Curzon Ashton 1-3 Darlington, Tuesday 27th February 2024

Curzon Ashton 1-3 Darlington, National League North, Tameside Stadium, att. 283

How do they pay for all of this, Curzon Ashton? Smart, newish stadium, team challenging for a National League North play-off place, colourful programme...and the crowd tonite is 283 (and even half of that was Darlo). Attendance last game, v Peterboro Sports? 149. ‘Maybe it’s from the hiring out of all the sports facilities’ says my mate Kev, Darlo fan and Ashton resident. ‘It’s your taxes’ says Cousin Chris, another Darlo fan and Greater Manchester resident. The truth is, we’ve no idea.

I’ve picked Kev up, having climbed over the Pennines to his abode. ‘Shall we take my car or yours?’ I ask. ‘Oh...errr...yours...the wife’s borrowed mine.’ Settled then. Kev has to direct though, the ground is the other side of Ashton-under-Lyne, the biggest town nobody has heard of. I’m keen to see The Quakers this evening, as they’ve little chance of staying up and seem destined to return to Ashton next season to play United in the division below.

Parking is easy, there’s a large car park adjacent. We’re early, but it’s already busy. Turns out it’s all the runners and cyclists using the sports facilities here. The football ground is another 200 metres on, past a glorious statue to the 3 World Cup winners born in Ashton; Geoff Hurst, Jimmy Armfield (in the ’66 squad) and...wait for it...Simone Perrotta, who played every game as Italy won it in 2006. I know, with a name like that (and a limited knowledge of all things Italian) he could have been in any Italian World Cup squad ever. 1934? 1938? Could be!

The social club is a large portacabin. Characterless as it is, it was nice to receive a teamsheet as we drank. And I hate to say this, and I said it several times to Kev and Chris, Darlington dream of having a ground like the Tameside Stadium. There’s a cantilevered main stand on the halfway line (seating 524, though not tonite), a large covered terrace opposite and open terracing at either end. Official capacity is 4,200, but it looks like it could hold a lot more than that. Yet, despite their lofty position, Curzon (or ‘The Nash’...CurzoN ASHton) have breached the four figure barrier once this season, for the visit of Chester City (and who knows how many the visitors brought?) Less than 500 is the norm.

Still, The Nash are red hot favourites against a Darlington side on to their third manager of the season. However, The Quakers have spent a reputed ‘Boost the Budget’ £30k in January, raised by the fans, most of which has gone on a half decent centre forward who is strong, puts himself about, holds a ball up and is generally a pest. What a difference Cedric Main makes, as Darlington spurn 3 glorious 1st half chances. While everyone worries about Main, Mitchell Curry is allowed a trio of opportunities to score with the goalkeeper to beat. To say he’s hapless doesn’t do justice to hapless.

Thankfully, the Quakers go ahead with a backpost header off a corner and go on to record a notable 3-1 victory. As a Barnsley fan, I get to muse over the career of Curzon centre half George Waring. Once on loan to us in division 3 from Stoke, I never thought he’d amount to much, despite his stated aim of playing for Stoke in the Premiership. That didn’t go well in every way, but full marks for the delusion ambition that he’d displace England’s Peter Crouch. With Curzon increasingly desperate, Waring was pushed up for the last 10 minutes. He looked a better centre half.

The Damage:
£15 ent
£2.50 programme
= £17.50

*a beer on Kev ‘for the lift’.

BFC 2-1 Derby County, Saturday 24th February 2024

‘It looks like chicken fat.’

Finally, a use for that 13 million pound bridge…to bait (big club) away fans below, after their side have just had their trousers pulled down and their bare botties spanked by little old Barnsley! Anyway, post-match, hundreds of Reds fans hung over the sides, police powerless, to wish their Derby brethren well on their travels (gestures may have been exchanged). I pity the poor Londontykes who had to share trains with the hundreds of Derby heading in the same direction – or did they cunningly make tracks and get that train before the main throng?

Yes, another fine day, another fine victory…probably the best yet this season. In a must-win game (if we’re to finish top 2) and a must-not-lose game for Derby (protecting their top 2 status) WE WON. And deservedly too, which is not what I’ve often said this season. For once, that narrow 2-1 victory was THE LEAST we deserved after dominating throughout. I heard someone say ‘only one side was trying to play football and that was us.’ I’d say Derby were TRYING, but for a side who were/are 2nd in the league, they were strangely lacking in the ability to put a pass together in our half. They reminded me very much of Washday last season, relying on a left footed veteran (Hourihane) delivering deadballs in hope rather than expectation.

