Stockport County 1-1 BFC, Saturday 29th November 2025

‘You’ve NEVER had a Toby Carvery!?’

Well, we came, we saw, we conquered. Then it got to half-time and I told Andy that Conor would change it at half-time, tell the players that’s enough of their excellence, best to go back to mediocrity and give County a way back. And so it proved. I think we spend most of the second 45 on the back foot. And I wouldn’t say we weren’t interested in attacking, but DKD, Yoganathan and Cleary looked out on their feet. Indeed, when Cleary weas injured, it was obvious now was the time to take him off. So, like last week (Shepherd), Conor leaves an injured player on till he collapses.

It’s a good job Conor is canonised. He’s untouchable. He resolutely refused to change owt, 2nd half, and we never saw the ball at our end (the end we were nominally kicking towards). It was screaming out for wholesale changes up top. Instead, Cleary (who had a dreadful 2nd half, couldn’t beat an egg) was allowed to limp on till the 77th minute. Then what? We chuck a left back on for him (Ogbeta), give it 10 more mins, then send on McGoldrick for Phillips (who can’t have been tired, he’d never moved from the centre circle the whole half, playing the Molby/Bland role).

Did I say we were all over the place? We possibly went to a back 5 (back 10?) with MdG moved inwards from his bizarre left back position he started in (skinned twice in the opening 10 minutes). I’m sure MdG appreciates being hung out to dry by St. Conor. Which meant not one, not two, but THREE centre halves unable to stop the County bloke having a free volley from close range in the 89th minute. One-all, and let’s hang on for the draw.

All this after an outstanding opening period, Yoganathan, Cleary, DKD and Kelly taking it to them, Shepherd and Roberts holding fort at the back, and Luca up and down winning tackles. After a couple of scares (off target efforts after those aforementioned skins of MdG) we took the lead with a cracking move. Yoga wins the ball, high, lays it to Kelly who drives forward before laying it out wide for a free Cleary to drill the ball across goal for Yoga to get his studs on it. Brilliant goal, and it could have been more.

Second half, everything changes. County may well have changed formation, or whatever. But they changed SUMMAT and Conor needs to learn to switch things himself. The equaliser, late as it came, was the LEAST County deserved.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Kelly. Drove forward time and again, even 2nd half.
** Connell. Good tackling, good covering, decent passing.
* Shepherd. Shepherd and Roberts were OUTSTANDING, 2nd half, but Shep nicks it just for the time Roberts brought the ball down like Beckenbauer...and promptly side-footed it straight to a Stockport player on the break.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Kelly 2. Connell 3. Shepherd

Despatches:
For all their pressure, I remember Cooper only making one good save. MdG, a right-footed player who gets brickbats at right back, is blatantly not a left back. Ogbeta, who is, is benched again. Why? (Last week he was sick, but that was a week ago). As I said, Phillips was this week’s Bland. It took me ages to notice him, 2nd half, then I realised that’s cos he’s under instruction not to move. Just hold your position, Adam, that’s right, just stand there. No, no, another foot to the left. That’s it. Just there. Yoga, DKD, Cleary...classic performances of 2 halves. None of them turned up 2nd half. Oh, and McGoldrick came on and they scored 2 minutes later.

Still, I enjoy Stockport away. Like last season, Reedy and I went on a pub crawl after the match (cos, remember, the game had been switched to 12:30 so the nation could watch). Those crazy Belgians were over too (Chris’s...great nephew?...plus 2 mates). Some of the photos one showed us were an eye opener. I’ll leave it at that.

Oh, and they’ve only gone and given us a ROOF this season. As Andy struggled with his PTSD (‘reminds me of Crawley’) I marveled at how a roof built in 2025 could have so many stanchions. I presume it’s temporary (just like Gillingham’s away end). It was like watching from inside a marquee. But the rain was constant in the 1st half, and we were dry. (Does that mean we’re the opposite of a ‘fairweather team’?)

Drink du jour: Abbeydale Deception and Lancaster Wooky Juice at The Petersgate Tap, Siren Lumina and Deya Steady Rolling Man at The Cracked Actor, 2 beers for 17 quid at Threads, Konig Ludwig weissbier at the Piccadilly Tap.

Away: 1,152 (sellout)

The Damage:
£26 ent
£20.40 train
= £46.40

BFC 5-0 Luton Town, Saturday 22nd November 2025

Apologies for this, but my report will come in chunks as I'm writing it on my phone in-between painting missions. And that is as thrilling as any of my stories.

Pt 1: R.I.P. Caton. Who will get to the pub first and hold the door open now?

What a crazy game that was. Arriving with zero expectation (Rovrum and Port Vale in mind) we tank Luton on 31% possession, could've scored more, and the only thing we talk about at half time (3 nil up) is the referee. Who says we're only happy when we're moaning?

