BFC 2-1 Charlton Athletic, Saturday 29th December 2018

‘I’ll ask my Virgin friend.’  ‘You’ll not find a virgin in Doncaster.’

Merry Xmas all.  Happy Inflation Day!

Isn’t Christmas GREAT?  Off work, stuffing yourself silly and the Super Reds winning games hand-over-fist.  In style too, as we shoulda been out of sight before the ref decided to make things ‘interesting’.  And two fantastic goals (and their’s wasn’t bad either).  Most excellent festive fayre.

It started so well, so early.  I missed the kick-off and had only been sat down 30 seconds when we broke wide right with Cauley.  His place in the centre was taken by Thiam, who intelligently (!) knocked down the cross for Potts to drive it home from the edge of the box.  And if that finish was good, 10 minutes later Thiam cut inside from the right and rasped one into the far corner from 25 yards.  (Note to the opposition: this is Thiam’s ONE move; I’d show him out left if I were youse…)

One day, all of this will be...who knows?

Half chances came and went, but we were so on top it was cruel.  The movement, from our midfield especially, meant Charlton could barely get out of their half.  They also made the mistake of trying to play football, and for once, the high press was getting its money’s worth.  (Noticeably, Charlton gained greater reward later when they resorted to hoofing it long.)  Bahre in particular was ON FIRE.  Running at players, dribbling, dragging the ball back under pressure, always finding his teammates...nevermind doing the pressing.  A sublime display, only slightly tarnished by missing 2 chances early second half. 

You can't move in Barnsley for mobility scooters (true!)

The second half, we still looked comfortable, but then the ref intervened.  First of all he booked Cavare for something so miniscule I didn’t even think it was a foul.  The ref had now created a rod for his own back, and consequently went card happy on a day where I struggle to remember a bad foul. I’ve checked back and we won 5-4 on cards, though a Charlton fella was idiot enough to get a 2^nd in injury time.  Anyway, INJURY time?  There hadn’t been any (injuries, that is.)  So there was an audible GULP when the board went up for 7 (SEVEN) minutes of added time.  All that I can think of was that it was for the number of names he’d had to write in his little black book, though Charlton’s fans were seemingly accusing the Reds of time-wasting, counting (far too fast) everytime we had a goalkick, or Thiam walked off slowly, having been subbed.  I take their point, but it didn’t seem anything out of the ordinary to me.  This is BFC, FFS, and since when have WE ever timewasted successfully?  Anyway, if anyone’s an expert on timewasting, it must be a Charlton fan under that pr*ck Bowyer.  Anyone remember the Valley, this season, when their players fell down at the drop of a hat as they were winning?  Well, they can do that when losing too.  And why not, with a ref who automatically equated falling over with a foul?

The Addicks.  Thanks for coming.

Course, the injury time was a worry, since Charlton had pulled a goal back.  A crossfield ball, a Charlton player sits down, the ref gives a free kick.  Never a free kick in a million years, and Pinniloss was booked for telling the ref same.  But what can you do when you KNOW the decision is an injustice?  Of course you’re gonna open your mouth.  The deadball was blocked, but it ran loose and Charlton lashed in the rebound from 20 yards.  No arguing with that finish, but now we faced 17 minutes (plus 7 minutes injury time…which became 9 when we finally had an ACTUAL injury to deal with, Pinniloss).  And I thought we held out comfortably, despite dropping deeper.  Pinnock and Lindsay won everything Charlton lumped, and even Ryan Hedges helped out.  On as sub, he ordered the still limping Pinniloss forward, so he could fill in at left back.  Actual intelligence from a Reds’ footballer.  I was there when…etc

Pinniloss laid out in injury time.

So, an excellent all-round performance, from playing Chorlton off the park for an hour, to manning the barricades for a bit of late pressure.  I just wish Jonesy had been here to see this ref, I really do. 

Onwards and upwards!

*** Bahre.  Sublime.  Doesn’t just run about.  Sponsors (not Twitter, I noted) MOTM.

** Potts.  He’s back!  Ran at players, drove forward, put the crosses in, scored.  ‘442 and Pottsy on the wing’.

* Mowatt.  Not just tidy, he put his foot in today as well.

