’ve even got in.  So it was with some surprise upon entering the East Stand that ‘the scorer of the QPR equaliser was….’  We’d gone ahead, they’d hit back.  All-square, I’d missed nowt.

You have to be kidding, right?  £30?

I’m not sure what to make of the game.  Was it a thriller?  Or just two poor sides not having a clue how to defend?  At least ours took turns to give them goals, as Mads got caught on the wrong side for #1 (I’ve since seen it on telly), Diaby fails to track his man for #2 and whichever Williams isn’t Ben got absolutely ar5eholed down their left before the pullback eluded Mowatt.  Yes, we need to be scoring about 5 a game to have any chance of picking up points.

Match action in front of the Ponty.

However, in attack, one must give new coach Strudel his dues; he’s dropped Woodrow behind a front two of Chaplin and Brown.  Who saw THAT?  I maintain it makes sense, cos Woodrow's the only player we have who can kick a ball, so those loose balls on the edge of the box are meat and 2 veg to him; but on Satdy we saw the renaissance / beginning of Conor Chaplin’s BFC career.  Previously, all I’ve seen is a little fella running about to little or no avail.  Now he’s hitting hattricks, being in the right place at the right time without Woodrow to get in his way.  Even better, we discussed pre-match Slacki’s bet with Loko that Chaplin would get 10 for BFC this season.  He was on 4.  We all agreed we’d rather have Loko’s side of the bet….(course, it might still come in when Barcelona snatch Chaplin in the January window).

The Rangers hordes.  Thanks for coming!

Brown too was a revelation.  Was he involved in 4 of the goals, or only the 3?  Whatever.  Let’s hope he’s allowed to develop rather than be shunted around from position to position.  Aside from Chaplin's well taken threesome (his 2^nd, a half volley into the roof of the net being the pick), Brown laid Diaby in for a tap-in, the early free kick catching QPR asleep and sending Brown scurrying away down the right.  The other, a Woodrow pen (our 1^st at home in 3 years, who’d have thunk it?) was nailed on after Woodrow beat the full back all end’s up.  We were 5-2 up at this point and not even a late consolation could ruin a perfect week day.

Cauley buries the pen.  Just take my word for it.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Chaplin.  Official MOTM too.  Amazing what a hattrick does. 

** Brown.  Back to his best?

* Woodrow.  You can’t keep a good striker down.  Sell him in Jan.

Londontykes' MOTM: 1. Chaplin  2. Brown  3. Mowatt

Despatches:You know it’s an ‘interesting’ week when you’re getting lectured by a Dirty L**ds fan due to the inappropriate nature of a chant on the train back**.  ‘Think of the children’ he said, as he pointed at his 14 year old, who’d not taken his ear plugs out all journey.  He really did look angry too, but at least he (correctly) ascertained who the leader of the crew was (me!).  Problies cos he thought he could have me.  I was a little taken aback, to be honest.  And I thought I did well to maintain a calm voice as I told him I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, given some of the disgusting chants I’ve heard Dirty L**ds sing over the years (‘Jimmy Savile, he’s one of our own’ anyone?)  If he wants to protect his darling little cherub, I’d suggested watching anyone but L**ds.

**Course, he was right.  Any sane person would find that Yorkshire Ripper chant absolutely abhorrent, but it’s so…DAMN CATCHY.  I must point out that Nice Guy Chris did not join in said chant.  He’s better than that (and wasn’t as drunk as the rest of us)

Some Super Reds await a train.

We also met the full Reds team, minus Diaby (well, I never spotted him) at Wakey train station on the way back.  Seems they were off out in that there London for a meal, before spending Sunday at Winter Wonderland.  Isn't that for kids?  (Well, our team ARE kids...)  They were mainly hanging out in the coffee shop.  McGeehan came and said hello and had a brief chat, before I went in and dragged Toby out for a pic with his #1 fan Jonesy.  (I didn't say what Jonesy thought of his efforts at left back.  I merely said 'Don't worry, you'll be back in the team soon' cos he's too good a footballer not to be.  And we've too poor a defence as well.)

Oh, and I fell asleep on the bus home and had to walk the mile and a half back home.

Peckham Rye, last night.

Drink du jour: Leffe, Weihenstephaner, Spiced rum and ginger ale.  More beer at the Parcel Yard, where I became ‘tired and emotional’.  This country has officially gone to the dogs.

Away: 769 

The Damage:

£24 travel

£2 fanzine

= £26

The Tunes:

Let Them Eat Chaos (Kate Tempest)

Until the Hunter (Hope Sandoval and the Warm Inventions)

A Long Hot Summer (Masta Ace)

Behind the goal, pre-match.

Looking towards the away end.

The old Main Stand.

The Ponty v QPR.