The ref. I'll ignore all of his correct decisions, cos I dare say there were some. But when your left winger, who's been skinning the fullback ALL GAME, goes down after the ball's gone, it's cos HE'S BEEN FOULED. Cleary is streaking away, 2 on 2. Why the bejesus would he go down? A yellow card all day...which means that hapless fullback is off. Instead, Cleary gets carded for diving. Mystifying.

Then the free kick for Connell's goal. DKD has dropped a shoulder, cut inside and he's sent the entire defence the wrong way. He's pulling the trigger, a free shot on goal, from the edge of the box. This is undeniably a GOALSCORING OPPORTUNITY as he's cynically tripped, pulling the trigger. But, (cos it's outside the box?) the ref gives a yellow. Out of interest, how far out was DKD when he scored? (So that's Luton down to 9 men, by my and Waddington's estimate...cos he made the same point to me yesterday.)

Then, 2nd half, us 3-0 up, he cards Bland for dummying a free kick. Eh? Sometimes, just sometimes, you dummy the free kick to check the lay of the defence. ie, will they push up and leave us offside? It is one of the most tenuous yellow cards for time wasting I've ever seen. We are 3 nil up, FFS.

Pt 2: the goals.

We panned the Hatters for 5, and if Yoganathan could finish, we'd have had a couple more. And the DKD miss, close range, 1st time, where he wrongfoots the keeper. We were FAB-U-LOUS and A-MAZING at the same time. Craig Revell-Hall would've been proud.

We go ahead early when Cleary dinks the ball over the keeper from DKD's deft chip. Rewind further and who won the ball to begin with? Cleary. MotM is nailed, 7 minutes in. It's soon 2 tho, Cleary wreaking havoc, the defender back tracking, and Reyes hammering it across goal, thru the defender's legs for an onrushing Kelly to tap home. I love Kelly. I love Cleary.

Yoga misses his 2, a cut inside and slam off the bar, then he bamboozles the keeper by simply not touching it, like that Pele effort years ago. (Pele missed too.) Yoga screws his effort off the post with DKD running in back stick.

Unbelievably, it's 3 by half time. Unbelievable, cos not only does Connell hit the target from a free kick, but it goes in. Key to this goal however are a couple of Reds standing next to their wall. While everyone expects the players to move and Connell to blast it, instead he chips it over the wall to the keeper's left. Any other week the keeper simply walks across and catches it, so fair play to our set piece coach.

4 nil is a scramble in the box from another Cleary ball in. I love Cleary. Watson is credited, but elsewhere I've seen it down as an OG. I just know it went in. Then DKD adds the icing with his usual sublime finish that only he at this club can manage. There's 15 left, but Coach Conor throws the towel in for Luton and hauls DKD and Cleary. The Hatters have received enough punishment.


Pt 3:
*** Cleary. I hope Stockport are allowed to pick O'Keeffe on Satdy. Imagine Corey trying to stop THAT! (Actually, Stockport have drafted in 34 year old free transfer Jack Hunt, without a club since the summer. Let's hope he's playing!)
** Connell. Ran everything. Chased back. Tackled. Intercepted. Passed. Scored.
* DKD. It all starts with that dink. Why can't our central midfielders do that? Excellent interplay throughout with Cleary.

Official MOTM: Cleary

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Cleary 2. Yoganathan 3. Connell

Despatches:
Was it a Coach Conor masterclass? Press, but not too much, enough to tempt Luton into playing it through the lines for us to pick it up on the front foot. Time and time and time again. Utter madness from them. Every time we won it we were looking at 4v 4, 3v 3 etc.

Of course, that's not what I was saying late in the game, as Shepherd hobbles around, injured. Instead, Conor hauls off Earl for Ogbeta, when the obvious thing to do was replace Shep and move Earl across. Fingers crossed Shep is OK.

The players? They were all outstanding, save for Earl (hapless) and Phillips. A classic Earl howler has him heading it straight to their centre forward, who rounds Cooper, before....Roberts and Shepherd chase him down, the latter getting the crucial block. As Nice Guy said, it was 1 nil then.

As for Phillips, he must think he's in his own space and time continuum, as he constantly lost it in possession while wondering where the bloke who's tackled him has come from. (HE'S BEHIND YOUUUUU!)


Pt 4 (nearly there!)
Luton Town. Christ on a bike. 2 years ago I caught some of them giving Liverpoo a decent game in the Prem (4-3?) Now look at them. Losing five nil to US. (Us, not the United States). I've no idea when we last hit 5. So, mention in despatches to Farnham senior, who decided he'd rather watch his recording of day 2 of the Ashes (or 'the final day' as it'll come to be known) rather than come to Oakwell. Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa. Sorry.

