Stockport County 1-1 BFC, Saturday 29th November 2025

‘You’ve NEVER had a Toby Carvery!?’

Well, we came, we saw, we conquered. Then it got to half-time and I told Andy that Conor would change it at half-time, tell the players that’s enough of their excellence, best to go back to mediocrity and give County a way back. And so it proved. I think we spend most of the second 45 on the back foot. And I wouldn’t say we weren’t interested in attacking, but DKD, Yoganathan and Cleary looked out on their feet. Indeed, when Cleary weas injured, it was obvious now was the time to take him off. So, like last week (Shepherd), Conor leaves an injured player on till he collapses.

It’s a good job Conor is canonised. He’s untouchable. He resolutely refused to change owt, 2nd half, and we never saw the ball at our end (the end we were nominally kicking towards). It was screaming out for wholesale changes up top. Instead, Cleary (who had a dreadful 2nd half, couldn’t beat an egg) was allowed to limp on till the 77th minute. Then what? We chuck a left back on for him (Ogbeta), give it 10 more mins, then send on McGoldrick for Phillips (who can’t have been tired, he’d never moved from the centre circle the whole half, playing the Molby/Bland role).

Did I say we were all over the place? We possibly went to a back 5 (back 10?) with MdG moved inwards from his bizarre left back position he started in (skinned twice in the opening 10 minutes). I’m sure MdG appreciates being hung out to dry by St. Conor. Which meant not one, not two, but THREE centre halves unable to stop the County bloke having a free volley from close range in the 89th minute. One-all, and let’s hang on for the draw.

All this after an outstanding opening period, Yoganathan, Cleary, DKD and Kelly taking it to them, Shepherd and Roberts holding fort at the back, and Luca up and down winning tackles. After a couple of scares (off target efforts after those aforementioned skins of MdG) we took the lead with a cracking move. Yoga wins the ball, high, lays it to Kelly who drives forward before laying it out wide for a free Cleary to drill the ball across goal for Yoga to get his studs on it. Brilliant goal, and it could have been more.

Second half, everything changes. County may well have changed formation, or whatever. But they changed SUMMAT and Conor needs to learn to switch things himself. The equaliser, late as it came, was the LEAST County deserved.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Kelly. Drove forward time and again, even 2nd half.
** Connell. Good tackling, good covering, decent passing.
* Shepherd. Shepherd and Roberts were OUTSTANDING, 2nd half, but Shep nicks it just for the time Roberts brought the ball down like Beckenbauer...and promptly side-footed it straight to a Stockport player on the break.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. Connell 3. Shepherd

Despatches:
For all their pressure, I remember Cooper only making one good save. MdG, a right-footed player who gets brickbats at right back, is blatantly not a left back. Ogbeta, who is, is benched again. Why? (Last week he was sick, but that was a week ago). As I said, Phillips was this week’s Bland. It took me ages to notice him, 2nd half, then I realised that’s cos he’s under instruction not to move. Just hold your position, Adam, that’s right, just stand there. No, no, another foot to the left. That’s it. Just there. Yoga, DKD, Cleary...classic performances of 2 halves. None of them turned up 2nd half. Oh, and McGoldrick came on and they scored 2 minutes later.

Still, I enjoy Stockport away. Like last season, Reedy and I went on a pub crawl after the match (cos, remember, the game had been switched to 12:30 so the nation could watch). Those crazy Belgians were over too (Chris’s...great nephew?...plus 2 mates). Some of the photos one showed us were an eye opener. I’ll leave it at that.

Oh, and they’ve only gone and given us a ROOF this season. As Andy struggled with his PTSD (‘reminds me of Crawley’) I marveled at how a roof built in 2025 could have so many stanchions. I presume it’s temporary (just like Gillingham’s away end). It was like watching from inside a marquee. But the rain was constant in the 1st half, and we were dry. (Does that mean we’re the opposite of a ‘fairweather team’?)

Drink du jour: Abbeydale Deception and Lancaster Wooky Juice at The Petersgate Tap, Siren Lumina and Deya Steady Rolling Man at The Cracked Actor, 2 beers for 17 quid at Threads, Konig Ludwig weissbier at the Piccadilly Tap.

