Clapton CFC 4-0 Hounslow United Reserves, Saturday 26th October 2019

Clapton CFC 4-0 Hounslow United Reserves, Middlesex County Football League Premier Division, att. 329

Indeed.

Only a fortnight after our last visit to Clapton, we were back; Londontykes Dave, Maria, Loko and myself, along with Gunner Rod and junior, all of us still giddy from Non League Day, where we and 897 others turned out.  There weren’t that many this time, only 329 braving the incessant rain (though it was the players braving it, we were tucked under a roof behind the goal).  But it’s quality not quantity wot counts, and the ultras continued the 90 minute barrage of noise.  Well, more of a hum than a barrage, but still.  I doubt it’s something Hounslow United (reserves) hear every week.

Clapton Ultras.  Actually smiling at football.

We met up pre-match in the Forest Bar in downtown Hoe Street, which still reeked of paint, despite it having been open two weeks.  Craft ale, say no more.  Earlier, I’d planned on having brunch in the Goose, but they were showing the rugby (of course they were).  I walked in, heard someone say loudly ‘lavvly’ (I think they meant ‘lovely’), had a p*** and walked out.  I hate rugby.

Clapton's #1 fan barks the team on.

At least we’d learnt one lesson from last time – kick-off is 2:30 and not 3pm.  And we entered at exactly 2:30…via another pint at the Dog and Duck, round the corner from the ground.  Another decent boozer, both spacious and affording a range of beer, it’s also difficult…nay impossible….to not come in afterwards too.  Mind, with plans to return to the Old Spotted Dog ground in Forest Gate, you'd better get to Wadham Lodge while you can.

The Main Stand in the rain.

The match was another high scoring romp, this time 4-0 to CCFC.  They were at it right from the start, and coulda been three up in 5 minutes.  Although they weren’t, class (!) told in the end and Hounslow reserves were well beaten.  ‘You look exhausted, keeper’ was my favourite jibe, though a poignant chant of ‘No human is illegal’ followed the minute’s silence to commemorate the 39 Vietnamese found dead in the back of a truck this week.  How desperate must they have been?

Match action.

More cheerfully, we all ruminated on how, at circa 50 years of age and 15 stones light in some cases, our football careers should not be considered over, given the rotundness of a couple of away players.  You’re a long time retired.

The Damage:
£5 ent
£2 prog
= £7

The Tunes:
Slave to the Rhythm (Grace Jones)
Gold Mother (James)
Con Todo El Mundo (Khruangbin)
Orbital 2 (Orbital)

Walter Tull commemorated.

That old Cov City tracky top came in handy...

Anti-fascist action!

Who knew where you buy goalposts from...?

A corner about to be swung in.

Programme cover

Clapton CFC 5-2 Stonewall, Saturday 12th October 2019

Clapton CFC 5-2 Stonewall, Middlesex County Football League Premier Division, att. 909 

Welcome to ....

It’s ‘Non-League Day’ and a chance for those of us who face the misery of watching our own league teams every week to have fun.  And what better example of ‘fun’ than watching Clapton CFC, instead of Arsenal or Barnsley, as is usual in my group of friends.  Indeed, upon seeing pics from the game, another Gooner commented on how it looked nothing like the Emirates – people were SMILING.  I even chatted amiably with a Newcastle fan who’d brought his neighbour’s dog along, and a couple of Dirty Leeds in the pub afterwards.  WTF???

Not the dog I was on about.  Another dog.

I must admit, I hadn’t quite realised there’d be such numbers and it was packed behind the main goal (though even Clapton have a splinter ultra group at the other end - the splitters?)  I was looking forward to seeing the teams come out – my mates’ kids were mascots.  So I missed that, not realising it was a 2:30pm kick-off and spending far too long in a new brew-pub in Walthamstow with my posse.  Oh well.  (Apparently, the kids prefer Clapton to Arsenal, as they get to shake hands with the players at full-time.)

The splitters at the far end.

We arrived in time to see Stonewall go two up, the second being a stunning scissor-kick volley which I couldn’t see from the far end.  Grrrrrr.  However, in an amazing game befitting the incredible crowd, Clapton fought back to win 5-2.  A packed home end made for a buzzing atmosphere.  And where else do you get the away team serenaded at full-time…their players taking the applause as ‘Stonewall we love you’ rang out. 

Clapton celebrate a goal.

Since last season, CCFC have moved to another stadium within the Wadham Lodge sports complex, to Walthamstow Town’s abode, complete with seated (covered) main stand, and terracing and roofs at either end.  Coming to see Clapton CFC is something else.  Indeed, Maria, Barnsley born and bred, wants her man Dave, Barnsley season-ticket holder, to change allegiances.  One thing we all agreed: it was better than watching Barnsley.  And Arsenal.  And I was able to get horrifically drunk afterwards, fall asleep in Vauxhall Bus Station on the way home and at some point lose my bag, with camera.  I crawled in at 4am.  I wouldn’t have swapped it for anything.  