Despatches:

More tales of rail incompetence.  This week it’s Hull Trains.  Apparently, too many of their trains were in for maintenance, so our 09:48 was simply cancelled.  And even though the tickets were bought via the LNER website, no, we weren’t welcome on an LNER service.  So the choice was a train to Peterborough and a replacement bus to Donny, or the 11:48 Hull Trains service.  So we did the latter and had a couple of early morning pints in Kings X.  No pre-match beers in Barnsley though, straight to Oakwell.

Luckily, the service back remained unaffec…oh, hang on.  That was cancelled too, and while all and sundry rowed with the station guard (not his fault) Nice Guy Chris said it’d be ok, the train inspector would let us on, they’re reasonable people.  My jibe about them being jobsworths would be proved wrong as he….no, scrub that too.  He said ‘if you get on this train I’ll charge you’ while muttering something about it affecting LNER’s revenue (despite us having permission to be on a later LNER service).  The sooner we get a new f***ing government, who’re prepared to nationalise this sorry industry, the better.

Going back to the match, how s*** was the atmosphere?  We’re challenging near the top of the league, it’s Christmas, we’re playing a rival, and the atmosphere was flatter than Wile E. Coyote having fallen off one of them cliffs chasing Roadrunner.  Again, thank goodness for that ref, cos without him I’d have heard nowt all day, so at least the last 15-20 minutes was livelier.  Can we have him next match too?

ps, winning without our best player (Moore) again.  This augurs well for us, methinks.  Who needs Kiefer when you have Cauley Woodrow???

Stendal prowls the touchline.

Drink du jour: Leffe, Scheiderweisse, Leffe, Pilsner Urquell, Bacardi and Coke.  All in a day’s work.

Away: 564

The Damage:
£26 train
= £30

programme?  One day I’ll get one, when they haven’t sold out before kick-off.

The Tunes:
Mixmag Sept 06 (Sven Vath)
Four-Calendar Cafe (Cocteau Twins)

I don't remember it being this dark...

...nor this blurry

Action in front of the old Main Stand.

The Ponty v Charlton.

BFC 1-1 Portsmouth, Saturday 15th December 2018

‘It seemed very nice to meet you both.’

Christmas in the Arcade.

Yeah, yeah, a week later.  You’d think work died down the closer you get to Jesus’s birthday.  Still, at least I don’t have to amble around Palestine, looking for an inn, like his mam.  I get to sleep on London buses on the way home, or my couch as I wait for the Barnsley highlights on my Freeview recording of The Football League Show on Quest.  I’ve still not seen the highlights.  Fell asleep and been busy the rest of the week.  Have I told you I work hard?  (ok, I went to see Adam Ant on Weds nite with fellow Londontyke Slacki and his better half).

A filthy day in 'tarn'.

The match?  What stuck out, even at the time, was how much better the ref was than normal.  We’d only been assigned one of them there Premiership refs, Jon Moss (I believe he doesn’t have a ‘h’ in his name, but forgive me if I’m wrong).  Of course this is no guarantee of an improved performance; witness any time we play one of them there ‘big’ teams and the Premiership ref still gives everything in their favour – yes, I AM thinking of that penalty Dirty Leeds got for an infringement 5 yards outside the box the other year.  But things got stranger…

There were police everywhere.  You'd think Pompey were in town.

The 3 wise men (Reedy, Anton and I) returned from Sheffield on a virtually empty carriage, and across from us was some vaguely smartly-dressed gentleman, sat on his own, looking a tad out of place.  After a few mins he joined in our converse;  he was obviously impressed with our in-depth knowledge of players, tactics and officialdom.  ‘Where’ve you been today?  You look a bit smart.’  ‘Oh, I was one of the linesmen at Barnsley today.’  F*** me.  I think he joined in the chat cos we (I) was complimenting the officiating.  Thank the lord Jonesy wasn’t here.  He’d have imploded.  Anyway, ‘Harry’ (I think) was a top bloke and gave us a few insights into the life of a black man man in black.  Basically, a couple of games a week and lots of courses (he was off to Leicester-Man C on Tuesday).

The Pompey hordes.