Away: 1,152 (sellout)

The Damage:
£26 ent
£20.40 train
= £46.40

Stockport County 2-0 BFC, Saturday 8th February 2025

‘It wer a massive plane, not one o’them small uns.’

The thing about low ebbs is that you don’t know till further down the line whether it was a low ebb. Are we currently at a low ebb? Or can things get WORSE? Anyway, all this and more were mused upon as we stared out onto Edgeley Park, two nil down, and our new centre forward replaced up front by a left wing back who’s been there 3 weeks. What a sh*tshow. What is Clarke DOING? (I’ve read one theory that he’s trying to get a message to the board, like someone held hostage and trying to blink morse code to a camera, without actually knowing any morse code). And would any other football club loan out their only other fit centre forward (Cosgrove) to ‘promotion rivals’? (Yes, I heard that phrase on Satdy, but we soon corrected the County fans in the pub.) Watters injured, Jalo injured, that centre forward who only got 2 games loaned out (can’t remember his name but he scored 2 last week for…Barrow? Morecambe? Andy...Andy Dallas. Got there! Woo hoo. Alzheimers staved off for another week) and now Cosgrove loaned out, to a side who’re FOURTH in the table, ie, better than us. All it needed was Cosgrove to come on and score, a la Isiah Rankin the other year when he went on loan to Grimsby and scored a hattrick against us. But apparently he wasn’t allowed to play. Is that an EFL rule these days? I wish it could be otherwise, cos given we rate him low enough to send out when we’ve no-one else, surely we wouldn’t be afraid for Cosgrove to turn out against us!?

Yes, we have a new centre forward, a French bloke we got from Bastia in Cyprus. Given our erstwhile Bastia correspondent A. Jones esq knows nowt about him, our hopes are suitably low. And he didn’t disappoint, barely getting a touch 1st half and being hauled at half-time. (Still, so was MdG on his debut and he’s turned out half decent.) I think the half time stats had us down as ONE touch in their box in that opening half. Needless to say, that touch wasn’t a goal, or a shot, or anything really. DKD may also have curled a shot wide, or I may be imagining that.

Fortunately, we were at the end Stockport were attacking, so we saw plenty of the ball. One hoof over the top sees resident carthorse/oil tanker Donovan Pines turn on a sixpence (yeah, right) and strain towards his own goal while their forward gives chase. As they reach the edge of the area, Pines falls down trying to make the challenge, leaving Olaofe (Yes, I’ve just looked it up) clean through to bury it. In another plot twist you couldn’t make up outside of Oakwell, he’s the bloke we would’ve signed on loan 2 years back, were the powers-that-be able to send a fax on time. Unbelievable.

That’s on the half hour and the game is effectively over 4 mins later when Earl dangles a leg in the area as their bloke takes a pass and cuts in. Penalty. Honestly, who trains these defenders? Oh, I hadn’t mentioned. Clarke has decided to go to a flat back 4, having heard my moaning about 3 centre halves not being able to do what 2 used to do, he’s gone to two, Pines and MdG, with Earl left back and O’Keefe right. This allowed us to cram in all those quality midfielders we think we’ve got...Nwakali, Connell, Russell, DKD and Phillips...so they could get utterly BOSSED by Stockport. That first half was as bad as could be and NO-ONE came out of it without criticism.

Another legendary talking to from Clarke at half-time and Rodrigues (yes, I’ve just looked him up an’ all) is pulled and Farrugia is put on. Where’s he gonna play, then? CENTRE FORWARD. But of course he is! Why wouldn’t you? He spent the half making the right runs, but starved of supply, so probably had even fewer touches than the French bloke. But I suppose he occupied a space, allowing our other exciting players to get on the ball. Was that what happened? Beer clouds my judgement, but I don’t remember a vast improvement till another loanee, Lembikisa came on. (Yeah, yeah, I’ve just had to look up his name. Anyway, the bloke with dreads. Love dreads. At least if we’re gonna be rubbish, play Lembikisa and I can at least have man-envy over his hair.) Anyway, he came on and made a few promising runs down the right.

