Wycombe Wanderers 0-1 BFC, Saturday 18th March 2023

‘Have that! Sh*tty sh*thousing c***s.’

After 8 wins and 2 draws from our last 10 games, another Manager of the Month for Duff, and crushing victories against the likes of Derby and Plymouth, wasn’t it great to see the Super Reds win another way? Clinging on, backs to wall, poor performances all over the park…and we came through it. SURELY promotion beckons!?

That first half was as bad as….home to Wycombe (0-3). Coincidence? Or do they just have a style of playing which we have trouble with? We should have been 3, maybe 4, down by the interval. Yet I don’t remember Isted making a (decent) save. The Chairboys could miss the target from anywhere, probably the worst being the rebound from 8 yards after Isted palmed it nicely into his path. (One shot on target in 10 attempts, I’ve checked.)

And yet…if Watters had any pace…or could even match an octogenarian with a walking frame…we’d have snatched the lead on the break. Is he just terrible, or the proverbial ‘lacking in confidence’? Still, he’s perked the likes of Norwood and Cole up, the latter pair presumably seeing Watters on the training ground and thinking ‘the manager CAN’T POSSIBLY think this bloke is better than ME’. The subsequent trot and powderpuff effort from Watters was at least at the other end, so difficult to see in its full ‘glory’. Half the Londontykes missed this (still not back from half-time beers) but Watters missed another chance at the start of the second half, as Phillips whipped in a great ball and the farmer former headed over.

The second half was more even but we carried zero threat, till Duff started chucking the subs on. And what a bench! Cole and Tedic came on for the ineffectual Watters and Norwood. Halfway through the half, Duff pulls Kane and sticks Thomas on. Phillips somehow survives till 78 minutes, when him and Cadden make way for Benson and Larkeche. In Benson, we finally have a player who’s prepared to put his foot on the ball while Thomas (Luke) is prepared to run at players. It is on decisions like these that seasons depend. Thomas beats his man, sprints to the touchline and pulls it back for Tedic to bang a header into the top corner. You f***ing Reds! 85 minutes gone, proper smash and grab. There is no way in a million years Wycombe will score. And they don’t.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Mads. A wall at the back in the face of Wycombe pressure.
** Kitching. Defence and attack. And stupidity. Who doesn’t love stupidity?
* Tedic. Could anyone else have scored that header?

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Andersen 2. Kitching 3. Luke Thomas

Despatches:
I’d like to give Nice Guy Chris the assist for the goal. For a good minute he pondered whether to go to the toilet or not. ‘I think you should, Chris. We need to try something different.’ We were to the right of the net as you look at it. Chris never even reached the back of the goal before we’d scored. COYR!

Before the goal…and before the 78th minute…my main entertainment involved tormenting poor Chris about future Ballon D’Or winner Adam Phillips. The ghost of Direwatch loomed, as Phillips couldn’t put a foot right (aside from that earlier cross). Did that shot of his clear the stand? Or just the bar? (Well, he was maybe 15 yards out, long way to hit a barn door from). But no, my favourite bit(s) were the twice he completely missed the ball, swiping away at clean air. These were the occasions he crept out from his anonymity. (For the record, Kane was equally terrible.)

Another player noted negatively was Kitching. Don’t disagree with a foul, spend two seconds THINKING about what to do…then throw the ball away in disgust. Are you THICK? (It’s a rhetorical question.) Of course, it’s a nailed on yellow, whether he disagreed with the ref’s decision or not (and it was a soft one). This is in the first half hour, so he’s risking a sending off…and maybe defeat. And I hear that if he gets booked once more he misses two games. He’s an idiot. I love him!

And don’t underestimate Cole’s cameo, holding the ball up for (Luke) Thomas to make his run for the winner. And what a finish from Tedic, a bullet header into the top corner. He’s had his 7 months’ rest. It’s now time to shine.

Still, party time. Chris and Lord Selwood slope off early to get the last train out of Dodge (another railstrike) while the rest of our 8 (wo)man party jump into a taxi to celebrate in Slacki’s ‘pub’, a converted garage in his front garden. And I have to say, very good it is too. Space Invaders, darts, Brewdog on tap, Sky Sports. Even the service isn’t too bad. There’s even time for me to lose weight eating a curry, the sweat pouring out of me. Bl**dy hot these dhansaks!

Drink du jour: Brewdog Planet Pale. And whatever someone got me from the Wycombe Wanderers fan zone, a large marquee outside the ground

Away: 1,020.

Today’s take home: Someone call the police – there’s been a robbery.

The Damage:
£73 travel (petrol)
£23 ent
= £96

Wycombe Wanderers 1-0 BFC, Saturday 8th December 2018

‘Greengrass called – he wants his jacket back.’

Welcome to ....

They’re like London buses these trips to lower division executive boxes, so I’m sure everyone’s wondering, who wins – Accrington or Wycombe?

Food: 

Starter: Mushroom surprise (Stanley) versus shoulda been mushroom surprise (but a personally made olive salad instead).  I didn’t have the heart to tell Wycombe I don’t like olives either, but round 1 to Wycombe (on points).

