BFC 1-3 Stockport County, Saturday 2nd May 2026

‘F***ing disgusting. F***ing outrageous.’

Well, I’m glad that’s over. We can all have 3 months off now and watch England fail instead. I’m reminded of the Orient manager’s quote at the weekend about it being a wasted year, coaching the (crap) players at his club. I know the feeling. I’ve wasted a year of my supporting life on a side where 3 of the top 4 league starters were Luca Connell (39), Jack Shepherd (37) and ‘Jono’ Bland (32). No wonder we struggled. Still, after a magnificent tail-off in what form we did have, we’ve now finished in our worst league position since the days of Dire, (2002-03, 19th). Note: Isiah the Messiah came in for an injured Dire and saved us with a late winner at home to Brentford in our last home game. Sorry kids, but I’m dealing with facts, not opinions, on this one.

We have finished 15th, below the mighty Doncaster Rovers. I also notice that we’ve swapped positions with Mansfield Town (now 10th) since a certain Jon Russell was deemed ‘surplus to requirements’. Oh well. Roughly 30 games of Connell and Bland neither setting owt up, nor scoring, nor protecting our defence. Shepherd being the WOAT (Worst of all Time) centre half, his partnership (is that the right word?) with Roberts being the worst in memory. Why have 2 centre halves who can’t defend, can’t control a ball, and can’t pass a ball, when you can have 2? At the same time!? And left backs who can’t kick it with their left foot? It’s been so bad that Earl returning at fullback has been a RELIEF. And he’s poor as well.

Which is as close as I can get to a link back to the game. We’re however many minutes in when Earl plays a suicidal ball across the back straight to their player. Why the mad Hatter elects to control it, rather than simply sidefoot it past today’s ineptitude in goal (Flavell) I know not. The extra touch costs him and MdG is in on the block. Flavell then makes a couple of routine saves, and you start thinking, hang on, he might just have the basics, when…he lets an innocuous cross slip through his grasp for a tap-in on the line. Awful. This is why he can’t be trusted with being our first choice. Though blaming him for not being good enough is like blaming Shepherd for being picked. God apparently loves triers, so he must adore this pair. (Mind, who’s on the backpost losing his man? Why, it’s Captain Marvel himself, but I can forgive him this one. You expect your keeper to be able to CATCH a ball...don’t you?)

We settle back, expecting Stockport to run riot now. They need a win to make sure of a play-off place (having been turned over at home to relegated Port Vale midweek) while we have nothing to play for, beyond new contracts for those facing unemployment in the summer (MdG, O’Connell and Phillips of those on display). But Cleary is showing glimmers of what he was before February; a winger who can beat a player and put a ball in. We may get something yet.

And so it is we equalize. Phillips has already had a header saved when he flicks another one goalwards from a Connell free kick. The keeper pulls off an absolute WORLDY, but is slow to get up as O’Keeffe hooks the rebound back across goal for Adam to head in on the goalline. 10 minutes later, Phillips’ reward for being the most likely to score (indeed, for being the one to score) is to be hooked. A good chance to see sub Lennon on the wing. Or getting lost in the middle (cheers, Conor).

We go behind on 71 to one of the most bizarre decisions of a season of bizarre decisions. O’Connell clearly tackles their guy. It’s not even in dispute. The ball trickles towards the wing. Their guy goes down and I’m not even sure why. I am as perplexed as anybody when the ref points to the spot. As is my Blunt mate, who expresses his surprise in greater vocality than I. I’m just dumbfounded. Maybe I’d open my mouth if there was something riding on it, but I’m just in shock. Who cares? It makes no difference to our season. 1-2. For all the penalties awarded against us this season, have we saved one?

Thereafter, Coach Conor sends on Marc Roberts to save the game. Or give us his last hurrah. There is no ‘we all dream of a team of Marc Roberts’. A pity, as this is our 2nd funniest chant after Luca Connell ‘putting on a show’ (where’s that disappeared to?) MdG is pulled. Goodbye Mael. I don’t suppose we’ll give you another contract, not that you’d want one. I liked you, even if plenty found in you a scapegoat. (Still, difficult to blame him when he wasn’t playing!) Farrell is also on for Bradshaw; like Roberts, another player who’ll be fondly remembered only for his 1st stint with us.

