BFC 1-0 Bolton Wanderers, Friday 19th May 2023

‘Sheffield Wednesday, we’re coming for you.’

I knew it must be a big game tonite – there was one of them unofficial merch stands down near the Oakwell Sandwich Shop. Even better, they were selling half and half scarves. Imagine! A half and half Barnsley v Bolton Wanderers scarf! I went to The Mount for a beer (failed) and by the time I came back, he musta sold out of tonite’s must-have souvenir. All gone. (I wanted a pic, I wasn’t actually going to buy one. I’m not a complete w*nker.)

The fanzone was open too. I’d been up there after picking up my ticket – no chance of a beer within half an hour, and I was tired of being barged by folk in that pokey enclosure after half a minute. One of them fancy pop-up food caravans was there too, behind the Ponty. Steak and chips for 14 quid. I’d love to know how many of THOSE they sold. I spent £3.50 on pie and peas (and mint sauce) at the aforementioned sarnie shop.

Otherwise, what’s happened to The Mount? Last time I was in, the place was covered in Reds memorabilia. It looked amazing, even if the beer was sh*te. Now they just have the sh*te beer (but at least you can sneak in the back way and take a leak). I sloped off to Oakwell, defeated, and ‘enjoyed’ a fruit cider in the ground. Could things get any worse?

NO! No they couldn’t. None of this augured poorly for the match. After holding up our bits of plastic to welcome the team (f*** the dolphins) the Super Reds carried on where they left off at Bolton, took control, and cantered to victory. I wouldn’t quite go so far as to agree with one fan who described it as ‘the most comfortable one-nil I’ve ever seen’, but it WAS comfortable. Even when they got that indirect free kick for a backpass, 10 yards out, there was no belief in that away team and the shot was blazed into the away end.

Did Isted have a shot to save? Well, yes he did….a slow bobbler straight at him. Did they bombard him with an aerial assault? No, they went sideways, sideways, backwards and were hemmed in by the high press and their own inability to pass the ball. I’m sure possession stats will be on their side, but how much of this match actually took place in OUR half? The scene was set in the opening minute, as we robbed them of the ball on the edge of their box and Tedic narrowly failed to get his head on the resultant cross.

Further attacks led to 20 yard grass cutters from the KKK (Kane, Kitching and…bear with me…Connell) before we went ahead half way through the opening half. We must have just had a free kick, as all our big lads were up top when Phillips receives the ball on the halfway line. As the Trotters retreated, expecting a hoof in, Phillips confounds everybody with a reverse pass, wide left, to Connell. Not only are we now further up the pitch, but we’ve a better angle to cross from. And 3 big centre halves (and Devante Cole!) to aim for. The cross comes in, the header is banged home high into the net. GET IN! I have no idea who scored (who cares?) and only find out at half-time it’s Kitching. Good man. (As opposed to Goodman; he never did score for the Super Reds.)

Second half, we go missing for the first 10 minutes. We can’t string a pass, nevermind an attack, together, but Bolton make no inroads. How did they finish 5th? (As an aside, I heard former Hull manager and Bolton coach Phil Brown comment pre-match how their supporters were so downbeat about tonite’s match, as we’d played them off the park at their place and they felt they had little chance. Well, they were right.)

As time went on, we got to grips better, the Trotters started taking risks, and we were often in open space on the counter. I trust we’re saving actually scoring from these openings for the final. My favourite was undoubtedly when we were 3 on 2, the ball came across to Devante Cole. If he dummied it, or missed it, or passed it, Herbie Kane was clean through behind him. Fortunately, Cole is not a footballer, took it himself, and dribbled it into trouble. He’d better hope we lose this final, otherwise I don’t see him getting another game for us. Now, can people please keep off the pitch…

Onwards and upwards!

*** Connell. Like the 1st leg, everything ran through him.
** Jordan Williams. Got up the pitch and looked solid in defence.
* Kitching. I thought the back 3 had a comfortable nite, but one did score the winner…

Official MOTM: Mads

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Connell 2. Kitching 3. Phillips

Despatches:
Flicking through the programme (500 pence) there was a review of every league game this season. How’s this for our opening line-up at Plymouth?: Collins, Jordan Williams, Styles, Kitching, Mads, Cadden, Benson, Cundy, Aitchison, Cole, Connell. 9 months later and only 6 survivors (and at least one of them on borrowed time). What a turnaround. All dues to manager Duff, who’s made the necessary improvements, cut the knife where needed and improved the players who were left.

