Barnsley 1-2 Derby, Sunday 29th December 2013

'We only score world class goals'

£15 + Xmas = slightly bigger home gate than usual

Well, back to the usual.  If the usual is getting beat at home while watching Jacob Mellis traipse through the action. Wilson goes 4-5-1 in an attempt to...what?  Between Mellis, McCourt, Etuhu, Dawson and Jim, you'd think we had players who can pass a ball between them.  What we had, in the 1st 3, were players who could barely CONTROL a ball 1st half, let alone find their own teammate. McCourt certainly lost the ball half a dozen times. He does my f***ing head in.  Then there's Jacob, who loses it easily one minute, then has a right go at a defender who didn't pass him the perfect ball 30 seconds later. (For those who've played 5 aside with Selwood, it was like when Dave gets the huff on cos the ball is played to him and he actually has to stick his leg out for it)

But the worst...the worst...was Scott Bloody Wiseman.  Bloody Idiot more like. Can someone tell me what position he is these days?  I often see him out at right back (when there's no-one to mark, or he's taking a short pass from the keeper), but when there IS someone to mark, he's somewhere in the middle. Yesterday was the PITS.  5 times in the 1st half (3 times in the 1st 10 minutes!) he was nowhere to be seen as the left winger collected long balls over to him.  4 times he got lucky.  2 were offside while twice more the players (for they were different) fell over the ball as they ran. The other time?  0-1 and not 8 minutes on the clock, though admittedly it still took a deflection to beat Steele. The only, the ONLY thing I can say in Wiseman's defence is that he MUST be following manager's orders, cos there's simply NO WAY a full back leaves his winger as often as Wiseman. And it wouldn't be so bad if Wiseman opened his mouth and told other players to help him out on the cover (the way a certain B. Hassell does!) but he just stands there and ignores the tide.  F***ing f*** f***.

The ref has a word with O'Brien

Still, we improved 2nd half - taking 4 minutes rather than 8 to concede.  I do believe they scored from OUR attack, as a sweeping ball out to their right winger saw him leg it 50 yards to deliver a ball to the far post for Wiseman to clear. Oh, my mistake - Wiseman's got sucked into the middle, giving their bloke a free header.  0-2 and we've lost before we've started.  So much for Steele's amazing block just before half time when their bloke looked nailed on to score. When will our keepers realise there's just no point, no point?

What to do, Danny?  For a start, get Etuhu off and replace him with Polish Tom.  Thank Christ for that.  I'll just repeat the most oft question I've heard at Oakwell this season:  How does Polish Tom not get a game in THAT team?  A minute later and McCourt's dragged off for Pedersen.  Are we actually going TWO up front?  Bloody hell!  And Cywka takes it to 'em, driving from midfield, getting the fans excited...and BANG, what a goal.  Picking up the ball midway in his own half, he RUNS forward (Mellis, are you reading this?) beats one defender, carries on running (Mellis, are you reading this?), lollipops it past another defender before finding the bottom corner from 20 yards.  Goal of the season, anyone?

Suddenly the game is transformed.  From being outclassed and not having a sniff of their net, the pressure is all us now, with Derby resorting to the odd break.  Derby weathered the storm though until injury time, when Wiseman (the very same!) cuts a ball back and O'Grady must...MUST..score...and converts the ball high over the bar for two points.  Such a shame, cos O'Grady had been SUPERB all game, holding the ball up, keeping possession.  Put him in midfield!  Cos he gets FA service up front...till the 92nd minute.

We'll not be playing these next season...

So then, the OPTIMISTIC view is that Derby are a top drawer 2nd division team and once we made the requisite changes we really took the game to them.  However, the PESSIMISTIC view is that once again we were outclassed for most of the match and are running out of games.  I had the pleasure of 'Praise or Grumble' afterwards and a Washday fan rang in saying how he can't believe THEY'VE still got a chance, given how bad they are this season.  Remember, there are AT LEAST 6 awful teams.  2 wins and we're...well, still in the relegation zone, probably.

*** Cywka.  In half an hour changed the game.  Amazing what a bit of drive and energy does.  And well done to Tom for being the Hassell of Barnsley's midfield, somehow keeping his morale up despite being 6th choice at best.  (7th if you put Perkins in ahead of him too).  A true professional.  Sponsor's MOTM.

** O'Brien.  Ran around, tried to create stuff.  Y'know, put some EFFORT in.

* Cabbage.  I have to say, I thought Ramage was tremendous yesterday, making 2 or 3 goal-preventing challenges.