The changes make no difference, so off go the Undynamic Duo (Connell and Bland) with Nwakali and Banks coming on. I’ve no idea what the formation is, but we put everyone in their half, so when Nwakali loses the ball in injury time, their player is clean through from his own territory. And while it’s cruel to compare Flavell to the likes of Luke Steele, the one thing I can say about the latter is that he always saved one-on-ones. Flavell doesn’t, and he doesn’t. 1-3. Thank goodness that’s all over.

Anyway, goodbye to this team. If you need a reason to be cheerful, we’ll never see this line up again (4-2-3-1):

Flavell O’Keeffe MdG O’Connell Earl Connell Bland Phillips Kelly Cleary Bradshaw

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cleary. Beat players, whipped in crosses. Hopefully will tempt clubs into dangling a few mill our way.
** Kelly. Not his strongest game, but he’s that far ahead of what we have...Patrick, it’s been a pleasure seeing you develop, put your all into every game, having some personal and professional pride in every appearance while attempting to drag the team up by the scruff of its neck. I also apologise that you’ve had to bear such responsibility on your young shoulders. I can only wish you well in your career development and hope you do your new club proud, whoever it might be. So long, and thanks for all the fish. But if you’re still with us in September, you need a new agent. (Note to BFC: don’t sell him cheap.)
* Phillips. Scored. Nobody else did (for us).

Official MOTM: Kelly

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cleary 2= Kelly / MdG / Phillips

Despatches:
I see we gave McGoldrick the POTY trophy. Not bad for 3 months off, plus another month at the end. Nice to see it being awarded at some exec function, midweek, too. Must make an extra few hundred quid out of it, rather than have it unveiled pre-match in front of the whole crowd. The club are always on the lookout for ideas of how to get fans to Oakwell early, in the hope they buy an extra pie. I can look back on the anticipation I used to feel with fondness.

In other moans, the club announce the game as all-ticket 2 days before the match. 2 days! Presumably this was a SYP directive, normally attuned to a capacity away end. Some of us DON’T actually hang on every word that comes out of Oakwell, so big thanks to whichever Londontyke informed me, cos it meant I had to buy a ticket for my mate. I realise we we wouldn’t have sold too many tickets on walk-up sales, but still.

And who next for our manager/head coach? Hugo Colace was in the crowd, but I can’t see it being him. You don’t go from Bangor City to Barnsley. (Mind, we gave Coach Conor the job, and he’d not managed ANYWHERE!) Of the runners and riders, I’d accept a Staniel Dendal back. Correct, he couldn’t defend either, but that was in a division higher than this. Though admittedly, it’s gonna be a mammoth task given the players we currently have. But one has to be optimistic. We’re shipping out a lot of chaff (while keeping plenty more). A new manager...ANY new manager...can only improve on this season...can’t they?

See you in August.

Drink du jour: Beartown Inception in Spiral.

Away: 2,609 (12,940). And South Yorkshire’s finest made it all ticket...for this?

The Damage:
£8 petrol
£4 prog
£31 replica shirt
= £43

One more thing. Official POTY was McGoldrick (despite having 3 months off). Londontykes POTY was the supreme Patrick Kelly (2nd Cleary, 3rd McG). Not everyone let us down this season.

BFC 2-2 Bradford City, Saturday 18th April 2026

‘Oh it’s all gone quiet over there, oh it’s all gone quiet over there.’

The King is dead. Long live The King. Yes, another season, another managerial sacking. Or ‘mutually agreed’ parting of the ways. I’ll come onto Coach Conor later, but what a bizarre start to a matchday, the club announcing at half 9 that we’re dispensing with Conor’s services come season’s end. And announcing it now, to enable ‘a smooth transition.’ WTF? Is Conor gonna be shadowing the new incumbent, showing him the ropes, introducing him (or her, or them) to the laundry lady, physio, club mascot, etc?

And so it was that we walked to Oakwell in an odd state of mind. Nobody in Spiral argued we should keep him, though a few lads were chanting that Hourihane chant that pervaded Oakwell in the early doors of the season, about Conor taking us to the promised land. ‘Problies the same people who were chanting for him to be sacked’ said one of our cynical crew (not me, for a change). Expectation was firmly on being turned over and I was particularly dreading 5,000 Bantams crowing (pun intended) throughout.