Match stats: They had 67% possession. Just looked it up. (10-7 to us on shots, 4-2 on target.) Never in doubt.

The Oakwell PA. If he tells me one more f***ing time not to go on the pitch, I will SCREAM. Was it 5 times? Ok, ok, you’ve made your point, we can tell the EFL and the FA we did our best…but my God. How to ruin an atmosphere. Also, lest it be said, there was still a game to win and there was only one goal in it. Still, after the kids had their fun and were eventually shuffled off the grass by a line of stewards, wasn’t it great to see that topless bloke desperate to be arrested? He’s so rock ‘n’ roll he was still on the pitch throughout, till eventually he made his beeline for the halfway line (again) so he could show us his ar5e (and more) before being hauled off. I presume they didn’t show THAT on Sky!?

Oh, and in hindsight, I wish good old South Yorkshire Police had made US play on the Thursday. Washday winning last nite means they have a day’s headstart on all the coaches in Yorkshire, cheap hotel rooms in London, and what’s left of our rail service from the north. I just hope every Red gets to Wembley by hook, or Lee Crooks, for what will be our finest hour. Rumours abound SYP will still make both teams play on different days though…

Drink du jour: Stowford Press mixed berries cider. Or ‘pop’ as it’s better known.

Away: 2,181. Don’t get me started. We limited their allocation, so they responded in kind. Fine. We’re not interested in getting a 20,000 crowd. We’d rather run scared of being outchanted at home by more passionate support. And the worst thing is, it worked. (Maybe we’ll do this every game next season if we go up.)

Today’s take home: E-I-E-I-E-I-O….

The Damage:
c. £30 petrol
£5 programme
£4 alcoholic pop
= £39

Salford City 1-0 Stockport County, Saturday 13th May 2023

Salford 1-0 Stockport County, League 2 play-off semi final 1st leg, att. XXXXX

I’ve let my grasp of the 92 slip. Since 2016, new stadia (Brentford, Wimbledon), promotions (Salford, Harrogate) and moving out of London (Brentford, Wimbledon, again) have given me further challenges. I managed Harrogate last season, while I was frustrated recently by Wimbledon’s only sellout of the season a couple of months back. So it came as a bit of a bonus when Salford made the play-offs, and not only made the play-offs, but were forced by Sky to kick-off at 7:45pm on a Satdy nite...after I’d seen the Super Reds (Barnsley) at nearby Bolton for an earlier kick-off.

Even better, the poorly supported league newbies would have a crowd, as they faced another local rival, Stockport County. The attendance (3,923) fell one short of a seasonal high though, as the Ammies restricted County to 500 tickets, no doubt scoping an advantage in the battle for Wembley (as Barnsley did, spitefully restricting the number of away tickets Bolton were given, thereby inducing a tit-for-tat response). Stockport, enjoying a renaissance having been as low as the National League North (6th tier) four seasons ago, have been playing in front of as many as 10,000 this season. Good to luck to them after years of travail.

Considering how urban the Greater Manchester area is, the Peninsula Stadium (great name; sadly it’s just the sponsor, who ‘look after employers’ needs’, whatever they might be) is remarkably suburban, all lovely semi-detacheds and adjacent to a park. Just watch out for the parking restrictions. I found a perfect space a couple of hundred metres from the ground and I had to walk another 50 metres before finding a small sign warning me of the consequences. Good job I was warned in advance! I was there in good time though, so parked on the hill down from the stadium, which was perfect for a quick getaway in the same direction.

I’d bought my ticket online, having first had to email Salford to convince them I wasn’t a Stockport fan. It was £15 everywhere in the stadium (standing or seats). I went behind the goal, on the West Stand terrace. Access was via one of those lovely streets, Nevile Road. No programmes, even at this early hour, though I’m sure I saw someone with one. I was told at the club shop they were on sale inside the turnstile. No they weren’t. The shop did though offer me 70% off all club merchandise. A Salford City FC hoodie for 12 quid sounded like a bargain (though I resisted temptation). When would I ever wear a Salford City FC hoodie?

