Tottenham Hotspur Women 5-0 Barnsley Women, Sunday 26th January 2020

Tottenham Hotspur Women 5-0 Barnsley Women, Women's FA Cup 4th Round, att. 621

Welcome to ...

For a second time in two days I'm seeing the Wembley arch, only this time it's for the Women's FA Cup.  4th tier Barnsley have joined the big boys (girls?) and have drawn Tottenham away, and since we support the (Barnsley) men's team, it's only right that a few of us Londontykes show the other half some support.  It's a tall order though.  One glance at the match programme shows the home side bedecked in internationals, some foreign, while Barnsley's is homegrown.  Bethan, Jade, Laura and Kathryn take on Lucia, Siri and captain, Jenna Schillaci.  I wonder who's who?

Yorkshire!  Yorkshire!

As much as it's good to see the women's game receiving more promotion, I can't help but think it reflects all that's wrong with the men's game.  Big teams paying inflated wages, hoovering up all the talent, while provincial sides are left to share the leftovers.  Gone are the days when the likes of Doncaster Belles and Millwall Lionesses could win the league on merit; now they're denied even promotion to the bigtime cos they aren't professionals being bankrolled by their male brethren.  Ho hum.

The teams line up.

The match is also at The Hive, home of Barnet FC.  So why aren't they Barnet Ladies?  Why aren't Arsenal Ladies known as Borehamwood (for that is where they play)?  If these teams are good enough to share the names of their famous men's teams, why aren't they good enough to play at the stadium's of the men's side they're named after?  (Actually, Spurs v Arsenal WAS played at Spurs new ground, with a sparkling attendance of 38,262, driven mainly by many folk having their first chance to experience the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium.)  More mundane fixtures are played out in front of a few hundred at The Hive.  It's all just a bit of PR fluff to the Big 6.

...and Tottenham Hotspur Women.

We're not the only Barnsley fans here though.  A coachload have come down, including a few Reds fans who've been to see the men's side at Portsmouth the day before.  So they've travelled from Barnsley to Portsmouth, to Barnsley, to London, in the space of 24 hours or so.  Insane.  They saw some goals too, both yesterday and today. And two defeats.

The match was predictable.  Plucky Barnsley held out for a decent stint, but once the levee was breached, the goals came.  It really was women v girls.  Spurs looked stronger, faster, fitter and bigger.  Some of Barnsley's team looked like they were just there to make the numbers up (which, to be fair, they probably were.)  That's not to underestimate the effort put in by the Reds, but the gap was insurmountable.  A shame too then that the opener was down to poor goalkeeping, as a speculative effort was spilled for a tap-in.

I do like the stadium though.  Very tidy.  A large cantilever down one side, a smaller stand with social club opposite, a small covered home terrace and a large all-seated away end, rebuilt since I was last here.  Shame it's not in Barnet.  Didn't they once have plans to build a new stadium at Barnet Copthall, got turned down, only for bigger, richer, Saracens to put forward stadium plans of their own and be accepted?  Sounds about right.  Whothehell wants a football team on their doorstep when you can have the rugger buggers?

Looking towards the away end.

After pre-match beers in The Hive's excellent social club, we joined the main throng in the West Stand, and found a decent, heated bar there too.  Perfect for not deciding which pub to go to next week when the Super Reds are at Charlton.

The Damage:
£6 ent
£2 prog
£27 a round of 2 Birra Moretti, 2 Guinness (Guinni?) and half a pint of white wine
= £35

The Tunes:
The Best of Clannad* (Clannad)
Quality Street (World of Twist)
Back to the World (Curtis Mayfield)

*terrible.  Don't do it.

The Hive panorama.

Not a caption I ever expected to read...

Legends of Underhill billboard in the Legends Stand bar.

Behind the away end.

Legends Stand turnstiles.

Match action.

In front of The Hive Stand.

Welcome to ...(II)

A scramble off a corner.

The tunnel.

Full-time.

Spurs despatch a penalty.

Applause all round at full-time.

