BFC 2-2 Fleetwood Town, Saturday 28th October 2023

An ode to our home shirt: I feel so super In my shirt by Kid Super But what would be bestward Would be Vivienne Westwood And if I want to be dapper... ...it should be by Frank Zappa

I s’pose we should be grateful for the point. For great swathes of the second half, for all we enjoyed copious amounts of possession, shots and promising opportunities, we never looked like we’d score. I don’t know how many low crosses Cadden put in, our forwards were resolute in their refusal to run across defenders into space. And today of all days...against Little Lee. ‘POMO’ (Position of Maximum Opportunity) was pounded again, and again, and again...and no-one in a red shirt made a run. Cotter especially found himself in ‘bomb alley’ countless times, and countless times failed in his mission to ably cross a ball. I can’t remember the last time a player promised so much and delivered so little. His first touch was unbelievable, as he’d take it away from his marker and give himself time and space to...fail spectacularly. My favourite was the one in the first half where he cut inside with his first touch…and dragged it wide from 12 yards. Listen, Bazza, if you can’t kick it with your left foot, PASS IT. If you can’t pass it with your right foot, GET OFF THE PITCH. Otherwise, the amount of times he found himself free…and messed it up, was off the scale.

The shot count was 25-7 (8-4 on target). ‘High wide and not very handsome’ was our mantra. Russell toe poked it wide of an empty net from 3 yards. De Gevigny blazed over from 12. Watters headed a close range header wide. Cole missed a penalty (and tapped in the rebound, phew). Yet we were reliant on the ball of the century from Kane and a reserve right back (O’Keefe) steaming in to crash the header beyond the keeper. (It later transpired O’Keefe had told Kane he’d make this run; could our forwards not do something similar?) 88th minute it was, though that was to ignore the 10 minutes of injury time played. (Point of order, ref, but you didn’t see any need to add any extra time to the extra time? Not even considering their throw-in down in the right corner, which took the best part of a minute?)

But I can’t blame the ref. We’re at home to a side with untold off the field issues (owner banged up for 13 years), a small budget…and managed by Little Lee. Could they be more handicapped? Yet we concede two and need to rely on a pen and a right back to rescue ourselves. We went one down in the third minute, as a complacent defence allows an attack down their left. Ok, the cross got a lucky deflection off Russell that drops nice for Quitirna, but the keeper hardly covers himself in glory, standing still and staring instead of haring out of his goal Schmeichel-style. Their second is a wonderful free kick into the top corner by the same player. Get him signed.

Inbetween, we have our obligatory row over who takes the penalty. I say obligatory. We waited two and half years for a home pen, and now we’ve had 2 in 2 games. The other nite Kane, Cole and Styles needed to have a conversation (understandable; perhaps they never thought they’d see the day when we got another pen). Today, it’s Cole and Kane. Cole won the pen, nipping in front of the keeper (so he CAN make that run!) and being brought down, so he obvs thinks he should have it. But Kane took it the other nite and scored (not necessarily convincingly, IMHO). Anyway, Cole won’t let go of the ball and Kane is forced to retreat, putting the hex on our star striker. Luckily, the poor effort is palmed nicely back and it’s one-all. The Fleetwood lead has lasted all of 4 minutes and now we march on to inevitable victory.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cadden. Endless supply.
** Kane. Kept the game moving, hit 2 excellent shots and created the equaliser with a sublime pass.
* McCart. Tidy (and ignored, what with the clamour for The Frenchman).

Official MOTM: McAtee

Londontykes’ POTY: 1= Cadden/Kane 3. McCart

Despatches:
Some interesting tactical decisions from the manager. O’Keefe for Cotter was standard (though how he made it to 63 minutes is anyone’s guess). No, what perplexed me was dragging off Cadden (and McAtee) with about 10 left, for Dodgson and Jalo. I couldn’t see Dodgson improving on Cadden’s output, but what’s this? Cole is now on the left wing (and actually getting into the game, I think he got 2 shots off, long range, no danger). Watters is already on (for Russell) and with Jalo and Cole, it looks like Collins is aimlessly chucking on forwards. And maybe he is. There’s that many forwards on the pitch, Fleetwood don’t notice O’Keefe sneaking in.