Still, they went one nil up. Of course they did. We’d been warned, as Cadden headed off the line for a corner. No matter, we let the Rams have a completely free header from the resultant deadball, though how it crawled through a crowd of players before a late-sighted lunge from Cadden failed to clear, I’ll never know. I thought the idea of bringing in a 6ft 5 centre half was that we’d never concede this kind of goal EVER AGAIN. Mind, I noticed Derby marked the keeper throughout on corners. Why don’t we do that (if it’s one of those refs who allow it)?

Ah, the ref. I bumped into Darryl (loudest person in the world) at full-time. He was proper laying into the supply. (If you hadn’t kept up, Derby moaned on that the original ref, one of the Madleys – I forget which...Andy? – used to play junior football for the Reds, therefore was going to be entirely biased in our favour. I could have argued the opposite, since we rejected him at 16 and presumably killed his chances of ever being a professional footballer, but there it is). Anyway, Madley was replaced late by the supply teacher, who performed admirably, annoying both sets of fans. Reedy is still probably raging at Derby being allowed to take a free kick for offside inside OUR half...but for me, this was just evidence of what Derby (Hourihane) had been doing throughout...pinching 10 yards for every free kick. I’ve since read that Derby felt we got away with timewasting once we were 2-1 up. Did we? Our keeper was carded for taking less than half the time their keeper took to take a deadball 1st half (was the ref unaware the Rams would happily take a point, if not 3?).

Thankfully, we were on level terms just after the half hour when Phillips was given time and space on the edge of their box to control a ball 6 yards, let it bounce, then crash it into the far corner. BOOM. Appalling defending (just saying). If you want a comparison, look at how we conceded at home to Exeter, as a poor headed clearance ended with Aitchison scoring. Credit to Phillips for the actual finish though.

Ah, Phillips. It must be true what these environmentalists have been saying. Early Springs, warm Winters...the wildlife are confused. And so it is, that after 3 months of hibernation, Adam has spring from his hiding place (leafage, under a hedge, somewhere in Wombwell?) to set fire to this promotion race in February. Two games in a row he’s bagged 2 to bring us from behind to win. And 2 games in a row he’s scored the same goal, flicking on a header from a set piece (this week a corner, Leyton Orient a free kick). While they all mark space or the big lads, Phillips ghosts in to flick home. I suspect we won’t get away with it next match.

That still left half an hour or so (9 mins injury time!) and with Pines becoming more confident with what his feet could do, the only danger was Cadden’s inability to defend one-on-one situations down the left. He only got beaten 3 times (by a simple ‘knock it past him and run on to it’) before being hauled (O’Keefe on to the right, Jordan switching to the left). Mind, we still had the spectacle of their keeper coming up for a corner. I love a keeper coming up for a corner, even if it’s Derby. Ball cleared, we’re 3 on 2 into an open net. Cotter runs to the halfway line, and tries kicking it 50 yards. It gets 30, but no worries, here’s Cosgrove to control it and lift it into an empty net. Sorry, here’s Cosgrove to miscontrol the ball and kickstart a last gasp Derby attack. Love it. The top 2 challenge is ON. Well, until Bolton destroy us a week on Tuesday, a la Ipshit last season.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Phillips, AKA ‘The Hedgehog’.
** The Frenchman. Solid, and brought the ball out well.
* Earl. Him and MDG either side of the domineering Pines? I like it.

Official MOTM: Connell

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Phillips 2. Earl 3. De Givigny

Despatches:
Great team effort. Roberts made a couple of good saves and punched one out well, despite pressure. Cadden was excellent going forward (and provided the corner for Phillips’ 2nd). Jordan had another good game at RWB (great decision Collins!). Pines looked an accident waiting to happen early doors, and I’m still not convinced he knows what he’s doing with his feet. Why did Derby always stand 15 yards off him? He looked ripe for the press, but dominated the air. ‘USA! USA!’

I thought Connell had an excellent game moving around the pitch and putting in challenges, while Kane was comfortable. McAtee had a poor game, making the runs but forever finding himself the wrong side of the defender who simply cleared. Once again, Cosgrove made a difference coming on (we were drawing till his introduction). It also gave Derby licence to grab, push, shove and barge a Reds player without fear of retribution from the officials. (Maybe one game a season, we can have a match without fouls being punished, a sort of football version of Rollerball (great film)). Cole ran his absolute blood to water and provided crucial pressure on the Derby back 4. Oh, and we managed to get both right backs off the bench, Cotter bringing renewed energy to the right wing. (He’s very popular where I sit, or is it everywhere in the ground folk are shouting ‘Go on Barry!’ while laughing?)