The atmosphere: it's a good job we were winning. Handsomely. Cos God knows what it would have sounded like were we losing. It was like a friendly. It was embarrassing, so good job a mate of mine was up from London to witness it.

Away: 1478. Farnham needs to enter competitions, he was 22 off. Mind, it was about 700 at 4 nil, and even fewer at 5. Well done the rest. You don't get to see Brazil every week (and no, it wasn't sung.).

The Damage:
c.£7 travel

.

Bracknell Town 3-0 Havant and Waterlooville, Monday 17th November 2025

Bracknell Town 3-0 Havant and Waterlooville, Southern League Premier Division South, att. 525, The SB Stadium (Bottom Meadow, Sandhurst)

I’m due to be driving down to London for business. A quick scan of the fixture lists brings Havant and Waterlooville away at Bracknell. My mate Ian supports Havant. Where’s Bracknell? Somewhere near Reading. Doable, even if a late nite to bed. Let’s go! I message Ian to make sure he’s going. He is. He goes to most games.

Unfortunately, things conspire against me. I can’t get set off from the Pennines as early as I would like due to a hospital appointment (not mine). Traffic is also at a standstill on some motorway or other (it’s dark, raining, I’m tired, and I’m beginning to past care). However, I dig in. It’d be good to see Ian, who’s hopefully doing better than his beloved Havant, who haven’t won in a while (about 2 seasons, the way they’ve been plummeting).

I reach Bracknell, see some floodlights...is this it? Off some ring road? Is it a leisure centre? Warehouse? Dunno, but it’s not a football ground. What brought me here? I definitely had something in my satvav. Let’s have another go. This one takes me OUT of Bracknell, about 5 miles out, to a housing estate in Sandhurst. No obvious signs of a ground here, either.

I drive back to Bracknell, and check out a location by a(nother) ringroad, what looks like floodlights to a non-league ground. It’s not. (I can’t remember what it was.) By now, I’m half an hour into the game. I message. ‘You’re not missing much’ he replies. I am beyond careful this time, taking the postcode from Bracknell’s website. As I’ve already done once. GU47 9BJ. I drive back to Sandhurst. This time I see some lights beyond the trees in a park. Christ, no wonder they have such small crowds for a town this size. Who’d travel HERE to see a game? (Ian says they lost their previous ground about 5 years ago.) I should feel more sympathetic to their plight.

I park up in a housing estate (a different one) as the car park next to the road is full. Then I traipse through the car park, across a field in darkness, towards the Holy Grail: Bottom Meadow. At least the turnstiles are on this side. Even betterm they’re wide open. A decidedly uninterested steward is nearby, so I ignore him and walk straight in. It's half time. Now to find Ian.

I imagine this will be an easy task. He’s of a size (errr...tall!) However, it’s bitterly cold and everyone appears to be wearing several layers of clothing, as well as woolly hats. At least I can narrow it down to Havant hats, and eventually I find him at the far end. Havant are kicking this way this half (occasionally!) and there’s problies 50 or 60 visitors hopeful visitors. (Hopeful in that they’ve yet another new manager). The second half is 3 minutes old before it’s 2-0.

Behind the goal, up a height in the stand, is where the Bracknell ultras congregate. Best spot in the house, and they seem to be having a good time. Otherwise, there’s couple of covered seating areas on either touchline and a swanky looking social club behind the other goal. But I’m staying here, with my buddy, and foregoing the tour. When will I be back? Never.

It gets worse for Havant and Waterlooville too. A poor home side triumphs three goals to nil with little effort. Ian and his carful are back off to the south coast, me to London. At least I could get the hell out easier than I got my way in.

The Damage:
free (late entry)

Eccleshill United 0-2 Thackley, Saturday 8th November 2025

Eccleshill United 0-2 Thackley, Northern Counties East League Premier Division, Cougar Park, att. 101

It’s my birthday weekend and the original plan was to go to Scotland. However, the weather is a little...Novembery?...so that’s off. And by now, the Super Reds have sold their 3,000 allocation away at Donny, so that’s not an option, even if I wasn’t boycotting them cos a) they still owe me a 20 quid refund from years back and b) it’s the most miserable away experience, a subbuteo stadium in a retail park a very long walk from the city centre. I study the form and I see Eccleshill are at home. I’ve been waiting all season for this, a chance to go to Cougar Park, home of the Keighley Cougars rugby league team, without having to see actual rugby league. Result! (And actually, I don’t mind rugby league.)

My initial plan was to get there early, have a look around town. Instead, I end up watching the first half of Spurs v Manure on the tellybox at home with my other half. I’d have rather have had a walk around Keighley, to be frank. And I’ve seen most of what it offers. I jump in the car and by 2:45 I’m passing the ground, but in order to park I’ve got to head down to the roundabout and double back, the dual carriageway not being conducive to parking up in the side streets to my right.