The players? I’ve not noticed him before, but I really enjoyed watching McCart today. Solid, covered well, good passing. Williams and The Frenchman were dominant (how DID we concede 2?). In midfield, Phillips had a couple of nice touches, but that was it (hauled off for the equally ineffectual Benson) while Russell...I dunno. He inadvertently set up their opener, but at half-time a few of us marvelled at Russell knocking it past an opponent, making a start towards the ball, then pulling up as he realised that however slowly the ball was rolling, it was too fast for him to make it before it went out for a throw-in. I felt for him. I’m that slow as well these days (but I’m a week or so off 50).

It was also good to see (hear?) the crowd get behind the team in that 2nd half, as Oakwell was a morgue the first. Yes, we were kicking towards the Ponty, trying to force an equaliser, but I’m sure everyone had a better time once we started making some noise. It was almost like it used to be. Ok, I’m exaggerating. It was nearly almost as good as it once was at home to a middling side on a Tuesday nite in February. But it was a vast improvement on the opening 45.

Oh, and the ref. When was the last time we had an official whose first and last names were homophones? Neil Hare. Kneel Hair? Yes, this is what I’m thinking about when I’m not thinking about Cadden’s crosses, Cotter’s attempts at crosses...and forwards who stare a gift horse straight in the mouth. We should’ve had 6 today.

Drink du jour: Whatever obscure pale ale I’ve never heard of in Spiral City. Very nice.

Away: 223

The Damage:
c.£30 petrol
= c.£30

BFC 3-0 Shrewsbury Town, Tuesday 24th October 2023

‘How s*** must you be, we’re winning at home!’

I’m getting the sweats. It’s like that time last season when the car was running out of oil. Only this time, I have a slow puncture. How slow? I dunno, but I fill up with air before we set off and I stop at Wetherby for more. What do you call tyre pressure? (Looks it up.) PSI. Whatthehell is ‘PSI’? Anyway, it’s gone down from 30 to 24. (Still, it was 8 when a bloke started pointing and shouting at me in Lidl Spennymoor earlier.) It’s fine though, I get there.

After a pre-match pint, we’re hauled to the ground by 11 year old Violet. Maaan...I’m outside the Oakwell Sandwich Shop half an hour before kick-off. Ahhh, to be that thrilled about the prospect of a home game. I remember those days...just. Was everything more thrilling when you were young? Is it better to be bossed around by your mum, or by your other half?

So, I’m in for kick-off. One person who isn’t is my friend Diane, who I’ve given a lift to. She never misses kick-off, but you try getting a bus from Barugh Green. And history is made as she misses her first ever goal at Oakwell, as she’s sticking her head down a toilet to be sick. I text her. ‘Penalty’...but she’s busy. We have not been awarded a home penalty since March 2021 (the BBC website tells me). Surely not. How can a team who’ve scored more than any other in the league in the past year not be awarded a penalty? (Don’t get Jonesy and Farnham started.) Statistically, we are SURELY in the opposition box enough times to be awarded SOMETHING.

And so it is, soft. Cotter hits a shot from the edge of the area and it slams into a bloke 6 yards away. Apparently it’s hit his elbow, but aside from cutting his arm off, I’m not sure where he’s meant to put it. There isn’t a person alive with the reaction to move out of the way of this shot. The ref points, and after a a tete a tete (a tete?) between Kane, Styles and Cole, the former refuses to give up the ball and sends the keeper the wrong way. From being unable to kick a ball forwards the other week, he’s now 2 goals in 2 games. Go Herbie!

It also relinquishes one worry tonite...a card-happy ref. Apparently this one has reffed 9 games this season and dished out 49 yellow cards and 7 reds. And it takes him 3 mins to book his first, as a defender goes right through Cole, albeit in slow motion. Minutes later, Styles is cautioned. (I thought he got the ball.) But the pen sets us up nice and a minute later Cole is breaking free on the right. Does he do a Dire and shoot from an acute angle, or does he square it for the onrushing Styles to have an open net. The pass is perfect and Styles can’t miss. This game is easier than I expected! (Anyone who remembers last season Shrewhousery knows what I mean.)

The rest of the half is keep-ball, as Kane and his mates play constant triangles around a bemused and befuddled opposition. I feel sorry for the Shrews, they look really sad. But they eke in two nil at the break and come out vaguely fighting, 2nd half. That said, subs have started to be made. Phillips is on for Styles at HT. Makes sense. Then, just after the hour, Collins sends on O’Keefe, Dodgson and Watters for Cotter, Cadden and McAtee. He’s taken off 3 players who’ve been playing well...and nothing happens. I hope these don’t score, I’m thinking, before Dodgson turns and plays a reverse pass down the middle of the pitch to Watters, who lays it on for Cole to stride into the box and hit a glorious finish. Great goal, job done. Now, can I get my car back home...

