I cannot remember the last time I laughed so hard I cried. Even then it was probably chemically-induced. But halfway through the first half, there I was, I couldn’t stop myself. Where else but Clapton Community FC can I hear round after round of ‘In a box, in a box, Maggie’s in a box’ 5 years after The Great One (only joking) left for higher (lower?) plains?
Those of a right wing persuasion need not apply.
Yes, it’s the final game of the season for left wing, refugee-supporting, ‘no dickheads allowed’ non-league football club, CCFC, who play at the 11th…or is it the 12th…tier of English football, on a park pitch in north-east London, in front of a scaffolded stand, with only two wooden steps to perch on. And needing a victory to secure promotion, the stand was packed and fans were half a dozen deep on the touchline. Indeed, the only on-pitch action I could see 1st half was when the ball bounced loose in the centre circle and midfielders without much ability attempted to control the ball on a bobbly pitch. So I wasn’t missing much.
The Main / only Stand
But why so many here today? Well, it was meant to be the home game of FC Roast, but given Clapton’s popularity, the venue had been switched to accommodate their ultra hordes. Indeed, my old Sunday league team (R.I.P. Perfidious Albion) used to play at Market Road in Islington, so I know well the Roast’s artificial pitch. As a further sop, gate receipts were to be shared. I’m sure Roast had one hell of a nite out if they’re sharing 1200 fans paying (a suggested) £3 a pop.
Match action
Clapton CFC came to fame earlier this season, due to the publicity earned from their commemorative away shirt honouring the anti-fascist International Brigades of the Spanish Civil War. https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2018/sep/06/clapton-cfc-anti-fascism-shirt-global-audience The shirt’s popularity went global as sales went through the roof. I have since had it on good authority that the shirt has even outsold two Premiership sides this season. It’s certainly an eye-opener. Abomination or genius – you decide. Mine’s on order.
...as modelled by my mate Rod.
CCFC themselves are a spin-off from Clapton FC, but having multiplied attendances more than twelvefold, due to the success of their ultras, a row with the owner led to the splinter club forming in 2018. Fast forward and at the end of their 1st season in the Middlesex County League, this win would see them crowned champions, and looking forward to a move to an adjacent pitch with better facilities. The future looks very bright for one non-league football club.
The Championship banner extension. Brilliant.
A smattering of us met up in Walthamstow, with the promise of being able to drink alcohol at the match. Which is important when at least 2 of your crew couldn’t give a monkeys about football. The rest were either Arsenal, lapsed West Ham, or the Super Reds (Barnsley). It was a beautiful day too as we hopped on a bus down to Wadham Lodge, via the Dog and Duck pub, a sizeable venue with a beer garden (handy for the smokers amongst us). Then it was a walk through residential streets to the ground itself. And as I say, boy it was busy. I hadn’t realised it at the time, but I could have walked around the perimeter for a view. Instead, Loko and I were mesmerised by the chants, while we stood and drank beer. So we missed ‘The Tons’ going two up.
A spin-off group of a spin-off group; ultras behind the goal.
At half-time, a number of fans moved to the end CCFC were kicking towards, allowing our troupe to edge towards the front for the second half. The atmosphere continued to be rocking, and we continued to miss any goals, as the 3rd coincided with a trip to the bog, 250 metres away in the pavilion. Not to worry, as my Barnsley mate Loko said ‘If I don’t come here at least half a dozen times next season, there’s something wrong.’ I’m with him. My tears have only just dried up. And the day still wasn’t over – Loko and I then trained it to Chesham to see a mate’s son’s band (future superstars Chapter 13) perform live after appearing on that night’s Britain’s Got Talent. Ooooh, the glam!
Players shaking hands after the match.
Despatches: As well as the aforesaid anti Maggie chant, we also had 'Maggie Maggie Maggie, DEAD DEAD DEAD' which is obviously as tasteless as it is brilliant. But my own favourite was 'We're the Clapton, the mighty Clapton and we're gonna win away....a win away, a win away, a win away, a win away...' to the tune of 80s classic 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight'. As Arnie said, 'I'll be back'. The Damage: £3 ent The Tunes: Mixmag March ’12 (Richie Hawtin) Mixmag March ’14 (Seth Troxler)
Essential match supplies.
The ultras.
