BFC 0-3 Blackpool, Saturday 8th March 2025

‘Our next best chance of scoring today is Phillips...and he’s not even playing!’

I’m not angry. I’m not even disappointed. I’ve gone beyond that – I’m resigned. Resigned to the fact we’re going nowhere fast (other than down). Resigned that, right now, the club is rotten. The ownership, the management, the recruitment, the players, the fans...it’s awful throughout. The vocal minority are busy blaming the board, and I get it. They’re the ones in control of the purse strings, but without em, we’d be bust. They’re also in control of appointments, and in that respect, Coach Clarke and the Director of Recruitment (what a disaster he is thus far) are their fault too.

The latest embarrassment was the worst of the season, for me. (Reedy still claims Leyton O, but I wasn’t there). On Satdy we were played off the park in BOTH halves by another midtable side who have NOTHING to play for. Yet they ran about, they pressed, they made themselves available, they always looked to the front foot. It was everything we’re not. They coulda (shoulda) been 3 or 4 nil up by half-time. (Others said as many as 6). My favourite miss was when their lad put it wide from 6 yards, with an empty net. The keeper made a diving save too, but mostly, it was just poor misses.

In contrast, we had one effort of any note. Connell chipped a great pass through for Humphreys to control with his chest and...blaze over from 8 yards. OK, the keeper’s in close proximity, but all he has to do is get it on target. Just knock it under the keeper into the open goal, rather than paralyse someone in Row X.

But it’s ok, we’ve made it to half time, goalless. A chance for Coach Clarke to reset. Another inspirational teamtalk, some tactical tweaking, maybe a sub. He sends them out identical. If we had the ball (which we had plenty) we had one tactic: hoof it long behind their fullbacks to…to WHO? Every single time, their fullback turned around and collected, or the centre half came across, and possession was ceded. Or it went down the middle to the keeper. This isn’t a one-off. This IS what amounts to us trying to score a goal*. It was repeatedly tried at Rovrum to slightly better success, as their defenders blatantly didn’t know what to do with the ball, and we eked a penalty out of it. Blackpool’s defenders had us on toast all day. Listen, Coach Clarke, it might be the 3rd division but these players are PROFESSIONALS. (I’m referring to the Blackpool players here.) They will not simply give it back to us in their third. This is not Sunday football. (The lack of any kind of press exacerbates the issue.)

*ok, there’s the ‘hopefully DKD will pick up the ball in the final third, beat a player and curl it home from 20 yards’. But that’s hardly a tactic...is it?

Thus the second half started. It took 11 minutes for Blackpool to score. A Tangerine (capital ‘T’) ran 40 yards unchallenged, before burying it into the bottom corner from 20 yards. Another one that went under Smith’s right hand, a la Charlton. I think I see a weakness. But at the point of shooting, there are FOUR Reds players in close proximity to the shooter and NONE of them are putting in a tackle or block. We have given up.

Will Coach Clarke make a change before or after they score a second? He brings on Nwakali and Benson for Connell and Watters. Does that mean we’re not playing with a centre forward? (Insert hilarious caption here.) Within 3 minutes it’s 0-2. A harmless looking cross to the back post is headed in by former Red Fletcher. At least he didn’t celebrate, but I wouldn’t have minded if he did. How does ONE player get inbetween Farrugia, Conor Barrett and the goalkeeper, to score? (By the way, if we have 5 ‘top class centre halves’ according to our leader, what is Barrett?)

It’s ok tho, cos Coach Clarke brings on Rodrigues for the aforementioned Barrett. A centre forward for a centre half. All out attack, then? Does Rodrigues even touch the ball? (Yes, he does. I distinctly remember him touching the ball. Does he touch it twice? I can’t remember a second time, but he definitely touches it at least once in his 25 minute (plus injury time) trot out.)

By now, we’re trying a different tactic (oh yes!). Nwakali appears to be playing right centre half, and is orchestrating all our possession, which invariable is playing the ball forward through the lines to feet, whereupon a Russell, or someone, would hold it up, lay it off…then that player would lose it. Every time. Did we have a shot?

Another pacey attack for the visitors brings a fine save out of Smith, but the loose ball is gobbled up from close range. What ARE our defenders doing (FYI: O’Keefe, Roberts, McCarthy, Farrugia)? No Earl to blame this week, though Barrett was an able deputy. (As in, I don’t rate either.)