Onwards and upwards!

*** Kane. Ran the first half, by which time we were out of sight.
** Cole. Made all the right runs, pressured the opposition, and got his reward.
* McAtee. Gave the Shrews a lot to think about with his movement.

Official MOTM: Cole

Londontykes’ POTY: 1. Cole 2. De Gevigny 3. Kane

Despatches:
First of all, I’m a little stunned with the stats….we only had 60% possession. Felt like 90 at times. But I did like that the shots on target ratio reflected the possession stats…3-2. That means, despite our dominance, we had THREE shots on target, and scored with every one. This will not happen every week. We need to get more shots off…though at two nil, it felt like we were trying to demoralise them and hope the breaks would come later.

There were several excellent performance. I know folk were raving about The Frenchman. He looks to be able to read the game, and, like several other top drawer defenders we’ve had of late (Pinnock, Helik, Mads) likes to step out and intercept the ball, ready to start a counter attack. But I thought Jordan Williams stole the show in defence. I don’t think anyone beat him all nite and he was there under the bar as the ball bounced around asking to be knocked in. I missed this, but it wasn’t our usual keeper. Kilip was in and had nought to do. (I remember one of the shots he saved, a gentle 20 yarder into his midriff.) Russell looked assured in midfield. Lost possession as often as he broke sweat. Styles was in amongst it and had his best game (half) I’ve seen in a while. Maybe our lower division ‘total football’ suits him. The amount of times you’d see McAtee dropping off...sometimes as far as left back…for Styles to slip into the space behind him, or Cadden to get up the pitch. I get the idea the players have ‘bought in’ to what this manager is attempting to do, being prepared to cover for their mates, make dummy runs, take players out of position. It augurs very well. Not that we’ll have it this easy all season. At one point in the first half, Cole picked the ball up on the halfway line, up against 5 defenders, and nary a Red in sight. That he was allowed to get to the box AND get his shot off, said more about Shrewsbury Town than anything else I saw last nite.

Drink du jour: Leffe with the Galvins in Wetherspoons

Away: 220. ‘Never’ some said. No. ‘Never’ was the overall crowd of 10,859. I wish we’d publish the REAL figure on these midweek games. I’ll go 8,500.

The Damage:
c.£30 petrol
£3.50 air for tyre
= c.£33.50

Crook Town 3-1 Seaham Red Star, Saturday 14th October 2023

Crook Town 3-1 Seaham Red Star, Northern League Division 1, The Sir Tom Cowie Millfield, att. 312

Time is nearly upon us. Or me, at least. The legals are going through and I’ll soon be moving to the Pennines. How many more Northern League games will I ever see, with a plethora of new non-league grounds to visit in the West Yorks/Greater Manchester area? Thus, I plump for an old favourite, Crook Town. It’s that or Darlington in the National League North, and their football was abysmal when I saw them a fortnight ago. It’s a no brainer, which is lucky.

Millfield is easily in my top 3 of Northern League grounds. Two sides are built into a natural hill and you can easily imagine the place holding 10,000+ as it did in the glory days of the 1950s. Presently, two sides are grassed over (did they once hold terraces?) but there’s still a large terrace behind the near goal as you enter. These days, they have picnic tables on top. Today is gloriously sunny...but also cold. Typical north-eastern, even when the sun’s out it’s chilly. Having lived down south many years, I’m there in coat and scarf. I chat to the only other scarf-wearing fan in the ground, a lady of similar age. She’d have her gloves on too, she adds, if her son hadn’t already nicked them for himself. Meantime, there are still the usual types in their shorts. What is it about these people?

To the right is grass banking. ‘Please keep off the grass’ is emblazoned on each floodlight pylon. Are they trying to legally protect themselves in case an idiot slips on the bank? As it is, the only way to the top of the bank (and therefore enjoy a better view) is to keep ON the grass. Mind, few do, as the majority of the crowd are on the terrace or in the main stand.

As the terrace swings round the pitch, the refreshment kiosk divides it and the main stand. ‘Only Foods and Sauces.’ Brilliant. It’s right up there with Ryton’s ‘The Scran Van’. Big choice too, none of which I took up. Then the Main Stand, a traditional structure with a pitched roof immaculately painted. A floodlight pokes through the roof (and impedes visibility) but who cares? They don’t make ‘em like they used to!

