BFC 1-1 Northampton Town, Saturday 27th April 2024

‘Let’s all have a Disco, let’s all have a Disco.’

The King is dead. Long live The King. Or plus ca change. The more things change, the more they remain the same. We change the manager/coach, endure a disappointing draw against midtable mediocrity, and Coach Devaney tells us post match ‘in terms of the game plan, it worked.’ WORKED? Had Lincoln City or Blackpool won their games we’d have fallen out of the play-off places on the final day. WORKED? After scoring earlyish, we created FA, save for Kane delaying his cutback long enough to make it difficult for McAtee. Honestly, if there was one reason I never warmed to Collins, beyond the turgid performances, it was his ability to see a completely different game to me. Ditto Devaney.

If we were going to sack Coach Collins, don’t simply pass the chalice to one of the coaches from the same set up. Aren’t they PART of the problem? Looked like it. The team was the same, the tictacs were the same, the formation was the same, the boredom threshold crossing was remarkably similar. (I spent the game sat next to a yawning Gally.) If you want a short term boost, bring in Colin (Warnock), a manager with impeccable credentials, a Reds association, is available, and, crucially, would have jumped at the chance. Instead, we sleepwalk in to the play-offs and inevitable battering off Bolton. (I’d go 10-0-0 and try to keep the score down.)

Still, it was great for 20 minutes. The Ponty was vaguely raucous. Maybe getting rid of Collins IS enough for some people? We went ahead, a long diagonal played back beautifully to the edge of the box by Phillips, for Herbie to sidefoot home from the edge of the box. ‘Devaney has TRANSFORMED Kane’, I message in jest. Thereafter, we slowly sucked the life out of the game, and the fans. Cole had a chance, but what was he doing? Heads the ball forwards, runs onto it, and has his shot blocked. Was that the last time he touched the ball?

Otherwise, Jordan saves a certain goal 1st half, overtaking MdG and their centre forward to get the block on, while 2nd half, he runs across the backline to save us at left back. Otherwise, Northampton don’t look much. Indeed Coach Devaney must be confident, he takes off our player of the season (unannounced, btw, was that part of the ‘lap of appreciation’ cancellation?) McAtee to give Jalo a runout. We have 20 minutes of him losing the ball every time he had it. Into the last 10, it’s Cosgrove’s time for a runout, at Cole’s expense. And in a move that simply makes my BLOOD BOIL, he spurns a two on one to head to the corner flag. What made it worse was that he paused, thought about it, then decided we’d be better off wasting 4 seconds than scoring a killer 2nd. I HATE this about football, particularly when it’s BFC. What message does this send to the opposition, other than we have no intention of scoring a goal and they can commit as many men forward as possible? They do, and they score.

It is the 6th minute of a minimum 4 mins of injury time. Just desserts. The cherry on the icing on top of the cake (what cake has cherry and icing on it? None that I know….and don’t say a Bakewell Tart. That’s a tart.) If only the other results hadn’t gone our way, there could be a valuable lesson learnt here. Instead, I expect Coach Collins Devaney to spend half a day on the training pitch this week on ‘how to waste time properly’. Cos the defence, midfield and forwards have been coached all season, presumably on how to defend, set up chances, and score goals. And how’s that gone? Worse by the match. Where’s Colin when you need him?

Onwards and upwards!

*** Jordan Williams. Back to his best defensively, even if he was playing in a back 3 again. (Plus ca change!)
** No-one. I’ve had to look at the teamsheet again to try and think of anybody.
* No-one. Anybody. Did I imagine McAtee flitting about?

Official MOTM: You know, I can’t remember. I know it wasn’t Jordan Williams, who everyone else I spoke to thought it should be. Who was it? (It was Herbie Kane.)

