Port Vale 2-1 Barnsley, Saturday 20th September 2014

‘I wasn’t much impressed with your bunch.’  ‘Neither were we’.

2 games I’m back and already we’re in the groove – played 2, lost 2.  And if conceding 5 against MK was bad enough, yesterday we lost to a managerless side who’d lost 6 on the spin.  Well done BFC.

It was a decent turnout from the (ex) Londontykes…Molly, Wadd, Hicksy, Neil…while I made my lonesome way to Vale Park.  It was just like my continental tour, just me, with my MP3 player and a black civil rights book for company.  Great.

I’d not been to Vale for nigh on 25 years, and for various reasons, it may be another 25 before I do so again.  What a s***hole Burslem is (note to chanting Reds fans: there is no such place as ‘Port Vale’, which makes your assertion about it being a s***hole and wanting to go home somewhat redundant).  Don’t get me wrong, most of the places we visit are s***holes, but this really is a down at heel place.  Buildings boarded up, a lack of shops of any description and the 1^st 2 pubs I passed (and 3 out of 4) shut down.  

Once I hit the ‘town centre’ itself, most pubs proudly declared ‘HOME FANS ONLY’.  Actually, they could amend this to ‘SHAVEN HEADED HOME FANS ONLY’ since they appeared to be the only clientele.  There really was an edge to this place as I strolled on through in my red Reds’ tracky top.  (I’d taken out my earphones though, I didn’t want to be ‘surprised’ a la Hicksy t’other year, with a blow to the back of the head).  I did have the name and address of an away friendly pub, but getting lost on the way ruled that one out.  (I saw the Vale floodlights on a hill the other side of the valley and thought ‘oh dear’).

So, got to the ground about 2:30, enough time to wander around and chat to the fanzine seller amongst others (there ARE some decent Vale fans out there).  Great ‘zine too – hope the WSB guys picked up a copy!  Said guy also told me about the new price increases made on the back of 6 consecutive defeats - £25 if you buy your tickets less than 3 hours before KO (£22 otherwise), a cynical ploy designed to rob the away, or casual, fan.  No wonder their crowds are so low.

Met Neil in the queue to get in.  An alcohol-less day brought home just how drunk everyone else was, Neil included.  Ba5tards.  Stilll, nice of Wadd to let me finish his dregs off inside – I needed it.  And good news, Turnbull in for Davies in goal.  And bad news – Brown still getting a game.  Why?

The match?  Well, just look at the stats.  Basically, they had shedloads of shots, most of which Turnbull saved and they scored with a free kick off the post which never went higher than head-height.  Did it go THROUGH the wall?  Dunno.  2^nd half, we perhaps had more purpose and within a couple of minutes of Winnall coming on we got the world’s softest penalty as Hourihane flung himself to the floor right in front of us.  The New Redfearn © then banged the ball in off a post like it was one of his 25 yarders.  One-all and all to play for.  Then the ref gives the world’s second softest penalty, as their bloke just stops in front of M’Voto then takes a dive.  Justice done though as their pen taker finds the orbit.  As both teams then trade blows looking for the winner, there’s no danger as Jamal Campbell Ryce…sorry, Mark Marshall…collects the ball out wide with 2 Reds players on him.  Thankfully, Dudgeon and Crainie retreat and retreat into their own box and now they’re too petrified to make a tackle, JCR darts between them, cuts back to beat Dudgeon again, before firing home.  A great winner (them), shocking defence (us).  

*** Turnbull.  Kept us in it, though 1 or 2 hairy moments in his catching.
** M’Voto.  Just keep banging balls to his head and he’ll keep heading them 25-30 yards.
* Jennings, for running about?  Bree, for replacing Brown at HT? (And a sublime beating of his player early doors).  I’ll go Jennings, after the slating I gave him last week.

Despatches:
After the game, I had to dash.  Good job.  Plenty of likely looking lads in groups (on both sides) obviously out for trouble.  Plus the police.  (Vale must have one of the highest police to fan ratios in the league, and no wonder).  Whatever the ins and outs – did a nice policeman REALLY put a Barnsley fan’s head through a car window, as I heard in the bogs at Stoke railway station? – coming out of Vale Park was like a lower division St. Andrews.  What is it about the West Midlands?  (Would I be a violent psychopath if I lived here?  Answer: probably).  Mind, whether it was the drink, or frustration, but I don’t like to hear stories of Reds fans fighting each other in the away toilets – ask Neil for details; eye witness rather than protagonist, mercifully).  And who were all these Reds fans anyway?  700+ attended, yet I barely recognised anybody.  Is Vale away the game for the numpties?  Let’s hope they (or us) get relegated and avoid each other next season.

Once at Stoke station (4 miles and a train journey from Longport – where? – away) I crossed the road to a hotel bar to ‘enjoy’ a pint as the only customer, and when I came out the road was closed off by police and 20-30 coppers milling about.  Seems they’d escorted 10-15 Reds fans (Neil included), whether for their or others’ safety, who knows?  Has anyone been to Stoke by rail before?  Me neither, so I was as surprised as anyone that there’s FA there (the city centre being 10 mins away).  What a place.

Player despatches:
The defence was s***, the midfield was s*** and the forwards were s***.  One stat I saw today was that we had 57% possession.  Fat lot of use that is when we stand around looking at each other while Vale get back to defend.  The Valiants meantime passed and moved and tore through us enough times to score 5 or 6.  

Damage:
£44 return to Stoke; £2.70 return to Longport; £25 ent; £1 fanzine (bargain.  Sample line regarding their new Swiss signing: ‘I like Swiss football.  Always a good game for the neutral.’)  And they described their new coach as ‘veteran thug Michael Brown’ (who enjoyed the chants of the travelling ‘hordes’ as he warmed up).  In one cartoon he’s shown teaching his ‘values’; ‘Right, that’s how you elbow someone in the face.  Now for the 2-footed tackle.’  Tw*t.

Drink du jour:  San Miguel, from the local Co-op in Burslem.  I couldn’t contemplate a dry return journey.  Not after that.

roll on next week - Swindon, who only knocked 5 past the Blunts yesterday.

A