And a note for the atmosphere. Certainly the best this season. Numbers, noise, big away following, winning, scarves waved. It’s so simple, innit?

Drink du jour: Tiny Rebel Easy Livin’ pale ale, a nice, but not as nice replacement for that Flock stuff.

Away: 4,995 or ‘How to silence nearly 5,000 away fans.’

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
= c.£8

BFC U21 1-2 Sheffield Wednesday U21, Tuesday 20th February 2024

Barnsley U21 1-2 Sheffield Wednesday U21, Professional Development League, Oakwell training pitch, att. c.200

It’s a warm Spring day, sunny, and I’ve nought else on. Why not travel across to Barnsley and watch the Under 21s with Nozzer? It must be 35 years since I’ve last seen a reserve game, back in the days when I’d have a fortnight’s holiday at my nana’s in Barnsley to coincide with the start of the season. Back then, reserve games were at Oakwell and the juniors played on the Queen’s Ground, adjacent to Oakwell. These days, the Queen’s Ground still exists (as far as I know, there’s that much of that ubiquitous metal fencing around it, as well as a sports hall in front of it) but the cricket pitch behind the away end at Oakwell has long since been bought up and turned into more practice pitches for Barnsley FC, including an all-weather astroturf pitch (with sizeable stand). Next to that is a grass pitch with seats built into the hill overlooking it, though, sadly, no roof.

There’s a sizeable crowd this afternoon too, maybe 200 or so. I guess it’s the weather rather than the opposition, albeit it is a local derby. Star 17 year old Jalo (currently away from the first team, injured) has come to see his age group buddies, along with reserve right back Barry Cotter. Good on them. I also saw 1st team manager Collins on the way out. For irregular watchers like me, there’s only 2 players I’m especially familiar with, forwards Aidan Marsh, a diminutive, direct, left footed attacker, and Max Watters, the proverbial donk...I mean, big lad up top. 24 years old and so bad he’s relegated to this, punting around with a bunch of youngsters, staring at the Oakwell stands not 200 metres away. (For the uninitiated, Watters was so bad on loan last season that we signed him. Only BFC...etc)

Some of Wednesday’s players are MASSIVE and Watters is dominated by whoever is marking him. Marsh meantime is MOTM, running at Wednesday, scoring an excellent 20 yarder, and not letting the defence get any peace in possession. However, the visitors enjoy the majority of the chances and the Reds keeper makes some excellent saves, though he’s powerless to stop a header. Then, deep into injury time, Wednesday clear a corner to the edge of their box, their player looks up...and can’t believe the only player stood on the halfway line is their centre forward. Inevitably the ball is played into the acres of space and said player runs onto it to hammer home. Comical, and the Reds coach can be heard wondering where the defender was who was meant to be stood in the centre circle to counter this kind of thing. Oh well. At least it wasn’t the first team.

Oh yeah, and Washday had Bruno Fernandes playing for them. No wonder they won.

The Damage:
c.£8 petrol
free ent
= c.£8

Fleetwood Town 1-2 BFC, Saturday 17th February 2024

‘Yer not goin’ up there are ya? Yer a bunch o’ f***ing elephants!’

I’ll miss these games when we get promotion (!). Quiet, backwater town, friendly locals, chance to stand on terracing…and sitting in a pub while Nice Guy Chris recites lines from In Bruges. I have to admit, for a film I really like, I remember nothing about it. Is it better than Chris acting it out? Surely not. (Tho he needs to work on his Irish accent. At least I remember THAT...it’s about a couple of Irish hitmen hiding out In Bruges.)

I’ll also miss winning. It hasn’t dawned on me till now, as week after week of unconvincing wins pass by, that my last 13 league games have registered 9 victories and zero defeats. And this was another one (a zero defeat) as we progressed past a first half wobble to take the lead, look imperious, then try to hang on in the last 5 minutes.