You Reds!

Wealdstone 7-0 Bath City, Saturday 25th January 2020

Wealdstone 7-0 Bath City, National League South, att. 1,343

Welcome to ....

What with England's rail network unable to deliver a train from its capital city to the provincial naval village of Portsmouth, notwithstanding PFC's decision to charge £24 for an FA Cup match with the Super Reds (Barnsley), Loko and I decided we'd give it a miss.  And having trawled the fixture list for a non-league game, how about this: 1st v 2nd in the National League South?  And Wealdstone (actually, Ruislip) isn't far, is it?  Let's go.

Healthy queues at The Vale.

We decided to go via Ruislip station, mainly to try out the craft ale house Hop and Vine, where Loko (an aficionado) explained the difference between cask and keg.  I've since forgotten, so I'm only going to have to ask him again.  Anyway, a couple of beers in there, and a 15 minute or so walk down the high street to the ground, via a phone shop for an emergency charger for those who simply can't cope without their phone for an afternoon (not me, btw).

It's a sign!  It's two signs!

There were some decent queues at the turnstiles, too, so while Loko queued, I dived into the social club to grab a couple of beers.  Not a great choice, so I had an Estrella, while I bought Loko a 'Trilby' bitter he couldn't finish.  (He works in the trade, and when I told him what it was, he did say that Robinson brewery was pretty poor; I see Trilby gains a whopping 2.9/5 on Untappd.  Oh well.

The keeper continues his warm-up.

Entry was a pound more than my local Dulwich Hamlet, as was the programme.  What did I get for the extra money, I wondered?  Well, the programme was full colour and had plenty to read, while the football was spectacular.  I saw some of the slickest attacking play I've seen all season as Wealdstone absolutely destroyed Bath 7 (seven) nil.  It was a majestic display, even if Bath didn't help themselves by scoring the second one themselves, a backpost volley.

The view from behind the goal.

The one thing I did note though was the sheer abuse of the home fans.  Good job they were winning.  What are they like when they lose?  Loko mentioned it was the home of the 'famous Wealdstone raider', but not being big on social media, or a keen listener of Talksport, or a student of the popular music charts, I have no shame in saying I had to look him up.  Check out this doc.  Maybe the rest of them are 'wannabes'?

Amid the abuse of the Conference South Millwall, there was one chant which amused me.  No, not the one which ended with telling an injured Bath player he should 'DIE DIE DIE', but a supporter asking for a 'W', an 'E'....A.L.D.S.T.O.N.E......what have you got?'  'A sore throat'.  Yes, I liked that one.

We got into Grosvenor Vale just as the game kicked off.  Unlike Hamlet, there was some decent terracing behind the goal, so we made our way there.  There were a mish-mash of other stands around the pitch, a proper non-league ground, with a covered seated stand at the far end, which most of the home end relocated to for the second half, to the end Wealdstone kicked towards.  Bath meantime had a terrace of their own at the far end, and brought decent support themselves.  Long way for nothing though.

Action in front of the Main Stand.

At half-time we snuck out the ground to the social club, grabbed another beer (not Trilby) and re-entered.  Looked to me like anyone could wander in at half time (though you'd have missed Weald's opening 3 goals).  We stood by the touchline this half, after I had a snout around their club shop, where there was a fantastic selection of programmes.  If any Luton fans are missing some 60s, efforts, they're going for 50p a pop.  We had a great day, while avoiding Barnsley's capitulation to a lower division side.

SOME of the programmes.

The Damage:
£13 ent
£3 prog
£7.80 a pint of Trinity and Estrella
= £23.80

The Tunes:
Ghosteen (Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds)
Hands on Yello (Jam and Spoon / Yello)
He is Cola (Cola Boy)
Heroes to Zeroes (Beta Band)

Full time.

Grosvenor Vale pano from behind the goal.

Match action.

Grosvenor Vale pano from the corner flag.

Match action in front of the seats and away end.

10 more reasons to re-visit the social club.

Grosvenor Vale pano.

