BFC 3-0 Walsall, Saturday 14th May 2016

'He's sh*t, he's lame, he scores in every game.'

The message is clear: build a better Barnsley by knocking it down.

In news hot off the press, I am an idiot.  On the train up, having just discussed how to get to Walsall for the 2^nd leg, Dave asks me why I’m marking a bunch of books.  ‘Well, I’ve gotta get through them.  It’s Year 8 Parents Evening on Thursday.’  Oh.  We make the play-offs approximately once every blue moon and I can’t make the away leg cos of a prior commitment.  Still, at least it’s on telly.  And we’re 3-0 up so it won’t matter anyway (!)

The Barnsley diet: Percy Turners and pure lard

YES!  Three-nil up from the 1^st leg.  Dreamland.  Word in the pub beforehand was we’d take a draw, or even a 0-1, cos we know we’ll destroy Walsall away and, besides, Walsall have the best away record in the division.  The Super Reds make all of this a nonsense.  We cruise it, SSW scoring twice and putting one foot and a couple of arms into that there game at Wembley.  Cancel the camping trip I have planned for the Bank Holiday.

Must be a big game; crowd outside Walkabout

I thought we were comfortable throughout, even though they missed 3 decent chances.  The least they could have done was test Davies, which they barely did.  Hecky’s comment that we’d be in a better position cos of our big game experience this season was prescient; Walsall completely bottled it, despite having nearly 60% possession.  (40% is the new 60% anyway; ask Leicester.)

When was the last time this was full?

I wasn’t even sat in my usual seat, so that didn’t jinx us.  My dad took his mate, so, as I perused the upper tier on t’web, I hit on an idea: I’d go in the Ponty.  There might even be an atmosphere!  The good old days!  And what an atmosphere.  It was buzzing throughout.  It was a bit like Wigan last week, a full stand of Reds behind the goal getting behind their team.  I was a bit gutted though that my seat in Row Z didn’t catch any crosses from the ghost of Tom Williams.  But if Wigan was my fave away game of the season…and Oxford my fave neutral…then this has to be my favourite home game – of years.  It really was brilliant and anyone not there missed out.  Well, if you insist on living in Vienna, Adelaide, Bergen, Singapore, Witney, etc…

It's a beautiful day...I'm coming over all U2.

The crowd were never wavering in their support and we got our reward just before half time.  Having already had a goal (wrongly) disallowed for offside (Isgrove sliding in Hammill’s sublime cross), SSW pulls a ball back across goal for Hammill to sidefoot into an empty net.  Only he misses the goal completely, it hits a defender, and still goes in.  Who says we never get lucky?  This is compounded early in the 2^nd half when Winnall actually manages to put his foot through a shot (I didn’t think he had it in him) and it loops in over the keeper.  Who says we never get lucky?  I make that 3 deflected goals in 2 games.  Still, as Alan Shearer would say, ‘if you don’t buy a ticket…’.  

YOOOOUUUUU REDS!!!!!!!!!!!!

A couple of minutes later and Super Sammy Winnall has topped becoming the world’s worst 22 goal a season striker (last week) to being the world’s worst 24 goals a season striker this.  And fair play, it’s a great goal, as he bursts through a couple of challenges and lifts the balls over the keeper with his left.  The finish was reminiscent of THAT Michael Owen goal against Argentina (though obviously, SSW is a better player than HIM).  I am another 20 pounds lighter thanks to that second goal. Thanks, Sammy.

Under the stand at half time.

It’s 3-0 and there’s more than half an hour to go.  While we never actually showboated, we never really went for the jugular.  Several times we broke 3 on 3, but the end product wasn’t there.  Will we live to regret such generosity?  I know we nearly did, when they broke and they shunned a golden opportunity.  Thus, the tie is neatly poised – in our favour.  But go a goal down early in the 2nd leg and Walsall could still make something of this game.  Let’s not make history by becoming the 1^st side to throw away a three goal 1^st leg play off lead.

*** SSW.  Scores 2, sets up another.  Always liked him. 
** Roberts.  Wins everything AND can play.
* Isgrove.  Ran around.  He likes running around.  Though should’ve squared it once instead of being greedy.