There’s still 17 minutes left, not that 80% of the home end will see it. Once again, we are left with the masochists and idiots. Blackpool fans start chanting ‘You’re so sh*t it’s unbelievable’, gaining a round of applause from the home areas, before a few in the Ponty give it ‘We’re so sh*t it’s unbelievable’.

Onwards and upwards!

*** DKD. I trust his transfer request is already in. Needs to play for someone else next season.
** Russell. Generally kept possession
* Nwakali. Plays the ball FORWARD on the FLOOR to players wearing RED. The novelty of it. Marked down for only being on pitch half an hour.

Official MOTM: DKD.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. No-one 2. No-one 3. DKD/No-one

Despatches:
Let’s start with the players. O’Keeffe? S***. Farrugia? Hapless. Barrett? Hopeless. McCarthy? Clueless (This is starting to sound like the 7 Dwarves.) Roberts? Crap. Connell? Rubbish. Humphreys? Weak. Watters? Anonymous. Rodrigues? Pathetic. Benson? Actually, didn’t look that bad. Smith? Average. Special mention to Bailey McCann, coming on at 0-3 in the 88th minute. We are now GIVING AWAY appearances. It reminds me of Man U, away, where Coach Clarke sticks in Jalo and Yoganathan – 2 youngsters with little first team pedigree and we’re whacked 7-0 by the worst Manure team in living memory.

This is all poor timing, what with season ticket renewal about to come up. Crap football, poorly performing players, awful signings…and random kick off times. I am worried. The club and I are just hoping that 8,000 people renew out of habit, to help the club, etc...cos if we don’t renew, the club has no budget, we sign even worse (cheap) players, and we disappear for the next 20 years.

I’m saving a rant about our recruitment for another week cos I don’t know where to start. What I will say is that the only decent signing we’ve made in the last 2 windows (DKD) was hardly a scouting masterpiece – anyone who picks up a Sunday paper (remember those?) could see him scoring every other week in division 4.

Oh, and Michael Duff got sacked at Huddersfield yesterday. I’d have him back tomorrow, I really would. This has gone far enough.

And just as I finish writing this, my XG correspondent comes good. 1.31 v 2.76. 1.31? I am gobsmacked. I thought we created as little as we have done all season. That Humphreys miss is doing a lot of lifting, but I wouldn’t have that higher than about 0.4. What did I miss?* What other shots or chances did we possibly have???

*It was a balmy afternoon in the sun. Diane had given away my seat to some juvenile Geordie and I went and sat downstairs with Reedy. Consequently, with little happening on the pitch – for us – my eyelids were given to closing. Did we have a cheeky shot every time I nodded off? I know I fell asleep inbetween the award of a corner, and it being taken. The subsequent crowd groan woke me up. O’Keeffe had delivered yet another awful set piece, low to the first man. It’s bad enough that he can’t defend...

Drink du jour: House Party IPA in Spiral. ‘Home Fans Only’ said a hastily scrawled sign (part of a set of two with TAFKA The Arcade Ale House. (I forget what it’s called these days, but something nowhere near as good.)

Away: 826. They enjoyed themselves.

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
= c. £8

BFC 0-1 Blackpool, Saturday 30th September 2023

‘I see Disney have a new film out – Herbie goes backwards!’

Should we be worried about this manager? Is it ever too early to be worried about a manager? I’ve not been to a game in over a month (holidays, postponements, re-arranged postponed games coinciding with said holiday...Christ, I was only away for a week!) but we’ve continued where I left off, losing at home. I’ve seen 4 (home) games this season and seen us lose in 75% of them. That 7 nil against Port Vale looks a bigger fluke by the week.

Thankfully, we’ve been winning away. And although no-one is saying it, it sounded like we were lucky at Northampton, played against 10 men at Wigan for 70 minutes, and beat a Cheltenham side that haven’t scored in their first 10 games this season (a record) and lost 9 of them. But it’s ok, cos one happy clapper optimist tells me Collins has a better PPG than Duff had at the same stage last season. I take that point, and we may well improve, but Duff took serial losers, having lost our 2 star players (sound familiar?) and within 2 months had gelled a side into something akin to half decent. Crucially, he dropped Connell and when he returned he was different class. What will save Collins? Rumour is (and this rumour comes from the highest) Connell won’t be seen till January. If we’re lucky.