The Damage:

£3 ent

£2 prog

= £5

The Tunes:

Psychocandy (The Jesus and Mary Chain)

And The Waltz Goes On (Andre Richlieu)

The start of my day...the new brew pub.

The end of my day...waking up drunk in Vauxhall bus station.

FC Roast 0-3 Clapton CFC, Saturday 11th May 2019

FC Roast 0-3 Clapton Community (att. 1,266)

Welcome to ....

I cannot remember the last time I laughed so hard I cried. Even then it was probably chemically-induced. But halfway through the first half, there I was, I couldn’t stop myself. Where else but Clapton Community FC can I hear round after round of ‘In a box, in a box, Maggie’s in a box’ 5 years after The Great One (only joking) left for higher (lower?) plains?

Those of a right wing persuasion need not apply.

Yes, it’s the final game of the season for left wing, refugee-supporting, ‘no dickheads allowed’ non-league football club, CCFC, who play at the 11th…or is it the 12th…tier of English football, on a park pitch in north-east London, in front of a scaffolded stand, with only two wooden steps to perch on. And needing a victory to secure promotion, the stand was packed and fans were half a dozen deep on the touchline. Indeed, the only on-pitch action I could see 1st half was when the ball bounced loose in the centre circle and midfielders without much ability attempted to control the ball on a bobbly pitch. So I wasn’t missing much.

The Main / only Stand

But why so many here today? Well, it was meant to be the home game of FC Roast, but given Clapton’s popularity, the venue had been switched to accommodate their ultra hordes. Indeed, my old Sunday league team (R.I.P. Perfidious Albion) used to play at Market Road in Islington, so I know well the Roast’s artificial pitch. As a further sop, gate receipts were to be shared. I’m sure Roast had one hell of a nite out if they’re sharing 1200 fans paying (a suggested) £3 a pop.

Match action

Clapton CFC came to fame earlier this season, due to the publicity earned from their commemorative away shirt honouring the anti-fascist International Brigades of the Spanish Civil War. https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2018/sep/06/clapton-cfc-anti-fascism-shirt-global-audience The shirt’s popularity went global as sales went through the roof. I have since had it on good authority that the shirt has even outsold two Premiership sides this season. It’s certainly an eye-opener. Abomination or genius – you decide. Mine’s on order.

...as modelled by my mate Rod.

CCFC themselves are a spin-off from Clapton FC, but having multiplied attendances more than twelvefold, due to the success of their ultras, a row with the owner led to the splinter club forming in 2018. Fast forward and at the end of their 1st season in the Middlesex County League, this win would see them crowned champions, and looking forward to a move to an adjacent pitch with better facilities. The future looks very bright for one non-league football club.

The Championship banner extension.  Brilliant.

A smattering of us met up in Walthamstow, with the promise of being able to drink alcohol at the match. Which is important when at least 2 of your crew couldn’t give a monkeys about football. The rest were either Arsenal, lapsed West Ham, or the Super Reds (Barnsley). It was a beautiful day too as we hopped on a bus down to Wadham Lodge, via the Dog and Duck pub, a sizeable venue with a beer garden (handy for the smokers amongst us). Then it was a walk through residential streets to the ground itself. And as I say, boy it was busy. I hadn’t realised it at the time, but I could have walked around the perimeter for a view. Instead, Loko and I were mesmerised by the chants, while we stood and drank beer. So we missed ‘The Tons’ going two up.

A spin-off group of a spin-off group; ultras behind the goal.

At half-time, a number of fans moved to the end CCFC were kicking towards, allowing our troupe to edge towards the front for the second half. The atmosphere continued to be rocking, and we continued to miss any goals, as the 3rd coincided with a trip to the bog, 250 metres away in the pavilion. Not to worry, as my Barnsley mate Loko said ‘If I don’t come here at least half a dozen times next season, there’s something wrong.’ I’m with him. My tears have only just dried up. And the day still wasn’t over – Loko and I then trained it to Chesham to see a mate’s son’s band (future superstars Chapter 13) perform live after appearing on that night’s Britain’s Got Talent. Ooooh, the glam!

Players shaking hands after the match.

Despatches: As well as the aforesaid anti Maggie chant, we also had 'Maggie Maggie Maggie, DEAD DEAD DEAD' which is obviously as tasteless as it is brilliant.  But my own favourite was 'We're the Clapton, the mighty Clapton and we're gonna win away....a win away, a win away, a win away, a win away...' to the tune of 80s classic 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight'.  As Arnie said, 'I'll be back'. 

The Damage: £3 ent

The Tunes:
Mixmag March ’12 (Richie Hawtin)
Mixmag March ’14 (Seth Troxler)

Essential match supplies.

The ultras.

I know another team with a Billy Casper flag...(Barnsley FC)

Rod's kids enjoy a superior view.

No, I'm not sure how I got in either.

It's a family day out.

'Behind the goal' ultras.

Almost a picnic feel by the corner flag.

They don't make 'em like this anymore...do they?

Full-time pitch invasion and flare.

Full-time.