Londontykes Top 3:
*** Roberts  ** Winnall  * Isgrove

pre-match panorama.

Despatches:
I don’t know where to start.  They were all great.  

Onwards and upwards!  

Drink du jour: A 6.5% IPA, followed by an Erdinger, then the IPA again…followed by vodka, orange and champagne (not all together) on the train.  Y’know, together with the lie in this morning, I could really go for 5:30 kick-offs in a big way.  Not sure I need to be paying £4 for a programme though, however many colour photos I get.  Did I fall asleep on the bus?  I can't actually remember.  Maybe I didn't.  I know I fell asleep on the couch.  Went to bed at half four. Deleriously happy.

Away: Just over 2,000.  They didn’t look very lively either.  Shellshocked?‘East Stand, give us a song ……

West Stand, give us a song ……Walsall, give us a song …..’

The Damage:
£15 ent
£36 travel
£4 prog
£4 scarf (half price)
£5 t-shirt (half price)
= £64

Drunken Londontykes back in Kings Cross

Fans and friends outside the latest incarnation of the cod Irish pub

Toby meets and greets

Match action in front of the Walsall 2,000.

Looking towards the away end.

A packed out East Stand and Corner Stand.

The players head towards their mates / WAGS.

Full time, 3-0.

Anything to stop ppl watching the match as they leave early.

The Ponty!

Wigan Athletic 1-4 BFC, Sunday 8th May 2016

‘Brazil, it’s just like watching Brazil.’

Wigan Pier.  Well, you have to...

I cannot have been the only one to wake up beaming today.  From bottom of the table after the Blunts home game (manager: Little Lee) we have risen like the proverbial to snatch a play-off place on the final league game of the season.  And what a glorious way to do it!  We go away to the league champions and DESTROY them, even being good enough to give them a goal start before the simple task of popping  4 goals past them.  And yet it didn’t start so brightly…

The DW

Scowen was skinned 5 times in the first quarter of an hour by Wildschut and from one attack they finally do go ahead.  Of course, Winnall claims the assist, passing them the ball when we were 3 on 3 (a rare foray into their half at this point) and one pass later and Wildschut is clear down the left.  His low cross is then calamitously not dealt with by Mawson, and while the home fans appeal for a pen, their forward knocks it home.  We look truly against it at this point, as the away end went quiet.  ‘Get Winnall off’, ‘stick a right back on’ (do we have any? – could bring White on at left back and switch George.)  

The teams come out.

No, we don’t change a thing.  Heckingbottom is either a tactical genius or has some cajones.  He certainly had more faith than anyone around me.  Even the granddad next to me who I’d never met before said ‘I’ve had enough of Winnall.’  Who hasn’t?  He’s the sh*ttest popular striker we’ve had since Dire and by half time he was on 22 for the season.

#21 was a beauty, as we show once again that we’re at our best when Winnall isn’t even playing; he’s lying prostrate after colliding with the keeper, having not been fast enough to get better purchase when one-on-one.  We pick up the loose ball and Fletcher rounds a defender who brings him down. Penalty all day long.  Funnily enough, I don’t remember any Reds fans complimenting the ref for not stopping play, with Winnall clutching his head.  SSW makes a miraculous recovery to stroke the ball low to the keeper’s right.  I think it made the net.  Just.

Get ready to party!

With half time approaching, I said I’d be glad if we could get in at one-all.  But Little Lloyd Isgrove has other ideas, skipping past 2 (or 3?) players before getting his close range shot off.  The keeper saves, but who’s there…on the sniff..why it’s Super Sammy Winnall, who wellies the ball in scuffs it home from 3 yards.  (It later turns out he's somehow knocked it against his left shin with his right foot.  He is the luckiest player I know.)  He reminds me of this kid who plays 5 aside with us sometimes.  Can’t control a ball, can’t dribble, can’t tackle, but will pop up with the odd toe poke.  Everyone except his best mate hates him, natch.  WE ARE WINNING!!!!!!!!  F*** Scunthorpe or whatever they’re doing (beating the Blunts as it goes; you can’t trust the Blunts to do ANYTHING, can you?)  All we have to do is see this game out and we’re there.

