Leyton Orient 4-3 BFC, Friday 18th April 2025

‘We need to get back on the water melon vapes at half-time.’

We were all over the place, the left leg not knowing what the right leg was doing. Organisation was pitiful, on field leadership was minimal and the managerial decision-making poor at best. But that’s enough about the Londontykes. We also lost a football match.

Yes, Nice Guy Chris kindly took it upon himself to organise a p*** up in a brewery pub. The Leyton Engineer, half 12. Easy peasy. I rocked up just before, 1st one there (I thought). I must have had a nasty feeling, as I buttoned my coat up before the door. Sure enough. ‘HOME ONLY’. Why? I’ve lived in Leyton for the best part of 10 years and never known it. ‘Do you have a ticket for the home end?’ enquired the bouncer. ‘Eh? No.’ ‘Do you have a ticket for the game?’ ‘What game? I’m not going to the game’ ‘Oh. Ok then...Boss, what if someone’s not going to the game?’ Obviously, they hadn’t thought that could be a possibility. (I know I shouldn’t be lying, but I was kinda hoping God would be busy, this being Easter Friday and all.)

So I got in, and WhatsApp’ed the crew. Slacki, Rhys, Alison, Farnham and Big Jim all got in ok. Indeed, there was a fair smattering of other Reds fans in there too. However, Jonesy, all liveried up in Reds gear was denied entry. Accompanying a minor (Jude) makes no difference to a man who takes pride in his job. By now Chris had replied. ‘We’re in a completely different pub having our dinner, thank you very much.’ I’m alright, Jack. I put Jonesy onto the Northcote Arms, another local with a ‘NO AWAY FANS’ poster up, but no bouncer. I went and joined him for a snifter, despite my beer in the Engineer (nee Leyton Technical) possibly being the best I had all season. I’m a martyr, me. (Tis the weekend for it.) In fact, I had two pints, and bucking the trend of diminishing returns, I enjoyed both equally.

My main worry was actually getting my backpack into the ground. I was staying down here for 3 days and needed to get my toiletries and underwear past passport control. As it was, the Orient stewards were well chilled, though not chilled enough to let Lord S put the flag up. ‘Too big.’ (I had thought, at least if they don’t let me in, I will maintain my unbeaten record at Orient, a thought that came back on me as the damn collapsed 2nd half.)

We went 2 goals up within 20 minutes. It’s easy this. Humphreys scrambles in a corner for the opener. Then he scores again, though it looked way offside (even Farnham said so!) but it was a nice finish, slamming in a volley. Anyone would be thinking he’s playing for a new contract. Half-time, two goals to the good, what can go wrong? Well, the warning was there just before HT as they clear an attack...and if he wins the flick-on on the halfway line, they’re clean through. He wins the flick-on, Orient run clean through, but the finish is off the post. HOW ARE WE 1 V 2 ON THE HALFWAY LINE FROM OUR OWN CORNER????

Half-time is grovelling time, as Chris looked so sheepish he could have been wandering around the Pennines being corralled by a black and white dog. (It’s ok, Chris, we’d have chosen the Engineer for ourselves, especially since last season’s craft ale place didn’t open till 2.)

The teams come out and the O’s RUN RIOT. Plus ca change. We’ve sacked Coach Clarke and 6 or so games in under Coach Conor we are EXACTLY THE SAME. 1st half, we have conceded the 2nd LEAST in the division (17), 2nd half, we have conceded the MOST in the LEAGUE (51). Ironically, we hold out till the 51st minute, so that’s 6 minutes of the second half. Weak. From memory, a soft shot across the keeper finds the far corner. Falafel really isn’t very good. That’s why he’s our 5th choice.

Orient pile the pressure on. Coach Conor makes changes doesn’t do a thing. Save for crossing his fingers and hoping for the best. We have a break, it’s DKD v the world (cos no-one else has the belief to join in). He beats the defender on the byeline, cuts back and rockets it high into the net. Superb, and in the week he’s been nominated for League 1 POTY.

Normal service resumes. They are ALL OVER US. Coach Conor makes a few tactical tweaks does FA and we concede a weak 2nd. Earl and McCarthy stand and stare at their right winger, allowing him to put the perfect low cross inbetween Roberts and Falafel for a tap-in. Why don’t we do that? But here we go! Conor brings on Lambrusco for MOTM Humphreys. Go Conor! We concede two more within 3 minutes. Jalo gives the ball away on the touchline and they are 3 on 3. It’s all too easy, as they scuff it into the net surrounded by defenders. Then a corner lands in our box without a head on it, carnage ensues and another bobbled effort goes in. We are kings of the soft goal (conceded).