The team was unchanged from Tuesday at Port Vale, which meant Cleary benched (boooo) with Captain Marvel (huzzah!), Yoganathan and Bland playing centre mid. Let’s see how that goes. Not very well is the answer, as Yoga goes through their player, a millisecond after the ball had gone. In real time, right in front of me, I didn’t think there was much in it. But having seen it on the screen at half-time, I can see where the ref gets his red card from. My main grievance lay in the split second it took him to get his card out. The ref could have bought himself some time, see the player wasn’t hurt after all, and dished out a yellow. Instead, he chose to ruin the game and create a rod for his own back. EVERY decision was now scrutinised, leading to a foul on our keeper which looked at least as dangerous, but obviously didn’t lead to a red their way. Still, as Reedy said, it did lead to a performance that ‘showed character, energy, commitment and dare I say it, passion, something that's been lacking most of this season.’

We also had a couple of appeals for handball turned down, that 1st half. While I didn’t think there was much in the first, the second one undoubtedly hits the Bradford player’s hand. Still, Bradshaw could have made it academic, rather than clearing the bar with the rebound from 6 yards. However, the perceived bias of the ref did everything to improve the atmosphere. And we took the game to ‘em, looking the better side in the opening half, despite 10 men. And those Bradford fans? Never heard ‘em.

Half-time, and Earl hauled for MdG at left back. Surely an injury? Interesting choice of left back too, considering how many times O’Keeffe has deputised there. But we continued to be strong. Roberts was winning everything at the back, while Banks and Kelly were taking pressure off the back 4 by running with it. And then the unexpected! Roberts throws a ball, what...35 yards? 70 yards? 100 yards? It is a MAMMOTH throw and in a crowded box, O’Connell gets a flick on and guides it into the far corner. Pandemonium! We have only taken the lead against play-off placed Bratfut, with 10 men. F***ing have that, you c***s!

At least we’ve been allowed one tiny moment of joy in what will surely now be an onslaught.

We nearly double the lead. Banks’ shot loops off a defender and their keeper pulls off a worldy. That was our chance. Now, surely there’ll be an onslaught. Only it doesn’t happen. Well, not till he takes off Banks and Phillips for Cleary and Connell. The finishers. Goodman makes a wonder save of his own and the ground can’t quite believe it wasn’t a goal. In the East Upper we were convinced Goodman was behind his line and that a goal would be given, but the seconds passed and the ref’s watch didn’t buzz. We’d survived!

However, on 73, the dam burst. It was probably asking too much for our defence to hold out when all season they’d not been able to, but still, it was annoying that a simple cross was headed in all too easily, their player outjumping MdG. Can we at least hang on for a point? It’s a long way to go. Probably not. It’s all Bradford now, but Goodman is standing tall. He’s in one of his ‘coming off his line’ games and actually looks like a goalkeeper. Coach Conor sends on Watson for Bradshaw. Strengthen the defence, etc. It works – for 3 minutes.

The ball is cleared out to their left. Absolutely NOBODY makes any effort to go out and close the player down and the Bantam can just pick his spot. He does – straight to Roberts’ head. THIS is how you lose my MOTM vote. Head one into your own net. I wouldn’t care, but on replays, it’s not like it’s too high for him. He seems to bend forward, get under it, and flick it home. Andy Gray (Everton version) woulda been proud. That’s it, game over.

Only it isn’t. In a reversal of his substitution 10 minutes earlier, Coach Conor sends on CF Farrell for (nominal) defender O’Keeffe. We’ve seen this before this season. Send on Farrell to run about up top to absolutely zero effect. No-one is under any illusion anything will come of this. Time is running out. There can’t be more than about 30 seconds left. Kelly makes one last run forward, then splits the defence with the pass of the season for Cleary to run onto and cross it low for FARRREELLLLLLLL to bundle home. If I thought it was pandemonium after our opening goal, it’s nothing to the explosion at the equaliser. Not two minutes earlier I was listening to ‘how s*** must you be, we’re winning away’. Now everyone in the home end is going berserk. Coach Conor for Prime Minister! And King! And...and...well, anything except our Head Coach.

