BFC 2-1 Rotherham United, Tuesday 26th August 2025

‘No Budweiser? You can’t be telling me that!’

Who’s our coach these days? Neill Collins? Darrell Clarke? Keith Hill (cheers for that one, Farnham)? We were 1 nil down and for the last 20 minutes of the half we watched as the Super Reds passed it sideways, sideways, backwards, square, slightly forwards, sideways, sideways…ad infinitum. At one point we DEFINITELY mustered over 30 passes without losing possession, which, back in the 70s, was unheard of. However, this is the era of Pepball and Rovrum weren’t pressing, and we weren’t taking risks. Anyone would think WE were winning and were just running the clock down. Then we’d kick it forward and lose it. Oh, THAT’S why we’re kicking it safely square. Still, it never ended up back at the keeper. (I continue to be all about the positives.)

It was an awful half of football from us. We shoulda been 2 down before they scored. Cooper made 2 one-on-one saves, while Barrett (one of this week’s centre half partnership – who did YOU get in the sweep?) cleared one off the line while his mate Shepherd blocked another certain goal on the 6 yard line. We were struggling. 7 changes probably didn’t help; only Coops, Shepherd, Vickers and DKD surviving the cull. Thankfully, cometh the half-time, cometh the men: Phillips and Ogbeta sent on to relieve a poor Yoganathan and Cleary. Dynamic management indeed.

Sadly, this is where I must interrupt the report. Towards the end of half-time I snuck off to the toilet when some small child dropped a SCALDING drink on my foot. Honestly, time stood still, as it was a full second later before the pain exploded. ‘YOU LITTLE FUCKING PR*CK’ I screamed before departing for the bog, before me and his mam got into a row. For those who saw that occasion I lost my temper on the train to Walsall when coffee was spilt on me, you’ll have realised my Kryptonite. I have since ALMOST calmed down. I’ve dropped a drink or 2 in my time, and chances are the kid dropped it cos it was TOO F***ING HOT.

Anyway, once I’d relieved myself, I took off my shoe and sock. Should I stand in the Ponty End toilets and run my foot under the tap, or would that look a bit weird? The pain had subsided somewhat, so I elected to man up and get back out there. The Super Reds needed me. I lasted 10 minutes, none of which I can remember for the match. Hanging with former nurse and St. Johns ambulanceman Wadd, he advised I go to 1st aid. My foot was killing me. To cut a boring story short, I limped to the 1st aid post (halfway, under the East Stand) where I was looked after for 20 minutes. Allegedly, we scored 2.

I came back out to a hero’s welcome no response whatsoever, though I did get a text from Nozzer asking how I was, cos he’d seen me limping along the front of the East Stand. And then I watched the last 10 minutes where their keeper was in our box a lot more than our centre forward was in theirs (true).

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cooper. 2 crucial early saves kept us in it.
** Barrett. Cleared off the line.
* Shepherd. Great block.

Official MOTM: No idea. Anybody? (It was Vickers.)

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1= Cooper / Phillips 3. Vickers

Despatches:
Guess what is possibly the greatest cause of injury at Oakwell (beyond Barnsley FC boring fans to death)? Yes, that’s right. Hot drinks. On my return into the Ponty from the toilets, a steward nearly caused me to explode again, as she warned me to be careful ‘cos someone’s spilt a drink’, pointing at the liquid spread across the concrete. In no uncertain terms I explained to her that I KNEW a drink had been spilt there because…etc. More profanities may have gone her way too. I apologise.

Oh, we did create a chance. A chip forward gave Russell a free header. Sadly, it was at the far end, and for reasons I’ve yet to fathom, the Waddingtons and Molls of this world prefer to sit in the Ponty, low enough that you’ve got little idea what goes on in the other box. I’m told it was an awful miss by those cunning enough to stay at home. I thought it was curling a bit left, and Russell was coming in from the right, so to direct it on target would have defied the laws of physics. But, as I said, it was a crap view.

Drink du jour: Leffe at Bramahs, with the Galvins. Thousands of ‘em! (Hi Josie!)

Away: 871 (5,803)

The Damage:
£16 ent
c.£8 petrol
= c.£24

Wimbledon 2-0 BFC, Saturday 23rd August 2025

‘Power to the people!’

To paraphrase someone or other, goals win games, clean sheets win promotion. And if that’s the case, we’re never going up. Not with Earl and Shepherd as centre halves, a failed left back and a non-league player. We won’t even have a decent partnership when Roberts or MdG return after injury. We were already 2 centre halves short BEFORE Roberts’ injury. And given Roberts taught Shepherd everything he knows about (mis)controlling a ball, and MdG taught Earl everything he knows about being physically dominated, it’s no wonder we crumble if our elite forward unit have an off-day.

