Of course, that’s in a parallel universe frequented by a coach with more skillz than Hourihane. If his golden foursome up front don’t bag, there is no Plan B. Sorry, there IS a Plan B (from Outer Space)…give it a few minutes, then swap O’Keeffe and right back Watson around, so we still have a right-footed defender (I use the term loosely) playing left back. It obviously confused me, cos when Watson put a delicious ball across our box for THEM to be clean through, I mistook him for O’Keeffe (who has previous for this offence). Well, they both have a ‘7’ on the back of their shirts.
It’s ok tho, cos Crapman has been behind the scenes on ‘Stars in their Eyes’ (look it up, kids) and has come out tonite as something approaching a goalkeeper. He runs out and saves, and together with a few catches and keeping the ball on the pitch in his hoofs, is given the official MOTM. (The Ponty disagree, finally clearing their throats for a couple of ‘Woooah…David McGoldrick’ chants.)
McGoldrick. Honestly, is this the future without POTY Kelly? Cleary marked out of it by 2 opponents, it’s left to McG to take it to Wycombe, going on 2 or 3 runs where he seemingly takes on half their side. Sadly, the only shot he gets off was a cut inside in the first half which curls harmlessly wide. It’s ok though, there’ll be another shot soon. (No there won’t.)
Phillips is generally anonymous, though I notice one of Coach Conor’s tactics is the ball over the top for a Phillips darting run. But the ball is either comfortably headed away, or runs through to the keeper. Banks looks promising early on, but between him and Watson it turns into a sh*tshow defensively. And that’s it from our ‘attacking players’. This includes half an hour of classic invisibility from Bradshaw (on for Banks), though Yoganathan almost offers hope for the last 15 (replacing Phillips). At least you notice Yoganathan, though I’ve yet to decide whether that’s cos he’s 6 foot 4 and has an amazing mop of hair, or cos he’s any good. ‘Better than the rest’ does not mean good. Not tonite.
That leaves 6 (6!) ostensibly defensive-minded players (plus a goalkeeper). And for a time, I started believing the elusive clean sheet would come. MdG first half, and O’Connell the second, looked strong. Certainly stronger than anything else we’ve seen this season. MdG reads the game and when Wycombe put the ball forward, simply steps out from behind the striker, intercepts it, and plays the ball to a red shirt. Imagine. (Sometimes even FORWARD!) Suspend your disbelief. O’Connell meantime made two super blocks to prevent certain Chairboys’ goals. (Beaten by ‘Chairboys’. Can it get any worse?) And the fullbacks won’t be as bad as the first half...will they?
Then there’s the dynamic duo in midfield. Captain Marvel and the GOAT. The GOAT’s PR team appear to be on sabbatical, cos I’m reading quite a few negative comments ‘on socials’ these days. Do these people have no idea? How do you criticize a player who rarely leaves the centre circle, can’t pass a ball forward, and constantly loses his man? The goal is a case in point. Watson has pushed up, marking another Wanderer, while a different wanderer wanders away from Bland and is free down their left. The cross is slightly deflected, which bamboozles Captain Marvel (not difficult) and a 3rd Wanderer lashes it into the top corner from the edge of the box. Otherwise the GOAT’s one attempt at emulating POTY Kelly in running forward and passing the ball ends up with it being overhit for Cleary. (I’m still trying to digest how Kelly has critics for not being able to fire it into the top corner after bursting past several opponents, getting to the edge of their box, then laying it off to a red. Yes, I mean you, P. Waddington.)
Where was I? I’m dizzier than a rascal. Captain Marvel. One advantage of hanging out with Darrell, pre-match (and half-time, and full-time) is that I don’t need to say owt about Luca, Darrell says it for me. And my silence only makes him rant more, as he thinks I’m a fan. It’s beautiful. Tonite, El Capitan is lucky not to give away a penalty as he drags a Chairboy to the floor on the backpost, with half-time looming. It’s funny, but I never hear the Jonesys (Jonesies?) and Farnhams of this world complain about the ref when they fail to give a blatant penalty to the opposition. (Maybe it would have woken Coach Conor up, going into the interval a goal down. Or maybe not.) Otherwise, he does what Connell does. Slows it down, kicks it square, makes no runs (with the ball), hit and hope longballs, gentle dinks for deadballs. If it wasn’t for his pal the GOAT next to him, I’d say he was one of the most limited players I’ve seen since…Herbie Kane? That’s it! He’s just a skinny Herbie Kane. (I’ll work on the exact wording of the chant.)
The pair of them together? CRAP.
Onwards and upwards!
*** Crapman. Top 3 is really tough. I think you could juggle any of McG, MdG, O’Connell and Crapman, in any order whatsoever. But given his trials and tribulations, I’ll give it to Crapman. Didn’t put a hand or foot wrong, and had no chance with the goal.
** McGoldrick. How comes grandad can run, but the whippersnappers CAN’T? Our only hope.
* MdG. Woulda been my MOTM but for a couple of ‘head like a 50 pence piece’ clearances in the 2nd half. But it’s nice to have a footballer at centre half.
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. McGoldrick 2. MdG 3. Goodman
Despatches:
I read somewhere that we were bound to mess up tonite cos ‘we’d not won 2 games in a row all season’. That’s quite impressive, considering I know we won 3 and drew 1 of our opening 4 games. But we are consistently inconsistent, I’ll give us that. Still, if we win our 3 games in hand...etc etc
As for Lynne describing it as ‘Directionless, Clueless, Rudderless, Spineless...Just like our politicians’...it got me thinking. Would she prefer a centre back partnership of The Donald and Our Nige? Though Putin is a renowned left footer, and Coach Conor prefers a bit of balance in the middle (if not the outer edges of the party...sorry, team). Sadly, whichever Kim is in charge of North Korea this week is unavailable, due to injury. ‘Carrying too much timber’ said a club doctor.
Drink du jour: Vocation Krush Hour at Heaven and Ale.
Away: 194 (8,608). Most remarkable for ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole, I wanna go home’ chant before we’d even kicked off. They were as quiet as us after that, as befitted our lowest crowd of the season (lge only).
The Damage:
£7 petrol
= £7
