Peterborough United 1-3 BFC, Sunday 29th December 2024

‘Julie don’t care about me.’

Guess who’s back? Back again. Back again, back again, back again. Yes, all you other Geordie Als are just imitating. Did you miss me? (That’s rhetorical.) Yes, I’m back. No more skylining. No more white water rafting. No more Zorbing. No more swimming in rivers heated by geothermal energy. No more being carted around vineyards by long lost Londontykes (cheers Tickle!) No more watching whales frolicking just outside the harbour. No more worrying about sharks while swimming off deserted sandy beaches. No more being forced to hand over my backpack at the supermarket cos of the rampant shoplifting problem. (They don’t tell you THAT in the guidebook!) No more avoiding the Super Reds with the excuse that a 4am kick-off time just isn’t for me. Yes, cometh the hour, cometh the part time supporter.

I got back Xmas Day, 4 days ahead of my luggage. At a push I could’ve gone to Bolton, but tickets had to be bought by Xmas Eve, and besides, I’m not a fan of out of town characterless stadia, even if they’re down the road from me. I’d much rather drive more than twice as far to London Road. Besides, we always win at Peterboro, right? Which reminds me, I’m only going cos I want to see a Barnsley victory, something that doesn’t happen at Oakwell. This would be my 5th or 6th away victory and I’ve seen us win at Oakwell ONCE. Standard.

Nozzer and I hadn’t got tickets. They went off sale 2 days before the match, despite being online only. (Why?) However, not selling out meant tickets available on the day and who, apart from Paul and I, now possess a souvenir match ticket for the away end? That’ll be worth something one day. If by ‘something’ I mean ‘nowt’. 30 of your finest pounds. (I think it was 25 in advance). But whatthehell? Guaranteed win and all...

Being Johnny Come Latelies, our seats were down near the front. The teams are out. No Nwakali, who everyone is raving about. Surely he’d be in the team if he’s THAT good? POTY Cotter is this week’s left wing back, O’Keefe right and the back 3 is an unfamiliar (to me) Pines, MdG and McCarthy. Connell and Russell are going to tie up centre midfield, while Phillips and DVD will flit around the goalzone with Watters to occupy defenders (if not score). I think that’s the gameplan.

And for 25 minutes it works. We are all over these, and it’s only a matter of time...before we miss. Connell plays Watters clean through, and he has all the time in the world to let the keeper come out, narrow the angle, and deflect over. JUST TAKE IT EARLY MAN, BEFORE THE KEEPER SETS HIMSELF. That said, Watters impresses, unselfish off the ball runs, and holding the ball up for the others. Then someone flicks a switch and it’s all Posh. They have one chance, as Pines messes up and the break ends in a low cross and shot (incredible save from Kilip).

Half time and Londontyke bantz is how we need to haul Cotter for Gent. Apparently Cotter is holding up our attacks, which isn’t the impression we get in the ground. Cotter is just one of 5 players playing possession pentagon over that far side, and if anyone isn’t running into space when he has the ball, it’s Connell. (Let’s not also add the twice he’s played the opposition in with misplaced passes.) Clarke holds his nerve, and Cotter stays on. We and him come out like players possessed.

We are ALL OVER Posh from the outset. Pines arrows one into the corner from 10 yards just after half-time, while minutes later it’s two and this is a PEACH. We have a corner on the far side and we can see what is going to happen before it does. DKD arcs around a crowded box, losing his marker who’s stuck in traffic. We’re obviously up to something and a daisy cutter from O’Keefe is hammered home by Davis Keilor-Dunn-Davis-Keilor, whatever he’s called.

By now, we are so dominant, Clarke decides to give Cosgrove a trot out for Watters and we are waltzing to victory as Clarke lines up more subs. So it came as some surprise when the ref pointed to the spot from a Posh corner. The delivery was going nowhere, so which moron could possibly have ‘given the ref a decision to make’? He’s called McCarthy, and having seen it on telly, I’d say it’s a pen, whatever A. Jones of Sidcup says. Rank stupidity, given how in control we were. 1-2.