Despatches:
Kennedy.  Awful, awful.  If he isn't getting outpaced for the cross that should've been 0-2 before half time, he's ducking out of a header leading to their bloke being clean through.  Superb control and their bloke has cut inside Steele only to be denied by Ramage, alert to the haplessness of our full back.  Along with Wiseman, he starred in 3 of Praise or Grumble's 4 Barnsley callers.  The jist being...well, you can probably guess!

Pedersen.  A couple of callers suggested he should be given an extended run in the team.  Yet he reminds me of the bloke we once got from Blackburn on loan, the Dutch under 21 who'd top scored in a summer tournament...then hit 1 goal in 10 games for us and was last seen on the bench at the bottom of the Dutch Eredivisie.   What was his name?  Anyway, Pedersen is weak as p*** and, if he's not scoring (which he isn't) has zero redeeming qualities in my eyes.  Unless you include looking about 12 years of age and having a gorgeous girlfriend.  F*** him off back to where he came from.

Wilsonwatch: wrong players, wrong tactics.  But he'll learn.  Hopefully sooner rather than later.  Hassell in for The Idiot?  Nyatanga in for The Hapless?  Cywka in for Mellis?  Perkins in for McCourt?  (I thought I'd drop the last one in just to wind some of you up).

Onwards and upwards!

A

Away: 5821 (capacity crowd in North Stand).

Well done Derby - biggest away crowd this season.

Barnsley 0-1 Bolton Wanderers, Thursday 26th December 2013

This was written BEFORE the Derby game (see my comment on Wiseman - before I 'unleash the beast' of a Derby report) but since Daddy Bear has no internet...

‘You don’t get a hilarious or obtuse title cos I can’t remember hearing owt funny or interesting all day long’

Finally, the return of the prodigal son and Danny Wilson is back at Oakwell.  A great welcome too, as the vast majority appear to have taken on board the good news.  And after a promising 1^st half, the 2^nd half showed what a job the manager has got on.

Bad news from the outstart: no Mellis or McCourt in midfield.  Who will do all the shrugging and double-teapotting now, folks?  Wilson goes with a 4-1-3-1-1 (!?) formation, with Sir Bobby in front of the defence and Scotland lurking somewhere behind O’Grady up front.  Steele was back too – a surprise, considering the Chron was speculating how Dibble would be in for the Derby game, with Butland’s loan spell over.  As it was, Stoke’s keeper was injured and Butland was recalled early for the Potters.

Players queue up to say 'Hi'.

1^st half, and both sides had chances.  I’d say we shaded it.  Hassell had a header tipped over, O’Grady forced a smart save and O’Brien had an effort.  Mind, the Trotters hit the post and Steele saved a one on one.  Then it all fell apart.

For 20 minutes of the second half, Bolton absolutely caned us.  So just as I was about to ask my dad if Wilson would make a change before they scored, they did.  A smart finish too, as Danns cut inside from the left to curl a ball into the far top corner from 12 yards.  Of course, it could’ve been different had Wiseman been out wide to mark him, rather than be dragged into the middle.  Why does this keep happening?

MOTM?  It could be any of Crainie, Hassell, O’Brien, O’Grady or Steele.  So I’ll go for:

*** Crainie.  Held the defence together.  Again.
** O’Grady.  How we missed not having a bloke who can hold a ball up.  Understandably tired later on in the game.
* Steele.  Another welcome return.  Made several top saves, though I’m marking him down for his poor kicking.

Sponsors MOTM - O’Brien.  Decent game, but not MOTM.  Since he’s Sarah’s favourite, I’ll leave comment to her: ‘Why does he get MOTM when he isn’t and why does he not get MOTM when he is?’  Ah, the vagaries of our MOTM ‘system’.

The Bolton Massive.  1838 - not bad.

Despatches:

McCourt came on and caused the odd moment of panic (at one point beating 5 defenders before a last ditch tackle stopped him) but he needs to know when to part with the ball.  Here’s a clue: when 3 of their men are around you, Paddy, it stands to reason there are other players in a red shirt FREE for a pass.  Oh, and stop overhitting the passes you do give.  Perkins had a quiet game, while Dawson huffed and puffed but didn’t blow any houses down.  Still, he nearly nicked a late pen when he waited for their player to make a challenge, which he did, cleaning Dawson out, and somehow it wasn’t given.  A Premiership ref would’ve had it straight away.  Scotland proved he can’t last 90 mins.  Get him back on the bench – he does more in 20 mins than he does in 90.  Go figure.

