Bishop Auckland 0-0 West Auckland, Saturday 2nd September 2023

Bishop Auckland 0-0 West Auckland, FA Cup 1st Qualifying Round, Heritage Park, att. 846

For followers of the north-eastern non-league football scene, there was only one place to be today: Heritage Park, for the Auckland derby, Bishop v West. Record amateur cup holders versus former World Cup winners. On a warm late summer’s day. What’s not to like? Also, it’s 20 minutes from my house despite the club car park being full, there was plenty of space in the adjacent retail estate. Indeed, I consider Stabucks still owe me after their tax-dodging debacle of a few years back.

I arrived early, ostensibly to enjoy a pint of Staropramen in the clubhouse at the back of the main stand. Would it be as creamy as last time up? (Not quite, but still a good pint.) Unfortunately, due to licensing laws around here, I wasn’t allowed to take my pint outside. Still, it saved me 4 quid, as I was gonna buy one for Ben, who recognised me from a previous temping job. Him and his Auntie Jane are West fans, so I sat beside him, the only fan in the stand wearing a West shirt.

Thankfully, it’s all very nice, save for a pensioner slapping the special needs bloke a few rows in front of us, 2nd half. (I think he’d taken umbrage at the latter pushing past him for his drum.) All a bit unnecessary, but over as soon as it started. In contrast, the match never got going. 2 saves in the entire match, both of which I’d have fancied myself to make. Several shots high wide and handsome, countless tippy-tappies at the back of Bishop’s defence and 3 wasteful Bishop free kicks from shooting range. As a result, all to play for again on Tuesday, at The Wanted Stadium (née Darlington Road) a mere mile and half away. I hope this afternoon’s healthy attendance of 846 is repeated. Oh, and I was home by 5:20pm, so it wasn’t all bad.

The Damage:
£8 ent
£1.50 prog
£3.80 Staropramen (pint)
= £13.30

Bishop Auckland 1-1 West Auckland (5-6, pens), Tuesday 15th February 2022

Bishop Auckland 1-1 (5-6, pens) West Auckland, Durham Challenge Cup Quarter Final, Voneus Stadium (Heritage Park), att. 459

The day after Valentine’s Day and it’s a fixture close to home: the Auckland Derby in the Durham Challenge Cup. Bishops, or the Two Blues, 10 time Amateur Cup winners (a record) against the winners of the 1st World Cup (in 1909; look it up.) Or 17th v 5th in the Northern League, so West started as hot favourites.

Parking up right outside the ground, on a grass verge, I was pleased to come across the unique sight (at this level) of a queue at the turnstiles. Obviously this was the place to be of a Tuesday night in ‘Bish’. I’d been putting off my trip all season, partly cos it’s so close to home (I regularly fill up on petrol at the adjacent Sainsbury) and partly cos…well, I’d no real love for Heritage Park, a new build on the edge of town. The Bishops are ground in history (even providing 3 players to Manchester United following the Munich air disaster) but what use history when you’ve lost your town centre ground (shared with the cricket club; what a weird mix of stands and terrace that was) for a ground closer to, ironically, West Auckland?

Heritage Park does have its appeal though. The Main Stand is steep, with the club house at the top, a la Dulwich Hamlet. One would have a superb view up here, stood behind the seats, if not for all the signs forbidding you. Thus a pile of folk stood slightly inside the doors of the club house, blocking each other’s view. To the left is a proper terrace, with cantilevered roof, while quite a few stood on the bank and touchline opposite. Behind the other goal are a couple of hundred open air seats I’ve barely seen used in my 2 visits here.

However, if I’ve ONE reason to return, it’s the creaminess of the Staropramen. Definitely my non-league pint of the season. Is Star to Prague like Guinness is to Dublin? If so, this is the best pint of it this side of Wenceslas Square. I didn’t have to queue either, nipping off a couple of minutes before half-time. It wasn’t till I got my pint in that I realised the game kicked off at 7:45, not 7:30. No wonder the half had gone quickly! Anyway, I was so admiring of that pint, I had to have another (half).

West, another mile or so….west….have been one of the better sides in the Northern League in the last couple of seasons, though their title bid has faltered. Tonite they were comfortably the better side, going ahead with a rifled effort into the top corner from 15 yards. Thereafter, it looked like they were trying to Arsenal it in…tippy-tappying it around the box instead of having a go…and they paid for it when the Two Blues cut inside and found the corner from inside the box. There were 10 minutes left. Do we have extra time or straight to pens?

I had my answer before full-time, as I overheard a fan telling someone Shildon-Crook had gone to penalties in one of the other ties (they kicked off at 7:30). So, having spent the second half in the stand, I had a quick trip to the loo and went and stood behind the goal for the shootout. West won, the duel being bookended by a couple of penalties put wide; unfortunately, Bishops was the last one and West march on to the semis; they’ll fancy their chances, albeit National League North Spennymoor must be clear favourites.

The Damage:
£7 ent
£1.50 prog
£5.80 Staropramen (pint and a half)
= £12.30

The Tunes:
The English Riviera (Metronomy)

*reading the programme, I see West had a 23 year old winger (Adam Mitchell) who made his debut debut for Sunderland in 2013 away at Spurs. Let’s just say I’m surprised I’ve never heard of a player who played in the Premiership at 14…