BFC 0-0 Cheltenham Town, Saturday 16th March 2024

‘Get up, yer great Jessie!’

Home to relegation-threatened Cheltenham, a side with a defence so bad they’d taken Jack Shepherd on loan (though he didn’t play today, not allowed?), and the top 4 all playing each other...this was going to be our week, wasn’t it? The day when we hauled back a few points on those above us and reinvigorated our charge for top 2. Or b) fail to score and drop points while the top 2 both win very difficult games. Is the game up? Yeah, probably. But with 8 games to go, that’s a long time to feel sorry ourselves about failure to go up automatically, while Lincoln (16 goals in 3 games, including five against us) storm up on the outside ready to nick that last play-off spot and triumph as the side in form.

Coach Collins thinks we deserved to win. The Yorkshire Post says we missed lots of chances (while not actually naming any, though pointing at numerous crosses from Cadden, O’Keefe and Phillips). The usual, then. We put plenty of the ball into the right areas, but don’t have a centre forward capable of being in the right place. Oh, there was one chance...Phillips clipped a delicious ball over the defender for Cole to run onto from behind and...bullet the header wide. Other than that, our best chance was actually the chance to create a chance. We have a counter and Phillips looks up to find McAtee in space in his own half, not a defender in sight. (Where had they gone???) All he has to do is play the ball in front of McAtee for the latter to run onto and be clean through. It is absolutely impossible to mess up...but he manages it, overhitting the simplest of passes for the keeper to run out and clear. This would be criminal if playing for the Dog and Duck, nevermind as a paid professional.

Still, no worries. We’ll get another chance in a minute. I felt this attitude pervaded our play. No urgency, no sense that any of our 18 shots actually mattered (4 on target, none of which I can remember), cos we were so on top, we’d score at some point. Ah, on top. We had most of the ball (it felt more than the reported 61%) but in truth, Roberts prevented us from going a goal down in the 1st half, one super save round the post, along with a tip over off a corner. (The corner was taken at least 6 inches outside the ‘D’ but that’s by the by.) I hear Cadden drove a free kick off the post, but I’d exercised Plan B in our quest for a goal and gone to the toilet. Nearly worked!

Later...it’s coming back to me now...Cadden had another shot saved on the near post, but it was all a bit comfortable for Cheltenham, who, fair play, kept 2 men up throughout. So we don’t even have the excuse of a massed defence. There was plenty of space all over the park and we failed to take advantage. Overhearing the lads behind say there’s only 8 matches left, I turned and corrected them. ‘I think you’ll find there’s 11’. They looked perplexed. ‘Well, there’s the play-offs.’ They p***ed themselves laughing. ‘There’s no way we’re getting to the final.’ Fair point.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Earl. Why not? Official MOTM. Solid and came close 1st half.
** Cadden. Left back as best attacker? Not for the 1st time this season.
* De Givigny. Brought the ball out well.

Official MOTM: (My Name is) Earl

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cadden 2. Connell 3. Earl

Despatches:
We had a goal disallowed for offside, 3 or 4 mins in. I’d like to see that again. A ball was curled in and either Russell or McAtee touched it in from close range. I’m not entirely convinced we were offside (did the linesman get the right man?) but hey, another chance will come round in 5 minutes. A. Londontyke thought Russell had had a good 1st half. I’ll be honest, I noticed him twice. The disallowed goal, and again, later, when he was stood still on the halfway line. What’s that about watching paint dry? O’Connell was here and there, while Phillips hit a couple of crosses straight to the 1st man, not his standard at all. Roberts didn’t put a foot wrong, while O’Keefe was actually pretty good. (Strange though that Coach Collins had benched Jordan; that’ll teach him for scoring a 25 yarder the other nite!).

Up front, I have to say I disagree with Collins. Cosgrove looked promising and deserved longer, though admittedly messed up a couple of moves, either hitting it wide, or turning down a shooting chance to not quite get the pass to Phillips (who would have been clean through). It’s ok though, there’ll be another chance in 5 minutes. Anyway, Coach Collins hauls Cosgrove before the hour to put Devante on. I’ve seen rumours Cole doesn’t care anymore ‘cos he’s got his Championship move lined up.’ Has he? Really? I cannot wait to see which higher division fools are taking our former goalscorer. At his current rate, he won’t hit 20 till December. ‘Which year?’ chorused 2 wags in the pub beforehand. I have since seen his miss on t’tellybox. Awful. It’s ok though, we’ll have another chance...etc

On the 80 minute mark, Coach Collins drags off McAtee and Cadden for...Marsh and Cotter. Now I know we’ve given up, though Marsh does at least trouble an empty seat with a snapshot over the bar. No worries though, cos...

Drink du jour: House Party IPA in Spiral City

Away: 202. Just as they were about to be the first away support I’ve NEVER heard this season, a chorus of ‘Chel-ten-ham, Chel-ten-ham’ broke out in the 95th minute.

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
= c.£8

BFC 1-0 Cheltenham Town, Saturday 6th August 2022

‘And did I fart into his birthday card? Yes I did!’

