FC Halifax Town 1-2 Chesterfield, Tuesday 24th May 2022

Halifax 1-2 Chesterfield, National League Play-off, Shay Stadium, att. 5,661

The National League play-offs and a final game of the season. A last chance to stand in traffic on the M62 and miss kick-off, a chance I took with both hands. Even then, getting off at Halifax, the two lanes soon halved due to more roadworks. A sign said lane closed in 600 yards, but rather than pull in and sit angrily as queue jumpers do what they do best, I sat in the soon to be closed lane (well, 600 yards later closed) and crawled along beside another car. I don’t think I’ve ever been car-horned like this before (by the wannabe queue-jumpers) but I rather enjoyed it. Even then, when the flash car immediately behind pulled in, he tried to ensure I couldn’t eventually pull in by being so close to the car in front (the one I’d crawled beside). Shame for him then that said car let me in, in front of him. (As an aside, I’ve read that traffic flows quicker if drivers do queue jump, but this sits uneasily with me, and, I hope, every other driver who pulls in when they see signs for a closed lane, only to be overtaken by queue-jumpers, who, I presume, haven’t read the same article as me on traffic management and are just being twunts.) Anyway, glad I got that off my chest.

Halifax. I can’t believe I’ve never been, to the ground or the place. It doesn’t help that they’ve been non-league since 2002. Seems like only yesterday they were perennial re-election favourites along with Darlington and Hartlepool. However, in 2008 they went bust and reformed as FC Halifax Town. This season sees their highest position since reforming, 4th place gaining them a place in the convoluted National League play-off system, where 4th plays 7th, 5th plays 6th, then the winners play away at 2nd or 3rd, with the winners playing the final. I’m not sure I agree with a system that gives promotion to a side in 7th, but Chesterfield grasp it with both hands, deservedly winning 2-1 on the night. They’ll now play 3rd placed Solihull Moors, away, for a chance to get beaten in the final by Wrexham or Grimsby (who progressed at Notts County last night with an injury time equaliser and 119th minute winner). Capiche?

Tonight’s game certainly attracted a crowd, over five and half thousand (Halifax’s average attendance this season: 2,130). Mind, it helped having 2,063 visitors, as well as sundry groundhoppers (I spotted 3 people I know). Shay Stadium (née ‘The Shay’) is quite smart these days too, a far cry from its tenure as a ramshackle speedway stadium. Two large (by modern English standards), covered terraces envelope either end, while a newish Main Stand also provides unencumbered views. The only stanchions are contained in the Skircoat Stand, the only remnant of the speedway days and now the seated area for away fans. This stand covers maybe two-thirds of the touchline, giving an overall stadium capacity of over 14,000.

Driving in, I passed The Shay, so at least I knew how far it was to walk. I eventually found somewhere to park the other side of the railway station, about 10 minutes away, so not too bad. I missed less of the game than I expected. Checking my wallet, I only had 20 quid, so lucky I raided the soap dish full of change in the car – it was £21 to get in. No programmes though. There never are by the time I arrive. The long queue at the turnstiles which I’d passed earlier had now disappeared and I was straight into the home terrace. Plenty of space, even given Halifax’s biggest crowd in an age.

Good atmosphere too, helped in part by the referee and a crackers 5 minute period around the half hour mark. 4 awful tackles, 3 yellow cards…and a home side baying for red. Later on, in the pub, Halifax fans mused on how the guy who scored the winning goal should have been sent off. Isn’t it strange how these things come back to bite you? The ref did his best though, and it was Chesterfield fans who were goading him with ‘You’re not fit to referee’ in the 2nd half, as they desperately clung on after Halifax pulled one back for 1-2. There were still 20 minutes left, but, in truth, the home side fell short. An excellent game for the neutral, I topped it off with a half at the Three Pigeons – Salt Jute session IPA. I wish I could have stayed for more, but I had another 2 hours’ drive in front of me. I can muse over what a season it’s been; the worst Barnsley FC season in my memory, only seeing 3 away games (thank god), visiting every Northern League ground at least once and ticking off Barrow and Harrogate in the league. And my dad passing away after 2 years of illness. Perhaps next season will be back to normal…whatever ‘normal’ is

The Damage:
£21 ent
£4 burger
= £25

The Tunes:
Jarvis (Jarvis Cocker)
The Voltarol Years (Half Man Half Biscuit)
Sometimes I Might Be Introvert (Little Simz)

