Thornaby 0-3 Billingham Synthonia, Wednesday 20th March 2024

Thornaby 0-3 Billingham Synthonia, Northern League Division 2, Teesdale Park, att. 170

I’m back up in the north east for a funeral (tomorrow). A lady in my dad’s old street has died, aged 82. Another lady in the same small close of 6 houses is now in a hospice, riddled with dementia (her, not the hospice, although...) A fourth is in her eighties. Only one house of six has ever been sold in over 35 years and we may be looking at three, maybe four, in quick succession. I’d better get my dad’s on the market and fast!

So it is, I spend the day cleaning the house before treating myself to tonite’s game. I considered Brandon (again) but what swings it is my hunger. I can help myself at the Toby Carvery in Wolvsiton, down the road from Thornaby, pre-match. No hassle, no waiting, just get in and gorge. Perfect. However, I must have left my wallet at home, so with a loose 18 quid in the car, I’m forced to drink tap water so I can afford to get in at Thornaby.

The satnav tells me I’m a mere 15 minutes drive from Teesdale Park, one of those Northern League grounds I’ve no idea how to find, though actually it’s just off the A19. For a well populated area, Thornaby have poor crowds. I suppose all Northern League clubs do. But they’re not helped by a ground that’s 400 metres down a mudtrack through an ill-lit wood. I’m not sure I’d fancy it without a car, and fortunately there’s plenty of parking. Just don’t be the mug who arrives late and tries to park too close, unless you fancy reversing 100 metres back.

Rumours of Thornaby’s demise appear greatly exaggerated. Or, at least, their clubhouse, a victim of an arson attack last summer, is back in operation. Thank goodness for that. Teesside lost South Bank FC years ago due to repeated vandalism, though Thornaby’s isolated position lends itself to idiots wanting to destroy it for others.

This evening’s visitors are local rivals – of sorts – Billingham Synthonia, another side with ground issues. Forced to move out of the now demolished Central Park in 2017, they’ve spent the last couple of seasons at Stokesley Sports Club, which isn’t even in the same county (it’s across the border in North Yorkshire). The only club named after an agricultural fertiliser, their famous name somehow lives on, but needs a return to Billingham. Sadly, they just can’t get on enough to share with crosstown rivals Town.

Despite it being midweek, Thornaby register one of their highest crowds of the season, no doubt boosted by a few Synthonia fans. I see one bloke in what I presume to be one of Liverpool’s awful away shirts…green and white quarters...but it turns out to be a Synners shirt, and all the better for it. Entrance is a bargain six quid, but no programmes. Too much effort when crowds barely make three figures.

Ground entry is at the far corner, which is probably not what you want when you’ve walked 400 metres down a muddy lane. Oddly, the exit is far easier, as they open a gate at the near end. But the social club is at the far end, with one of the two car parks behind. As you enter, the social club is to the left, with a steep bank of seating behind the goal, open to the elements. Thornaby’s more youthful more vocal element, take their pews at the back.

The main stand is on the touchline to the right of the entrance. It’s maybe 20 metres long and is in the other half and is essentially a propped cover in front of the changing rooms. Before you reach it, there’s a wooden cover where you can picnic. At the far end there is a small cover stretching half of the pitch, resplendent with flags hanging off its back wall. A pity I’ve never seen anyone stand at this end in my two visits.

Most fans stand on the 4th side, either atop a grass bank or near the touchline. On the halfway line there’s a bus shelter for cover, with a scaffolding gantry for the TV camera (unused tonite). At one end are a couple of shelters above the banking, affording one of the best (highest) views in the Northern League, and it’s here I stand second half. An old bloke complains to me about how cold it is and I remark how it’s not cold enough to stop him having a can of cider. ‘Aye, but I’ve got mi’ gloves on.’ I can only admire anyone who’s dedication to drink extends to imbibing in the cold. Not that I can join him, with two quid in my pocket.