And we had a couple of chances. Russell heads it down and the keeper makes a great diving save. Not long after, Russell gets his head to a corner. Straight at the keeper. But at least he’s getting in there and they're on target. DKD is making himself known and buzzes around the box impressively. Finally, in injury time, the two combine to pull a goal back. DKD shows what composure is by PASSING the ball into the net, via the far post. I hope Watters was watching. Time stood still as Russell rolled the ball to DKD. I believe that’s 11 goals this season. That’s just about one goal for every place we are in this league. (I hear we’re 10th, but I refuse to look at the table when we lose. Which we’ve been doing a lot of, of late.)

Onwards and upwards!

*** DKD. He’s not quite reached Tina Turner levels, but he’s certainly ‘better than all the rest’.
** Russell. Came close to scoring (twice).
* Lembikisi. Nice hair.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. DKD 2. Phillips 3= Russell / No-one

Despatches:
Did I imagine it or was Luca Connell playing left wing back part of the game? I’m hoping it was some alcohol-induced hallucination. Isn’t Farrugia a left wing back? Why not put him there, and Connell centre forward!? Actually, let’s not play anybody in their proper positions. Donovan Pines right wing. Gauci defensive mid. Earl in goal. We can’t do much worse.

As Andy alluded to, the atmosphere in the away end was terrible. If it wasn’t a deafening wall of silence, it was ‘sack the board, sack the board.’ Who’s going to sack the board? The board? Let’s start with sacking whoever’s in charge of recruitment…that bloke from Huddersfield with the Eastern European name. Pep Guardiola couldn’t turn some of these ‘rough diamonds’ into footballers; Clarke certainly can’t. In the Chron, he claimed ‘What Darrell felt we needed was a guy who could stretch the game, was physically really good, could get in behind and play as a bit of a target man’. So I bought him this Frenchman. Note: Clarke didn’t ask for someone who could score goals. So recruitment bloke gets to claim he’s done his job. (Note II: the French bloke did not stretch the game, wasn’t physically anything, couldn’t get behind and most definitely wasn’t a target man. But hey, it’s only 45 minutes in.)

As for Clarke, it's always the manager (coach) who gets it for the results. In which case, he's got 2 more matches or the board sack him for the predicament they've put him in. We are doomed, captain, doomed.

Drink du jour: Northern Monk Faith on the train; Stella in Our Lady’s Catholic social club (Andy and I got ourselves adopted by a County fan, Paula); Kronenburg at the Crown (‘this real ale thing’s going well, Andy’)...Rustic Pale dry wheat ale at Runaway, Green Arches Greenhouse hazy pale in the Petersgate Tap and finishing on Deleriums Tremens and Lumina Siren IPA in The Cracked Actor, where we got chatting on to a divorced cross dresser and his mate (also divorced). Personally, I’m looking forward to visiting Stockport again next season!

Away: 1,300 (sellout).

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
£20 train
£25 ent
= c.£53

BFC 1-1 Stockport County, Saturday 28th September 2024

‘Sky TV is f***ing s***, Sky TV is f***ing s***’

I don’t know what the fuss is all about, this ‘playing on a Satdy nite’ thing. I mean, obviously it’s s***. We all want to be home watching Strictly/Michael McIntyre/X-Pop Voice Factor…but it certainly improves the atmosphere at Oakwell, as all day drinking kicks in and the Ponty makes some noise. Quite whether viewers at home heard this, I know not, as surely Sky turned the mics down as they became the target. Satdy nite. Satdy f***ing nite. The town centre is a-buzz with cavorting crowds and the loyal faithful are forced to trudge to Oakwell to witness THIS.

Still, it starts well. We get an early penalty as DKD makes a dazzling run into the area before being chopped. Phillips steps up and for once misses the stand. You Reds! For ten minutes we look a decent outfit and create…nothing. Stockport slowly get to grips with the task and slowly, but surely, become the better team. We creep in at half-time with an undeserved lead, as Slonina keeps out a clean through Hatter, as well as the rebound. On the assumption we only play one good half, we’ve got this. I look forward to us clicking in the second half, and us running away with this game. Or b), I’ll settle for one-nil. I’ll settle for one-nil.