Good luck, Conor.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Kelly. Never gave up, comfortable in possession, foraging runs...and THAT pass.
** Goodman. Made a wonder save, made some other saves, caught and punched crosses.
* Banks. Alleviated a lot of pressure on the defence by his ability to keep hold of the ball and but for an incredible save, woulda put us 2 up.

Official MOTM: Bland

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Goodman 2= Bland / Kelly

Despatches:
What will Coach Conor’s legacy be? I’d love to think it was the (promised) high press and positive attack play, epitomised by the use of 2 wingers. However, we all know, in years to come, the one remembrance of this season will be its legendary (lack of) defence and record-breaking run of games without a clean sheet. An 11th ‘permanent’ manager in 11 seasons, Coach Conor follows this list of luminaries: (going backwards...Darrell Clarke, Neill Collins, Michael Duff, Poya Asbaghi, Markus Schopp, Valerien Ismael, Gerhard Struber, Daniel Stendal, Jose Morais, Paul Heckingbottom).

Of course, none of us wishes to see this turnover of managers/head coaches. But it is what it is. Essentially, if there is no hint of improvement on the horizon, the head honcho has to go. Especially with season ticket renewal upon us. Coach Conor has had all season to find an answer to the defensive travails. It started at the beginning, shipping out Cotter and O’Keeffe cos they can’t defend. Fast forward 8 months and O’Keeffe is back, and a mainstay. He even brought in a left-footed left back (Ogbeta), who, after initial promise, has disappeared. He promised us a back 4, with fullbacks who might occasionally stop a cross, and he ends with a left winger having 20 yards of freedom to pick his spot (Bradford’s equaliser) and 3 players trying to play left back in the same game (the only left footer of which is actually a centre half played out of position). He’s chopped and changed personnel (though, remarkably, kept faith with Shepherd, till it was too late). He showed unbelievable faith in a Roberts/Shepherd partnership. He froze out MdG till lately.

To add to all this, he’s tactically limited/stubborn. The undynamic duo in midfield, Luca Connell and Jonathan Bland, drives me mad. Though as The GOAT still revels in mystifying positivism from everyone I know, it’s decided that it’s all Captain Marvel’s fault. Tis true, Connell is a shadow of the shadow of his former self (season 1 version). Now, I don’t know how he gets a game. We play 2 defensive midfielders and we never stop the opposition from running through us.

Another criticism is his signings. Coach Conor must have the most limited contact book in football. Aside from bagging McG, seemingly based on bumping into him at a wedding, what’s he (rather than the club) tempted in? Jake Rooney? Christ. Imagine bringing in a defender who can’t displace Shepherd, Roberts, Earl, MdG...et al. And then gets a run out at left back. (LEFT BACK! I have fallen out all season with Conor over left back, at least from the time he dropped Ogbeta whilst playing well).

Does Conor also have problems getting on with players? Or just lack their respect? It’s recently come out that Gent has disappeared for disciplinary reasons. We haven’t seen Nwakali all season following last term’s fallout. Fair enough, you have to have some discipline, but on wages like Nwakali’s reputedly on, you also can’t afford to freeze them out completely. Especially when he’s Luca’s natural replacement (if he insists on playing a defensive 2 in midfield).

Yes, sorry Conor. I can picture that ‘mutual agreed’ now. The club: ‘we don’t think you’re good enough.’ Conor: ‘Neither do I.’ After all, you told us as much the other week, after Doncaster Rovers turned us over. We were fools to think we’d challenge for the play-offs this season and it’ll be the same, if not worse, next season. You signed your own death warrant, Conor, right there. ‘I’m not good enough to improve these players to a level whereby we’ll have a sniff of promotion.’ He’s yet another rent-a-coach. Done the badges, got the qualifications, all learnt the same thing, but provided little in the way of innovation. Yes, we’ve had some entertaining attacking displays, but, in retrospect, where would we be without 1st DKD, then McG, getting a bag of goals?

However, was he sold a pup by the club? Can anyone polish the turd that is our line up of defenders? Well, are our defenders (player for player) any worse than other 3rd division sides? Worse than Stevenage, to name but one divisional rival with a far lower budget than ourselves? Anyway, I don’t buy it. Yes, I’d happily get rid of everyone in our defence and start again. No, I don’t think they’re any worse than what I see in this division. Can another manager make a better silk purse out of this sow’s ear? One has to think so.