Today I grab a beer from the social club (near the entrance) and find an unused picnic table to perch my ale on. Before long I’m joined by a couple of others, one man and his carer (true). We chat throughout the half and it’s a genuine surprise when the ref blows the half-time whistle. Time has flown. While they go off for a tea to warm up, I circumnavigate the ground, taking care TO KEEP OFF THE GRASS. I pass the obligatory non-league dog and have a good stroke. He’s a friendly chap.

Second half, I start on the terrace under cover. I’ve nipped into the social club to visit the gents and it’s very busy. I feel like half the crowd is in here to warm up. No-one is anywhere near finishing their pint as I leave to find the teams already out. Crook, halfway up the league are hosting strugglers Seaham Red Star. Within 15 minutes it’s one-all, as Crook’s lead lasts all of 2 minutes. Time ticks by and with 3 mins left and the draw looking likely, Crook throw on The Big Man. A free kick is punted from the centre spot, The Big Man holds off a defender and hooks home. Seaham attempt to respond but are picked off on the counter for 3-1. The fans from the social club are now grouped at the back of the terrace chanting about the glory of their Crook heroes. It’s a fine way to end.

The Damage:
£7 ent
£1 programme*
£3.80 Stella Artois (pint)
= £11.80

*which I lost, probably dropped on the floor when I took my coat off to get in the car. I wouldn't mind, but the last time I was here, they'd ran out. I'll never own a Crook Town FC programme!

Exeter City 0-1 BFC, Saturday 7th October 2023

‘And if you put 5 cents in, the bed would jiggle!’

Another week, another terrible game...but we won!!!!!!!! I’m not sure what to say. It started badly...I drove nearly 350 miles on Friday only to get a puncture within sight of Devon. After last season’s debacle of getting to within 50 miles of the ground before the game was called off, I was beginning to think I was jinxed. I’d envisaged a few drinks in Ashburton with my old mate Tarek, instead I was sat under a bridge near Taunton, dusk falling, waiting for a mechanic. (It took an hour and a half, coulda been worse).

Thankfully, it was no harbinger of what lay ahead. Satdy was a glorious day and we were there early to sample the delights. Met up with Big Al and The Captain in The Farmers Union (their lack of apostrophe; maybe the union belongs to neither the farmer or farmers). An average pint of Atlantic pale ale (is there any other) before meeting up with the others in arch craft ale place Cuckoo, before heading up to the ground to have a last beer in their social club with former Londontyke pool team legend Chris Badman, an Exeter fan.

By now, I was probably three sheets to the wind. Or did I imagine an entirely appalling game with a distinct lack of credible goalmouth action? If I said they hit the post twice, while we missed 2 unbelievable chances and scored in injury time, it almost sounds like a cracker. But inbetween, the game was going nowhere, if anyone was gonna score it was them...when sub McAtee got on the end of a cross and headed home. He’d already missed one sitter, and was to do it again after, as we hit them on the break and with the keeper to beat...he hit the sidenetting. Having not looked like scoring in 90 minutes, we could have had 3 in injury time. Obviously, we celebrated like winning the World Cup.

Onwards and upwards!

Honourable mention here to Bob for saying ‘no-one stood out’ then naming a top 3.

*** Nobody. At one point I was giving it to the keeper…then a minute later he slipped and nearly gifted Reds reject Aitchison a goal.
** Nobody. Clean sheet, maybe a defender is worth a couple of points? No. It was that sort of game.
* McAtee. Came on for the ineffectual Watters (great nickname) and bagged.

Londontykes’ POTY: 1. De Givigny 2. Jordan Wiliams 3. McAtee

Despatches:
We have 22 points from 12 games. That’s nearly two points a game. All that despite being bang average all season. If I was an optimist, I’d say this augurs very well for the rest of the season. However, given we started the season as 2nd favourites with the bookies, anything less than top 2 is under achievement. Given the standard of the league this season, we can’t possibly fail to make the play-offs at least...can we?

Otherwise, it was a most excellent day, in particular the company...Nice Guy Chris and Jane, Reedy and Farnham, as well as the aforementioned. And who doesn’t love standing on a terrace!? (Chris and Jane, obvs)

Drink du jour: Atlantic pale ale, Cloudwater Socal, Jail Ale (not very nice) and finally Leffe in The Imperial (a vast, grand Wetherspoons that was previously a hotel).

Away: c.700

The Damage:
c.£100 petrol
£50 away shirt (I called in at Barnsley on the way)
£21 ent
£3.50
= c.£174.50