Wilsonwatch?  If there’s a criticism, it’s his use of subs.  Certainly not early enough, and possibly not the right ones anyway.  Any of Scotland, Dawson, Perkins and O’Brien coulda been dragged off, so obviously it was Hassell.

All in all, some promising moments, but Bolton ran out deserved winners.  Let’s not get too despondent tho, I thought Bolton looked a class outfit in the second half, despite their current position.  They’re no Donny/Millwall/Washday/Yeovil/Charlton and I for one remain optimistic.  Besides, MELLIS will be back for Derby!

Come on you Reds!

A

Away: 1838

Barnsley 1-1 Yeovil, Saturday 14th December 2013 (Happy Birthday Paul!)‏

‘I feel shit’

The away dressing room

What a game.  Like 2 bald men fighting over a comb, or 2 fat blokes battering each other to exhaustion in a MMA bash (I’ve seen the latter), next season’s division 3 mid-tablers fought out a thrilling and error-strewn contest.  It coulda, shoulda, finished 10-6 – to Yeovil.

In the exec box today, lads!

The opener set the scene for the match, as a harmless through ball was left by Ramage after a shout from Butland.  Cue the keeper left in no man’s land as their striker ran past Ramage to hook the ball into the net.  Loko tears up about 3 betting slips.  (Why do people bet on their OWN team?)  Still, like Birmingham last time out, there’s plenty of time for the Super Reds to pull it back, and besides, that goal will force them to come out and play.

So, Mellis loses it (again) on the halfway line and we are caught short.  A quick break and it’s one-on-one with Butland….it’s beaten Butland…it must be a goal…Christ, it’s 2-0….oh my lord!  It’s hit the post and ran across the goal to safety.  What ARE we doing?  This lot are s***.  (Them, not us.  But us as well).

Honestly, the half was crazy.  We had the ball most of the time, but every time they had it they ran up the pitch and missed an unbelievable chance.  I cannot describe every chance missed, but me and Moll counted them from the exec box and made it 6 or 7, for sure.  It should certainly have been four nil before we were given the proverbial ‘lifeline’ with a dodgy pen – Cywka having his foot slightly clipped, but not really worth a pen.  Cheers ref!  Tudgay steps up to score the only way he knows how – on a plate.

Us scoring...it's all a blur.

Everyone knows we don’t deserve owt, yet, remarkably, we are a clearance off the line away from 2-1 up.  How we’d have laughed.  (Actually, we were still laughing from the penalty decision.)   O’Brien, who’d given us some form of attacking impetus since coming on as sub, knocks a ball back 1^st time for the onrushing (on-plodding?) Mellis to curl into the top corner.  Fabulous finish, beats the keeper all ends up.  Shame about the backtracking defender who heads the ball over for a corner.  Somehow we limp to half time, still level.

The break gives us and the players a chance to have a beer in the warmth.  That made a pleasant change.  Surely we’d improve after the break, with a bollocking from the manager?

Yes and no.  We certainly looked better, not giving Yeovil quite as many chances to score, but it was a tired performance towards the end.  Yeovil still had golden opportunities, notably a couple of headers from 4 yards out and a 3 on 1 break which they spectacularly messed up.  Then, with Scotland already on, Mellon played his trump card: sending on centre half M’Voto up front.  And would you believe it – he nearly scored, a marvellous diving save from their keeper .  Within a minute, the keeper makes another point blank save and the Super Reds look almost likely to nick it in injury time.  And Yeovil still  nearly scored again on the break.

So there it is.  One-all and no-one in any doubt that these two teams are going down.  The only question is who will come bottom.

***  O’Brien.  Legged it forward, legged it back, put us in some promising positions by playing the ball 1^st time instead of controlling it, holding it, waiting for 3 defenders to turn up, then giving it away (are you listening, McCourt?)

**  Cwyka.  Best chance of a goal.  Hit 2 or 3 shots, at least one of which was spilled by the keeper for the centre forward to tap home.  Except said centre forwards were never there.  Understandably, he tired towards the end (as did O’Brien).  Got the pen with a nice bit of skill.

* M’Voto.  To hell with it.  Tactical genius or desperate, desperate throw of the dice, but created havoc when pushed up front.  (‘As he does in defence’, some might say).

