BFC 3-1 Huddersfield Town, Saturday 30th August 2025

‘Can you smell that? A goal’s coming.’

After the morning I had, I was just grateful to be there, Satdy. Setting off from the delectable surroundings of Castleton in the Peak District, my car was making some awful clunky noises and making a juddering motion. I used all my knowledge of cars, as well as my investigative skills, to determine something tragic had gone wrong with the engine. I limped to a car park and called the AA. Within the hour I was back on the road. The diagnosis? A bolt in the tyre. Not a nail, not a screw, a bl**dy BOLT. Anyway, yeah, yeah, I know nowt about cars.

Something else I know nowt about is golf, but I must’ve listened to the blokes behind me banging on about it for half an hour during that 1st half. ‘And you’ll never guess how many times I’ve had a go at that par 3’. No, I wouldn’t. I’m trying to watch a game here, one we’re actually being vaguely entertaining in, and you’re rattling on about where to buy the best ‘golf grip’. JUST SHUT THE F*** UP. (One of the 2 normally sits in my row and usually doesn’t even offer a grunt when he wants to be past for his half-time beer long before half-time arrives.)

We went one up early, DKD snaffling the rebound after Ogbeta’s cross was fumbled by the keeper. I was relieved for him, he’d missed the same chance a couple of minutes earlier after the keeper fumbled a Connell shot. I’m not sure about this keeper. Then, minutes before half-time, said custodian legs it out of his goal to decapitate McGoldrick outside the box. Fair play McGoldrick, he sees it coming and lobs the ball goalwards despite knowing the keeper is incoming. I’m not sure it needs the 14 rolls though. (Hilariously, on the highlights, he’s still rolling as they cut to a replay.) With 10 mins to the interval, could we nick one before half-time?

Yes, we most certainly could. Connell (who’d only given the ball away twice to provide breaks to Hudds in our half) hits one from the edge of the box through a crowd of players. One kindly deflection and a despairing dive later, it’s two nil. Then I get greedy, could we nick a third? No, though we had the ball in their final third. It’s fair to say that I felt confident, but not supremely so. The champions of England had thrown away a two goal lead against 10 men at the Mags this week, so I’m sure we could do too.

Second half...who had 10 men? For 20 odd minutes we were all over the place and there were plenty of half chances for our Terrier friends. Then Coach Conor sent on the ‘finishers’ (Kelly and Faruggia) for Bland and McGoldrick and we were all over them. Kelly driving from midfield, slick one-touch moves in their third, we were slicing them to pieces. DKD scores a tap-in after one such move, but he’s marginally ahead of the cross, offside. Boooo. Then, just as in the 1st half, he makes up for it within minutes, pouncing on the rebound after Phillips’ blockbuster was saved. ‘He loves a tap-in’ said I. Slack. Yes, he does. But this is to do him a disservice. He’s PROACTIVE, always on the sniff for such chances. What a world away it was when we had Max Watters up front. He’d still be there, somewhere on the backpost, gawping.

This was the queue for the away end to empty. They’d held on at 2-0, as I’m telling you, we gave them hope. So it’s with almost a smile that half of them missed their late consolation as Ogbeta’s backpass was never reaching Cooper. How will Coops ever keep a clean sheet with this defence? It brought a smidgeon of disappointment at full-time, as this could’ve been a chance to score 4 or 5 without reply. Still, I’d have taken 3-1 at 3pm.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Watson. Intercepted passes, made tackles, passed the ball consistently to a Red, got up the pitch. Perfect.
** DKD. Scored 2, had a 3rd narrowly offside.
* Earl. Confident in possession, faultless in defence.