Pre-match panorama

Half time and Wigan take off their star player, that winger.  Injured?  Or does the manager just fancy a look at somebody else, for next season?  Who cares?  Cheers Wigan manager!  He’s even brought Reece Wabara on!  Christ, he’s giving us this game.  Wabara proceeds to show why I have no idea how he’s made the divisional team of the year.  BFC’s 3^rd best right back.  I really don’t get it, at all.
But the 2^nd half is all us.  We look a threat every time we have the ball and get just desserts as Fletcher chases down a weak punch from the keeper and pulls it back to Captain Conor.  ‘He needs to shoot more’ said Selwood, pre-match.  He delivers, via a wicked deflection.  (‘Curled in superbly’ I think The Sun said, arf arf).  We were right behind it and watching the keeper scramble (and fail) to get across is only 2^nd in my list of favourite goals this season to that crazy Fleetwood OG t’other week. He was never going to get there.  The away end goes berserk.  It’s barely 10 mins into the 2^nd half and WE HAVE WON THIS GAME.  We are in the play-offs.  Actually, we all think that, but then spend a few minutes worrying…this lot are top of the table…if they get one back, they can get 2.

Yes, I KNOW it's the second half!

But upsteps Brownhill with the free kick of the season.  It was just to the left of the goal as we looked, perfect for Hourihane’s left foot.  Conor walks away from it.  What’s happening here?  Oh, THAT’S what’s happening here, as Brownhill whammies it over the wall and down, a la Ronaldo.  (Mawson hit one of these earlier this season; is that what BFC training is? Free kicks and crossbar challenges?)  It is a BEAUT!  Now we know we’re up in the play-offs.  ‘It’s just like watching Brazil’ is sung with even more gusto and belief than at 3-1.  Hell, many of us are even generous enough to stand up when the Wigan 200 chant ‘Stand up for the champions’, though this soon changes into ‘Stand up if you’re going up’ and everyone stands up.

...and then it was 4-1!  Or 1-4.  Whatever.

There’s still time for Roberts to throw himself into a block, preventing a certain goal, and we see out the game watching Hammill showboat Wigan to death. I don’t know what was more predictable, the frustrated hack, or Hammill reacting badly.  Good job Hammill had any amount of players jumping in to prevent him getting sent off alongside McCann.  (As an aside, how stupid do you have to be to get sent off in the last minute when you’ve won the league?  There’s him missing the 1^st 3 matches next season…)

That magnificent away support (from Twitter)

*** Roberts.  The rock by which all things BFC are built.  What a player, determined to the end.  Won everything.  A rock.  (As another random aside, I was channel hopping the other day and I came across some godawful film.  I couldn’t understand how someone could act quite so badly.  ‘Who’s this?’ I asked.  ‘The Rock’.  Has anyone seen his film with ‘Scorpion’ in the title?  Garbage.  So I watched 5 minutes in awe before kicking the telly to death.)
** Isgrove.  I know he made Andy laugh, beig unable to control his feet a couple of times in the 1^st half, but he ran at them, set up a goal (finally, though inadvertently) and got a couple of theirs carded in the 2^nd half for lunges.  He’s faster than you think!
* Fletcher.   I hope he gets us up before he leaves.  Looks better and better every week and led the line superbly.  Set up 2 goals.
Londontykes' Top 3:*** Roberts  ** Isgrove  * Fletcher

The players give thanks.

Despatches:
At one point I looked at their scoreboard.  ‘2:00’ it said.  Christ, I’m not stupid.  I KNOW it’s the second half.  I looked again a quarter of an hour later.  ‘2:15’.  Oh.
Davies had very little to do but looked comfortable enough picking up through balls.  Scowen recovered and was fabulous second half.  It’s called speed AND fitness, as he was constantly on the overlap.  I can’t say I noticed Williams though Mawson played well, outside of the early aberration.  Brownhill and Hourihane sat, allowing the wingers to do the damage, while SSW was SSW; appalling and scores 2.  Though I do remember him flicking a ball to Hourihane once which was quite good.  Hecky even managed to bring on McCourt (not that one), Chapman and Toney for the last 10 mins or so.  There was only one team going to score and it wasn’t them.
Drink du jour: Found a fabulous bar right next to the station, so that would be Paulaner pls.  Bought a ‘growler’ for the journey back though it took so long I had Andy barking at me to get a move on; we had a train to catch.