Even better, for a connoisseur of a certain age, was the Seven Bro7hers brewery stall. Yes, I would like an IPA. I could imbibe it as I read my programme. Oh. There was also an excellent array of food stalls, as well as beer for the less discerning. Altogether, a great package in the home end and exceptionally welcoming.

The Peninsula Stadium is a smart, if dull, affair. It’s been developed as the ‘Class of 92’ owned club rose through the divisions and is functional, if lacking in charisma. Still, I expect several non-league clubs with decent backing would kill for a stadium like this. (Dulwich Hamlet, South Shields, I’m thinking of you.) With a capacity of around 5,000, it’s more than big enough, but cosy too, all-enclosed. Seats adorn the touchlines, terracing behind either goal, with a cantilevered roof all round.

The away fans have been given the opposite far left corner and are a menacing bunch, at one point storming the lack of barriers to charge at the Salford fans and throw a few punches through the dividing netting. That they return of their own accord is neither here nor there, as the 3 or 4 stewards are swamped. It’s unsavoury, but brief, and reinforcements are found for half-time.

The match? 1-0 to the home side, a first half header being the only mark on the scoresheet, despite an entertaining end-to-end first half. The second half was a bit of a non-event. Were Salford just happy to take a lead to Edgeley Park? Were Stockport happy to just take a one goal deficit? I dunno, but it seemed to be the halves were the wrong way around, cagey latter half after an open opening. Anyway, I’m back up to 90. Now, to engineer trips to Brentford and Wimbledon...

The Damage:
£15 Ent
£4 beer
= £19

Bolton Wanderers 1-1 BFC, Saturday 13th May 2023

‘Yer Keith Lemon ba5tard.’

Where does time go? I haven’t been to this stadium (whatever it’s called this week) since our Premiership season. That’s 25 years ago. And to paraphrase someone’s opinion of the Austrian Eurovision entry…..I’ve warmed to it. I used to hate it…now I just don’t like it. Middle of nowhere, miles from Bolton, more hotel, office complex and TK Maxx dispenser than football ground, and devoid of any local character, just car parks and the motorway…I still think it’s dreadful. But if you’ve got a car, and you park up 15 mins from the ground near The Beehive pub (is the Bolton car park EIGHT QUID?), you can wallow in a pre-match carvery (with extra Yorkshire pudds for the greedy) within walking distance of the ground. And if you’re really lucky, you get to see Patrick Bamford miss the penalty that would give Dirty Leeds a two goal cushion in their fight to achieve relegation. Ideal pre-match entertainment!

At least this took the mind off our game. Since the previous night, when Sheffield Superclub had been slammed by little old Peterborough, I’d envisioned a spanking. Our record against Bolton is pretty abysmal, they’d beaten us three nil at our place (and were far superior even before Mads’ sending off) and our form had stalled. So full praise to the Super Reds, who were the better side throughout. I know it must be so, cos every Bolton fan I spoke to after the match, said so. Slightly galling for them, our relative dominance came courtesy of Luca Connell in midfield, a forner Trotter.

That we didn’t win was, as ever, due to our finishing….oh, and a rare mistake from keeper Isted. 1st half, our big chance fell to Tedic, but the keeper read the attempted dink. Second half, a ball rolls loose and it’s Tedic again….oops, no it’s not, it’s centre half Bobby Thomas…who takes a mite too long and the keeper is out again to smother. (I’ve since read their manager says this keeper – on loan from Man City – is the best keeper in the division.) Otherwise, Cole ought to have done better when cutting inside (wide) while a cheeky snapshot went similar. I’m not sure Watters or Norwood, upon coming on, touched the ball in their half.