Official MOTM: DKD.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. DKD 2. Watson 3. Earl

Despatches:
Jonathan Bland. Everyone loves him. A world-beater in the making. (I’m surprised none of the Big 6 have been linked.) Even yesterday I saw the messages at HT about what an amazing game he had 1st half, centre mid. I just don’t see it. Or, others didn’t see the 3 times he lost the ball, plus the poor defensive header after McGoldrick’s initial poor defensive header put the ball in his own box. For me, it’s no coincidence we ran riot after Kelly came on. He’s simply more dynamic. He runs FORWARD with the ball, gives and goes, makes things happen. Bland is just...tidy. Let’s see how the season develops, but there you go, I’ve nailed my colours to the mast. I’m now hunkering down for the expected incoming...

McGoldrick. Good job we have a DKD, cos after a couple of games without a goal, McG will soon match Dire, about 1 in 3. I loved his miscontrol when put clean thru on Satdy (by Vickers?), Rammellesque, controlling a ball 20 yards to the keeper. That woud’ve made it 3 nil early 2nd half, and who knows how many we’d have racked up?

I thought we were generally solid, though Shepherd had irked one Reds fan on Praise or Grumble, asking whether ‘he’s trying to be Beckenbauer with all his Cruyff turns’. WTF? Unpick that one.

Vickers continues to be good value. Best loanee since...? The way he turns and spins on a sixpence with the ball, leaving 1, if not 2, defenders dead and then creating space, is a joy. OK, he’s not your typical winger, running down the wing and whipping a ball in, but he’s great. Love him. Watch him be bought in Jan by some Championship side, a la Danny Drinkwater back in the day. (Actually, is he the best loanee since Drinkwater? Maybe.)

Finally, it’s transfer deadline day today. If we’ve any intention of challenging for the play-offs (let’s not get carried away with top 2, we’ve barely got a defence) we absolutely need to keep hold of Phillips and DKD. Let’s see what the ambitions are of our owners. (And for top 2, a pair of decent centre halves, pls, and another centre forward.)

Drink du jour: Back on the Lightbulb at Spiral.

Away: 4,831 (15,783) ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole, I wanna go home.’ I live near Huddersfield, so listen lads. Get back on your poxy rail replacement buses (cos your station’s closed for a month), back to your poxy town centre and go buy some vapes, cos there must be a gazillion purveyors of said product within that ring road of yours. ‘People in glass houses’ etc.

The Damage:
c.£20 petrol
= c.£20

plus a new tyre. £95.

BFC 2-1 Rotherham United, Tuesday 26th August 2025

‘No Budweiser? You can’t be telling me that!’

Who’s our coach these days? Neill Collins? Darrell Clarke? Keith Hill (cheers for that one, Farnham)? We were 1 nil down and for the last 20 minutes of the half we watched as the Super Reds passed it sideways, sideways, backwards, square, slightly forwards, sideways, sideways…ad infinitum. At one point we DEFINITELY mustered over 30 passes without losing possession, which, back in the 70s, was unheard of. However, this is the era of Pepball and Rovrum weren’t pressing, and we weren’t taking risks. Anyone would think WE were winning and were just running the clock down. Then we’d kick it forward and lose it. Oh, THAT’S why we’re kicking it safely square. Still, it never ended up back at the keeper. (I continue to be all about the positives.)

It was an awful half of football from us. We shoulda been 2 down before they scored. Cooper made 2 one-on-one saves, while Barrett (one of this week’s centre half partnership – who did YOU get in the sweep?) cleared one off the line while his mate Shepherd blocked another certain goal on the 6 yard line. We were struggling. 7 changes probably didn’t help; only Coops, Shepherd, Vickers and DKD surviving the cull. Thankfully, cometh the half-time, cometh the men: Phillips and Ogbeta sent on to relieve a poor Yoganathan and Cleary. Dynamic management indeed.

Sadly, this is where I must interrupt the report. Towards the end of half-time I snuck off to the toilet when some small child dropped a SCALDING drink on my foot. Honestly, time stood still, as it was a full second later before the pain exploded. ‘YOU LITTLE FUCKING PR*CK’ I screamed before departing for the bog, before me and his mam got into a row. For those who saw that occasion I lost my temper on the train to Walsall when coffee was spilt on me, you’ll have realised my Kryptonite. I have since ALMOST calmed down. I’ve dropped a drink or 2 in my time, and chances are the kid dropped it cos it was TOO F***ING HOT.