I miss going to the match by train – and I don’t even need the Londontykes for amusement. Staying in Lichfield, home of the in-laws (outlaws?), I treated myself to public transport. A meeting of Mi’wa’, Blunts and Derby at Burton on the way back and a train announcement the police were sending on the sniffer dogs at Sheffield (so hide your drugs). The journey back was not without incident, possibly the advantage of being able to have a drink. I also ran the gauntlet of Tamworth (what a place!) Perhaps, ‘tired and emotional’ I missed 2 connections on the way back, though I maintain Burton’s screens told no-one wot platform to stand on for a train. Then I reach Tamworth (what a place). Cos my train’s late, I’ve missed my connection. Apparently the next train to Lichfield is an hour and a quarter away. This can’t be right, so I enquired at the office, only for an employee to lean forward and look at the same screen as me. I CAN READ, FFS!!!! Anyway, I thought I’d find a pint. Leaving the station is very much like Stoke…no clues as to a friendly hostelry. Two groups of yoof/early 20s blokes sat down outside the station. Is there nothing to do in Tamworth? ‘Scuse me, do you know where there’s a pub nearby?’ I got a ‘no’ from one group before the other mob spotted my Barnsley shirt and I got a load of ‘Barnsley are s***’. They were Derby fans and no, their leader didn’t appreciate my response. ‘Are you trying to be funny?’ I’m trying not to argue with an idiot (that came later).

So I toddled off and found a beer in a gastro pub. In fact, I got one and a half, since the over-efficient barlady thought my half was finished, so had to pour another one. Result. I then wandered back to the station. No yoof, but a train about to leave….with Lichfield written on it. I was 15 minutes early for my train, so what was this one? Turned out an earlier train was late. After I had ‘words’ with a couple of station employees, a youngish lad comes over for a chat about football. He recognises the shirt, and pulls his sleeve up to show off his tattoo….of an owl. Oh well. An older bloke speaks to me, he’s got a grievance too. I think it was about the state of the country, the trains being a good example. He’s right there, I thought, and before I know it I’m conversing with an old member of the BNP. (He was keen to point out he asn’t a recnt convert.) I’m having a row on the platform about whether immigrants are the scourge of the country when the Washday fan steps inbetween us, ostensibly to prevent blows (but we’re just loud) and 20 seconds later I’m stepping between those 2…ostensibly to prevent blows. A lively minute or 2 before Washday and I agree to agree and I get on the train with my racist mate. Being keen to foster relationships, before I know it, we’ve found common ground (the Tories aren’t fit to run this country…though we disagree on whether they’re right wing enough or not) and he’s inviting me to his local. ‘I’m not sure I fancy coming to the lion’s den with you and your mates’. ‘Oh’, he sez, ‘they don’t agree with any of my politics’. And it’s true, none of his mates are (overtly) racist and they tolerate him. I leave after a pint, very confused, and very late. (Did I say the bit about having run out of juice on my phone?) Sorry, that bit’s crucial as well. Sarah was expecting me at Lichfield City station at 7:15 and it’s now after 10 o’clock. Let’s just say when I got ‘home’ the parents had gone to bed and Sarah was about to phone the police to report me missing! (She’d done the research, apparently you DON’T have to wait 24 hours). So there it is, a grown manchild of 48 not considered responsible enough to find an address in Lichfield. She probably had a point. I’ve never been let loose in Lichfield on my own before.

The match? Oh yeah, we opened the season at Oakwell. An alleged crowd of over 10,000 came to see the might of Cheltenham and home debuts for….christ, I dunno. Nicky Cadden? The new highly thought of wingback, who, for a 2nd game in a row I’ve seen him, lasted half an hour. We also had a centre half who recovered well after early hesitancy, while Norwood and Aitchison were up front (I’m told). Cheltenham were very poor and for most of the match our midfield of Benson for Beds, Harry Styles and Luke Thomas (he’s only young) jogged around owning it. Then the ball went forward and Cheltenham had it. I’ll tell you how bad the front two were – new manager Duff Beer brought on Andy’s son Devante and Aidey Marsh after an hour. And it worked! Well, a Robin passed the ball backwards to Thomas for some inexplicable reason and the Born Again one was allowed to stroll forward unchallenged for a few yards before hitting and hoping from 20 odd yards. He obviously hoped hard enough too, as a slight deflection helped it fly beyond the keeper. Great finish, and hopefully it’s the start of something special, since he has time on his side. He’s only young.

Honestly, we dominated, without creating owt. Liam Kitching had more shots than our front line (two). I’ve read Aitchison had a chance, but I missed that one, musta been while I was relieving myself of all that House Party/Brewdog IPA. Anyway, we’re out of the relegation zone.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Thomas. Stood out a mile. Did I tell you they were poor? DJ misses the chance to play ‘I am the resurrection’ at the end. He’s only young.
** Benson. Another one. Is he improving or are they just POOR? Some nice passing.
* Styles. Promising in both positions, having to switch to wing back after injury.

Official MOTM: Thomas

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Thomas 2. Benson 3. Styles

Despatches:
Got to Barnsley 11:29 so had a couple in Spiral City with Nice Guy Chris and Nozzer before we headed to the fanzone, where queues were so long you might as well join the back once you’ve got your beer, ready to buy the next one. Well, that’s what we did (worked a treat). Anyway, a poleasant hour or so in the sun before the football started. Oh, and much to my surprise, my season ticket downloaded to my phone (while it still had juice) actually worked.

Players? Jordan Williams deserves a mention, looked great going forward down the right. We’ve had a right result here, getting rid of Brittain for £1.5m.

Drink du jour: House Party IPA, Brewdog Punk, M&S ‘Belgian lager’ (poor choice in M&S Sheff station), Birra Moretti….and an unidentified pale ale at my new mate’s local.

Away: just over 400.

Today’s take home: Cheltenham are going down.

The Damage:
£34 travel
= £34

The Tunes:
Mixmag April 2012 (Chuckie)
Mixmag March 2016 (Rødhåd)