The second half is shambolic. Did we have a kick? I’m told the Hatters averaged 85% possession for great swathes of the second half. (Mind, if you take a small enough sample, it’s 100%, innit?) I do know this. Once the manager hauled off Craig, DKD and Humphreys before the hour, for Benson, Marsh and Cosgrove, we were lost. On paper, the subs made sense. I was bemoaning a bit of movement and pace in attack, so Marsh ticks that box. So we didn’t pass to him once. Not once. Benson had a couple of good touches – on the halfway line. And Cosgrove? Within seconds the ref gave a free kick against him. I haven’t read the rules (‘laws of the game’) in a while, but I’ve missed this one: Should a defender go to ground in a tussle with Cosgrove, it’s a free kick against Cosgrove. Should Cosgrove go down in a tussle with a defender, it’s a free kick to the defender. (One exception, as we got a free kick wide on the halfway line).

Anyway, from that moment, it was all Stockkport, save for one break where Earl ignored the overlap (who’d have been clean through) to have a shot himself (blocked) and a rebound (blocked). That’s 3 times thus far this season I’ve seen us ignore the easy ball to the overlapping wide player (the other 2 were Luca). I presume they practice this move (not the ignoring bit, but you know what I mean). I know we’re 3rd division, but still.

But this was one attack. They had dozens. Basically, every time the ball crossed the halfway line, they picked it up and came at us again. Nobody in a red shirt could keep hold of the ball, or pass it to another red, and we retreated further and further toward our own penalty area. In the end, it was lucky we didn’t concede earlier, as if we had, they could have got 3 or 4. As it was, with the finish line in sight (1st minute of 6 minutes injury time) they are camped around our box. One shot’s blocked, but the rebound is put away. We have no complaints.

Except we do. A la Burton last week, we’re not interested in playing till the opposition equalise, and in the last minute we actually have a...what do you call them? Oh yes, an ATTACK. The ball is played across goal and sub Lofthouse has a tap-in…till he’s cleaned out by a defender who’s found himself the wrong side of the ball. I had a perfect view from the Corner Stand and the reaction of the defender says it all. He’s face down, praying the ref won’t give it. He doesn’t. Of course he doesn’t.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cotter. I’ll say this. When he went off, we were winning.
** Craig. OK, gave it away a couple of times, but he was usually the reason we had the ball in the first place. We never had it once he’d gone off.
* Slonina. Didn’t put a foot wrong, and saved a one-on-one (twice).

Official MOTM: Cotter

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cotter 2. Roberts 3. Earl

Despatches:
For a change, the PA’s usual mid-match appeal to the crowd not to chant anything racist, sexist, religionist, etc is responded to with a full-on ‘f*** the Pope and the IRA’. All-day drinking, eh? A decent rendition of ‘red suspenders’ too (I hope Nice Guy Chris heard)...She...WORE, she WORE...’

Full marks too for BFC, offering anyone who saw our Old Trafford surrender a free ticket. While this didn’t directly benefit season ticket holders (some of whom you KNOW will moan about it), it meant we could bring a lamb to the slaughter mate to the feast. (sadly, I’m one of those people who doesn’t know ANYONE who’d even want to watch the Super Reds for free.) Thus, the crowd figure was boosted by up to 2,000. Will they be back? At Edgeley Park, maybe.

The players? Cotter was MOTM again. I concur. I thought Earl was alright, bar ignoring that overlap. O’Keefe was...well, he was a right wing back playing left back, before getting 15 minutes in his rightful position. (I thought we’d be rid of this disease when we shipped out Jordan Williams. Just play players in their rightful positions, or don’t play them at all.) Playing O’Keefe, or Earl, down the left means we have virtually nothing going forward down that wing, increasing the pressure and workload for Cotter on the right. Sadly, Cotter broke down again, but so would I if I had to do EVERYTHING in this sorry team. Why’s our right back our most dangerous player? Game after game after game. Of course, he still lets us know he’s Barry Cotter with the odd silly error. Hopefully just enough to put Real Madrid off come January, (Note: our goal came from O’Keefe playing a ball across to DKD for the pen. So I’m talking about the OTHER 88 minutes.)

Roberts finally did what we signed him for, heading balls away, while De Givigny...De Givigny. Who does he think he is? Maradona? John Stones? Listen, Mael, once you’ve beaten ONE player, GET RID. You are simply not good enough to be rounding player after player before losing it. Oops, he just has done. Still, it makes a change for Roberts (or even Pines) not to be the liability at the heart of our defence.