The players await a dead ball.

The view down the touchline.

The players take their plaudits.

One of an array of stands.

An emptied home end, half-time.

The re-located home support, 2nd half.

The camera gantry affords the best view.

Dulwich Hamlet 1-3 Havant and Waterlooville, Tuesday 20th January 2020

Dulwich Hamlet 1-3 Havant and Waterlooville, National League South, att. 844

Welcome to....the Hawks on tour!

What a difference a midweek makes.  3 days earlier, The Hamlet played in front of nearly 3000, and yet 3 days later there was nary a quarter of that number there, 844, lowest of the season.  It can't have been much to do with the opposition either, as Havant and Waterlooville were arguably a bigger draw than Chippenham, challenging as they are for the top 3.  They brought a few too.  However, it was very very cold and perhaps Hamlet fans are not the hardiest.

The teams line up.

I'll be honest, I didn't even know Hamlet were at home till I heard a mate was coming up to support his locals Havant (and Waterlooville).  The match was re-arranged from a December postponement, which explained the use of the same programme, save for a new teamsheet.  It was another world for my mate too, as he summed up 'Dull Witch Omelette' as '£10 pieminister pies, dogs (multiple) dressed in club scarves and people drinking Prosecco on the touchline'.  He was spot on there.  Indeed, what could be more Hamlet than a chat in the clubhouse between 2 other mates and I...a trade unionist, a teacher and a social worker?

Welcome to ...(II)

I stood behind the car wash end 1st half, with the Havant fans.  (Are Dulwich the 'Haves' while Havant are....?)  Mainly cos I could chat rubbish with my mate, but partly cos I couldn't be bothered to change ends.  And a good decision too, as all the action was down our end, with goalkeeper Charlie Grainger performing heroics.  I heard he was on loan from Leyton Orient, but t'internet suggests he's been let go.  Either way, I cannot believe Orient have a finer keeper and he looks worth a punt in the football league.

Looking towards the Main Stand.

Still, that Havant still hadn't scored was as much down to themselves, as former football league goalscorer Danny Kedwell (now officially the fattest full-time footballer in existence) thundered a penalty off the bar.  I'll give it to a couple of Havant fans, they called it; 'this one's going over.'  And it did, on the second rebound, as the first hit someone or other.  I'll give it to Kedwell though, despite the weight, he still knows where the goal is and is in amongst the leading scorers.  Hamlet limped in at half time, nil nil.

Kedwell blast the penalty off the bar.

Hopefully Hamlet had weathered the storm and would now push on.  Well, 6 mins in they did just that, actually going ahead.  Their own top goalscorer Mills found himself clean through, driving it across the keeper from the right and into the opposite bottom corner.  The Dultras went wild!  Well, those who were there.  Could the shock be on? 

Well, Havant continued to spurn chances, as Grainger pulled off yet more unbelievable saves, including a couple of one-on-ones.  However, the dam was finally broken as a Havant player was cut down again for a penalty on 77 minutes.  This time Magri stepped up and although soft, he sent Grainger the wrong way.  Five minutes later a loose ball was lashed in from the edge of the box, Grainger being given no cover whatsoever as the defence were overloaded.  Then, in the last minute, more poor defending left Havant clean through.  1-3 and no more than they deserved, despite Grainger's best efforts.  He needs to find himself another team - or Hamlet need a new back 4.

Bit busier as Hamlet kick this end 2nd half.

The Damage:
£12 ent
£2 prog
£5 beer x 4 (3 Erdinger, 1 Camden Pale Ale)
= £34

The Tunes:
Late Night Tales (Jon Hopkins)
Human (Nitin Sawhney)

Bristol City 1-0 BFC, Saturday 18th January 2020

‘He had his very own Tampax moment.  Time stood still.’

Welcome to ....the view from our taxi.