Coach Conor LEAPS into action. He throws another right back on, Cotter. That’s 3 on the pitch. Then he drags Bland off, so that’s one less right back. Oh no it isn’t! On trots O’Keeffe. And Benson. So that’s half the outfield team made up of players who’ve played right back for us this season. Incredibly, we fail to threaten. We have gone from 3-1 up to 3-4 down in the space of 10 minutes. I’m almost pleased that we’ve found a new and exciting way to lose a football match. And my Orient record is ruined. And the good news? Coach Conor has been given the job permanent. Of course he has.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Humphreys. Scored two, had another saved. Won us the game. Oh.
** DKD. He’s wasted at Oakwell. How much will Sunderland (presuming they don’t go up) or someone offer for him in the summer?
* No-one. Absolute garbage.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Humphreys 2. DKD 3. No-one / Connell

Despatches:
I’m gonna start with Jalo. Hapless on Friday, it doesn’t take long to realise whether he’s on it, or not, whether it’s the kind of game for him, or not. Coach Conor coulda hauled him after 10 minutes. Instead, waited till we were beat. Falafel barely made a save. (DID he make a save?) Earl and McCarthy were soft as owt, always letting them have the ball. I didn’t really notice Roberts but if you see their goals, they were all catastrophes for our defence...and Roberts is (allegedly) the key man in defence. Connell was his usual self, 1 or 2 atrocious passes that went out for throw-ins. Any chance of getting shut? Phillips and Russell also played. Allegedly.

As for Leyton, what to do next season? Don’t these ‘home fans only’ pubs realise that those wearing colours are NOT the problem? Do we email the Engineer next year and get special dispensation? Or call up the craft ale place and get them to open early (as we did at Stevenage one year)? Course, I’m presuming they won’t win the play-offs. Our defeat puts them in the last play-off place. Leyton Orient. (Good luck to em.)

XG? 2.28 v 1.64. Suffice to say our goalkeeper is conceding more than he ought.

Afterwards, I had time for a quick beer before meeting up with Sarah and we (Jim, Farnham and James from Diss) went back to the Engineer (bouncers still there) and enjoyed a beer with some Orient fans. Anyway, they have my number. Maybe they’ll come to Oakwell next season (HOME ONLY).

Drink du jour: The Five Points Jupa in the Engineer, Cowcatcher American Pale Ale in the Northcote Arms

Away: c.700. ‘3-1 and you facked it up’ from their support. ‘Only sing when you’re winning’ from ours. And guess who stopped singing when they were no longer winning?

The Damage:
£30 ent
c.£50 train
£3.50 prog
= c. £83.50

BFC 2-1 Leyton Orient, Saturday 10th February 2024

‘Curioser and curiouser’

In the space of 5 minutes on Satdy we went from not making the play offs to promotion certainties. Surely any side that is down with three minutes to go, equalises, has a player sent off, then goes on to win the game is guaranteed to go up? The crowd seemed to think so...’E-I-E-I-E-I-O up the football league we go’ indeed. This followed one of the most bizarre periods of play I’ve ever seen.

With 87 minutes on the clock we were heading to a(nother) regulatory home defeat. We’d created chance after chance in the first half, only to succumb to what felt like their only shot on target. Jordan is robbed as he waits for the ball and they break down the left. There’s always an overload and as defenders leg it back to the line in panic, the ball is pulled back for an easy finish. Well worked from their perspective. Another reason why Jordan shouldn’t be playing in a back 3 for us.

That opening half though. Their keeper pulls off a great save early on as Cole’s snapshot is saved low to his left. Later, Cole would cut inside and curl one into the far top corner...of the keeper’s left glove. ‘What’s Cole doing THERE?’ said the young bloke behind, before Cadden’s pass set up the chance. Inbetween, Cole messes up the first time finish from a sweet right wing cross. Oh, and early second half, he forced the keeper into another low save. Anyway, in the clamour for Not-Shepherd (Earl) making his home debut, I feel Devante’s performance was overlooked.

Anyway, there we were...losing...minutes running out. By now, I was sat with Slacki and every 5 minutes I’d ask him if it was too early to lose faith. Never, in Slackiworld. The Frenchman lofts a hopeful ball into the box from the halfway line. Their keeper (funnily enough, like,ours, on loan from Boro – how many keepers does a midtable Championship team need?) comes trotting out, ready to take an easy one. But the MOTM has misjudged it and Phillips nips in to loop a header over him into an empty net. You Reds!