In the meantime, what do we have? Well, we were so desperate Satdy, Collins had both Cosgrove AND Watters on the pitch. I thought he was taking my tea order when he asked ‘one lump or two’. (For the record, Neil, I don’t take any sugar in my tea; get the pair of them off.) I don’t know what was the bigger highlight from Satdy, watching a 6 foot 5 centre forward attempt a dribble on the right wing (spoiler: it didn’t end well) or seeing Watters scuff a close range shot wide late on from...oooohhhh...8 yards? We must be the only team in history who takes a player on loan, sees how terrible he is, then signs him permanently. Still, it passes the time, watching Watters struggle.

By now (the second half) I was sat downstairs with Slacki. I was thinking that with the football this bad, I might as well watch it from the appalling view of 4 rows back. Plus some little irritant had bought the seat next to me in the upper tier and was intermittently banging his seat. When I’m Prime Minister, I’m making it law that anyone under 10 sits in the family section. (Also, no man is allowed to wear perfume, sorry, ‘after shave’ if they’re to sit next to me at a game, my pet hate as I was forced to sit lower tier in my dad’s late years. Note: it wasn’t my dad wearing the perfume.)

Oh, yes, the manager. What team selection, what formation, was THAT? We appeared to alternate between a back 4 and 5. So a clueless back four and a half. There were 3 changes from the side that beat Northampton, one enforced (Lopata injured), the Frenchman returning after his disaster of a debut. McAtee was in for Cosgrove, and for 20 minutes he looked like the forward I’ve been craving, clever movement, deft touches and awareness of the players around him. Then he disappeared, save for the miss of the match (Watters aside, for at least McAtee made decent contact with the ball). He cut inside, 10 yards out…and skied the ball with only the keeper to beat. However, in that opening period he did lay the ball on for Cole to miss the first half’s big (only) chance…his effort hitting a defender.

Phillips was out too, not even on the bench. I’ve never missed him so much. In came Theo Chapman from the juniors. 1st league start? Last, if that’s owt to go by. Had a couple of early touches before becoming increasingly baffled as to what he was doing on a football pitch with actual men. Hauled off at half-time (though you’d have been hard pushed to notice, given his anonymity). On came the towering Cosgrove, and something for our exciting wingbacks to hit. Exciting wingbacks...who’s this Dodgson bloke? Where’s Cadden? God, I’m out of touch. Dodgson was never tested defensively, but never got up the park to put a cross in. O’Keefe on the other flank...well, ditto with regards the crosses, but couldn’t defend for toffee. Skinned more than once, it was his careless tackle which brought the penalty. I wouldn’t mind, but the ball was 10 yards in front of him and safely in our possession when O’Keefe’s leg made contact. Jordan Rhodes (is he still alive!!??) stroked it casually into the bottom corner.

Still, things did improve. Around the hour mark, Cotter and Cadden came on for O’Keefe and Dodgson. Within 10 minutes, both had whipped in deadly balls. (But are they deadly when you’re aiming at Cosgrove? Does a fallen tree make a sound...etc?) Or were Blackpool just retreating that bit further, having a lead to defend? With 15 left, the last throw of the dice, Watters for McAtee, about 10 seconds after the latter’s miss. I could leave now, but I’d miss all the fun. All the fun of watching a slowly leaking tap. Drip, drip, drip...the match drained to its inevitable conclusion.

Should we be worried? Well, next week I’m off to Exeter. So we can kiss goodbye to that excellent away record.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cole. Good runs, good lay offs, set up a great chance with a direct run and pullback, put his only shot on target.
** Cadden. Great delivery. Should work for Deliveroo, where he’d be more appreciated.
* Cotter. Got up the pitch, and even had a shot blocked (matching the contribution of the front 4).

Official MOTM: McCart. One of 3 centre halves who had nought to do, save for kicking it square.

Londontykes’ POTY: 1. Cole 2. De Gevigny 3. Styles

Despatches:
Herbie Kane and the back 4 or 5. How many times can I watch a team play it backwards or square? (Actually, I saw Darlo do the same last week and it was bloody tedious then.) If I want to watch this kind of moroseness, I’d support whoever Russell Martin is managing this week. Or get my old videos of the Super Reds under Keith Hill. Mind, I guess we’ll have a bit more impetus now they’ve scored. Oh. (An early Kane crossfield ball which played a Red clean through was clearly not a harbinger of things to come.)