Goodbye Conor. Your time is up.

Drink du jour: Beartown Inception in Spiral.

Away: 5,144. ‘How s*** must you be, we’re winning away.’ And then you weren’t. Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaa. 82 minutes against 10 men. Still PMSL.

The Damage:
£8 petrol
£4 prog
= £8

BFC 0-3 Plymouth Argyle, Monday April 7th 2026

‘ow come he’s still on t’pitch, manager?’

If I want a paint job done, I’ll employ a painter. If I want a house designing, I’ll get hold of an architect. And if I want a barrel making (unlikely) I’ll Google ‘cooper’. So why do Barnsley FC insist on playing a kitchen fitter (or Shepherd, even) in defence? He is, without unquestionable doubt, the worst regularly picked defender I have ever seen in my Barnsley-supporting history. And this includes Paul Gibbs and Scott Wiseman. Admittedly, this only covers 46 years, and the 70s must have been grim, what with us being in division four an’ all, but still. Today was an absolute masterclass sh*tclass in how to defend. Will SOMEONE put Jack Shepherd (or me) out of my misery?

The opening goal, I’ve heard everyone else blame it on the keeper. And now I’ve seen it back, I understand why. A bouncing ball is lifted over MdG for the striker to bundle home, yet it’s seemingly in the air long enough for Crapman to step out and catch it. My problem was that I was following Shepherd during this move. I could see what was going to happen...Mdg going across to their guy who would arrive first and lift it over or across him...so Shepherd HAS to mark the centre forward. Has to. I think he realises too late the trouble he’s in and never gets close to the guy, allowing an easy finish (once Crapman has rooted himself to the line, as per). In fact, while the defenders all bark at Crapman about how crap he is, here’s a thing: we’ve seen Crapman refuse to come off his line countless times before so ALLOW FOR THAT and STOP THE CENTRE FORWARD FROM SCORING YOURSELF. (Equally, message for Crapman: you know how absolutely USELESS Jack Shepherd** is, so be ready to come off your line and claim. But I care less about Crapman. He’s on loan and come the end of the season, he’s someone else’s problem.*)

*PLEASE don’t be stupid enough to sign him. (Altho we signed Watters after a similarly unimpressive loan period.)

** PLEASE don’t be stupid enough to re-sign him. (His contract’s up in the summer, innit?)

The second goal will have the usual suspects barking on about a push. Yes, there’s contact, but MAN UP. Shepherd gets a nudge, their player gains a yard, and slams it in. Consider the respecting opinions of Donny manager Grant McCann on similar in his game, slating his player for not being stronger. Hourihane, meantime, mumbles on about it being a foul. Let’s ignore the fact Shepherd has spent his season going down under minimal contact. Who else in the team has a move named after him (the ‘Shepherd Flop’.) He has lost the...what? Will? Ability? Wherewithawal...to stand up to his man and not be bullied. Christ, he’s 6 foot 3 and built like the proverbial. Problem is, he IS the proverbial.

The 3rd goal, as I saw it in real time, I thought Shepherd was a tad unlucky as he accidentally clipped the opponent as he ran past him. I have since booked my appointment with Specsavers. Shepherd absolutely, and for no reason, absolutely cleans the guy out. Not quite GBH, but definitely common assault. But by now, I wasn’t angry. Just disappointed. Resigned. Oh, and all this from a nominal left back position, though all the incidents mentioned occurred in the POFSS (Position of Frequent Shepherd Sh*tness, ie, in and around the 6 yard box). (I put my special Little Lee Johnson hat on for that one, POMO, etc) Anyway, if Lee Johnson had a hat, I know which hat it would be... Oh, and who gave the ball away on the edge of his own box to start that Plymouth attack? Step forward J. Shepherd. Have I said I don’t rate him? Crapman dives the right way and gets a good hand to the penalty yet somehow...somehow...fails to save it. The limp-wristed fool.

As an aside, didn’t we beat Plymouth Argyle away (opening day) AFTER Shepherd was sent off? Conclusive proof, m’lud. We are better off playing with 10 men than that imposter playing in our team. Listen, I get it. He’s cheap, and if we play him enough it boosts his value. But that ship has sailed. I don’t know what the peak market value of Shepherd was, but I feel like those investors who lost their money in the 1929 Wall St. Crash. If only I’d sold my stock in ’28...