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Jordan Williams 2. De Givigny 3. O’Keefe

Despatches:
Being the last league game of the season, we were promised a ‘lap of appreciation’...I went for a pint of relief. I’m not interested. The club just does my head in on the last day of the season these days. ‘Please keep off the pitch’, ‘let the players come out and do a lap of appreciation.’ Listen, bozos, running on the pitch at the end of a(nother) trying season used to be a highlight. Remember when a fan slipped, took out David Currie, then proceeded to try and rip his shirt off while he was prone? These days, BFC just want the sanitised experience of an audience at a local theatre am-dram production. ‘Well done everybody, good try’ (ripple of applause). Woe betide anybody who wants to make the end of season game anything unlike every other home game this season. Full-time whistle, I was out of there. I hear the club did their usual, take the players off, wait too long to come back on….so some (very few fans) invaded the pitch…and the club cancelled the ‘lap of appreciation’, presumably the whole while banging out messages on the PA about ‘fans leaving the pitch’, trying to guilt trip them that they’re ruining the experience for everyone else, while a few in the stands boo. The club has ruined what used to be a traditional spectacle. I’m not interested. ‘Think of the children, they want to see the players come out’. Do they? When I was a young lad (and I was one, once) I’d have much rather seen, or been part of, a pitch invasion than clap like a seal at Herbie Kane.

Oh, did I say ‘the more things change, the more they remain the same’? Collins Devaney made one last sub, sending on Cotter for O’Keefe…and a minute later they score. Our substitutions the last month have only gone one way on the pitch. However, one thing that HAS changed (from last season) is the form of Luca Connell. He was dreadful today, couldn’t even pass a square ball. Nevermind the transfer ins and outs, last summer, the one reason we’re nothing like as good as last season is because Luca Connell is nothing like as good as last season. I’m really sorry he had that illness, but it’s time to face facts: he’s never getting back to what he was. He is now just an average 3rd division player. We are now just an average 3rd division team.

Roll on Bolton...

Drink du jour: Leffe on the train, House Party IPA (lots of it) in Spiral City. Best pub visit of the season. Let’s kick-off half 12 every week!

Away: c.1,500

The Damage:
£18.50 ent (£370 season ticket / 20 games attended 23/24)
£11 train
= £11

***The player of the season palaver continued. The following Monday, it was announced Player of the Year was Adam Phillips. It is becoming standard amongst the Reds voting fraternity to ignore anything before January. It is a truth universally acknowledged that Phillips didn’t turn up until the turn of the year. Indeed, his rejuvenation coincided with Devante Cole’s disappearance. Are they the same player?

Young player of the year? Usually chosen by the manager (head coach)...but he was sacked the week before. Anyway, Aidan Marsh won it.

Players’ player of the year? Keeper Roberts, on loan from Boro. They must’ve ignored the kast 2 months, then. Maybe he’s hilarious in the changing room?

Annfield Plain 0-3 Durham FC Corinthians, Wednesday 24th April 2024

Annfield Plain 0-3 Durham FC Corinthians, Wearside League Premier Division, Derwent Park, att. c.40

Tonite, I am at Annfield. Annfield Plain, a village somewhere near Stanley in County Durham, which is somewhere near Beamish Open Air Museum. If you’re any sort of history buff crossed with football nut, you absolutely need to combine a trip to Annfield with Beamish. There’s even a local steam train line at Tanfield, but I can’t vouch for its amazingness, or how often it runs.

I always thought Annfield Plain were old members of the Northern League, so always planned a visit. Ther slightest of research suggests not. Erstwhile members of the Wearside League (these days a feeder to the Northern) but earlier a member of the North-Eastern League, which had some of the north east’s bigger non-league sides, as well as the reserve teams of the local Football League sides. Indeed, in 1947, Annfield even applied for Football League admittance. This I cannot believe.

The ground is a gem, once my satnav found its way through a residential estate to find it. Up a potholed track, there was a sizable car park. Indeed, given it’s a 6:45pm kick-off (no floodlights) I even beat 1 or 2 players as I arrive at half-six. There’s another car park inside the club gates. I guess the rest of the players have parked up early.

The entrance is brick, the same brick that makes up countless terraces in former mining communities such as Annfield. There’s 5 doors. If they’re all turnstiles, it’s a tad ambitious by today’s standards. Tonite there is only one open, and I’m pleased to see an actual turnstile. An old codger welcomes me, takes my money and asks me if I know where everything is. ‘I haven’t a clue’ I reply, and he’s more than happy to tell me where the stand is, where the refreshment room is, wjere the toilets are. Love it! (Later, as he headed toward the net at full-time – he was the one climbing a ladder to take them down – he tells me he’s 75. Good on him, he’s a credit to the club and a credit to the village.)