Sponsors MOTM: Mellis.  Hilarious.

The press area at Oakwell.  For no reason in particular.

Despatches:

Ramage – bloody awful.  It wasn’t even the f*** up with Butland what narked, it was the twice I saw him turned in our own box in the second half.  Only woeful finishing prevented the subsequent crosses from being goals.  And with the number of chances they missed, that was SOME hole in centre defence. Hassell anyone?

McCourt.  Thank god someone tackled him, giving him the opportunity to limp out of another match, cos him and Mellis in midfield are a liability.  As I said earlier, all McCourt does is hold up the pace of an attack by holding onto the ball and wanting to go on a dribble.  There is a time and a place, Paddy. Occasionally, son, you need to resist temptation and lay the ball off 1^st time to somebody ELSE.  Alternatively, p*** off and go and play beach football. (Mind, he made one SUPERB pass to put Wiseman through early on.  Shame Wiseman had neither the ability nor inclination to stick out the requisite foot to control the ball.)

Tudgay/Pedersen.  Weak as p***.  What one can’t do, the pair of them certainly can’t.  Neither held a ball up all day and one O’Grady does more on his own than this pair can do together.  We’d be better sticking another man in midfield, or, dare I say it, play 4-4-1-1 with Paddy or Mellis behind the striker.  Then there’s the times we hit a shot and the keeper spills it.  This pair are STILL stood 3 yards behind the defenders.  GET IN THERE.  Don’t WAIT to see where the ball is going, GAMBLE.  Christ on a velocipede. 

Mellis.  What is there to say?  It was the kind of game where his fans (Selwood) got to point out 2 or 3 moments of brilliance and say he had a good game, while the other 9000 (I’m not counting all the kids with free tickets who had their heads in bags of sweets) noticed how many times he simply gave the ball away to the opposition.  Invariably this was done somewhere on the halfway line, with other Reds’ players pushing forward…leaving us remarkably susceptible to the counter attack.

Mind, did the MOTM presentation give us the mark of the man?  While he was hunted out in the dressing room to be told to get over to the exec suite pronto, he gets his clothes on and sneaks out the back entrance into the night.  I’d love to give him the benefit of the doubt; he’s embarrassed by the award, he knows how bad he was, and he’s going home to sulk.  Or b) he’s gonna rush out to the players’ Christmas party and forget all about who pays his wages.  I was looking forward to asking him how well he thought he’d played an’ all.

The infamous West Stand bogs.  Or a comment on Jacob Mellis?

Fair dues to the professionalism of Pedersen and Dawson to come out for the sponsors.  ‘So, Marcus, after the team gave it’s all today, how do you feel?’  ‘I feel s***’.  Brilliant.  He wasn’t allowed near the mic again.  And then there’s Dawson, somehow hiding the disappointment of not being picked against his own brother’s team, sounding very articulate (and media trained) in focusing his answers on what was ‘best for the team’.  I’d have told it like it was.  (Barry Murphy tried, bless, him, but is perhaps suffering from the age old problem of…old age, so simply repeated the same 3 sentences half a dozen times.)

Hassell – I was reading the programme.  Can Wadd get our official club historian to find out what the longest run of non-playing substitute appearances is please, cos I reckon Hassell is now up there.  Must be easy being a Barnsley manager.  Placate these Barnsley numpties by putting Hassell in the squad, but don’t give him a game, no matter how bad it gets in defence.  

Of course, none of this report should fail to mention it was the 60^th birthday of a Mr P. Norris, match programme sponsor, loyal BFC exile and all round good egg.  Thanks to his generosity for treating us to the exec box.  Don’t let Jacob Mellis ruin your b/day, mate.  (Otherwise you’ll let him ruin every Saturday!)  Great day, great to see everyone, and a nice touch from the Vienna branch for sending the champagne.  Note to Bob:  next time, send 2 or 3 bottles!

Paul – Happy 60^th.  I had a great time.  I hope you did too!!!!

Happy Birthday, P!

The sponsor looking more dejected than the players...

Come on you Reds!!!!!!!!

A

David Flitcroft R.I.P. - Barnsley 0-3 Brum, Saturday 30th November 2013

‘It can’t be worse then Millwall’ (Reedy, train up from London)

Oh but it can, Reedy, oh but it can.  22 minutes in and a bloke who’s never scored a goal in his entire career for Birmingham City (‘He’s Caddis you know, hard to believe he’s not scored’) has bagged twice.  We are playing a side somewhere near the bottom with us and it’s taken 22 minutes for our entire game plan (there was a GAME PLAN?) to be blown apart.  Taxi for Flitcroft!