We went ahead early, in the most satisfactory of ways. Coach Collins finally picked Jordan as a right wing back, as we fans have been telling him to do all season (‘but I don’t have enough decent centre halves to play him out wide...blah blah blah’), and reward comes as Jordan chases down a right wing ball and pulls it back for Phillips to curl one onto Cosgrove’s head. Even the latter can’t miss. He can a few minutes later though, as he’s played clean through, 10 yards out, and by the time he untangles his feet he’s about 6 feet from goal and the keeper is on top of him. Not to worry, I’m sure we’ll have plenty more chances this half. We didn’t.

By now, ‘Super’ Liam Roberts has made one great save from a header, and with the majority of the game in our half, it’s no surprise when the Codheads equalise, a banger of a strike from their number 5 and official MOTM. What a powerhouse he was/is. Into injury time, 90 minutes on the clock, he was still taking on two, three players and shrugging off the likes of Connell as he drove forward. I suspect he’ll not be playing at the Highbury Stadium next season.

Second half, till injury time, was much more comfortable. A sweet move on the hour leaves Phillips free on the right and as the defender comes across, it leaves not one, but two Reds players free in the box (Kane and Cadden). The ball is rolled perfectly into Kane’s path and he rolls it into the bottom right as the keeper desperately dives the opposite way. The ball trickled deliciously into the net, just as it did that crazy own goal they scored the penultimate time I was here (look it up).

Thereafter, we broke time and time again, yet created only one big chance, as a shot on the backpost (McAtee?) was smothered by the keeper. By now Pines was on for his debut (is it his debut? I’ve not been keeping up) and he delivered some MASSIVE headers in that last period, including from a corner into our 6 yard box. I’m not one to get excited…but I’m excited.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Phillips. Is he back to his best? Created both goals and had a blaster from distance ON TARGET.
** Jordan. Not the most exciting of ‘debuts’ at RWB, but solid and had a hand in first goal.
* The Frenchman. Composed.

Official MOTM: Their #5 (Lawal), a dominant figure in midfield.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Phillips 2. De Givigny 3. Cosgrove

Despatches:
I HAVE NOT been able to get Estelle’s ‘American Boy’ out of my head since the weekend. What a serenade throughout the second half by our yoof to our new hero Donovan Pines. I couldn’t quite make out all of the lyrics, I’m sure there was something in there about ‘we got him from DC’. Mind, as ever, they sing it at the wrong speed, like a 33 being played at 45rpm. Still, they’re trying. Barry Cotter seems popular these days too. Even more so when he’s not in the team. (Is it cos he is Donovan’s ‘minder’ in jaunts around tarn?)
20 grand, 20 grand Barry Cotter,
20 grand, 20 grand, I say,
20 grand, 20 grand, Barry Cotter,
Barry Cotter hates the IRA

I presume the last remark is due to Barry’s renowned pacifism and not at all due to the fact he’s of Irish descent. Still, far better to be an inconsistent right wing back who’s 2nd or 3rd now in line, than some 1st team ever present who never gets a chant no matter what...Nicky Cadden, Herbie Kane, Jordan Williams, Adam Phillips...what do they make of these Johnny Come Latelies such as Pines, who we can’t fuss over enough. (You can add Jalo to that too.) That bloke at the fan forum who criticised the current regime for trying to Americanise us would have self-combusted had he heard the ‘USA! USA!’ chants after one of Pines’ monster headers.

This may have passed most by, but I was most impressed by how Pines dealt with a throughball after coming on. For all the world, I thought he’d be outpaced, but he turned, got back between man and ball, and was able to play it nicely back to the keeper. With McCart (not McCourt*, as I kept calling him) back as well, this creates a welcome headache for Collins. Mind, if Pines is playing down the middle, how will The Frenchman react to being right side of a 3? I’ve been convinced all season that part of the reason he’s looked that little bit better than Jordan (on the right) and whoever is on the left, is cos it’s easier being the one in the middle. I just don’t marvel at him as others do. We’ll see.

*You’ll have been proud of me. Twice I was told (by different people) what an amazing player Paddy McCourt was and I bit my tongue and didn’t tell them my opinion. He’d be great in a 5aside team. Otherwise...‘Don’t sell McCourt, Paddy McCourt...’ I always said he’d leave on a free. Rubbish, he was.

Drink du jour: Snowdrop pale ale in The Strawberry. Won’t be winning any awards soon.

Away: 1,131 (sellout). Or 1,130, cos Chris’s wife Jane didn’t make it. (Don’t worry, she’s alive.)

The Damage:
£24 ent
c.£25 petrol= c.£49


*No programmes. I don’t think Fleetwood produce them anymore.