BFC 1-3 Preston North End, Saturday 30th April 2022

‘If we got rid of all (t’) team after today, you wouldn’t miss any of ‘em’

Could we stay in our seats at the end, please, so the players can show their appreciation….blah blah blah. Finally, an end to this tortuous home season. Why did I choose this of all seasons, to put myself through every single home (league) game? (Note: not every single MINUTE; Like today, I’m often late, but I HAVE seen 23 full-times, and I think 5 have verged on pleasant.) Actually, I s’pose all 23 full-times have been ‘pleasant’ in a way. Today was yet another day when I couldn’t wait for the ref to blow his god damn whistle. How s*** were we?

Anyway, that announcement to the fans. Could it be more baffling? Who’d stay after full-time to ‘show their appreciation’ to a side who’ve accrued the lowest points return of any Reds side since 3 points for a win was introduced? Christ, we got more in the Premiership, playing less games, against better opposition. Wouldn’t it be easier for the players to come over to the fan? Needless to say, I was off. I did consider cutting the corner to town, and walking across the Oakwell pitch, in the hope I’d be barred from returning. But, in a moment of weakness, and having spent most of the second half considering it, I thought I’d pop to the box office to renew my ST. It was shut, of course. Gives me time to re-consider. If the club don’t want my money, I’m happy enough not to part with it.

It’s fair to say I spent most of the match livid. It didn’t help that I’d arrived around 10 minutes late, thanks to ridiculous traffic arrangements at a roundabout in Barugh Green leaving me stuck in traffic for 15 minutes. What was Slacki’s excuse? I met the little fella outside the East Stand. Seems we don’t have a decent rail service either. Not news. Anyway, I was in and cosy, in time to see us open the scoring. Woo hoo! Adeboyejo shows strength, determination and persistence to break through on the right and pull the ball back for Aidan Marsh to half-volley home from 10 yards. Cracker. Was it Marsh’s home (full) debut? We never looked like scoring again.

Preston, with nothing to play for, seemed to cut through us with ease. They’d already wasted a couple of opportunities on their left with players free, before they did us in the same area. Poor defence? Poor management? Poor individual players? Problies all 3. Though why interim coach Devaney had put Hondermarck nominally at right wing back is anyone’s guess. Talk about hanging him out to dry. Johnson is played in, unmarked, and shoots low into the far corner.

As if to show that wasn’t a fluke, we let Johnson run riot again early second half, as he hits a beauty into the far top corner. Same again, free on the left in our box. I’ll have to thank Quest for this, but it’s the first time in over 2 years this bloke has scored two in a match. The last victims? Barnsley FC. (I presume in that 5-1 debacle.) That’s 54 minutes in and 20 minutes later, the coup de grace, as a harmless ball forward goes over Sraha’s head and they’re clean through. Walton forces their bloke wide, but it’s not enough to prevent Sraha from jogging back and not bothering to stick out a leg on the goalline. Why’m I bothering if the players can’t?

But it’s ok, while we huff and puff and create sod all, we allow them 70% possession with no effort in the last half an hour to actually get the ball off them. As demoralising as it was predictable, and an apt end to a sorry Oakwell season. Maybe my memory’s failing (it is) but I’ve found this season as pathetic as I’ve ever seen – and this includes Isiah (the Messiah) having to score a late winner in our last home game to prevent relegation to division 4. This team is so bad, I’m convinced half of them will be non-league within 3 seasons.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Marsh. Scored, never gave up, tracked back. Clearly not good enough, but hey, it was nice for the kid to score.
** Walton. The POTY’s replacement made at least 3 one-on-one saves. Today could’ve been embarrassing. Sorry, even MORE embarrassing.
* Wolfe. Some good tackling in between errant distribution.

Official MOTM: Sraha. I thought it was a p***take. Maybe it was.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Marsh 2. Sraha 3. Walton

Despatches:
Sraha. Talk about dividing opinion. Everyone I spoke to thought he had a good game. He gets turned and left for dead for the first goal, he’s gently lobbed and fails to jog back quick enough for the 3rd, and inbetween he’s charged down in possession and they’re clean through (saved). If you don’t believe me, watch the highlights on youtube. Others will say ‘well, it shows how bad the rest were’. But it doesn’t. Sraha headed away easy balls under no pressure, passed the ball square under no pressure….and was too far from his marker whenever they attacked. I thought he was poor all round, but that 3rd goal, it was a gentle chip over his head, and he watches it go over him instead of jogging back to head it. Even then, Walton forces the player wide and if Sraha had put a sprint on and slid in, he’d have cleared that ball easily. Yet I’m expected to have sympathy cos ‘he’s only 19’. I see his only games this season are for Guiseley. That’s National League North, division 6. If we’re letting any young carthorse have a trot out at Oakwell, I want my turn!