Yes, we stumbled to defeat at Wimbledon, a side just promoted from division 4. But to see their centre halves stand tall, stand in the RIGHT PLACE and simply do the simple things right, while we...we...left their players alone, stepped out to give them chances where there were none, to constantly look like an accident waiting to happen. Well, that’s us. Good job we had Cooper in goal, without him they’d have had 5, minimum. I’ve avoided mention thus far this season of XG (expected goals) but what a world where THREE times Cooper denied them clean through, as he read their attempts at rounding him and yet none counted towards XG. (XG is based purely on shots taken.)

Yet still Cooper takes some criticism for giving the ball away for their opener. I’m sorry? He kicks the ball to the HALFWAY LINE and by dint of him being the last Red to touch the ball, it’s somehow HIS fault? How about having a forward there to hold it up? Or a defensive midfielder there to prevent the easy ball coming back? It’s on the halfway line FFS and every single Barnsley player is behind the ball when they pick it up. Cooper palms away the initial one-on-one but the ball is recycled, the cross comes in and EARL is easily manoeuvred out of the way for the flick. Then SHEPHERD and WATSON stand and gawp while their player sticks a leg in between them to hook home. Awful.

‘But we had chances too’. Yes, we did. Ogbata whips in a ball from the left and McGoldrick taps it in on the back post. Only he doesn’t. The keeper gets across superbly and makes the save. (I’m sure McGoldrick doesn’t get any sleep Sat nite, wondering why he either didn’t a) put his foot through it or b) sidefoot it into the opposite corner. But at least he made the keeper make a save.) Phillips has an opportunity, apex of the 6 yard box, hesitates, and pulls it back to no-one. On the opposite side, DKD turns down similar, but only an amazing fingertip from the keeper prevents a tap-in for whoever’s coming in on the back stick from DKD’s pass. Then there’s McG’s slow-mo acrobatic attempt coming off the post and somehow cannoning across the goal and BEHIND standing defenders.

But we deserved nowt and we achieved it with 20 mins left as a harmless throughball sees Shepherd stepping out and leaving himself in no-man’s land. A Womble turns and drills it in off the far post. Great finish. That’s how it’s done.

In response, after 70 odd minutes of Reds fans losing patience with our players for not shooting, Connell finally hits a 20 yarder past the post. But rather than the onslaught, that’s it, aaside from McG’s volley. He’s off, Kelly’s off, Ogbata’s off, Connell’s off...and no-one who comes on improves the situation, Cleary being particularly disappointing after his 2 other efforts on the wing.

A bad day at the office? The inevitable happening? Listen, we looked great for the opening 15-20 minutes, completely dominating possession and the match in their half, but once we conceded, Wimbledon never looked back. Cooper saved a one-on-one (an actual shot) and tipped another shot over, while another clean-through saw their player drag it wide in surprise (surprise that our central defence had let an innocuous ball get to him).

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cooper. Did I read he got 19 clean sheets at Stevenage last season? STEVENAGE. He’ll be lucky if he gets half a dozen with us.
** Ogbata. Looked dangerous on the attack and solid in defence.
* Kelly. A couple of great runs through the midfield. Needs to learn how to shoot though.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cooper 2. Ogbeta 3. McGoldrick

Despatches:
The positives: Well, I didn’t have to hear anyone say ‘we woulda lost this game last season’. And the pre and post match were great, on Reedy’s pubcrawls of the markets of Tooting Broadway. And all those food choices! If I miss one thing about London, it’s the international culinary choice. (Do Reform voters eat ‘foreign’? Just wondering.)

Big thanks also to the Future Mayor of Chesham for putting Reedy and I up. Or for putting up with Reedy and I. One of us is very sorry we took your dog for a walk and let it roll around in fox s***. The other one of us thought it was very funny.

Drink du jour: Wild Lands hazy pale and Keller Pils pre and post match at We Brought Beer, with some other hazy pale at Tooting Craft pre and post match in Tooting Market. Highly recommended.

Away: 1,206, sellout. (8,361)

The Damage:
£27 ent
£67.50 train
= £94.50

BFC 1-1 Bolton Wanderers, Saturday 16th August 2025

‘There’d be about 35 people left. No mercy!’

Well, what a game that was. For 50 minutes that was an evenly contested game between what look like 2 quite good teams, then the ref intervenes to send Yoganathan off for tackling someone. Yes, he was chasing after a poor touch, but he gets to the ball comfortably first, foot sideways (so he’s not trying to hurt anybody) and their player gets caught because the thing about momentum is, you can’t stop it dead. ‘Out of control’ my backside. I’m sorry, but Conor is wrong. ‘Yoganathan needs to learn from this.’ Does he indeed? Yes, bottle the tackle and have half of Oakwell screaming at you. I’ll tell you who needs to learn from this, Conor, and that’s YOU. YOU left a midfielder on, one who likes to put in a tackle, who cares about the Red shirt, AFTER he’d received a booking. YOU could have taken him off at half-time and we’d still have had 11 players.