Again Clarke holds his nerve. On comes Gent and Nwakali for POTY and Phillips but before they can make a difference, Posh have a man sent off, straight red for a challenge on O’Keefe. Personally, I thought it was a yellow (Darren Ferguson agreed!) but I can see why it was given. From here on we run riot, personified by Jon Russell (who’d received brickbats throughout from the bloke in front) using Cosgrove as the decoy, dropping a shoulder and sidefooting the ball into the corner from 20 yards. Pure class. Cue 10 minutes of ‘it’s just like watching Brazil’ and ‘walking in a Darrell wonderland’. I know, I know. If we’d lost at Bolton and Posh, Clarke would’ve been down the job centre. Happy Xmas, Darrell! Love you!

Onwards and upwards!

*** MdG. Brought the ball out, found players with passes, imperious throughout. (We’ll ignore early doors, when he overran the ball and clattered their player.)
** Cotter. The life and soul of the party. A sublime 15 minutes helped us run away with it.
* Watters. Worked hard, ran the channels, held the ball up and found the cavalry.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. MdG 2= Cotter/O’Keefe/Watters

Despatches:
What’s with the latest chant?

I don’t care about Julie
Julie don’t care about me (SLAG!)
All I care about...
Is Barnsley FC

You can argue all you want about some of our minority owner’s decisions, but let’s not polish a turd: it’s blatant misogynistic abuse. The (male) MAJORITY owner doesn’t get this abuse. Why aren’t we abusing the Director Football? Isn’t he in charge of player signings? I might not be a fan of JAQ, but just because she puts her head above the parapet doesn’t mean you have to shoot at it.

More importantly, I have stood Nozzer down from navigational duties. So much for giving my phone with Google Maps on to him. No, not good enough. So he gets his own phone out and, having pootled toward the centre through the Peterborough ‘burbs, we’re now driving OUT of them and heading towards the countryside. ‘Why are we going this way?’ I ask, as we see a sign for Nene Park. ‘This is where they play, isn’t it?’ My God. Some wires appeared to have been crossed. (Didn’t Rushden and Diamonds play at Nene Park?) This is to exclude the times he said ‘I wouldn’t have gone this way’. YOU’RE MEANT TO BE TELLING ME WHICH WAY TO GO! Preferably BEFORE I get to a roundabout, a turning, etc. Anyway, f*** it. Why don’t I just drive into the city centre and take it from there? I’ve been to Posh enough times to know EXACTLY where the ground is. Plan B works a treat. (Sorry Nozzer.)

Oh, and is there a sadder sight than seeing middle aged men in a toilet at a 3rd division football ground imbibing coke? Least, I think it was coke. Could’ve been speed. Anyway, can I have some?

The players? Back to front...

Kilip made that great save, but never came out for corners. I’ve heard of players having a HEAD like a fifty pence piece, but Pines has a foot like one. He specialises in slicing a clearance, then running on to head it clear. Basically, he plays 1-2s with himself. McCarthy looked alright, save for the pen. No worse than Roberts or Earl, who I’ve not missed at all. O’Keefe was excellent, while I’m convinced with every game that passes that Phillips and DKD are the same player. Class acts who go missing but are our best chance of a goal. Russell I didn’t really notice, probably because he was doing the simple things well. Connell improved 2nd half. Oh, and you know when the game is won…cos he gives Aidan Marsh a few minutes.

Drink du jour: A very average pale ale from Charters (the pub on a boat). What happened to the Jaipur I sent Nozzer in to get?

Away: c.1,500. Not far off a sellout.

The Damage:
£30 ent
c.£31 petrol
= £61

Wellington Phoenix 1-2 Macarthur, Saturday 14th December 2024

Wellington Phoenix 1-2 Macarthur, A League, Sky Stadium, att. 7,384

When the A League was formed 20 years ago, how did they decide on team colours? I’m wondering this as I gaze out at approximately 28,000 empty yellow seats at the Sky Stadium. Do Wellington Phoenix choose yellow cos of the seats? Or are the seats yellow because of the team? Who predates who? Team or stadium? Anyway, with a mere attendance of 7,384, there’s plenty of space for all.