Away: 4770.  What a game, what an atmosphere.  Today was up there with the greats.

Well done Latics.  Well done BFC.  Onwards and upwards, the journey continues.
Yooooooouuuuuuuu Redssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A

The Damage:
31 travel
20 ent
2 zine
0 prog.  Sold out.

Outside the ground.  Anywheresville.

Some of the Reds' massive massive.

The Wigan vocal 200 to our left.

The teams come out.

The walk to the ground.  Very pleasant.

Flags out for the lads.

A celebratory growler of Paulaner on the train.

Two very happy Beckenhamtykes.

Great view, great day, great result.  Great.

Fulham 1-0 Bolton Wanderers, Saturday 7th May 2016

Fulham 1-0 Bolton Wanderers, Championship, att. 17,207

Welcome to .....

Final game of the season and where better to finish than underachieving Fulham versus relegated Bolton?  For me, as a Barnsley fan, it was a scouting mission for whichever division we'd be in next season - the Championship or League 1.  Plus, on a stunning day, a chance to enjoy a scenic cycle to the game, much of it along the Thames.  I have thus decided football should be a summer sport.  I rather like being able to wear shorts and t-shirt while idling watching some 'athletes' (I use the term loosely) run about.

Tha' she blows!  

Mind, despite the idyllic nature of a trip to Craven Cottage (surely the most pleasureable of the capital's grounds to visit) it wasn't my idea.  A mate suggested it...after all, there'd be no more (league) football for 3 months.  So it was that I joined an Ipswich fan and a Darlington fan to watch a stress-free game without anything riding in it for us.  Basically, we didn't give a s***.

Pre-match on Stevenage Road

And good job too, where an outrageously-priced round at the Crabtree pub (nice pub garden though, as we basked) was followed by even more outrageous entry prices: £30 to pay on the day in the 'mixed area' Putney End.  Jesus, I think I'm still recovering.  30 quid, for a bottom end of the second division game with nothing on it.  We are fools.  (I even looked up the price the day before; £25.  I presumed Fulham wouldn't possibly increase it by any more on the day.  How wrong I was.)

Cheer now - there may not be chance later.

However, can you put a price on seeing the legendary Emile Heskey for (surely) one last time on a football pitch?  Yes, we didn't realise he was still going.  'He must be older than you' said my mate (who's only about 4 months younger than me, cheeky tw*t).  And when Heskey's effort was the only one which even came close for Bolton (by 'close' I mean over the bar) then it's no wonder the Trotters are wandering into the 3rd tier.  Their one redeeming feature was their fans, who maybe numbered 1500 and sang non-stop.  It must be some season when you chant 'Let's pretend we've scored a goal' before everyone goes nuts.  It's been that kind of season for them.

The cottage; under repair.

The match was generally poor, though Fulham went close several times.  Only Bolton keeper Amos kept them in the game, making some super saves as he dived around trying to rescue his ailing defence.  (Maybe they, like us, couldn't give a s***.  Probably off in the summer.)  And just as we'd settled for nil-nil - surely our punishment for being stupid enough to pay £30 to see this shambles - Fulham's Cairney popped up on the right, cut inside and drove a left footer into the far corner.  A great finish, entirely not in keeping with the game.

Match panorama

Then it was back to the pub and another pint.  And a Bolton fan wishing my team luck the next day at Wigan.  'Hope you beat the tw*ts.  They're our biggest rivals.'  How times have changed at Burnden Park the Reebok...well, whatever it's called these days.

The Damage:
£30 entry
£3.50 programme (even the programmes are more expensive than I'm used to)

Bicycles must be pushed...cars driven.  A posh riverside estate.

Craven Cottage from across the Thames.

The Hammersmith End.

'Still believe.'  The Grade II listed Stevenage Road Stand (as was).

Looking towards the Hammersmith End.

Those Bolton fans.

The Cottage under repair.