Even his first booking was unfortunate, as their player BLASTED the ball at him while he was stood off the pitch. (This alone could have warranted a red card for the Bolton player for dangerous play). Obviously, Vimal got a tad upset and before you knew it, both players were pushing each other. So, let’s say the Wanderer gets a yellow card for ‘ungentlemanly conduct’ for blasting the ball, wouldn’t that make the shoving a 2nd yellow? Not a bit of it, and another reason why I’m incensed about Yoga’s red.

We were one-up an’ all, McGoldrick slotting in before I’d had time to take my seat for the 2nd half. Connell played a great throughball down the left, but the goalkeeper has to be disappointed leaving his front post unguarded. 5 minutes later, Vimal gets sent off and from then on it’s attack v defence. Even when we had the ball, we attempted to keep hold of it rather than go for goal. In one instance, down on the right wing, we had 4 or 5 chances to cross it but played keepball. We had to protect what we had.

The 10 who were left (McGoldrick soon hauled for Kelly) were heroic in their defence. I haven’t got a bad word to say about any of them. Even Earl*. (Actually, we looked better defending with 10 than we have previously with 11). Earl and Shep in the middle of defence cleared everything. Ogbeta and Bland/Watson were solid out wide and the midfield (and DKD) were always moving, but in shape. (Coach Conor!?) And for half an hour I thought we were gonna make it. And then McAtee comes on.

*Earl was brilliant. But he DID let their guy have a free header which hit the post at 1-0.

Of all the people. Listen, Trotters, if you don’t rate him, I’ll have him back. He’s not only on their bench, he’s the FOURTH to come off it. I’m sorry, but if McAtee is your 4th pick off your bench in THIS division, you have to be heading for 100 points or more. He is CLASS. (Are you not using him right? Awww, what a pity.) But needless to say, he comes on and scores an 86th minute equaliser, cleverly deflecting a header from a corner. It had to be. (And 86 wasn’t that late; there were an extra 8 mins of injury time.) The Trotters nearly snatch it too, but Cooper makes a triffic save. One day he’ll keep a clean sheet. Mind, McAtee then missed an easy header late on. He’s s*** he is.

An honourable draw.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Vickers. Some tights turns when surrounded by players and energy in abundance.
** Connell. Outstanding 1st half and set up the goal.
* Ogbata. Some outstanding runs and crosses, and generally well-defended.

Official MOTM: McGoldrick

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Connell 2. Vickers 3. Ogbata

Despatches:
The crowd. About 2,000 Reds fans down on our last home league game, versus Burton Albion. Are Bolton less glamorous than Burton? Was it having 3 home games in 8 days? Or the fact you could get in for 15 quid v the Brewers and it was 27 today to see some Trotters? It’s a complicated game, matchday pricing. I suspect the ST uptake is a grand or 2 down on last season, so the club has to do a delicate balancing act between tempting out matchday fans as against satisfying ST holders. There has to be value in having a ST (beyond priority for away ticket sales). Personally, as much as I know I’ll miss the odd home game this season, I know that if I had to pay 27 quid to watch a 3rd division game at Oakwell, I’m not coming.

I also have a new favourite phrase. ‘We woulda lost that last season.’ By my reckoning, I’ve heard or read that every game thus far. I’d hate to point out we actually BEAT Bolton Wanderers 4-1 at home last season, as pathetic a side as we were. I mean, I’m just not that guy...right?

Drink du jour: Lightbulb pale ale at Spiral.

Away: 3,147 (13.167)

The Damage:
c.£10 petrol
= c.£10

Still no shirts in, and petrol costs rose as an accident in Holmfirth meant I had a very scenic alternative route via Holme Moss and Woodhead pass. Woodhead Reservoir was EMPTY. I don’t mean low, it was empty. Is it too early to panic? WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BFC 2-2 (5-4 pens) Fleetwood Town, Wednesday 13th August 2025

‘Double U?’ ‘No, W’

It’s home game #2 of a run of 3 in 8 days. No wonder there’s not many of us here (3,259). All of us home fans are also ‘packed’ into the East Stand, so 2 sides are empty, and there’s only 165 taking up nearly 6,000 seats in the away end. But it’s sunny, warm, and there’s a buzz amongst those there which exceeded far bigger crowds last season. Plus Coach Conor has named a pretty strong team, including experienced heads like DKD and Russell. New signing Watson starts at right back, while Kelly is given his full debut in midfield, next to Bland. Shepherd is back from his suspension, and he’s with Conor Barrett at the back, our 4th central defensive partnership in 4 games.