Phoenix have done their best too, today’s game offering a free ticket for every one sold. ‘Nix for nix’ I think translates as ‘Phoenix for nowt’. A catchy catchphrase, but their marketing needs more work, as I’ve been in Wellington a couple of days and had no idea. This means that when I buy my ticket, the guy behind the counter insists I take a free one. A Kiwi behind me hears what’s going on and instantly says ‘I’ll take it’. He gives me 20 dollars for it, meaning we both save about a tenner in English money. Bargain. (This also encourages me to spend more money on beer, which wasn’t such a bargain.)

I’m in New Zealand on holiday and have engineered to be in Wellington for this game. Is this the southern-most top division side on the planet? I ask Google and it comes up with Dunedin...but what constitutes top division, when it’s New Zealand and your 2 premier sides play in the (Australian) A League? I don’t know, but I’m claiming it. England’s cricket team are in NZ too, but despite mates asking me if I’m going, the cricket is travelling the opposite way to me. Next time!

The Sky Stadium is as drab as it comes from the outside. Grey metallic façade all the way round, with grey breezeblocks underneath. As the biggest stadium in Wellington, shouldn’t this be some kind of flagship? Instead, it wouldn’t look out of place in an industrial estate in Milton Keynes. Plus it’s round. Perfect for cricket (except when England played here the other week, it was at the 12,600 capacity Basin Reserve) but for football and rugby, the pitch is miles away. Is it as bad as West Ham’s London Stadium? I’d say so. The best thing (about both) is that there’s a walkway to the stadium, a la Wembley Way. Indeed, the walk from Wellington’s quayside is one of the nicest walks in football.

Phoenix, top half of the A League, are at home to Macarthur, a suburb of Sydney. Needless to say, the visitors bring zero visitors. An early Macarthur penalty is met with ‘Who are ya? Who are ya?’ from the Phoenix ultras in one corner. The cheer goes up as the keeper saves...but respite is brief, as the rebound is despatched. The rest of the opening half is spent mainly in the Macarthur half, but creativity is lacking and it’s actually quite a surprise when Phoenix equalise near half-time for one-all.

At the interval I decide to go and sit near the ultras, after first having my dinner. I’ve never had Chinese dumplings at football before, and at 10 for $18, (20 for $30) it’s not badly priced. I’m also on to my 3rd can of beer (after all, I have a 20 dollar windfall to spend). The club shop is fairly sparse, and I’m not extending to a shirt at 110 dollars or a 40 dollar scarf. Mind, the latter would come in handy, as for all the stadium is completely enclosed, the Wellington wind still manages to find its way in and I’m fairly chilly in the second half.

The fayre continues to be English League 1 at best and I’m left to muse on the fans’ chants. ‘Oh Wellington, is wonderful...’ is a lot more believable than ‘Burnley is wonderful’ (full of t*ts, f*nny and Clarets, since you ask). I can’t, however, make out why Wellington is wonderful. (Full of museums, fauna and a better quality of life?) I do enjoy a round of ‘Same old Aussies, always cheating’ as some supreme gamesmanship at 1-2 (yes, Macarthur have scored) has a Macarthur player going down injured on the byeline and his teammate hauling him by the leg further on to the pitch. Does the ref do owt? Of course not. There’s not much hanging on needed as Macarthur comfortably see out the game.

Walking back, I pop into The Old Bailey, a pub busy with Phoenix fans and the odd bit of memorabilia. Who doesn’t want a Phoenix flag on their Christmas tree? ‘What did you think?’ I ask a fan. ‘Crap’ is the succinct summary, before he launches into a tirade about how his other team is Everton and he’s worried the recently postponed Merseyside Derby will be scheduled at Liverpool’s behest and they’ll win the league at Goodison in that grand old stadium’s last season. That would be hilarious, I think. (I remain silent.)

The Damage:
NZ$ 22 ent
NZ$ 13.50 beer x 3 (cans of Emerson Pilsner and 1 Emerson’s Orange Roughy Pale Ale)
NZ$ 18 Pork, coriander and garlic dumplings (10 of)
= NZ$ 80.50 (£37)