We started well.  For 5/10 minutes Dawson looked keen (‘Wow!  I’m getting a start!’) and all was even.  Then, a harmless cross from Birmingham’s right could’ve been left – for keeper or goal kick – and M’Voto HAS to head the ball, somewhere to the edge of our own box.  We still have time to win the ball back and M’Voto still has time to give the ball away again.  They pick up the ball, we stand off and….well, not so much BANG! as a decent hit into the bottom corner from 20 odd yards.  

This is a GOOD thing, I decide.  We will be forced to come out and play, rather than our usual sit back and see what happens – oh it’s gone wrong, we need to go and score a goal kinda scenario.  Well, it was EXACTLY that kind of scenario, but at least the opposition had gone ahead early doors, giving us 77 minutes to grab a hold on this game.

The feeling lasted precisely nine minutes.  A corner comes in from them, the ball runs loose, heading towards a Reds player…and it’s a penalty.  Turns out that pr*ck M’Voto is possibly, possibly, holding/pushing Zigic.  The Ponty think it’s a dive…I think the ref had a perfect view.  Presuming the ref is right, this is a STUPID STUPID thing for M’Voto to do.  Nil-two and my dad disputes my earlier theory about the goodness of Brum’s early goal.

(I have since seen this goal on telly and without a shadow of a doubt it is one of the most blatant dives I’ve ever seen.  Oh well.)

Not to worry tho, where there’s two, there’s three.  From our OWN corner, it’s 0-3.  I know what you’re thinking, one of them there quick breaks from dynamite opposition we see every week from Arsenal, Man U, etc on MOTD.  Yeah, it was JUST like that.  The ball is cleared towards Dawson wide left…he stares at it coming down, leaves it to…Perkins?  Kennedy?...whoever it was (rightfully) stays put (cos it’s clearly Dawson’s ball) and their bloke runs past Dawson, picks up the ball and breaks upfield.  They’re 2 on 1 and if he hits the ball crossfield, the centre forward is clean through.  Thankfully, the ball isn’t the best, plus Jim O’Brien is on the cover.  Good interception.  What happens next is a mystery to my memory.  From what I can recall, O’Brien tries to spread the ball out wide to right back Wiseman, but instead does what the Brum player intended in the 1^st place and gives the ball straight to Zigic, the slowest player in the history of football (well, he is 6’8”) and said player has 20 yards of open space to wander forward and dink a ball over the advancing Butland.

So there it was.  Flitcroft, gone with a whimper.  With every game this season, he was turning more and more into Keith Hill.  Witness the 65% -35% possession today.  We never created a chance all match.  Or there’s the reliance on (useless) loanees no better than what we have:  Ramage, Fox, Tudgay, to name but the ones I remember.  (I have to absent Butland from this list, though whether he’ll ever recover from playing behind this back 10 is anyone’s guess.)  And there’s the obvious reluctance (refusal?) to play ‘fans favourite’ Bobby Hassell.  No matter how bad it gets, don’t play the Hassell – possibly the one man who can organise the defence, DEFINITELY the one man who can get the fans going.  But for me, the deathknell was the change of style this season – though peeps tell me even up to this week Flitcroft was in the Chron denying we have given up our pressing game.  We no longer have enough players in the side willing to run through the proverbial brick wall, we have too many wallflowers.  The Derry Pele?  The Derry sh*thouse, more like.  At least we saw Flitcroft’s last stand:  take Perkins off and stick Mellis on in centre midfield for 45 minutes.  Oh, and give Polish Tom a half, 3 months too late.

Flitcroft:  It coulda, shoulda been so much better.  You saved us, built up our hopes..then shat all over them like my cat did with my carpet yesterday.  (To be fair, I hadn’t cleaned his toilet out and it looked like a dangleberry…Flitcroft had no such excuse.)  I’d love to say he’ll be sorely missed…and he would’ve been had he left in the summer…but, David…you only have yourself to blame.  You had ideas above your station instead of sticking to what worked.  We are not Barcelona, we are Barnsley.  

*** Crainie.  I’m with Norman Rimmington (Happy 90^th, Norman! – Now apologise to all your great (great?) grandkids for putting them through such utter drivel.  Norman's MOTM, my MOTM.  Needed to be, with M'Voto alongside.