A special mention too for fan favourite (certainly my ‘favourite’) Romal Palmer, hopefully limping out of a Barnsley FC professional contract after 25 minutes today. I think he tried to make a tackle. ‘Made of glass’ said a kindly Darrell in the pub later (I’ve taken out the expletives). What a waste of space he’s been this season, but why play him if we’re not offering him a new contract (please God)? I guess the answer lies with the bench, as it’s packed full of juniors and Isaac-Christie (another one who’ll never be a footballer, but who gets a contract at Oakwell).

Finally, Adeboyejo….Adeboyejo. Looked an unbelievable player for around 5 seconds in the 16th minute, then spent the match practicing how to control a ball. There was one amazing effort, redolent of his golden era with us, as he trapped it further than Palmer can kick it. Another effort at a pass, on the halfway line, gave them a throw-in level with the edge of our box. Listen, I think he’ll be a hit in the National League. He’s a trier (Gawd bless ‘im)…but a footballer?

Any other business:
Though 10 minutes late to Oakwell, there were still people queuing out of the box office. I can’t imagine it was for tickets to West Brom next week, so I guess it was for season ticket renewals. I realise there isn’t half a brain between the lot of them at Oakwell, but let them consider this: not everyone can make it, or even choose to make it, half an hour early. Part (most?) of the average fan’s enjoyment of matchday is meeting up with their mates pre-match, in the pub. Such fans need to MAXIMISE that time (especially if travelling a long way). Today was compounded by the police insisting on an early kick-off. So open the box office AFTER the game, at least until nobody’s going in.

Ahhh, the police. What a day they had, writing their blank cheques based on the possibility of 5,000 North Enders (or ‘Nobenders’ as Burnley call them) causing carnage. First of all, it was problies around 1,800, second, there wasn’t any ill-will anywhere that I could see. Most of our support hadn’t turned up, and the rest were resigned, not angry. So there were 6 police vans outside the railway station alone, including one from Durham Constabulary. I could have had a lift! Even better, I could stand around in the sun, having a laugh with my colleagues, and raking in time and a half.

Anyway, this is just for Chris. Who are these 7 players in our team today who will be non-league within 3 seasons? Here’s the players who played for us today, with the division they’ll be in by May 2025. Feel free to come back and remind me how accurate I’ve been when the time comes.

Walton: National League
Moon: National League North (but could be lower)
Sraha: National League North
Kitching: Division 3
Hondermarck: somewhere foreign.
Wolfe: Division 4
Palmer: National League (or out of the game entirely)
Styles: Championship
Adeboyejo: National League
Marsh: National League North
Morris: Division 3
Helliwell: National League North
Oduor: National League (or out of the game entirely)
Woodrow: Championship

Turns out I miscalculated….8 (EIGHT) of them will be non-lge within 3 years. Let the brickbats fly!

Drink du jour: An IPA in Spiral City (still a crap name).

Away: 1800? I heard the first refrain of ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole’ before I reached Grove Street. A seasonal record! I loved it at the end, as stewards raced onto the pitch to separate the invading horde from getting at the Preston fans (Reedy sez one lad ran on in the most apathetic pitch invasion since they were invented; another ‘sign’ of what a season it’s been.)

Points per game under Devaney: still 0.

The Damage:
£30 travel
= £30

Did I mention I’d have bought a programme after the game, but the club shop was shut? Or I’d have bought one from the stall in the East Stand (but they’d packed up)? The club are obviously looking for an excuse to give up the hassle of printing programmes. They’ll soon be saying ‘but nobody buys them’, conveniently ignoring the fact you can’t buy what you can’t buy.

The Tunes:
Achtung Bono (Half Man Half Biscuit)
BBC 5Live
Post (Bjork)

ps, I went to see Half Man Half Biscuit Fri nite. I had FUN. Imagine.