Fleetwood Town 1-2 BFC, Saturday 17th February 2024

‘Yer not goin’ up there are ya? Yer a bunch o’ f***ing elephants!’

I’ll miss these games when we get promotion (!). Quiet, backwater town, friendly locals, chance to stand on terracing…and sitting in a pub while Nice Guy Chris recites lines from In Bruges. I have to admit, for a film I really like, I remember nothing about it. Is it better than Chris acting it out? Surely not. (Tho he needs to work on his Irish accent. At least I remember THAT...it’s about a couple of Irish hitmen hiding out In Bruges.)

I’ll also miss winning. It hasn’t dawned on me till now, as week after week of unconvincing wins pass by, that my last 13 league games have registered 9 victories and zero defeats. And this was another one (a zero defeat) as we progressed past a first half wobble to take the lead, look imperious, then try to hang on in the last 5 minutes.

We went ahead early, in the most satisfactory of ways. Coach Collins finally picked Jordan as a right wing back, as we fans have been telling him to do all season (‘but I don’t have enough decent centre halves to play him out wide...blah blah blah’), and reward comes as Jordan chases down a right wing ball and pulls it back for Phillips to curl one onto Cosgrove’s head. Even the latter can’t miss. He can a few minutes later though, as he’s played clean through, 10 yards out, and by the time he untangles his feet he’s about 6 feet from goal and the keeper is on top of him. Not to worry, I’m sure we’ll have plenty more chances this half. We didn’t.

By now, ‘Super’ Liam Roberts has made one great save from a header, and with the majority of the game in our half, it’s no surprise when the Codheads equalise, a banger of a strike from their number 5 and official MOTM. What a powerhouse he was/is. Into injury time, 90 minutes on the clock, he was still taking on two, three players and shrugging off the likes of Connell as he drove forward. I suspect he’ll not be playing at the Highbury Stadium next season.

Second half, till injury time, was much more comfortable. A sweet move on the hour leaves Phillips free on the right and as the defender comes across, it leaves not one, but two Reds players free in the box (Kane and Cadden). The ball is rolled perfectly into Kane’s path and he rolls it into the bottom right as the keeper desperately dives the opposite way. The ball trickled deliciously into the net, just as it did that crazy own goal they scored the penultimate time I was here (look it up).

Thereafter, we broke time and time again, yet created only one big chance, as a shot on the backpost (McAtee?) was smothered by the keeper. By now Pines was on for his debut (is it his debut? I’ve not been keeping up) and he delivered some MASSIVE headers in that last period, including from a corner into our 6 yard box. I’m not one to get excited…but I’m excited.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Phillips. Is he back to his best? Created both goals and had a blaster from distance ON TARGET.
** Jordan. Not the most exciting of ‘debuts’ at RWB, but solid and had a hand in first goal.
* The Frenchman. Composed.

Official MOTM: Their #5 (Lawal), a dominant figure in midfield.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Phillips 2. De Givigny 3. Cosgrove

Despatches:
I HAVE NOT been able to get Estelle’s ‘American Boy’ out of my head since the weekend. What a serenade throughout the second half by our yoof to our new hero Donovan Pines. I couldn’t quite make out all of the lyrics, I’m sure there was something in there about ‘we got him from DC’. Mind, as ever, they sing it at the wrong speed, like a 33 being played at 45rpm. Still, they’re trying. Barry Cotter seems popular these days too. Even more so when he’s not in the team. (Is it cos he is Donovan’s ‘minder’ in jaunts around tarn?)
20 grand, 20 grand Barry Cotter,
20 grand, 20 grand, I say,
20 grand, 20 grand, Barry Cotter,
Barry Cotter hates the IRA

I presume the last remark is due to Barry’s renowned pacifism and not at all due to the fact he’s of Irish descent. Still, far better to be an inconsistent right wing back who’s 2nd or 3rd now in line, than some 1st team ever present who never gets a chant no matter what...Nicky Cadden, Herbie Kane, Jordan Williams, Adam Phillips...what do they make of these Johnny Come Latelies such as Pines, who we can’t fuss over enough. (You can add Jalo to that too.) That bloke at the fan forum who criticised the current regime for trying to Americanise us would have self-combusted had he heard the ‘USA! USA!’ chants after one of Pines’ monster headers.

This may have passed most by, but I was most impressed by how Pines dealt with a throughball after coming on. For all the world, I thought he’d be outpaced, but he turned, got back between man and ball, and was able to play it nicely back to the keeper. With McCart (not McCourt*, as I kept calling him) back as well, this creates a welcome headache for Collins. Mind, if Pines is playing down the middle, how will The Frenchman react to being right side of a 3? I’ve been convinced all season that part of the reason he’s looked that little bit better than Jordan (on the right) and whoever is on the left, is cos it’s easier being the one in the middle. I just don’t marvel at him as others do. We’ll see.

*You’ll have been proud of me. Twice I was told (by different people) what an amazing player Paddy McCourt was and I bit my tongue and didn’t tell them my opinion. He’d be great in a 5aside team. Otherwise...‘Don’t sell McCourt, Paddy McCourt...’ I always said he’d leave on a free. Rubbish, he was.