The players leg it back for the retake. There’s still time to win this. The ref blows, then blows again. He’s only showing Luca a yellow card...then another….then a red. Whatthef*** is going on? Seems Luca has objected to Orient not taking the kick quick enough following the ref’s whistle. Now, far be it for me to show bias, but if the ref had any common sense (whilst punishing Connell) he could have just called Luca over and explained the rules. ‘Look, mate, while I’ve blown the whistle for the restart, you can’t come into the centre circle till they’ve actually kicked off. It is your own time you’re wasting.’ I suspect he’s been tired of Luca chuntering on throughout and has produced the yellow not realising he’s carded him a few minutes before. Loudest ‘you’re not fit to referee’ of the season, proving Jonesy was there in spirit, if not body (skiing, part-timer).

Mind, it was easy to forget. From nowhere, with 80 mins up, the ref started dishing out cards like there was no tomorrow. Previously, he’d let challenges go (making for a better game). I don’t know what he ended with. 8? 9? From looking to win the game, we’d now struggle to hold on. How wrong we were. Did they get into our half while we had 10 men? Dunno, but O’Keefe (on for the…shall we be generous?....mercurial Cotter)…sends in a free kick from out wide and Phillips nips in to head home. Pandemonium. Grown men hugging each other (Slacki and I). Never in doubt. Must take more notice of Ian in future!

Onwards and upwards!

*** Phillips. Rescued three points from nowhere.
** Cole. Forced the keeper into several stops.
* Earl. Solid and brought the ball out well.

Official MOTM: Earl

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Phillips 2. Earl 3. Cadden

Despatches:
My favourite fact from yesterday came from Lucas Waddington. (He is his father’s son.) The last time we beat Leyton Orient, 9 years ago, the scorers were Conor Hourihane and...Devante Cole! No way! He’s rubbish. I don’t remember it, but I do remember sitting next to Gerry at the away game (nil nil). R.I.P.

Pre-match, we had a recruitment fair for the armed forces behind the East Stand. Why? We could do with having MORE supporters, not fewer. Anyway, it beats having one of those fanzones wot every other team has. If it wasn’t so close to kick-off, I’d have signed up myself. (The Navy, obvs, I’ve heard all about their beanos to the Caribbean from Pompey Ian. Trying – and failing – to blow up fibreglass hulled boats is right up my street.) I’m sure I could be a crack combatant. After all, I’ve forty years experience in warzones...Middlesbrough, Birmingham City, Port Vale, etc. And the leader of the Spanish Armada also suffered from sea sickness, and it didn’t do them much harm, did it? Errr...

The players? Roberts had nothing to do in goal. I don’t know where the 5 shots on target came from that the BBC website reported. Cotter was...Cotter. Enjoyed the way he limped off, not that he was being hauled for being completely and utterly s***. The Frenchman looked solid with newboy Earl, while Jordan just looks like a player waiting for his next mistake. Is that American guy fit yet? We are ruining Jordan’s career playing him where he is now, nevermind making him captain. Cadden had mixed fortunes, not every cross hitting the mark. Connell and Kane were as anonymous as they’ve ever been. How did we create all those chances? Phillips had his usual blaze into the crowd before he notched. McAtee had an excellent 1st half, before disappearing, while Cosgrove came on who once again showed his ability to turn a game by not doing anything (but we came back!) O’Keefe didn’t once trip over the ball or let one dribble out of play. And of course, crossed for the winner.

Oh, and without my friend Diane at the game (her 2nd funeral of the season….should I be worried?) I decided to join the hoi polloi downstairs in the 2nd half. I couldn’t take it anymore. The young lad behind just will not SHUT THE F*** UP. I know, rich eh? I was gonna blame him and his mate, but it’s not...his mate just responds occasionally. This other one CANNOT let more than half a second go without passing comment. And I wouldn’t mind, but when you’re criticising the positioning of the players (Cole, Cotter) when they’re blatantly under instruction, or saying thank goodness a long shot doesn’t fall to Cadden ‘as it will end up in the crowd’ (eh? You mean the one player who consistently hits it on target from distance?) Still, if you say enough, some it if will be right. I’m with him there.

Then I sat 4 rows back and could only see players’ legs and had no idea why Phillips (of all people) turned down a shot, 2nd half. He NEVER turns down an opportunity to shoot. You just have NO PERSPECTIVE whatsoever sat here, but at least you can admire your fullback’s thighs, or get in the linesman’s ear. And sit on a wet chair. Who chooses to sit in these areas!? Are you mad!!??

Drink du jour: Floc something-or-other in Spiral City, a cloudy pale ale. Luvvly.