Anyway, once I’d relieved myself, I took off my shoe and sock. Should I stand in the Ponty End toilets and run my foot under the tap, or would that look a bit weird? The pain had subsided somewhat, so I elected to man up and get back out there. The Super Reds needed me. I lasted 10 minutes, none of which I can remember for the match. Hanging with former nurse and St. Johns ambulanceman Wadd, he advised I go to 1st aid. My foot was killing me. To cut a boring story short, I limped to the 1st aid post (halfway, under the East Stand) where I was looked after for 20 minutes. Allegedly, we scored 2.

I came back out to a hero’s welcome no response whatsoever, though I did get a text from Nozzer asking how I was, cos he’d seen me limping along the front of the East Stand. And then I watched the last 10 minutes where their keeper was in our box a lot more than our centre forward was in theirs (true).

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cooper. 2 crucial early saves kept us in it.
** Barrett. Cleared off the line.
* Shepherd. Great block.

Official MOTM: No idea. Anybody? (It was Vickers.)

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1= Cooper / Phillips 3. Vickers

Despatches:
Guess what is possibly the greatest cause of injury at Oakwell (beyond Barnsley FC boring fans to death)? Yes, that’s right. Hot drinks. On my return into the Ponty from the toilets, a steward nearly caused me to explode again, as she warned me to be careful ‘cos someone’s spilt a drink’, pointing at the liquid spread across the concrete. In no uncertain terms I explained to her that I KNEW a drink had been spilt there because…etc. More profanities may have gone her way too. I apologise.

Oh, we did create a chance. A chip forward gave Russell a free header. Sadly, it was at the far end, and for reasons I’ve yet to fathom, the Waddingtons and Molls of this world prefer to sit in the Ponty, low enough that you’ve got little idea what goes on in the other box. I’m told it was an awful miss by those cunning enough to stay at home. I thought it was curling a bit left, and Russell was coming in from the right, so to direct it on target would have defied the laws of physics. But, as I said, it was a crap view.

Drink du jour: Leffe at Bramahs, with the Galvins. Thousands of ‘em! (Hi Josie!)

Away: 871 (5,803)

The Damage:
£16 ent
c.£8 petrol
= c.£24

Wimbledon 2-0 BFC, Saturday 23rd August 2025

‘Power to the people!’

To paraphrase someone or other, goals win games, clean sheets win promotion. And if that’s the case, we’re never going up. Not with Earl and Shepherd as centre halves, a failed left back and a non-league player. We won’t even have a decent partnership when Roberts or MdG return after injury. We were already 2 centre halves short BEFORE Roberts’ injury. And given Roberts taught Shepherd everything he knows about (mis)controlling a ball, and MdG taught Earl everything he knows about being physically dominated, it’s no wonder we crumble if our elite forward unit have an off-day.

Yes, we stumbled to defeat at Wimbledon, a side just promoted from division 4. But to see their centre halves stand tall, stand in the RIGHT PLACE and simply do the simple things right, while we...we...left their players alone, stepped out to give them chances where there were none, to constantly look like an accident waiting to happen. Well, that’s us. Good job we had Cooper in goal, without him they’d have had 5, minimum. I’ve avoided mention thus far this season of XG (expected goals) but what a world where THREE times Cooper denied them clean through, as he read their attempts at rounding him and yet none counted towards XG. (XG is based purely on shots taken.)

Yet still Cooper takes some criticism for giving the ball away for their opener. I’m sorry? He kicks the ball to the HALFWAY LINE and by dint of him being the last Red to touch the ball, it’s somehow HIS fault? How about having a forward there to hold it up? Or a defensive midfielder there to prevent the easy ball coming back? It’s on the halfway line FFS and every single Barnsley player is behind the ball when they pick it up. Cooper palms away the initial one-on-one but the ball is recycled, the cross comes in and EARL is easily manoeuvred out of the way for the flick. Then SHEPHERD and WATSON stand and gawp while their player sticks a leg in between them to hook home. Awful.