Yes, if 6 players (and the goalkeeper) aren’t doing anything creative, that leaves Theo Chapman, McAtee, Styles and Cole to produce something. Let me digest that a moment. Rumour has it Callum Styles thinks he’s a central midfielder. Well, so did I once upon a time. (I mean, I thought Styles would make a good central midfielder. I didn’t mean me. I personally didn’t quite have the athleticism to get up and down the pitch...but I could still play the Kane role, dawdling around the halfway line playing neat 6 yard passes). Styles though...the more I see him play there, the more he reminds me of JCR under Simon Davey, a square peg in a round hole.

I’ll leave the last word to the manager. Apparently ‘we never looked like losing’. Well, given we ‘never looked like scoring’ I’d say he mistakenly thinks a football match is 24 minutes long. By half-time, I’d take a draw. (Slacki held out till 3 mins off the end before agreeing same. I admire his optimism.) Their goalkeeper never made a save.

Drink du jour: Cloudwater Zitruskitzel and Jaipur in Spiral City. The former, I made that age old mistake...I love lemon, I love beer...oh dear, this is a bit sour and actually not very nice.

Away: 1438. Good turnout. Slacki thinks they like a trip here like we like a trip to Blackpool...cos they’re the only fans in living memory who haven’t complained ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole...’ Fair point.

The Damage:
c.£30 petrol
£50 a star spangled banner (ie, a home shirt)
£2.50 fanzine
= c.£82.50

BFC 0-2 Blackpool, Tuesday 26th April 2022

‘Why are you watching Barnsley lose again when you could be on the sofa with me and Redders watching some great goals? An hour in and there have been 5.’

With relegation confirmed, I’m feeling very lonely at Oakwell tonite. Were there 4000 there, or 5? Probably the former, and that included around 800 from Blackpool. Nevermind protests against the owners, the empty seats speak volumes, as fans who’ve already paid to be here vote with their feet. And why not? It’s Man City-Real Madrid in a Champions League semi-final, it’s chilly, and we are RUBBISH. Yes, you’d be insane to turn out to watch this, especially as we’re down, but I’m determined to see every home league match for the first time since the season after the Prem. I think the crowd was officially given as 12,000 odd. Odd.

In a nothing of a game, Kitching gives the ball away in their half, one pass and they’re virtually clean through, cutting inside to rifle it into the top corner. Maybe some of the fans have been right all along…we should never have deviated from last year’s tactics of just booting it as far away down the pitch as we could, all the time, every time. At least we’d lasted 39 minutes.

Second half was a carbon copy, in that we never looked like creating a chance, nevermind scoring, in the first half….and we never looked like creating owt in the 2nd. But at least Adeboyejo plays a part in a goal, being outmuscled for the flick on. How can a bloke his size be muscled out of ANYTHING? He must be the weakest 16 stone player I’ve ever seen. 0-2 and a few more leave. The only Reds fans left must be members of some secret masochistic society.

Somehow, the Tangerines miss an easier chance than the ones they’ve scored, as they’re clean through and it’s bounced kindly…but he slices it. Still, another of theirs pops up to slam it off the far post with our defence all at sea. An even harder shot follows, as Wolfe wellies it off their bar from 25 yards. As close as we’ve got all night, as close as we’ve got all season. We are RUBBISH. Still, it was nice to see former Red Kenny Dougall running things in midfield.

Onwards and upwards!

*** No-one. In defence…..
** No-one. …..in midfield….
* No-one. …. up front….

Official MOTM: Wolfe. Yes, I was amazed they announced one too, considering we’d lost (again).

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. No-one 2. No-one 3. No-one

Despatches:
Today was the anniversary of our promotion to the Premiership. Just saying.

The (bizarre) highlight of the match was half-time. Quina, Bassi and Gomes, the loanees responsible for the 3 wins in February which offered us hope, were wheeled out in front of literally dozens of fans, to receive a bouquet of flowers and be frogmarched around the pitch. What’s the matter with a card and a simple ‘Thanks and f.off’…cos they might as well as. I can bet we’re paying these players’ wages right to the end of the season, so why not play ‘em, cos what we have left offer zero hope. And at least Quina gave us some entertainment, trying to guess at what point he’ll part with the ball.

I shouldn't criticise though. My own apathy shone through pre-match when I saw a couple of fans in orange and white scarves. I thought Stoke played in red. I presumed the colours had faded on them.

Drink du jour: A pint of Leffe with Nice Guy Chris in Wetherspoons. The original amber nectar and £3.79 to boot. Compared very nicely with the £3.65 flat white I’d had earlier.

Away: 800? Decent turnout from Blackie, midweek, nought to play for.