Away: 619. Or 690. My ears, the PA...

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
= c.£8

Bromley 2-1 Leyton Orient, Tuesday 2nd April 2019

Bromley 2-1 Leyton Orient, att. 3,047

Welcome to ...

A week ago, I was in the Leyton Orient social club with a mate, getting all excited about all the real ales, as well as the impending game we’d nabbed free tickets for.  He lives up north, but at present spends half the week in London on business, staying at his ma’s in Epping.  So of course he wants any opportunity to be out of the house.  ‘How’d yer fancy going to Bromley?’ he asked, pointing at an ad on the wall.  ‘Yeah, go on then.’  Always best to act without thinking.  On he goes on that there internet and 2 tickets have been purchased, 15 quid each.  No going back now.

Welcome to ....(II)

Cue a week later and it turns out he’s made a slight error.  Not being completely au fait with the ‘burbs, he’s only gone and presumed ‘Bromley’ was that famous East End football team Bromley-by-Bow!  Also, a nice easy journey eastwards to mom’s.  I thought it was strange he was so keen last week.  No great shakes, we work out travel plans and I meet him on the train at Peckham Rye, 20 minutes direct to Bromley South.

The home end.

Unfortunately, the ground is some distance away from the train station.  More than 20 mins, that’s for sure, and we arrange to break up the journey with a 3^rd Londontyke at The Bitter End, some real ale micropub.  Course, it was shut at 6pm, Tues, on a matchday against the league leaders from another part of London.  Do they want business or not?  We went next door, to the Bricklayers.  Now, I’m no connoisseur, but my beer wasn’t great; flat and tasteless.  However, my mate IS (he works in the trade) and declared Shepherd’s Neame not to be the greatest.  None of us finished our beer and as we waved farewell to our mate, the two of us headed to the ground to sample Bromley’s social club.

The view from the Bromley social club.

The social club was a cracker, much better than my beloved Barnsley FC (why do lower league clubs have better social clubs?)  Still had to settle for Birra Moretti though and the choice of Wolves v Man U on the bigscreen, or leave the comfort to watch the match we’d come for.  We headed behind the goal, with the Bromley Boys, as the Orient took the terrace on the far side, or 2 of the 3 pens.
There followed 45 mins of exemplary top of the league football as Bromley were simply outplayed and couldn’t get the ball.  Still, there was an element of luck to Orient’s opener, as the ball cannoned around the box following a corner before it was prodded in, slow motion.  Surely Orient would canter to victory?  That they didn’t was down to a mixture of fortune, the referee and their own complacency.

Match action (Orient fans to the left).

Half time came and we were hungry.  Was it my tightness, or an old fondness for tomato soup (not utilised in 20 odd years) that brought me to choose the soup and bread (2 quid) over a hotdog (three fifty)?  As it was, 4/5 of it tasted of water, before I found a mound of tomato sludge at the bottom of the cup.  No wonder the guy in the refreshment hut told me to give it a stir!  Bleak.

Don't do it...

I was still ‘enjoying’ it as Bromley equalised, early in the second half.  A punt over the top and a Bromley forward cuts across the Orient defender and goes down.  The defender couldn’t have avoided it in a million years.  Penalty AND a sending off (and under the laws of the game, since he wasn’t going for the ball – or anything else for that matter – he had to go).  This was triple jeopardy, nevermind double.  In fact, make that QUADRUPLE.  I’ve since seen it again and the ‘foul’ actually takes place outside the box.  The penalty was gloriously lashed home.  ‘Now THAT boys, is how you take a penalty’, said anyone channelling Brian Glover in Kes. 

WHOOSH!

The yoof in the home end were now becoming quite raucous.  Amongst some old school insults and chants, South London is, apparently, ‘full of t*ts, f*nny and Bromley’.  Which is news to a Peckhamite like me – I thought Bromley was in Kent.  (It doesn’t have a London postcode.)  Another highlight was the number of youth with curly hair.  It’s obviously a ‘thing’ cos there’s no way you get so many together, outside of a ‘boys with curly hair convention’.  My favourite was the fat ginger one, who needed a sitdown after his halftime sustenance.  It can be tiring, eating.

Looking towards the home end.