The midfield? Jesus. Outside of Craig, what was there? DKD is going backwards, possibly literally. 2 or 3 times he was in a race to the ball, several yards headstart, and didn’t get it. We already have players who can do that. Phillips? The Invisible Man? He possibly challenged sub Aidan Marsh for least touches of the ball. What does he do? Where does he go during the match? Then there’s Luca, who, Once Upon a Time, was a damn fine player at this level. Watching him ‘putting on a show’ is painful. I’d love to say the captaincy is affecting his game, but he was the same last season. Occasional flashes of skill inbetween the game passing him by.

The forward line? Double Jesus. What’s worse than a Humphreys? A Cosgrove? And what’s worse than a Cosgrove? A Marsh? Don’t forget we still have Watters to come back, as well as Noble-Lazarus Mk II.

Oh, and Lofthouse. Came on for the last 10 and played...centre midfield? #10? A player who’s impressed most in cameos as left wing back. Now, if only left wing back was a problem position...

Drink du jour: Schneiderweisse at the Penistone Tap*, Paulaner at Spiral City.

*Nozzer and I went to see Penistone Church in the afternoon. Another great reason for Satdy nite Sky football!

Away: 2,378. Tremendous.

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
= c.£8

Due to injuries and suspension, Nozzer and I were the grateful guests of Gally in the exec box. Cheers Gally!

Cheadle Town 0-0 Stockport Town, Wednesday 21st August 2024

Cheadle Town 0-0 Stockport Town, North West Counties League Premier Division, The Ground Up Solutions Stadium (Park Road), att. 272

I am all excited. I have acquired a new (‘previously loved’) car and I am blasting out the tunes. It’s good to have a working sound system again. After the last one gave out, Audi quoted me £4600 for a new one. ‘Well, that’s not happening.’ ‘No, I guess not.’ Anyway, a part-ex later and here I am. Same make, same model, same colour (has to be red). I am a happy bunny once again. Let’s ignore the fact that if I don’t find that damn V5 form it’s gonna cost me another £500. It’s fine, I’ve narrowed the search down to 40 boxes in my house/loft/garage.

I drive via Ashton to pick up Kev, fresh from the Darlo’s defeat at Buxton the nite before. Hopefully he can enjoy tonite’s game. ‘Should I take my car?’ he asks. What? On my first drive out in my new car? No chance. I hope he likes The Prodigy. No need to use the satnav, Kev finds us there on his own and we park up in the lane to the ground and return to the main road to find a pub. Handily, there;s one just down the street, though it’s a ‘Robinsons’. The last time I saw that name, I was in a dismal pub in Barrow-in-Furness where time had stood still. I was not hopeful. However, the Red Lion turned out to be a cracking pub, just the right ambience and a half decent choice of ales.

Tonite is the big Stockport derby – Cheadle Town v Stockport Town, in the North West Counties League Premier Division. Both sides have made promising starts in their opening 5 games, though I note 2 of Cheadle’s 3 wins were narrow victories over the bottom 2. 9 pts after 5 games, they’re a point behind the visitors, newly promoted but looking to press on. An exciting game is in prospect.

Ah, prospect. We walk down the lane towards the ground as two young lads discuss one’s taste in women. ‘You do love a blonde’. Who doesn’t? We enter the turnstiles and as you turn to your right, the ground is dominated by the main stand, a tall, yet thin structure in the halfway line. It looks huge, but there’s only about 100 seats in it. The back few rows are terracing though, with the highest steps I’ve ever encountered. It’s like when you come across some ancient Roman amphitheatre. After getting a beer from the social club (a half for me) we climb to the back of the stand. What a grand view this is, if we ignore the two pillars at either side holding the roof up. At no point can both of us see both goalposts, but there’s plenty of space to crane a neck, shuffle along, etc.

The game is not a classic. The effort is there, but a goalless draw is summed up by two crosses, one from a free kick, that barely reach the first defender. This is never mentioned in punditry, amongst the superior technique, or physique, of the professional footballer, but the higher up the leagues you go, the harder they can kick a ball, the further they can kick a ball. This is the 9th tier and it showed. I remind Kev of the rules. ‘If it’s a goalless draw it doesn’t count. You have to come back.’ ‘I’d come back here. I really enjoyed it.’

The Damage:
£8 ent
£2.50 prog
£6.50 some pale ale or other
= £17

The Tunes:
Their Law (Prodigy)