‘But we had chances too’. Yes, we did. Ogbata whips in a ball from the left and McGoldrick taps it in on the back post. Only he doesn’t. The keeper gets across superbly and makes the save. (I’m sure McGoldrick doesn’t get any sleep Sat nite, wondering why he either didn’t a) put his foot through it or b) sidefoot it into the opposite corner. But at least he made the keeper make a save.) Phillips has an opportunity, apex of the 6 yard box, hesitates, and pulls it back to no-one. On the opposite side, DKD turns down similar, but only an amazing fingertip from the keeper prevents a tap-in for whoever’s coming in on the back stick from DKD’s pass. Then there’s McG’s slow-mo acrobatic attempt coming off the post and somehow cannoning across the goal and BEHIND standing defenders.

But we deserved nowt and we achieved it with 20 mins left as a harmless throughball sees Shepherd stepping out and leaving himself in no-man’s land. A Womble turns and drills it in off the far post. Great finish. That’s how it’s done.

In response, after 70 odd minutes of Reds fans losing patience with our players for not shooting, Connell finally hits a 20 yarder past the post. But rather than the onslaught, that’s it, aaside from McG’s volley. He’s off, Kelly’s off, Ogbata’s off, Connell’s off...and no-one who comes on improves the situation, Cleary being particularly disappointing after his 2 other efforts on the wing.

A bad day at the office? The inevitable happening? Listen, we looked great for the opening 15-20 minutes, completely dominating possession and the match in their half, but once we conceded, Wimbledon never looked back. Cooper saved a one-on-one (an actual shot) and tipped another shot over, while another clean-through saw their player drag it wide in surprise (surprise that our central defence had let an innocuous ball get to him).

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cooper. Did I read he got 19 clean sheets at Stevenage last season? STEVENAGE. He’ll be lucky if he gets half a dozen with us.
** Ogbata. Looked dangerous on the attack and solid in defence.
* Kelly. A couple of great runs through the midfield. Needs to learn how to shoot though.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cooper 2. Ogbeta 3. McGoldrick

Despatches:
The positives: Well, I didn’t have to hear anyone say ‘we woulda lost this game last season’. And the pre and post match were great, on Reedy’s pubcrawls of the markets of Tooting Broadway. And all those food choices! If I miss one thing about London, it’s the international culinary choice. (Do Reform voters eat ‘foreign’? Just wondering.)

Big thanks also to the Future Mayor of Chesham for putting Reedy and I up. Or for putting up with Reedy and I. One of us is very sorry we took your dog for a walk and let it roll around in fox s***. The other one of us thought it was very funny.

Drink du jour: Wild Lands hazy pale and Keller Pils pre and post match at We Brought Beer, with some other hazy pale at Tooting Craft pre and post match in Tooting Market. Highly recommended.

Away: 1,206, sellout. (8,361)

The Damage:
£27 ent
£67.50 train
= £94.50

BFC 1-1 Bolton Wanderers, Saturday 16th August 2025

‘There’d be about 35 people left. No mercy!’

Well, what a game that was. For 50 minutes that was an evenly contested game between what look like 2 quite good teams, then the ref intervenes to send Yoganathan off for tackling someone. Yes, he was chasing after a poor touch, but he gets to the ball comfortably first, foot sideways (so he’s not trying to hurt anybody) and their player gets caught because the thing about momentum is, you can’t stop it dead. ‘Out of control’ my backside. I’m sorry, but Conor is wrong. ‘Yoganathan needs to learn from this.’ Does he indeed? Yes, bottle the tackle and have half of Oakwell screaming at you. I’ll tell you who needs to learn from this, Conor, and that’s YOU. YOU left a midfielder on, one who likes to put in a tackle, who cares about the Red shirt, AFTER he’d received a booking. YOU could have taken him off at half-time and we’d still have had 11 players.