I’m hungry, so I try to follow his directions at the back of the stand. I timidly open a door and find I’m in the right place, a room the size of some people’s dining rooms, with a small counter and a pile of used paint tins in the corner. I have a tea and a Snickers. I thought £1.50 was cheap but the Snickers is TINY. Is that really the size of them these days? Mustn’t grumble though. I’m trying to lose weight.

Derwent Park is GEM. Three sides have grass banking, thereby ensuring a good view wherever. One and a half sides have a corrugated fence which leans over at the top, enough to shield you from the elements (as long as those elements don’t bring the whole thing down). Behind the dugouts on the far side is a former brick building of some description, an unused toilet block perhaps. Then there’s the Main (only) stand side, the Marshall Lawson Stand. Marshall Lawson is the club’s oldest ever player, once turning out at 66 in a game v Marske (as club secretary he was desperate for the club to fulfil its fixtures, though his debut was at 17).

The Marshall Lawson Stand is some construction. 4 small rows of seats, covered by a barely sloping corrugated roof on stilts. ‘I have LITERALLY got a shed as big as that’ messaged a mate. It sits one side of the halfway line and the players come out of an adjacent tunnel which leads into the building behind, containing changing rooms, snack bar and toilets. Later, presuming the toilet was in the same corridor as the changing rooms, I entered via the tunnel only to find myself in a changing room. I beat a hasty retreat.

The other side of the tunnel is 6 or 7 uneven steps of terracing, sadly now fenced off. Decrepit it may be, but I’d have thought a consenting adult might just about manage not to do damage to themself by standing there. Some of it was a bit loose, mind you. At the far end a couple of kids hung off a tree behind the goal but outside the stadium itself. Perhaps they’re the same kids later trying to climb another tree, as the ball nestled in its upper reaches. ‘Can I have your shirt after the game?’ one shouted to the keeper. I think both kids (and their friends) could’ve fitted in it. The Annfield keeper made the game for me.

Corinthians go ahead from a penalty. The defender has gone straight through the back of the player before making contact with the ball. Over an hour later I can still hear the keeper moaning ‘it was never a penalty.’ Upon the decision having been made, the keeper holds onto the ball, before the ref eventually tells him to part with it, so he nonchalantly kicks it past the taker. The (young) ref obviously doesn’t want to yellow card him, so lets it go. 0-1.

Second half, the keeper has an early spat with the Corinthians’ physio, who has had the temerity to walk behind his net. He stares him out before giving him verbals. Weird. (There’s a game on at the other end.) Then the keeper spills an easy cross for a tap-in. 0-2. ‘Fuckin’ Elvis Costello in goal’ the physio creases himself, though I don’t get the reference. Isn’t Elvis Costello a singer? A singer who looks nothing like the Annfield keeper. Is it a comedic reference to Abbot and Costello? Was Costello’s forename ‘Elvis’?

Half-time does nothing to calm this keeper down. After criticism from a teammate, he’s like ‘and what the f*** are you doing?’ and ‘there’s no point in booting it up, it comes straight back’ (he may have a point there). Then he safely catches a throughball, but the centre forward crashes into him. He’s up, obviously wanting a fight, but the forward, possibly realising size and anger are not on his side, collapses, holding his face. He must be mistaking the Wearside League for the Premiership. There are calls for the player to be sent off (‘that’s 2 yellows referee, one for the foul, one for the rolling around’). I get that, but by my reckoning, the keeper should be on 4 yellows by now. After consultation with the linesman (which seems to be this ref’s get-out clause) a pair of yellows are brandished to the keeper and centre forward. A sensible resolution.

Corinthians nick a late 3rd, a crashing finish from 20 yards. More comments from the keeper, and one or two locals complain about the ref (their ire not helped by a disallowed goal in 1st half injury time, but mainly now at what they see as inconsistency in how the ref is treating injured players). Personally, I thought the ref had a decent game and did his best to keep 22 players on the pitch. There were some feisty challenges, one player carried off and another limped off. But all’s fair in love and football. It’s handshakes all round at the final whistle, in the dusky gloom of north County Durham.

The Damage:
£3 ent
£1.50 tea and Snickers
= £4.50