Drink du jour: Snowdrop pale ale in The Strawberry. Won’t be winning any awards soon.

Away: 1,131 (sellout). Or 1,130, cos Chris’s wife Jane didn’t make it. (Don’t worry, she’s alive.)

The Damage:
£24 ent
c.£25 petrol= c.£49


*No programmes. I don’t think Fleetwood produce them anymore.

Fleetwood Town 0-1 BFC, Saturday 1st October 2022

‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole, you wanna go home’

Ahhh, this is the life. Exec box, beer on tap, 3 course meal, North London derby on telly pre-match…to hell with life with the plebeians. Maybe I should take Tory advice and just get one of those well-paying jobs, now that they’ve just reduced the rate of tax for higher earners**? Throw in a last minute winner and we’ve the ingredients for Lou Reed’s ‘A Perfect Day’. Was he waxing lyrical about a day in Fleetwood…or an afternoon on the old heroin?

**Oh. They’ve changed their minds. It’s back to where it was last week. Turns out they’re ‘the Party who listen’. How many reverse-ferrets will this woman make before the Tories jettison another leader? Mind, if they listen, why haven’t they f***ed off yet? Sorry, where was I?

We’re lording it up cos of Stu, whose mate has the box. (Stu is from these parts, so it was good to meet a few of his school chums.) Only one was an actual Fleetwood fan though…the one who looked like Hicksy! Everyone else supported (Man) City, (Man) Utd or Liverpool. For those wondering what you get fed, the fayre was an improvement on Accrington Stanley (no mushroom soup) but I do prefer my potato to taste of potato and not butter. Why do TV chefs convince us that vegetables are nicer coated in the yellow stuff? Cover potatoes, carrots and peas in butter and they all taste of….butter! I hate butter. The roast parsnip was perfectly formed and the beef was melt in the mouth. Dee-lish.

The chairs were outside the box. As luck would have it, we were at the Barnsley end, seats below, with the away terrace to our left. An inflatable penis bobbed around. Had someone been to Blackpool perchance? Full marks to the stewards, who threw it back when it landed on the pitch. Gotta give Reds fans what they want. Speaking of which, we ran riot 1st half without scoring. Wave after wave of attack, camped in their half….yet all we had to show was a mazy bit of skill from Benson which ended with him hitting the post. Otherwise, the keeper was barely troubled and the closest anyone came to scoring was a rare break from them. The ball dropped, 8 yards out, and instead of sidefooting into the empty 1/3 of the net, the striker hit Cundy (I think). Gift horse well and truly looked at in the mouth.

The orders for beer had been taken and were lined up on our tables as we went back inside. This is the life. At Oakwell, you can queue all half-time and not reach the front (hot refreshments; there’s not such a desperate rush for beer when it’s cold). Which took the edge off the dismal non-event of a second half, where absolutely nothing happened till we sent on our subs. (I’m trying to forget Cole’s header; anyone else might not have headed it straight at the keeper.) With 20 minutes left, Kane and Thomas were hooked for Phillips and Martin. Still nothing. So, with no centre forwards on the bench, Duff sends on Aitchison for Cole with 4 mins left of the 90…..and he only goes and scores with a flick from Norwood’s cross as injury time began. I’m not wearing colours, but I’m a little irritated with the ‘comedian’ further along who thinks it’s funny to be baiting the Reds so I celebrate like a f***ing good un. (Apologies to my host.) I draw the line at going topless though, a la the (grand)dad and kid in the away end. Their loss.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Andersen. Dominant. Winning headers, stepping forward to intercept, setting off attacks.
** Cundy. Confident. Filled in the Mads gaps.
* Aitchison. The game was petering out till his flick.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Andersen 2= Cundy / Jordan Williams / Kitching

Despatches:
After a post-match beer in the box, we were off to the Queens pub, and a sadder sight I’ve not seen in a long time….a pair of poor terrapins inside some small tank. I’m sure they love the locals tapping on the glass while putting up with the noise and intense lighting. Some very sad fish didn’t even have a glass front to peek out of….while there were rumours that if you looked up at the upstairs window, you might see a caged parrot. Sounds like a right animal lover, the landlord. Still, at least it’s still open….helped in part by a birthday party in full swing as we entered.

In more positive news, it was good to see Collins back in goal after his injury at Cambridge, albeit wearing one of those Phantom of the Opera masks. Fleetwood rather nicely didn’t trouble him. Kitching came back too and was excellent at the left hand hand side of the back 3. Williams and Cadden both delivered cross after cross, but they were either too far in front of the forwards (who weren’t great) or else were blocked. They were obviously under instruction to cross it low (understandable with Cole and Norwood’s inability to win a header). Benson had another promising game as #10, though Thomas only showed brief glimpses of his capability. Kane too was quiet.

Drink du jour: Madri, several pints thereof. I have no memory of the pub’s pints…just those poor, poor terrapins. Heartbreaking.

Away: c.1800 (1st sellout of the season).

Today’s take home: ‘Fleetwood’s better than Barrow’ (Sarah).

The Damage:
£31 travel
= £31

The Tunes:
BB6 Music (Radcliffe and Maconie / Huey Morgan)