Of all the defeats this season, this one sticks in the craw more than most.  Yes, yes, we were up against that ‘orrible little ‘c’ word Little Lee, but it wasn’t that.  I can handle that we outplayed them and still lost.  I’m used to that this season.  No, it was the lack of professionalism that led to the only goal.  After a sound defensive performance, all we had to do to see out the game and take a point was to take out their man on the halfway line.  Instead, Thomas bottled it, their winger rounded Williams with ease and pulled the ball back for a deflected shot to wrong-foot Collins in goal.  Goddammit.  Would any of these top Prem sides have stepped aside to allow their star winger a free run on goal?

The sides come out.

‘twas a pity.  We’d overcome left back Odour’s injury in the warm up, and the absences to Radlinger and Diaby (salacious gossip abounding; has Diaby failed a drug test?  Do I hope he has?  Do I think he’s even capable of snorting coke, such is his haplessness?  Time will tell…)  Without said three, we…looked a hell of a lot more solid.  Halme dropped back into defence, where he should be playing.  Dougal played defensive mid, where he should be playing, while Ben Williams came back in at left back, where….he’s been outstanding all season (even if, deep down, I don’t rate him).  And since I rate Collins higher than Radlinger, it shouldn’t have been a surprise that we were an improvement in defence.

Outside the away end.

We survived an early scare, when a ball hit our bar.  Later TV footage showed it was actually Jacob Brown.  WTF?  They had another header hit the bar too, while they missed a sitter with a header, Ben Williams’ presence perhaps putting their player off.  But we had our moments too, notably when the new Austrian bloke (Ritzmaier?  Summat like that.) delayed his shot and chipped it towards the top corner.  Off the bar.  Balls.  Chaplin had a spectacular effort hit a defender’s head rather than the net.  Coupled with a Thomas effort which came too quick to him to divert it on target, as well as at least 3 Mowatt efforts, and it was a game we coulda…shoulda…et bloody cetera. 

We came, we saw…we lost.  He’s a jammy little sod.

Onwards and upwards!

*** Dougal.  Nailed it right there in the 1^st half when he cleared 3 consecutive corners.  Even our centre halves can’t do that.  ESPECIALLY our centre halves. 

** Brown.  Supreme movement and spacial awareness.  Doesn’t simply run for running’s sake.

* Halme.  I don’t remember him making a mistake.  Probably cos he didn’t.

Londontykes' MOTM:  1. Dougal 2. Brown 3. Chaplin

I don't think I've ever seen fans in that upper tier.  Must be a special offer on.

Despatches:I don’t know how I managed to get so sozzled this week, I think I only had 3 pints all day.  I guess it was all those 2/3 of a pint I had at that craft pub in King St.  Good to see Reedy jnr. in there too.  Even better that he couldn’t drink cos he had revision for exams.  Good luck!

The players?  Collins made one save all day, a weak effort in the second half.  Jordan Williams…got skinned for their goal.  Anderson did well this week.  Is Halme the ‘experience’ (ie, half decent) centre half partner he needs to play with?  Thomas was excellent throughout, running at them.  Shame about the goal.  Chaplin had that one decent hit, but didn’t feature too much, while Mowatt should definitely have done better with all the shots he had.  Quantity not quality.  And I liked the look of Ritzmaier…even if that’s not his name.  Is it?  Isn’t it?  Who knows?

Busy on this side too.

Drink du jour: Leffe, Citrus IPA, wheat beer…and whatever we had on the train.  Crap lager?

Away: Dunno.  600?  It was a decent sized home crowd too – and no wonder, there was a special offer on (not extended to the away fans).  I hate Bristol City.

The Damage:

£38 train

£27 ent

= £65

The Tunes:
Summer Special (Euros Childs)
Summer 08 (Metronomy)
Spirit of Eden (Talk Talk)

Fall asleep on bus on way home?  Of course.  Ended up in New Cross.  Could’ve been worse.

Ashton Gate panorama.

I really liked the tap in the pub...

Arriving at Ashton Gate.

A statue of...actually, I've no idea.  John Atyeo?

Back of the Main Stand.

New meets new.

Collins prepares to launch it.

Greta Thunberg knows she's made it when...