Points per game under Devaney: 0

The Damage:
£30 travel
£3 prog
= £33

The Tunes:
Antidawn EP (Burial)
Wet Leg (Wet Leg)
Greatest Hits (Tupac Shakur) (£1 in a charity shop; I’ll never get that money back.)

BFC 2-1 Blackpool, Saturday 27th April 2019

‘See you in the Championship.’

Looks busier than usual...

It’s getting closer.  And thanks to the Mackems and Pompey cancelling each other out, it’s in our hands.  Promotion is within touching distance.  Luton might draw and we snatch the championship.  Or we win by 5 more goals than they win.  Or we come 3^rd.  Or 4^th.  All I know is I’m having difficulty working it out sober, so god knows how I’ll manage come Satdy at Bristol…

East Stand.  A queue.  Shome mishtake shurely.

For half an hour, we looked very shaky against Blackpool.  Passes weren’t coming off, moves were breaking down.  Blackpoo had a slick one-touch move which took them 3 on 2 (ruined by the final ball).  We looked like strangers.  We looked nervous. Then the Oranges went a goal up.  Jammy ba5tards, a huge deflection (off Lindsay?) giving Davies no chance.  Don’t bottle it now, lads.  We’re nearly there.

The teams come out.

Then, 40 mins in, from nothing, Cauley pulls it out of the bag.  An odd goal too, as he took the ball on the edge of the box with his back to goal, took it 3 or 4 yards further away and then swivelled and shot.  Bottom corner.  BOOM!  Nerves unjangled.  Fans joyous.  Players relaxed.  Let’s play!  Suddenly no-one has any doubts.

'One Daniel Stendel.'  See what they've done there?

Half-time comes and it’s a chance to nip under the stand and warm up.  Yes, that’s right, f***ing freezing it was.  I thought this was the last home game?  Anyway, the Oakwell steamroller gets going and Blackpoo are crushed like the cheap tarmac they are.  Honestly, we shoulda scored 3 or 4 in that opening 15 of the 2^nd half, but we weren’t complaining – Lindsay’s front post header from McGeehan’s delivery had ended any lingering doubts.  

I've not seen the West Stand this packed since...well, ages.

Thereafter, save for a couple of late visits to our box and crosses into our crowd, it was as comfortable as it gets.  Davies did save a soft one which somehow dribbled through a crowd of players, but there was still 20 minutes and more to go.  No worries. The only team who would bag another was us, but the quality build up play wasn’t matched by the creation of chances.  Or when a chance came, Cauley missed.  

Onwards and upwards!

*** Mowatt.  A beautiful footballer.  The Stephen McPhail I actually like. 

** Pinnock.  A beautiful footballer.  The new Paul Futcher.  Supporters’ POTY.  Well done Ethan.

* Bahre.  Official MOTM, I’m bottling it giving him 3^rd, cos he was either a #10 genius, here, there and everywhere….or Luke Berry (here, there and everywhere, in a different way).  But what impressed me was the number of times his pressing was the cue for Blackpoo to get rid in a hurry – straight to us.

Londontykes' MOTM: 1. Bahre  2. Mowatt  3. Pinnock

Awaiting the final whistle.

Despatches:

Another faultless performance from Davies.  Anyone would think he’s playing for new contract (worked for Dire!)  Jordan Williams again showed promise at right back, which is a good job if rumours of a Cavare falling out are true.  Pinniloss continues to look solid if unspectacular, while I thought Lindsay had a splendid game, as well as notching the winner.  McGeehan flitted in and out, while Brown was laid out just before half time (replaced by Kiefer, who looked a square peg in a round hole).  I’d have had Cauley in my top 3 too, if he’d had his shooting boots on.  One 20 yarder is not enough for me.

Drink du jour: got a bottle of red for the train to the out-laws in Lichfield.  Celebrations start proper next week.

Away: 600?  ‘Your support is f***ing s***’.  The very nerve of these oranges.  I thought they were buzzing after getting rid of the previous owners?  Obviously buzz doesn’t quite equal numbers.

The Blackpoo hordes.

The Damage:
£17 train (one way)
£3 prog
£2 fanzine
= £22

The Tunes:
Big Balloon (Dutch Uncles)
Let England Shake (PJ Harvey)
Guilty of Love (Unloved)
Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars (Fatboy Slim)

East Stand pamorama

The old Main Stand

Nevermind the 'Yellow Wall'...

The Ponty v Blackpool

Toby orchestrates the crowd.

Match action.