** Christ, I dunno.  I thought Perkins wasn’t doing too bad.  Possibly taken off cos the game was gone, he’d played every week and could do with a break. Let’s bring Mellis on ‘in his best position’!

* Cwyka.  Looked like he was trying to score.  Imagine.

Despatches:
Butland did nought wrong.  Tudgay looked keen (but s***).  Pedersen…f*** knows.  McCourt?  F***ing dreadful.  Why is he the deep lying midfielder picking the ball up on the halfway line?  It’s JCR all over again.  O’Brien?  Chasing back on the cover to make THAT mistake will teach him:  Do what Paddy does and stand there staring at those behind him.  Dawson?  He was trying.  Very.  Kennedy looked like a player out of his depth, while Wiseman looked like a player IN his depth:  24^th in division 2.  M’Voto was appalling.  Have I missed anyone?

Well done Brum.  Britain’s 2^nd team in Britain’s 2^nd city (in population terms only) brought a MASSIVE 970 fans today.  In amongst all the gloating in the train carriage back to Sheffield, a Bluenose did have the good grace to admit their fans are pathetic, only coming out in numbers in the (few and far between) good times.  That train was ROCKING.  I wished I’d made the earlier train.  A nice touch from Birmingham City though, joining in with the Super Reds in giving Norman Rimmington a guard of honour onto the pitch before stuffing us out of sight.

The only way we can get out of this is if we sack the manager .  Oh.

Danny Wilson anyone?  (Only the 11^th time* I’ve suggested this since 1999)

A

*approximately.

ps, I've just seen Dagnall score a 25 yarder for Coventry (via a massive deflection, but still...)

Millwall 1-0 Barnsley, Saturday 23rd November 2013

‘I should’ve gone to Homebase’

Accidental sight-seeing, Sat morn

I blame Jim Armitage, for not walking into a lamppost.  I blame Ian Thomas for not getting so drunk.  I blame Loko for not turning up.  I blame Norris for not taking up Susan’s offer of a trip to a DIY superstore.  I blame the return of Tim to a game.  I blame TFL for sending me on a wild goose chase Sat morn (long story).  I blame David Flitcroft for clueless negative tactics against feeble opposition.  I blame the cock of Gibraltar for doing what no-one else on the park looked capable of and directing an unstoppable header into the corner of his own net, his second ‘winner’ this season.

Welcome to Millwall

Dearie, dearie, me.  Apparently we were only near the bottom cos we’d played all the top lot.  A month later and we’ve failed to beat Washday, Ipswich, Donny and Millwall, nary a decent side between them.  As ever, Flitcroft showed his ambitions by lining up with 5 in midfield and a weak willed lily livered ‘striker’ up front.  0-0 anyone?

An absolutely lacklustre game somehow gave us 3 extremely good chances, 2 to everyone’s favourite stroller.  In the 1^st half a smart passing move ended with Mellis clean through.  From the far end, I thought Mellis had little time and did well to get his shot off.  From watching it on telly this morning, it looked a bloody awful finish.  All the time in the world to pick his spot, he picked it – straight at the keeper.  ‘Class’ to me includes composure.  Don’t anyone tell me he’s ‘class’.  

Beautiful stadium.  Boring, but beautiful.

Early 2^nd half, Mellis did well to get to a back post header and only great defending/luck denied him as the ball hit a retreating defender.  As for the rest of Mellis’s game, I tried, twice, to watch him for 2 minutes, but honestly, all he does is walk around the pitch.  And God help us when a player takes him on – just cut inside him and he’s left for dead, apparently unable to turn around and run after said player.  Still, he jogged off very well once he was subbed (again).  Why does he get picked?  And why do I have to listen to Reds fans every week whining 'he's not a left midfielder' but apparently should be played in the middle.  Listen you pr*cks - if he played in the middle, the opposition would STEAMROLLER us.  But I didn't fancy having that conversation with the numpties in the toilets at half time.  Suffice to say, there's a reason he's not played in CENTRE midfield, despite being (allegedly) a creative player.

The 3^rd chance?  A Millwall bloke attempts to direct a backpass to the keeper and Wiseman nips in, stabbing it wide from 6 yards.  The ref, unable to understand how it could be put wide, did the decent thing and awarded a corner.  I remain unconvinced the keeper got anywhere near it.

***  Perkins.  Same as ever.
** Crainie.  Go on then, let’s allow meeting the Family Crainie to influence my vote.  Solid.
* Kennedy.  Did no wrong, but shows how average the rest are when he gets a vote.