Despite there being only 3 points separating the two sides on the brink of the promotion race, Synners run out easy victors, 0-3. It’s 0-2 by the break and the game is as good as up 5 mins into the second half as the visitors spring the offside trap for a 3rd. I get home and can’t find my wallet. As panic sets in, I check the car. It was there all the time. Dammit and phew.

The Damage:
£6 ent
= £6

Horden CW 0-0 Thornaby, Friday 5th January 2024

Horden CW 0-0 Thornaby, Northern League Division 2, Welfare Park, att. 196

I’m up in the north-east on business (my business) and have big plans…Queens Park are back playing at Hampden Park (THE Hampden Park) and after finishing my business, I could drive up to Glasgow, watch the game, stay the night, then catch another game on the way back home to West Yorkshire on the Satdy...Ayr United? However, my business takes longer than business should but I’ve prepared well by not booking owt. It’s a healthy Plan B too, Northern League newcomers FC Hartlepool are at home and it’s one of two grounds I’ve never visited. So that’s off – waterlogged.

I’m now in two minds, as I’ve half an hour to scoff some scran and decide whether I really want to go out. I’m tired, it’s cold. I look at the other fixtures and decided I’d kick myself if I didn’t go out. I plump for Horden. I really like their ground. Bordered on one side by old miners’ terraces (the ‘numbered streets…Eighth Street, Seventh Street, etc), the adjacent rest of the park features cricket pitch, ornamental grounds and a stunning sculpture of a miner, his heart ripped, as befits many a north-east community bereft since the demise of the coal industry (and Billy Elliott was filmed just down the road in Easington).

Since I was here last
https://geordiealsgroundhopperscrapbook.blogspot.com/2022/01/horden-cw-2-2-billingham-synthonia.html
there’s been further demise...but also rejuvenation. Their magnificent stand (these things are relative; what I mean is it was old, tall, dark and unlike anything built today) has been taken down. The metal was corroding. Talking to the chairman, it could’ve hung on for another couple of years, but the opportunity to fund most of the work with grants enabled Horden to take down the seats and roof, leave the changing rooms below as they were, and put a brand new roof on. Seating is now supplied by one of those stands you get off the back of a lorry (literally); 100 seats, but placed so far from the pitch that the view is quite useless with folk standing in front, by the perimeter of the pitch.

However, the old terracing remains, four or so steep steps behind the goal which bend around a quarter of the pitch on either side. I move here just before half-time and before long find conversation with two former Northern League stalwarts, and hence my introduction to the chairman when he comes round. Oh, and that work...stand taken down, new roof, new stand...£160,000. With crowds generally barely above 3 figures, they’d never have been able to afford the work without help.

Sadly, there’s no social club. With the demise of the old Horden CW, (the current side forming in 2017), the social club was turned into a recording studio. Now the football has returned, the committee cast envious glances as a they await the tenancy to end before (hopefully) re-opening it and being able to make some funds.

This weekend, more than half the Northern League games are being played on Friday nite, for one reason – tomorrow is the derby, Sunderland v Newcastle in the FA Cup. Upon arrival at the turnstile, I got chatting and said coming to Horden was the highlight of my Friday evening. He said he’d come to try and take his mind off the game tomorrow. (I suspect they’re all Mackems round here.) I take a pew on my lonesome, to the right of the goal. Within three minutes I have touched the matchball (which I’ve never done at a professional game). Well, someone has to collect the ball from the down the bank behind the goal. And 10 mins in the home physio is bantering with me ‘a pen all day, that’, after tending to his centre forward, who’s fallen awkwardly as him and the defender crash together, shoulder to shoulder. ‘I’m sorry, I think the ref got it spot on.’

This was during an early emphatic phase of play from the home side, 5th in the table and looking to make a more formal entrance into the promotion race. It doesn’t last. Midtable Thornaby weather the storm, and, aside from a goalline clearance, aren’t really troubled. I don’t remember either goalkeeper making a save that wasn’t a soft 20 yarder straight at them. The chairman thanks me for coming and hopes I’ll return. I’d love to. Social club or not, old stand or not, Welfare Park remains one of my favourite Northern League grounds!

The Damage:
£5 ent
= £5