Yes, we played a game.  And to the surprise of no-one, we swept the floor with league leaders Pompey and went in a goal down at the break.  I’m not sure how we didn’t score, but I know how we conceded; Mowatt, under pressure from no-one, clears from the byeline – straight to their player, edge of the box, who controls and drills it into the bottom corner.  I wouldn’t mind if it was on Mowatt’s RIGHT foot (the one he can’t/won’t use) but this was on his left, and he clears it 20 yards along the floor to them.  P*** poor.

Halfway line inaction.

Before then, their keeper had tipped at least 3 shots over.  Yes, he looked comfortable, but that was all about his placing (Davies, take note).  Potts broke down the right, pulled one back for Woodrow, who, 20 yards out, hit it as sweetly as could be. Sadly, the keeper read it.  A bigger chance was Potts blazing over from 10 yards.  I remember when he could finish.  We called it ‘September’.  So, we’d played great, been the better team, and went in at the break one down.  I’d settle for a draw…

Pompey attack a corner.

At half time, Stendal replaced right back Cavare with centre forward Brown (I presume Dmitri was injured) and 15 mins later we had the equaliser; Potts crossed in a nothing ball and Woodrow did this thing where he MOVED and MADE IT HIS, stretching a leg for an easy tap in.  How easy this football malarkey is.  The match was ours now, we’d steamroll the league leaders who looked anything but.  The short is: we didn’t; both sides looked comfortable and we never properly pressed on, despite a late chance for Kiefer.  ‘How’d he miss THAT?’ I heard.  I tell you how.  He’s controlled it, then turned 270 degrees and dragged it narrowly wide.  Coulda…shoulda…woulda…but we didn’t.  This team should be top 2.  Instead, we’re barely making play-offs. I’m asking Santa for more ‘ruthlessness’.

The Ponty v Pompey.

*** Woodrow.  Held it up, brought other players in, passed to his teammates (!) and scored.  Looked every inch the perfect foil for Kiefer.

** Pinnock.  Twitter MOTM.  Why’s he not linked with better teams than us?

* McGeehan.  Looks better the more he plays for us.  Still not in his best position tho.

Londontykes' MOTM:  1. Woodrow  2. Pinnock  3. McGeehan

Onwards and upwards!

Despatches:
I will leave despatches to George Moncur.  He’s either the best player we have (5 minutes) or he’s not worth a place in our team (85).  Looks a class above anything else in this division when he’s ‘on point’.  I cannot fathom him.  Subbed off. 

Drink du jour: Wheat beer in the #7 and Sheffield Tap, and a bottle of red for the train.  If it sounds like I’m mellowing, you haven’t had the hangovers I’ve had on a Sunday…  (If you're wondering, the 'referee's assistant' has a penchant for gin and tonic in a can).

Away: 1,674.  A decent turnout, and good lads too (the ones we met on the train up).

The Damage:
£32 train
£2 fanzine
£12 BFC mugs x 2
£18 DVD
= £64

The Tunes:
Family of Aliens (Teleman)
Hi Scores (Boards of Canada)

A blurred panorama v Pompey.

The view from the Ponty (cheers Jonesy!)

Wycombe Wanderers 1-0 BFC, Saturday 8th December 2018

‘Greengrass called – he wants his jacket back.’

Welcome to ....

They’re like London buses these trips to lower division executive boxes, so I’m sure everyone’s wondering, who wins – Accrington or Wycombe?

Food: 

Starter: Mushroom surprise (Stanley) versus shoulda been mushroom surprise (but a personally made olive salad instead).  I didn’t have the heart to tell Wycombe I don’t like olives either, but round 1 to Wycombe (on points).

Mains: a lump of beef (Accrington) with a few roast/chipped potatoes and green beans versus the same, but breaded salmon, at Wycombe.  I was pleasantly surprised, expecting some kiev-style horrid creaminess to ooze out, but really, what was the point of the breadcrumbs?  And while I’m here, who chooses green beans over peas?  Green beans must be the only veg I’m not keen on.  A draw.

Dessert: Given Stanley’s cheesecake was inedible (bloody CHEESE!) this could only go one way, despite the toffee pudding offering at Adams Park.  Why not treacle pudding?  Toffee’s not a great taste.  Tho’ Wanderers went the extra, offering me a fruit salad (errrr….) before giving me the kiddy option – ice cream.  (I also learnt I’m not keen on mint chocolate chip ice cream either, but I did have some vanilla too).  Round 3 to Wycombe.

