Billingham Town 1-3 Redcar Athletic, Friday 11th March 2022

Billingham Town 1-3 Redcar Athletic, Northern League Division 1, Bedford Terrace, att. 219

Another case of Friday Night Lights in the Northern League, and a second bite at the cherry for me with Billingham Town. Does it count as a groundhop if the game gets called off after an hour, as it did the other week? No such worries this evening as a decent crowd was boosted by a Boro Cabs minibus full of Redcar fans. What better evening entertainment in this neck of the woods? No programmes though, to the disappointment of one of the party (and me).

Learning from my earlier jaunt, I parked up in the club car park, a beautiful bit of tarmac formerly a mudbath, and headed for the social club, a spacious building behind the main stand. Last time, I wondered where everyone had gone at half-time. It was to here, the spacious social club, where I sank into a couch to enjoy the last-but-one bottle of Brewdog IPA. ‘We just don’t sell enough of the stuff’ the barmaid told me.

I was out in time to see the teams take to the field, as ‘Right Here, Right Now’ tickled out of the Main Stand speaker(s). Like last time, I edged slowly around the ground as the first half developed. Billingham, in all sorts of problems at the bottom of the table, were up against a lower midtable Redcar side. A chance, then. It took 6 minutes for Redcar to go ahead. It should have been two, as a Billingham throw-in put REDCAR clean through. I can see why they’re bottom.

Surprisingly, ‘Billy’ equalised on the half hour, though that was to be it as Redcar romped to 1-3 by half-time. That still didn’t stop the Town ‘ultras’, half a dozen blokes with a drum in the main stand. ‘What do you think of Synners?’ ‘S***’ ‘And what do you think of s***?’ ‘Synners.’ ‘We hate Synners and we hate Synners.’ Obviously, local rivalry with Billingham Synthonia counts for something…though perhaps too much, as talks to groundshare broke down and Synthonia currently reside across the border (the River Tees) in Stokesley, their Central Avenue ground long gone. Perhaps it’d be good for both teams if Synners returned?

The Damage:
£7 ent
£3 Punk IPA (bottle of)
= £10

The Tunes:
Whirlpool (Chapterhouse)

Billingham Town A-A Crook Town, Saturday 18th December 2021

Billingham Town A-A Crook Town, Northern League Division 1, Bedford Terrace, att. c.120

Cold, damp, foggy…what better way to spend Satdy afternoon than in the Northern League in December? The Auckland derby – West v Bishop – called, but I’ve been to Darlington Road this season. I needed somewhere else, close to home, where I hadn’t been. Thus, too far to Blyth Town (called off anyway) and I figured Billingham could do with my support more than West.

Parked up (with the help of Google Maps) next to the ground, I paid my seven quid and was in. No programmes, and barely any fans, save for a few wearing the black and amber of Crook. I think the rest were in the clubhouse, which I hadn’t yet discovered. Just time for a little wander to the far side before battle commenced, both teams coming out to no fanfare at all as I looked up from my phone to see them ready to kick off. I could just about see the far goal, but I could definitely hear the Billy Town drummer. My God, a drummer, at this level. I couldn’t see him, but he was in the Main Stand somewhere, opposite.

There were a few fans on this side, including a couple of raucous away fans. Most spectators stood under a small cover. It may not have been raining, but it looked warmer and cosier. Behind the goal I’d walked past an even smaller stand – a former bus shelter (timetable still in place) propped behind the two step terrace.

Billingham, amongst 4 teams roughly tied at the bottom of the league, didn’t lok out of place against a midtable Crook side who’d threatened the top 4 not so long since. But the pitch was heavy, the effort was high, and neither team gave ground. Chances were at a premium and the sides went in at half-time nil nil. In the meantime I chatted on to former league president Mike Amos, who’d had to change his plans to see the Auckland derby, called off at 1:45pm. (Some people get personal phonecalls from team secretaries.)

I continued my circumnavigation of the ground. Where was everybody? I noticed them sloping off before half-time. They were all in the clubhouse over the other side. Upon finding, I went in for toilet and warmth. I sank into the comfiest of couches while marvelling at being able to buy a large bottle of Pino Gricho for 8 quid. I didn’t see any takers.