I’m outside the ground. No noise whatsoever. No PA, no nuffink. There’s an entry gate. Closed. There’s some turnstiles. Closed. Is this game on? I check Twitter and, without my glasses, am forced to squint at the screen. Eccleshill haven’t updated since this morning. Opponents Thackley though have posted their team up. This game MUST be on somewhere. Has it been moved?

I walk around the cricket club next door to Cougar Park. Looking back at the football (rugby) ground, I can see a bit of terracing but zero people, not even the heads of players warming up. I carry on into an industrial estate and see cars lining the road to the ground. I have a hunch. I bet there’s another entrance along this road. But I haven’t got my glasses. I decide I’d rather miss kick-off and be able to read, than vice versa. I go back, collect the car, come back and park right outside the industrial estate turnstiles (as they’ll be known to me).

It’s a mere six pounds to get in, but I’ve missed out on any programmes. Were there any? I’ve also missed the opening 10 minutes, though I’m slightly discombobulated, as the scoreboard says ‘35:00’. Why are they counting BACKWARDS? Who does that? So I spend most of the opening 45 having to work out how long has gone by deducting the number on the scoreboard from 45. Still, it passes the time. The game is pretty awful. The ball isn’t rolling so well (it being a rugby pitch) and conditions mean the players have trouble having a shot with any power. (This is a theory of mine. If cloudy conditions affect swing bowling in cricket, surely there must be some conditions in football which make it harder for players to get any power in a shot. That, or both sets of players are simply rubbish.)

I’ve also missed a goal. The visitors Thackley, are one up. It’s soon two, as a corner to the backpost is controlled and lashed in. How does a player have time off a corner to control a ball? How bad are Eccleshill? (A quick look at table shows Eccleshill are the higher of two midtable sides.) Thackley look way better, despite their inability to shoot from distance (see earlier).

There appears to be good away support in a sparse crowd. This would nominally be a derby, were Eccleshill playing in the suburb of Bradford they represent, but instead they’re playing 10 miles away cos the owner says they can’t afford to play in Eccleshill. I’m not sure how that works, given Cougar Park can’t be free. I chat on to their former physio who informs me the owner was hoping to pick up more support in Keighley, but without converting it to Keighley United, I don’t see what’s in it for locals, presuming they even want a football team. (Silsden is just down the road too.)

I am surprised to hear the crowd was even three figures. 101, or roughly 25 spectators for every dog in the ground (a personal record). One Thackley fan walks her dog to the end of the terrace and back a few times, but at half-time, when I fancy a wander, an officious young steward says I can’t go any further. ‘Why not?’ ‘It’s the rules.’ Ah, of course, the rules. I decide not to ask why this lady, or a bloke on the far terrace with a dog, are allowed. I know futile when I see it. Did the bloke arrive before the steward? Is he official (didn’t look it)? I’ll never know.

Thus, I am unable to complete one of the joys of non-league football (at least at this tier), walking around the perimeter of the pitch. We are allowed approximately a quarter of this covered terrace, a dozen steps or so, as well as half of the Main Stand, a steep pitched roof affair on the right hand touchline. A quarter of a quarter plus half of a quarter (there being 4 sides to a pitch) means we have 5/16 of the ground open. (Is my maths right?) Very poor. (We’ll ignore that the ground is rectangular, not square.)

Instead, I popped into the clubhouse, where one wall is tastefully adorned with pics and biogs of past Cougars’ legends. I contemplate a beer, but despite several being on tap, there’s nothing of taste. Why would anyone need both Heineken AND Amstel? Or a John Smiths, or Guinness, or two types of Strongbow. There’s everything and nothing.

Opposite the Main Stand is an open terrace of perhaps 10 steps, while the end right of the stand is also open, but slightly smaller. Do these areas even open for Cougars’ games these days? Part of the terrace is painted the colours of the rainbow too. ‘Everyone is welcome’ is scrawled everywhere. The Main Stand, meantime, is a steep and dark affair made mostly of wood. This is charming, till a middle aged committee man in short sleeves bounds up the steps to tell some lads it is prohibited to smoke. They are obviously too young, or ignorant, to know of the Bradford City fire disaster. Still, they’re not chucked out. Eccleshill need all the fans they can get.

The second half is woeful, but at least I have a magnificent view of it. You don’t get much height at this level and I am sat at the back of the stand, where I am sat on a pew, with a small counter for my hymn book / glasses case. There is the small matter of floodlights slightly obstructing the view, but with so few folk here, I have the pick of the seats. And in a way, it’s marvellous.

Happy Birthday Me!

The Damage
£6 ent
=£6