Anyway, the (Bromley) worm had turned.  They were now on top, as Orient began losing their heads.  The Bromley right winger smashed a shot off the bar from 25 yards, while an innocuous looking fracas on the Orient touchline had 20 players pushing and shoving and the odd Orient fan (I’ve met some odd Orient fans) being led out by stewards.  What got their goat?  Memory doesn’t serve whether they were already losing by then.  I think probably.  A superb goal too, as the Bromley left winger whipped a great ball in and only one player was getting this one, as the centre forward bustled in, leapt, and met the ball sweetly with his head.  The brilliantly named Dean Brill in the Orient goal had no chance.  There was still time for a comedy Bromley miss, as a backpass header was seized upon and trundled wide as the forward fell over.  A great win for the underdogs on their plastic pitch (I had to mention it somewhere).

Look how beautiful that pitch is!  No wonder.

The ground itself is a real treat; a new cantilevered seating stand, holding about 1,400 and including club offices, looks on the verge of being finished behind one goal.  Opposite, was the main home terrace, cosy, with a small roof at the back held up with many a black and white post (club colours) and covering not much more than your average bus shelter.  The terrace to its left appeared to have three ‘pens’ of which 2 were full of away support tonite.  Indeed, over 3,000 were packed in tonite, the biggest league crowd of the season and twice the average.  Mind, nearly half the crowd were Orient.  The 4^th side housed the Main Stand, a small affair running not far either side of the halfway line, with the social club next door.

In amongst the home end.

Despatches:
The beer was £4.10 a pint, but it wasn’t my round.  I did however lose a fiver to my mate, as, at 1-1 and down to 10 men, I bet Orient would still win.  A couple of days later, I was chatting to a mate about the game.  He was originally from Welling and announced that there was no way Bromley were in the National League (perhaps he meant ‘Bromley-by-Bow’).  Anyway, let’s just say I took a tenner off him, so I’m still up on bets!

The Damage:
£15 ent
£2.50 prog
£2 ‘soup and French bread’
= £19.50

The Tunes:
If You’re Feeling Sinister (Belle and Sebastian)
Jah Sees Jah Knows (Misty in Roots)

Turnstiles on the way out.

The edge of the terrace.

Leyton Orient 2-0 AFC Fylde, Tuesday 26th March 2019

Leyton Orient 2-0 AFC Fylde, National League, att. 4,696

Welcome to ....

Tonite is a bit off the beaten track for me, a cheeky midweek match on schoolnite.  But what brings me to my old stomping ground of Leyton?  Well, my mate Loko actually knows one of the linesmen through his work and so he’s procured free tickets.  Brilliant!  Guests of the referee’s assistant.  This is a new one on me.

Oi!  Linesman!  Keep up.

Of course, the linesman is too professional to meet us pre-match for beers.  Initially we went to the Leyton Technical, basically a pub in the old town hall (where I used to live; long story).  Leyton was crying out for a decent pub when I lived in a flat around the corner, but as soon as I move out…(well, as I say, I lived in the town hall…they could hardly turn it into a pub while I lived there).  But it’s quality, and actually only takes up part of the downstairs. 

Not the Leyton Technical, but the West Stand exec bar.  For us execs.

We leave early for the ground though.  Loko wants to see Orient’s social club, pick up a few tips for Oakwell (Barnsley) and the certificates behind the bar tell the story.  The social club has won more awards than Leyton Orient!  A quid or two to get in, then a range of real ales, all in the ground floor of the towering West Stand.  It appeared to be open to anyone, though it was doubtful there were any away fans in there, AFC Fylde barely brought a dozen to the game.

Leyton Orient's award-winning social club.

Then it was into the West Stand to bag our freebies, behind none other than Barry Fry in the queue.  I bet he gets about a bit.  The lower division Harry Redknapp, if ever there was one.  Another treat was a teamsheet.  I presume your name doesn't have to begin with 'J' to play for the Orient...but it helps.  Joe, Josh, Jobi, James, another Josh, Jamie...with James, another James and Jay on the bench.  This must be some sort of record.  It must be working too: Orient are marching to the title.

Sign welcoming us big knobs into the West Stand.

Fylde, in amongst the leading pack and contenders for the play-offs, put up little resistance against a team on the cusp.  A goal down after 15, the match was effectively all over after 24 minutes when Bonne scored a penalty.  Otherwise, all that was left was giving our linesman some ‘advice’ during the game, probably to the bemusement of the home support, as no-one else was giving him grief.  We were only teasing.  And he got his beer later (but only one; he’s professional!)

The Damage:
free ent
beers?  Can’t remember, but only had one in the ground.


The Tunes:
none

I remember when that was a large terrace.

The penalty for 2-0.

Looking towards the (main) home end.

The Fylde hordes.

The old main stand.

Match action.

A personal fave; the social club carpet.

A blurred panorama.  Sorry, best my camera can do at night.