Best view all day

Despatches:
Flitcroft needs to get a grip.  Right now, I don’t see any likelihood of change unless the manager gets the bullet – it’s how we stayed up last season. As ever, I fail to see why he’s tinkered with last season’s (usually) winning formula to create a moribund style of football where watching us relegate ourselves despite the number of poor sides in this division is like the death of a thousand cuts.  It reminds me of the last time we were relegated – we knew we had players good enough to keep us up, but we were as unsurprised as anyone to see us slowly melt to the bottom of the division.  We are NOT good enough to ‘carry’ two luxury players in Mellis and McCourt, let alone a 3^rd in Pedersen. 

Butland – unbelievable save at the back post.  Shoulda been absolutely livid that from the resultant corner, Wiseman did Millwall’s job for them. Instead, he’s the one player encouraging his team mates on, running to the centre circle to gee up the troops.  And he isn’t even our player.  The rest – heads down, dejected, we’ve lost this one lads, we’re going down.  Just what I’d paid my money to see.  

O’Brien and Dawson got dogs abuse off some Reds fan on the platform afterwards, yet I fail to see why 2 players who’re blatantly putting in some EFFORT should get grief, especially when one was only on the park 10 mins.  OK, they might not have hit the heights of last season, but then neither has Etuhu who can’t decide whether to be s*** or very s***.  And why did Flitcroft bother giving Cywka a new contract when all he does is sit him on the bench, despite his annoying habit of grabbing the odd goal?  Answers ranged from ‘cos he also does a mean bit of plastering’ and ‘he’s cheap’.  He’s Polish, you see.

The one player who looked like he wanted to score was of course Scotland, who, sadly, was so isolated when he came on that every time he got the ball he tried to take on 3 players to get a shot off.  You know the result.  McCourt showed us the other side of his game, the one where he can’t be ar5ed to track back when he's lost the ball, while Pedersen did one thing the entire game, sliding the ball to Mellis for THAT miss.  The defence looked solid – in other words, Millwall were so s*** they barely came near our goal.  It was an awful, awful game, only Gibraltar international Wiseman standing between this game and a re-run of BFC nil Donny nil last week.  Can the football get any WORSE this season?  (I think we know the answer to that one.)

The Family Crainie were very nice.  I don't know what's happened to the blokes, but there was mum, grandma, girlfriend, sister-in-law.  Granny was well informed too, asking why this Bobby Hassell bloke is so popular.  (Problies cos he doesn't get chance to play, therefore never makes any mistakes).  Everyone agreed that Crainie probably is our best defender and granny said how they thought he'd be playing at a much higher level.  Fair dues.

3 generations of Family Crainie (and randoms)

Drink du jour:  a decent few pints of Pilsner Urquell in the Mudlark.  Just for a minute I was transported back to my summer holidays, enjoying the break, looking forward to an exciting season, challenging at the other end of the table for a change.  Ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Onwards and downwards!

A

In widescreen

Barnsley 0-0 Donny, Saturday 9th November 2013

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Barnsley 1-1 Fowls, Saturday 26th October 2013

‘I didn’t shag her, he only sucked me off.’

Another season, another home disappointment v the Fowls.  It doesn’t matter how bad Washday are, the Oakwell experience never ends well for us.  At least this time we took the lead – a super finish from Pedersen, preying on the luck of a defence in disarray as his 1^st effort cannoned off the post (should’ve done better).

But I guess anyone of you who’re reading this would’ve been interested enough to tune in to the game on telly anyway.  So do I need to say we controlled it for 60 mins then threw it away?  Do I need to point out how complacent we were early second half, knowing how much better than Washday we were, knowing how we were already leading, knowing there was no particular need to grab a 2^nd, or a 3^rd?  If you’d substitute ‘Middlesbrough’ for ‘Sheffield Wednesday’ I’d swear it was last week.

Then it happened.  A corner is cleared by us and, with 11 men back and no-one on the halfway line, O’Grady and Pedersen chase the ball down, only for it to be hoofed back, with interest.  A slice, or a flick-on – who knows? – and the ball runs loose for Fryatt to smash the ball past Butland.  We have the best keeper in the division and still there is no way we will ever keep a clean sheet.  And I blame Flitcroft for this one: the same happened 1^st half, a corner cleared, BOTH O’G and the Norweigan ran it down (listen lads: ONE to run to the ball, the other to hang back) and Pedersen was sidestepped, the cross came in and somehow their guy missed an open goal on the back post.  QED, there is NO advantage to us having 11 men back in the box off a corner, cos the resultant ball back in ends up being more dangerous than the original deadball.  