I know another team with a Billy Casper flag...(Barnsley FC)
Welcome to...the League 1 promotion party!!! 'We've got Daniel Stendel...'
What a season it’s been.Unbeaten at home (first time in my lifetime), crushing away victories and promotion clinched in midweek without even playing.The football has been amazing at times (most of the times) with Stendel’s high press and slick breaks destroying lesser mortals.And the away trips have been second to none.Where haven’t I enjoyed visiting?Wycombe, Shrewsbury, Burton, Luton, Southend…etc etcA far better away day than these metropoli (sp?) of Brum, Wolverhampton, Leeds, Sheffield et al.And we end it with one of the best, a first ever trip to the Memorial Stadium, the former home of Bristol rugby club.And in a neat parallel, this place has as many stands (7) as the old Manor Ground, Oxford, where we last celebrated promotion without needing a result on the day.It was a party from start to finish, though at least Reedy made the match this time…
Welcome to ....
It was though a long day.With a 5:30 kick off we were in the Brewdog by midday (for our 25% off – cheers Loko!) before traipsing up Gloucester Road for a pub crawl.I can’t remember the names of the pubs, but I do remember Pompey getting agitated at Reedy for bypassing one when we’d already been walking for 10 minutes (10 minutes!) just so’s we could get a pint of a lesser spotted craft ankle-biter, or whatever, half a mile further on.(Ian: have you seen that latest Fosters ad?Right up your street!)The boys done good tho.Not only did we walk all the way to the ground, we made it for kick-off.Military discipline.Bob would be proud.
Gloucester Road. Where trees walk down streets.
Most of us were on the away terrace, though Nice Guy Chris and Nice Lass Jane were in the seats behind the goal, Lynne and Anton high up in the East Stand and the others in the home terrace.But I doubt there was bother, as Rovers fans all day wished us well next season (and hoped we beat Brizzle City).I got separated from the rest (it’s called nipping into the chippy) and with the terrace packed, stood past the corner flag 1st half.S*** view, but I had the pleasure of blokes in knock-off lederhosen singing to their heart’s content.(On a lederhosen note, Hicksy excelled himself, wearing the genuine article, resplendent in hat too.)
A village in Bavaria is missing an idiot.
We went ahead, I believe.Looked like a game of head tennis with Moore finishing it.Cruise control now.Only, in a game of not very much, Lindsay ensured we wouldn’t have a centre half for next season’s Championship opener by getting himself sent off for a 2ndyellow.Rank stupidity.It was bad enough he’d given their bloke the ball, without pulling him back in a match whose result didn’t matter.Still, he’s a footballer and not paid to think.This was before half time and Rovers went on to nick it with 2 goals on the back post where they had numbers and we didn’t.Ho hum, who cares???
We're going up! We're going up!
Yes, Rovers' last minute winner was the queue for Reds fans to start jumping around and really getting the party underway.And while Rovers slinked off at full-time, the Super Reds came back out to take their acclaim.How long were we there?Half an hour?Nice touch too, as the players celebrated in front of us, Stendal went behind the goal to show his gratitude to those in the seats.And was that a member of Mossad or Nice Guy Chris who I saw straining through the crowd to shake The Great One’s hand?He’ll never wash that hand again (Stendel, that is.)
The team celebrate.
Then it was over.Another season gone, just like that.It could go on forever, for me.What a contrast from last season.Where is The Fool (AKA Morais) these days?If we can keep most of this team…and most importantly, Stendel, I have no fears about staying up next season.It’s just a question of how high?
Onwards and upwards!YOUUUUUUUUU REDSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Best wishes from the Rovers' club shop.
Despatches: Truth is, I can’t remember anyone’s performance save for Pinnock looking magnificent and unflustered throughout.It was good to see Cavare come on though.Even if him and Stendel have fallen out, he has played 40+ games this season and deserves to be part of the celebrations.Brown too, getting a rousing reception from the fans ‘His name is Jacob Brown and he’s f***ing dynamite.’Shame he didn’t go all John Terry full-kit wan*er though. Roll on the summer.Roll on next season.
Did my grandfathers fight in a war for THIS? (No: They were coalminers.)
*** Pinnock.I’ll miss him when he’s gone.
** Mowatt.Surely the Championship will suit him even more?
* McGeehan.To hell with it.In the spirit of Bob, I’m just voting for my favourite players.