We took the lead an hour or so in with a superb strike from Cadden. I think our left back has scored as many as Cole this season. Certainly since March. Cole lays the ball back to him during a corner scramble, and Cadden hits it true through 20 yards of players. Carnage in the away end. Say what you like about this stadium, but it’s an amazing view from the upper tier. They equalise within minutes. Oh well, we’ll always have that 200 seconds or so…

They break, a ball is played across, and the subsequent low cross from the left is bundled in via Isted’s palms. Does he slip? What happened? Why do we never score these goals? Anyway, it was nice to hear the whole ground (Tyke and Trotter) sing ‘E-I-E-I-E-I-O up the fooball league we go’. I really like that tune. Maybe we should enter THAT for Eurovision. (The UK finished 2nd off bottom this year…I hear. And no, I couldn’t tell you her name – I know it’s a her – or the song.)

And that was it. Neither side was particularly adventurous in that last 20 mins or so. If anything, it looked like the cageyness I expected in the opening sequence. Watters and Norwood were thrown on, but were obviously under instruction not to press, retreating to the halfway line like days of yore, before the ‘high press’ was invented. And Bolton never did get another shot on target, despite sending on Big Vic. For once, it wasn’t ‘written in the stars’ for a former Red to do us.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Connell. In an often helter-skelter clash, he remained calm and composed.
** Mads. Thank goodness he was back to marshal the defence.
* Cadden. Despite a slow start (being beaten a couple of times) the strike more than makes up for it.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1= Andersen / Connell 3. Cadden

Despatches:
Cole played well, without looking like scoring. Watters. What’s the point? And what’s the point of a Norwood if he’s not allowed to charge around unsettling defenders. Still, ‘Supwer Michael Duffy’ knows best. (He’s got most things right this season.) In defence, Bobby Thomas had a dodgy opening 20 minutes, messing up a couple of clearances. I want the Bobby Thomas of 2 months ago, not the one we’ve had since. The rest I can’t remember off the top of my head.

Oh yes. Phillipswatch. For someone who wasn’t involved in the game…he was very involved! First half, rockets one (just over). Second half, skies one into the upper tier (from a corner played back to him; the only time I’ve seen us score this goal was John Curtis – on loan from Manure – Championship play off season). Phillips also hits the free kick which falls loose to Thomas; he takes the corner which causes the carnage leading to our goal. And it’s him who is culpable for their goal, as he fails to stick out a leg for the crossfield pass. I know folk think I’ve got it in for him, which is why I’ve replayed the goal half a dozen times to double check what I saw with my own eyes from the other end of the stadium. I am merely reporting what I observed and having seen it six more times, I am more convinced than ever. And yes, Isted could’ve done better too.

Xg, or ‘expected goals’ to those living in a cave the last 3 seasons. I’m not sure they do this for an ordinary 3rd division match, but it was there on Satdy. 1.51 v 1.58 apparently. Howthehell are these things measured? Checking the stats, we had 19 shots to their 7 (5 on target to 1). Of course, it’s not just about the final shot (otherwise, how would teams get an xg of, say, 0.58 despite never having an effort?) But are you telling me someone is in a room somewhere (where? Ecuador?) minutely studying every single piece of play to determine…oh….in that particular break we had a 0.17 chance of scoring? How does it work? And does it take into account the player(s) involved? That Bobby Thomas chance, for example, I’d fancy any of our front line to have taken that early and maybe 3 of the 4 of them (Cole, Norwood, Tedic, Watters) to bag.

And ticket allocations: Yes, Bolton only gave us 2,100 instead of the usual 5,000+ available to away fans. But it seems the tit for tat started with US. Well done BFC. We’re so scared of the mighty Trotters that we limited them to 2000. Why would we cut off our noses to spite our faces? This undoubtedly means empty seats at Oakwell, as it did at the University of Bolton Stadium (got there in the end!) They had 25,000 odd in a home game v Derby and it was 23,000 and some today. Given we took a sellout 4,700 to Wigan the last but one time we were in division 3, I’d have confidently predicted we could have sold 5,000 at Bolton….and them likewise at Oakwell. Poor.

Drink du jour: After a couple of cokes with my carvery, I treated myself to a bottle of Brooklyn. This was a Greene King pub after all, and the beer choice wasn’t great. Strongbow Dark Fruits, anyone?

Away: 2,100. Raucous.

Today’s take home: All to play for!

The Damage:
c. £35 petrol
£3 programme
= £38