And from equalising, there was only ever going to be one winner – Washday.  2, if not 3, unbelievable saves from Butland prevented this, one was even deflected and he clawed it away.  I’m with Butland – if you can’t make it to Brazil with England while playing behind this team, how else can you!?  And I'm not even mentioning the blatant penalty (M'Voto's handball).

MOTM was tough.  I had a row with the rest of the train re: the merits of Kennedy, who I thought played a blinder, making 3 fabulous tackles.  Meantime, it seems the world and his wife thinks Wiseman had a great game, and I never noticed him.  (I wouldn’t normally commend The Football League Paper for its marks, but they thought Kennedy was impressive.)  McCourt got official MOTM, Perkins got it off the telly….and Butland was the only one with a ‘perfect’ game, his main blemish being having little to do for an hour!  And so it is I go for…

*** McCourt.  Looked great going forward, beating players with ease (except when he didn’t).  One sublime dribble 1^st half and how Pedersen missed the subsequent tap in I’ll never know.  In fact, 3 times the ball fizzed along their 6 yard box and zero times were either of our 2 centre forwards on the end of it. Poor.  Plus, Paddy was sorely missed when he came off, replaced (sort of) by Jennings, on the wing (more of him later).  

** Kennedy.  Give credit where it’s due.  He’s nobody’s choice of left back, but he was excellent for 70+ minutes.

* Butland.  Didn’t quite have enough to do to make him MOTM, but as I said, everything he did was outstanding.  He even shouts at his defence like an international.  I bet he cried into his beer, Sat nite.

Despatches:
Where to start?  Can someone NOT Fox take a deadball, cos he doesn’t impress me, whatever he does in training.  And what DOES Mellis do?  (‘Gets substituted’ – Sarah, reading this over my shoulder).  Played out wide, ‘not his natural position’ they all say.  ‘Well, better there than in central midfield, where he can do (us) damage’ says I.  But I’ve not quite seen ire for one bloke’s half an hour cameo for a while until Jennings came on.  I’ve been trying to allay judgement, for fear I haven’t seen him enough, but God he looks s***.  So s*** he’s re-igniting dreams that it might not be too late for some of us to get a game for the Super Reds.  My favourite (everyone’s favourite?) Dale Jennings moment must have been when he dummied the bloke on the through ball then fell over turning.  Is it wrong to laugh at your own players?  ‘Ex-Bayern Munich’ they say.  ‘Ex-Tranmere Rovers’ says I.  As for the rest, Andy is indeed right: you’re all in danger of giving one player too many dues when 3 or 4 of them all look the same – ‘mousey brown hair and beards’ (Sarah’s words, she’d also noticed that from the comfort of our couch).  Anyway, may I say, I’m currently in possession of both.  OI FLITCROFT!  Gizza game!  Go on!  Gizza game!  I can do it!  I can, David, I can!

As for the trip, the early KO did the London branch no favours.  I was problies last to get up, at half past bl**dy six, in time to be on 3 (count ‘em!) late trains up north and then a Magical Mystery Tour on the way back, 4 and a half hours of avoiding engineering works and the sight of Robin Hood airport and Lincoln Cathedral.  WTF?  Still, not as bizarre as being joined by a black geezer who confuses me with his ‘impression of Bruno’ – sounded nothing like Sasha Baron Cohen’s gay Austrian fashion bloke, but no, it’s some ex-boxer of my childhood.  Topical!  Then he confirms what we’ve already suspected, ‘I have the same problem as (Frank) Bruno’ and an uncomfortable silence ensues.  Before he starts singing again…was it UB40?  I forget…But youse MUST ask Andy Jones to regale you with his tale of a trip to a Cologne brothel, cos that one still tickles me.

Drink du jour: Vodka and coke, with a couple of bottles of red.  But there was some serious wilting going on till the alcohol kicked in.  I’ve decided I’m not such a fan of 12:15 home games, despite Mrs Reed getting the drinks in at the Old Number 7!

Going down with the Wednesday…

A

ps, one final comment.  3130 away fans.  Are they the Blunts in disguise?  One thing I've always thought about the blue and white stripey ba5tards - they always bring a few and make some noise.  Not this time.