Second half, I tried out the Main Stand. I stood at the back, having changed sides to avoid the drummer. Great view. Well, considering it was foggy. And 16 minutes in, the ref blew his whistle and came over to the two coaches. What was going on? I presumed an injury of some kind, but no. Two minutes of chit-chat and that was it – the ref had called it a day, despite conditions being no worse than at kick-off. I milled around, listening to various fans chunter their frustrations before I was approached by someone looking very official in an FA overcoat, carrying a clipboard. ‘I’ve no idea why it’s been called off.’ Oh dear.

The Damage:
£7 ent
£1 tea
= £8

The Tunes:
Pure, Impure (Seefeel)
BBC5Live

Consett 4-1 Billingham Town, Tuesday 3rd November 2020

Consett 4-1 Billingham Town, Belle View, Northern League Division 1, att. 150

Welcome to....

It was early Saturday evening and like most normal people, I was checking out Consett AFC’s twitter feed.  They had a match the following Tuesday and there were still a few tickets available: on sale 10am Monday, just give the club a ring.  So I did, and by quarter past I was in.  Ticket purchased, I just had to show myself at the turnstile on Tuesday and I’d be granted entrance.  My name is, indeed, on the list.

The Main Event.

As part of my 2020-21 Odyssey to see a game at every ground in the Northern League, I’d noticed a problem.  Capacities of stadia in Northumberland and County Durham were at present capped at 150 due to Covid-19.  Consett were one of those teams who sold out every game.  Indeed, their crowds pre-Coronavirus were normally 400+, so I envisaged midweek games were perhaps my best chance and this was it.  I love it when a plan comes together.  (Not sure how I’m gonna do Ashington, North Shields and Whitley Bay.  Could I apply to be a matchday mascot?)

Welcome to....(II)

Consett’s stadium is a new build (2013), and like many a new ground in England, lacked character.  There was a small stand down one touchline towards one end while an identical stand on the other side sat dead on the halfway line.  There was no terracing, no cover for standing supporters.  But I mustn’t grumble.  For all the charm of their previous ground, they’d had something like 19 postponements due to the state of the pitch.  A new (plastic) pitch would put paid to that.  It was also a novelty to see a flat pitch in the Northern League.  The new location offered the chance to build a large social club with adjacent car park.  The club has even gone with a modern twist on its rename, Belle Vue becoming Belle View.   Good for those of us who failed GCSE French.

The stand on the social club side.

Otherwise, all I know about Consett was from a comedy sketch by north-east club comedian Bobby ‘The Little Waster’ Thompson in the early 80s.  ‘Giro City’ he referred to the town, on its knees following the closure of its steelworks.  The Consett crowd lapped him up.  ‘I’m up to here in debt’ he said, holding his hand just above his 5 feet nothing head.  ‘I wish I was a bit taller.’  If you can’t laugh at your own plight, what is there left?  Fast forward to 2020, a world as bleak as Consett in 1983.

Still, their names make me laugh.  Who'd call their kid 'Peter Welfare Officer'?

Tonite should be a cakewalk.  Consett, one of the leading contenders, against whipping boys Billingham Town, one win and 11 defeats behind them.  And so it proved in the end, 4-1 to the Steelmen, and 3-0 by half-time.  However, the damn only burst with a dubious pen as the Consett forward put his leg across the defender in my eyes.  Until then, 25 minutes in, for all Consett's possession, Billingham looked comfortable.  Indeed, you know you’re struggling to break down the opposition when your best attacking player is your left back.  (He was tremendous by the way, albeit he could improve his crossing.) 

I was most impressed with the addition of the poppy.

It was cold too.  Very cold.  The guy at the turnstyle said it was chilly tonight.  ‘What?  It hasn’t even started yet has it?’ I prematurely replied.  I’d not long since got out of the car and the chill factor hadn’t hit me, but it did.  I edged around the pitch and found myself where the tunnel was.  A bagpiper stood, in full kit, ready to go.  Was this the norm?  Do Consett come out to a bagpiper every game?  I guess not, as he led the players to the halfway line in prep for a minute’s silence for Remembrance Day.  I am an idiot.  Lest we forget.

Am I seeing things, or is that a bagpiper?

The Damage:
£7 ent
£1 half-time draw
= £8

The Tunes:
6 Music (Steve Lamacq / Marc Riley / Gideon Coe)

Consett prepare to take a corner, 2nd half.

2nd half, Consett kicking this end.

A rare sighting of the author, Covid-19 mask and all.

A despairing dive for the pen.

Corner action.

The view from behind the goal.

The 'Other' Stand, opposite the social club.

Down the touchline.

Tonite's teams.

What a load of rubbish, what a load of rubbish.

A minute's silence in remembrance.