The starter: what's not to like?

Beer: San Miguel at Accy versus barely owt drinkable at Wycombe.  I was educated by a Mr B. Loko of somewhere up north that all the beers were provided by Heineken, hence they were s***.  So I summoned my student years and went all cidery. Can’t remember the brand.  Just look up ‘s*** cider owned by Heineken’.  Point to Accy.

Service: I’m not faulting either service, tho Accy did bring beers to the table and had a happy hour with beers at 2 quid.  Accy it is then. 

Winner: Well, a week after a dodgy drawn decision in the heavyweight boxing title fight (so I’ve read; I couldn’t give a s***) we have another controversial decision, as all the judges (me) were nobbled by extreme amounts of alcohol and thus couldn’t really be trusted to give a rounded view of anything.  Just like every other match report.  Wycombe Wanderers 2 Accrington Stanley 2.

Former Wanderers (and Super Reds) player Alfie Mawson.

Oh, the match?  There was a 1^st half where nothing happened.  Then I headed indoors early, chiefly for a p***, but also to head the queue for exec box beer.  This was a clever idea, cos I was 1^st served…and last to get a drink, as I had to order for everyone else coming in.  Shouldn’t moan though, as I had a cracking view on the TV screen of the Super Reds being utterly destroyed in the 1^st 15 mins of the 2^nd half, before some Watford loanee hit a 20 odd yarder from a half cleared corner.  Looked like it went straight through Davies, which sounds about right – does any other professional goalkeeper concede as many from outside the box as he does?  (That’s a rhetorical question, btw.)

We had half an hour to produce something..anything…and with Pinnock pushed up, the one chance we had fell to him but he lofted it over the bar while leaning back.  We were awful.  

Onwards and upwards!

An exasperated Stendal, full-time (through the prism of the dugout)

*** Pinnock.  Oozed class in defence, especially in 1^st half as he mopped up everything. 
** Mowatt.  Tidy.  The new Stephen McPhail.  Looks good, without producing anything.
* Thiam.  I know.  We were that bad, Thiam looked our best hope when he came on.

Londontykes' MOTM:  1. Pinnock  2. Mowatt  3. Thiam

Despatches:

I won’t go through a whole team of ‘he was s***, he wasn’t very good’ etc.  Just presume.  Brown wasn’t too bad.  (‘This week, Matthew, I’ll be a right back.’)  Good to see McCarthy have the last laugh on us, unable to make our team, now he’s beating us.  No width either, just 4 central midfielders strung across the park.  Adam Hammill.  Just saying.

Pile of s***, Barnsley, pile of s***.  (Well done Wycombe, btw.  Ran around and never gave us the time we needed for our lack of ability)

Otherwise, the highlights were the goalscorer being interviewed in the exec box – Christ, what a personality bypass he was. And upon leaving the stadium, with the players on the coach, I couldn’t resist popping my head on board for a word.  I regret not having the rant the team obviously need to shake themselves out of the current stupor, settling for a ‘Very poor Barnsley.  Very poor.’  Much like a disappointed parent.  (They’re problies still wondering what a 'Geordie' was doing on their bus.)

Londontykes, 2018-style.

Drink du jour: All kinds of decent ales in the pre-match craft pub and the after match railway pub.  They were 2 great boozers we will surely be hitting next season.
ps, great to see everyone and HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYNNE (for Thursday).

Away: 941

The Damage:
£15 train 
£3.50 prog (forgot I’d get a free one, so bought one outside.  Idiot.)
c£30 beers
= £48.50

The Tunes:
Boomania (Betty Boo)
Achtung Bono (Half Man Half Biscuit)
ACD (Half Man Half Biscuit)

'You scored a great goal.'  '...yes...'

The salubrious road to Adams Park.  Like Highlander, there can be only one.

The programme hut and 'Gerry's badges'.

The club shop extension.

An excited honorary Londontyke (prematch, obvs.)

Those deemed not good enough for Barnsley's 1st team.  I'd retire...

The away end.

The BMI Healthcare Terrace, no less.

Like me, Stendal can't believe what he's seeing.

More of the same.

I wish that dugout was even bigger...