WE’VE GOT DANIEL STENDEL.....WE’LL PLAY IT FROM THE BACK.....KIEFER MOORE AND WOODROW.....WITH PINNOCK AT THE BACK....MOWATT AND MCGEEHAN, DIMI CAVARE TOO....SKIPPER ADAM DAVIES….AND MAGIC MAMADOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALLEZ ALLEZ ALLEZ...!!! Drink du jour:Dead Pony Club IPA, Maltsmiths IPA, Brooklyn, Pravda, Old Rosie, Leffe, Erdinger.In that order.
It’s getting closer.And thanks to the Mackems and Pompey cancelling each other out, it’s in our hands.Promotion is within touching distance.Luton might draw and we snatch the championship.Or we win by 5 more goals than they win.Or we come 3rd.Or 4th.All I know is I’m having difficulty working it out sober, so god knows how I’ll manage come Satdy at Bristol…
East Stand. A queue. Shome mishtake shurely.
For half an hour, we looked very shaky against Blackpool.Passes weren’t coming off, moves were breaking down.Blackpoo had a slick one-touch move which took them 3 on 2 (ruined by the final ball).We looked like strangers.We looked nervous.Then the Oranges went a goal up.Jammy ba5tards, a huge deflection (off Lindsay?) giving Davies no chance.Don’t bottle it now, lads.We’re nearly there.
The teams come out.
Then, 40 mins in, from nothing, Cauley pulls it out of the bag.An odd goal too, as he took the ball on the edge of the box with his back to goal, took it 3 or 4 yards further away and then swivelled and shot.Bottom corner.BOOM!Nerves unjangled.Fans joyous.Players relaxed.Let’s play!Suddenly no-one has any doubts.
'One Daniel Stendel.' See what they've done there?
Half-time comes and it’s a chance to nip under the stand and warm up.Yes, that’s right, f***ing freezing it was.I thought this was the last home game?Anyway, the Oakwell steamroller gets going and Blackpoo are crushed like the cheap tarmac they are.Honestly, we shoulda scored 3 or 4 in that opening 15 of the 2nd half, but we weren’t complaining – Lindsay’s front post header from McGeehan’s delivery had ended any lingering doubts.
I've not seen the West Stand this packed since...well, ages.
Thereafter, save for a couple of late visits to our box and crosses into our crowd, it was as comfortable as it gets.Davies did save a soft one which somehow dribbled through a crowd of players, but there was still 20 minutes and more to go.No worries.The only team who would bag another was us, but the quality build up play wasn’t matched by the creation of chances. Or when a chance came, Cauley missed. Onwards and upwards!
*** Mowatt.A beautiful footballer.The Stephen McPhail I actually like.
** Pinnock.A beautiful footballer.The new Paul Futcher.Supporters’ POTY.Well done Ethan.
* Bahre.Official MOTM, I’m bottling it giving him 3rd, cos he was either a #10 genius, here, there and everywhere….or Luke Berry (here, there and everywhere, in a different way).But what impressed me was the number of times his pressing was the cue for Blackpoo to get rid in a hurry – straight to us.
Londontykes' MOTM: 1. Bahre 2. Mowatt 3. Pinnock
Awaiting the final whistle.
Despatches:
Another faultless performance from Davies.Anyone would think he’s playing for new contract (worked for Dire!)Jordan Williams again showed promise at right back, which is a good job if rumours of a Cavare falling out are true.Pinniloss continues to look solid if unspectacular, while I thought Lindsay had a splendid game, as well as notching the winner.McGeehan flitted in and out, while Brown was laid out just before half time (replaced by Kiefer, who looked a square peg in a round hole).I’d have had Cauley in my top 3 too, if he’d had his shooting boots on.One 20 yarder is not enough for me. Drink du jour: got a bottle of red for the train to the out-laws in Lichfield.Celebrations start proper next week. Away: 600?‘Your support is f***ing s***’.The very nerve of these oranges.I thought they were buzzing after getting rid of the previous owners?Obviously buzz doesn’t quite equal numbers.
The Blackpoo hordes.
The Damage: £17 train (one way) £3 prog £2 fanzine = £22 The Tunes: Big Balloon (Dutch Uncles) Let England Shake (PJ Harvey) Guilty of Love (Unloved) Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars (Fatboy Slim)