And I have to say...it works. We are ALL OVER THEM. Been a while since I’ve seen such a one-sided game. I think Cleary (on the left wing this time, rather than Satdy’s right) has more touches than their team. He’s Cleary (!) on a different level to them. Time and again he beats his man and puts a cross in. Russell heads in early doors and DKD misses 2 chances, an easy sidefoot and a difficult volley. (I hope the scouts were watching.) It’s too easy. And what happens when it’s too easy? They score.

We are 2 seconds off the end of 1st half injury time when a corner is swung in. Does it flick in off someone? Does it go in unaided? I’ve since looked at it a dozen times on t’internet and I’ve no idea. I see Barrett runs to the front post and gets under the ball. Could he have jumped a bit higher? Equally though, even if it does clear him, a ball shouldn’t harmlessly run into the far corner. You can’t have NOBODY on it. A player on the far post would have cleared it too. The usual bugbear about marking space versus having a man on the (back) post.

So there it is, one-way traffic and somehow it’s one-all. In a weird prelude to their goal though, they’d also had an effort disallowed earlier, the ball going in direct from a THROW-IN! This took me back to the Premiership promotion season. Opening home game, we go a goal down to Huddersfield as Dave Watson pulls his arms back from touching the ball cos he knows no-one has touched it. Unlike that day, this ref knew the rules. (We went on to beat Hudds 3-1, a possible sliding doors moment averted.)

Coach Conor brings on Leo Farrell at HT. Whohellhe? (Ans: from the juniors). DKD is off. Oh dear, who’s gonna take us through now? Thankfully, Cleary carries on as before, strips the fullback, whips a ball in and an idiot defender sticks a leg out to deflect home. Easy, easy! Farrell then has the chance to extend the lead but the keeper saves. If he never scores a goal for Barnsley, he’ll regret trying to take it round the keeper rather than dink it over him.

On the hour, Yoganathan and Farrugia are sent on for Bland and Vickers, before Coach Conor sends on Captain Fantastic Connell (for Shepherd; I can’t remember what tactical nonsense we verted to. If reverting is going back to something, would ‘vert’ be to do something for the 1st time?) Anyway, if by ‘seeing out’ you mean ‘hitting a glorious penalty into the top corner in a penalty shootout’, Coach Conor got it bang on. If so, this bloke has the Midas touch.

Yes, we’re into injury time and it’s just so, so easy. As it was in the 1st half. But there’s some confusion as Coach Conor wants to make a sub. Cleary thinks it’s him, but it turns out to be Ogbeta. Now, I’ve heard of people mixing up their blacks, but I’ve never heard of a black person mistaking HIMSELF for another black person. Anyway, the message eventually gets through to Cleary that he’s not being offered his standing ovation for a job well done and that he’s on till the end. I don’t think he’s in the right head space either, as within a minute he fails to track back, leading to an overlap on their right and the ball pulled back to be swept home. To err once (conceding in 1st half injury time) is human. To do it twice (conceding in 2nd half injury time) is careless.

Thank goodness it went straight to pens. When was the last time anyone saw a decent extra-time? We go 1st, are always in front, but Kelly finds the bar with what would have been the winner. Honestly, it’s an inch from being perfect, top corner. Still, it’s somehow fitting that Cleary scores the winner (6th pen) even though we had to wait for keeper Cooper to save. Rovrum at home next. Let the celebrations begin!

Onwards and upwards!

*** Cleary. Just give him the ball.
** Kelly. Ran centre mid.
* Bland. As above. The front 4 don’t get the ball without a base.

Official MOTM: Cleary

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cleary 2. Kelly 3. Bland

Despatches:
I was with Lord S in the ticket office pre-match. No problems buying my ticket (though £2 extra on the day – NONE of BFC’s messages on ‘socials’, or even their ticketing page, told me THAT) but I had to leave the office as I was cracking up. ‘How do you spell your name?’ ‘… W’ ‘Double U?’ ‘No, W’ ‘Double U?’ Anyway, we got in, only missing 5 minutes.

This is a minor thing (hopefully) and just a sign of rustiness, but three times the ball ended up out of play due to a misunderstanding between Vickers and Russell. Both showed their class at times (after opening their legs?) but with each other…they need more practice.

Drink du jour: Karate and Friendship pale ale (very nice) and Hazy Rider New England IPA (bit dodgy – was it ‘off’? Or is that it’s normal taste?) at Heaven and Ale.

Away: 165 (3,259)

The Damage:
£16 ent
c.£8 petrol
= c.£24