Onwards and upwards!

*** Kelly. Ran around, never gave up, and had a couple of promising runs.
** McG. Ran around, never gave up, and kicked a couple of shots into the crowd.
* MdG. For the block preventing a definite goal in the 1st half. And the other block preventing a possible goal in the 1st half. It’s called DEFENDING.

Official MOTM: McG.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. MdG 2. Kelly 3. Connell

Despatches:
We are SLEEPWALKING TOWARDS RELEGATION. It is that time of year when sides facing the threat of relegation pick up points against midtable sides with nothing to play for. The problem is, we think we’re one of those midtable sides. But if you look at the table, what are we? 5 pts above the bottom 4? I think 5 pts can be hauled in the remaining games, especially if we don’t get any.

One criticism I heard of Hourihane (who appears to have lost his sainthood) was that ‘he’s playing players out of position’. I think the guy on Praise or Grumble was referring to the GOAT playing at right back. But, apart from Shepherd, I also raise you a Tom Bradshaw. He can’t be a centre forward, can he? He gives ‘doing nothing’ a bad name. He scampers around, being second to everything, can’t hold a ball up if it gets to him, and lacks the ability to beat a player and create an opportunity of his own. So with him and The Kitchen Fitter, we’re down to 9 men. Add in Class of 2024-26 Luca Connell, and a Sri Lankan giraffe (I didn’t know Sri Lanka HAD giraffes) trying not to trip over his own feet, and I don’t see how we’re ever going to win another game of football again.

Coach Conor did, at least, bring Banks and Phillips off the bench to save the situation (they didn’t) but what must these 2 think? Not getting a game behind THAT. (Again, Coach Conor wants to play Yoganathan to increase his value, while I want us to win games. This is the dichotomy we currently face.) Another one is Crapman’s continual involvement, to everyone’s bemusement. After Flavell didn’t disgrace himself at Burton on Good Friday, Crapman is back in the team after his international sojourn. (I would LOVE to see him in goal for Canada in the World Cup, preferably against somebody half decent. They will score TEN.) Solid rumour has it that loan club Crystal Palace are paying his wages and if we don’t play him, WE pay his wages. Which, according to a member of the Supporters’ Trust, is £12k/week. Breathe that in. Six hundred thousand pounds a year to be THAT crap. That means I should be on at least 100k, for all the good I’d do in goal. (I wouldn’t be rooted to my line, for a start. Mind, I think that’s my main problem when I’ve played in goal, I’m not rooted to my line enough!)

Other passing mentions...O’Connell was there, or thereabouts. Let’s just say Plymouth weren’t scoring when the ball was in his and MdG’s vicinity. The GOAT was ok, after the opening minute when he was caught out of position, allowing Argyle to attack down that side. I noticed late on though, as we chased the game, he didn’t kick the ball forward once. Standard.

Cleary beat the odd player, but we didn’t give him the ball till 25 minutes in. Missed a great chance to make a chance by not passing it, with plenty of Reds in the box. Needs to stop believing his hype. (He’s another player whose value is decreasing the more we play him.) Have I missed anyone? The subs, Phillips, Banks, Leo Farrell...were suitably anonymous. I’d love to blame the referee for the defeat, but they scored more goals than we had chances. Scored more goals than we had shots on target. Scored more goals than Bradshaw had touches in their box. Etc etc.

It was awful. (63% possession, btw, so anyone not there can imagine what that looked like.)

Another player who sadly missed the game was former Reds walking footballer Herbie Kane. A hamstring tear means he’s been sent back to Hudds. A pity, I’d have liked to have seen the Battle Royale: Connell v Kane.

Drink du jour: Leffe in Bramahs. Talking of which, was A. Reed more angry at the slowness of the service, as he waited for his drinks courtesy of the Wetherspoons app (Spiral was closed) or at Oakwell? Andy? Andy??

Away: 1,242 (10 thousand summat. I heard it, but can’t find the attendance anywhere online.) ‘Can we play you every week?’ Arf.

The Damage:
£8 petrol
= £8