Mains: a lump of beef (Accrington) with a few roast/chipped potatoes and green beans versus the same, but breaded salmon, at Wycombe.  I was pleasantly surprised, expecting some kiev-style horrid creaminess to ooze out, but really, what was the point of the breadcrumbs?  And while I’m here, who chooses green beans over peas?  Green beans must be the only veg I’m not keen on.  A draw.

Dessert: Given Stanley’s cheesecake was inedible (bloody CHEESE!) this could only go one way, despite the toffee pudding offering at Adams Park.  Why not treacle pudding?  Toffee’s not a great taste.  Tho’ Wanderers went the extra, offering me a fruit salad (errrr….) before giving me the kiddy option – ice cream.  (I also learnt I’m not keen on mint chocolate chip ice cream either, but I did have some vanilla too).  Round 3 to Wycombe.

The starter: what's not to like?

Beer: San Miguel at Accy versus barely owt drinkable at Wycombe.  I was educated by a Mr B. Loko of somewhere up north that all the beers were provided by Heineken, hence they were s***.  So I summoned my student years and went all cidery. Can’t remember the brand.  Just look up ‘s*** cider owned by Heineken’.  Point to Accy.

Service: I’m not faulting either service, tho Accy did bring beers to the table and had a happy hour with beers at 2 quid.  Accy it is then. 

Winner: Well, a week after a dodgy drawn decision in the heavyweight boxing title fight (so I’ve read; I couldn’t give a s***) we have another controversial decision, as all the judges (me) were nobbled by extreme amounts of alcohol and thus couldn’t really be trusted to give a rounded view of anything.  Just like every other match report.  Wycombe Wanderers 2 Accrington Stanley 2.

Former Wanderers (and Super Reds) player Alfie Mawson.

Oh, the match?  There was a 1^st half where nothing happened.  Then I headed indoors early, chiefly for a p***, but also to head the queue for exec box beer.  This was a clever idea, cos I was 1^st served…and last to get a drink, as I had to order for everyone else coming in.  Shouldn’t moan though, as I had a cracking view on the TV screen of the Super Reds being utterly destroyed in the 1^st 15 mins of the 2^nd half, before some Watford loanee hit a 20 odd yarder from a half cleared corner.  Looked like it went straight through Davies, which sounds about right – does any other professional goalkeeper concede as many from outside the box as he does?  (That’s a rhetorical question, btw.)

We had half an hour to produce something..anything…and with Pinnock pushed up, the one chance we had fell to him but he lofted it over the bar while leaning back.  We were awful.  

Onwards and upwards!

An exasperated Stendal, full-time (through the prism of the dugout)

*** Pinnock.  Oozed class in defence, especially in 1^st half as he mopped up everything. 
** Mowatt.  Tidy.  The new Stephen McPhail.  Looks good, without producing anything.
* Thiam.  I know.  We were that bad, Thiam looked our best hope when he came on.

Londontykes' MOTM:  1. Pinnock  2. Mowatt  3. Thiam

Despatches:

I won’t go through a whole team of ‘he was s***, he wasn’t very good’ etc.  Just presume.  Brown wasn’t too bad.  (‘This week, Matthew, I’ll be a right back.’)  Good to see McCarthy have the last laugh on us, unable to make our team, now he’s beating us.  No width either, just 4 central midfielders strung across the park.  Adam Hammill.  Just saying.

Pile of s***, Barnsley, pile of s***.  (Well done Wycombe, btw.  Ran around and never gave us the time we needed for our lack of ability)

Otherwise, the highlights were the goalscorer being interviewed in the exec box – Christ, what a personality bypass he was. And upon leaving the stadium, with the players on the coach, I couldn’t resist popping my head on board for a word.  I regret not having the rant the team obviously need to shake themselves out of the current stupor, settling for a ‘Very poor Barnsley.  Very poor.’  Much like a disappointed parent.  (They’re problies still wondering what a 'Geordie' was doing on their bus.)

Londontykes, 2018-style.

Drink du jour: All kinds of decent ales in the pre-match craft pub and the after match railway pub.  They were 2 great boozers we will surely be hitting next season.
ps, great to see everyone and HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYNNE (for Thursday).

Away: 941

The Damage:
£15 train 
£3.50 prog (forgot I’d get a free one, so bought one outside.  Idiot.)
c£30 beers
= £48.50

The Tunes:
Boomania (Betty Boo)
Achtung Bono (Half Man Half Biscuit)
ACD (Half Man Half Biscuit)

'You scored a great goal.'  '...yes...'

The salubrious road to Adams Park.  Like Highlander, there can be only one.

The programme hut and 'Gerry's badges'.

The club shop extension.

An excited honorary Londontyke (prematch, obvs.)

Those deemed not good enough for Barnsley's 1st team.  I'd retire...

The away end.

The BMI Healthcare Terrace, no less.

Like me, Stendal can't believe what he's seeing.

More of the same.

I wish that dugout was even bigger...