Even his first booking was unfortunate, as their player BLASTED the ball at him while he was stood off the pitch. (This alone could have warranted a red card for the Bolton player for dangerous play). Obviously, Vimal got a tad upset and before you knew it, both players were pushing each other. So, let’s say the Wanderer gets a yellow card for ‘ungentlemanly conduct’ for blasting the ball, wouldn’t that make the shoving a 2nd yellow? Not a bit of it, and another reason why I’m incensed about Yoga’s red.

We were one-up an’ all, McGoldrick slotting in before I’d had time to take my seat for the 2nd half. Connell played a great throughball down the left, but the goalkeeper has to be disappointed leaving his front post unguarded. 5 minutes later, Vimal gets sent off and from then on it’s attack v defence. Even when we had the ball, we attempted to keep hold of it rather than go for goal. In one instance, down on the right wing, we had 4 or 5 chances to cross it but played keepball. We had to protect what we had.

The 10 who were left (McGoldrick soon hauled for Kelly) were heroic in their defence. I haven’t got a bad word to say about any of them. Even Earl*. (Actually, we looked better defending with 10 than we have previously with 11). Earl and Shep in the middle of defence cleared everything. Ogbeta and Bland/Watson were solid out wide and the midfield (and DKD) were always moving, but in shape. (Coach Conor!?) And for half an hour I thought we were gonna make it. And then McAtee comes on.

*Earl was brilliant. But he DID let their guy have a free header which hit the post at 1-0.

Of all the people. Listen, Trotters, if you don’t rate him, I’ll have him back. He’s not only on their bench, he’s the FOURTH to come off it. I’m sorry, but if McAtee is your 4th pick off your bench in THIS division, you have to be heading for 100 points or more. He is CLASS. (Are you not using him right? Awww, what a pity.) But needless to say, he comes on and scores an 86th minute equaliser, cleverly deflecting a header from a corner. It had to be. (And 86 wasn’t that late; there were an extra 8 mins of injury time.) The Trotters nearly snatch it too, but Cooper makes a triffic save. One day he’ll keep a clean sheet. Mind, McAtee then missed an easy header late on. He’s s*** he is.

An honourable draw.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Vickers. Some tights turns when surrounded by players and energy in abundance.
** Connell. Outstanding 1st half and set up the goal.
* Ogbata. Some outstanding runs and crosses, and generally well-defended.

Official MOTM: McGoldrick

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Connell 2. Vickers 3. Ogbata

Despatches:
The crowd. About 2,000 Reds fans down on our last home league game, versus Burton Albion. Are Bolton less glamorous than Burton? Was it having 3 home games in 8 days? Or the fact you could get in for 15 quid v the Brewers and it was 27 today to see some Trotters? It’s a complicated game, matchday pricing. I suspect the ST uptake is a grand or 2 down on last season, so the club has to do a delicate balancing act between tempting out matchday fans as against satisfying ST holders. There has to be value in having a ST (beyond priority for away ticket sales). Personally, as much as I know I’ll miss the odd home game this season, I know that if I had to pay 27 quid to watch a 3rd division game at Oakwell, I’m not coming.

I also have a new favourite phrase. ‘We woulda lost that last season.’ By my reckoning, I’ve heard or read that every game thus far. I’d hate to point out we actually BEAT Bolton Wanderers 4-1 at home last season, as pathetic a side as we were. I mean, I’m just not that guy...right?

Drink du jour: Lightbulb pale ale at Spiral.

Away: 3,147 (13.167)

The Damage:
c.£10 petrol
= c.£10

Still no shirts in, and petrol costs rose as an accident in Holmfirth meant I had a very scenic alternative route via Holme Moss and Woodhead pass. Woodhead Reservoir was EMPTY. I don’t mean low, it was empty. Is it too early to panic? WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!