Back of the Stevenage Road Stand (on my way home, hence empty!)

BFC 2-2 Colchester United, Saturday 30th April 2016

‘He’s a specialist.’

FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Town centre improvements come on apace.

History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce (Karl Marx).  Another abso-f***ing-lute nightmare that was entirely of our own making as we ship in a late goal at home to a relegated side down to 10 men and with their centre forward in goal.  Yes, IN GOAL.  I do not give the slightest gnat’s chuff that they scored 7 minutes and 41 seconds into 7 minutes of injury time – YOU PLAY TILL THE FINAL WHISTLE.  And, despite said goalkeeping situation, we didn’t put a single ball in their box, or have a shot, in that last 10 minutes they were disabled.  After all, we are now winning, they’re s*** (see ‘2^nd off bottom and relegated’).  We don’t even have to do owt, this game is won.  Well, cheers BFC.  For a second time in 4 games we have lost at home to a side in the bottom 6 with 10 men.  In short, a calamity.

Welcome to...a queue!  At Oakwell!

Needless to say, I missed said goal.  What with a train to catch, that 7 mins injury time was cutting it a bit fine and, besides, I had a toilet trip to fit in.  So, for the second time in 6 weeks, I have the joy of hearing the opposition goalscorer’s name while p***ing into a metal trough.  Double sigh.  You clowns, Barnsley, you utter, utter, sh*ts.  Still, you get what you deserve.  And for 10 minutes v 10 men, the defence knocked it around nonchalantly and aimlessly, the midfield didn’t know whether to attack or hold shape, fearing the counter and Hamill showboated the ball out of play for a goalkick (with Brownhill screaming at him for the easy lay back).  I know some of the crowd weren’t impressed at the passing it around defence, but at least we had possession and they only had one man scurrying around after it.  But, really, there’s a lesson to be learnt.  If we’re incapable of seeing out the clock, at least go for a second goal. The minute you don’t go for the jugular, it tells the opposition they are free to hit you on the counter with no risk.  But why didn’t we AT LEAST have a shot, or a cross? Surely this keeper would spill it, even if he made the save?  Christ, Barnsley.  Christ.  You even f***ed up your own end of season celebration as fans streamed out of Oakwell rather than a) invade the pitch or b) stick around to watch a bunch of dejected players be forced to parade the John Stones Paint Trophy around the pitch to muted applause.  (Did anyone invade the pitch?  Did many stay behind?)

Thumbs up from Toby, pre-match.

And it had started so…badly, as a give and go in the 1^st minute ended with them hitting the post from a decent chance.  1st half play rebounded from end to end and both sides had chances.  They scored there’s, the centre forward running on to a through pass to beat Davies, while we had Super Sammy Winnall.  Ahhhh, Sammy Winnall.  A centre forward so limited that even in hitting 20 goals he’s no higher than 10^th in the Londontykes’ POTY standings.  Inbetween his fallings over, his inability to hold a ball up, his ability to actually disappear, he missed the unmissable, as a cutback to him was somehow saved by their keeper.  Sorry, SSW, I don’t care how good a save it was, the keeper shouldn’t have had the chance.  He’s virtually stood by the post and you’ve hit him from 6 yards out.  Geoffrey Boycott’s mam could have wafted that one home.  Half-time and 0-1, though I was far from dejected.  It had essence of the Oxford game.  We’d not played great, but still made the odd chance (Mawson hit the bar with a header too), while surely this was as good as Colchester could get.  And besides, we had the Ponty to kick towards in the second half.

A busy Ponty End.

So it was, we equalised fairly early on, Fletcher taking a ball on the halfway line and running at their defence.  Skill, pace and power (only 3 things SSW lacks) took it past 3 of them and then an unerring finish under pressure.  I know one centre forward at the club with a bright future.  The shackles are now off and you can see the relief/belief in the team.  From now on it’s all Barnsley and the keeper makes a number of saves, including a superb effort to deny Roberts’ header off a corner.  
However, we finally do go ahead after a spell of not very much happening.  There is a cross from the left and we have 2 on 1 on the back post.  Chapman is closed down by the keeper, who saves and Fletcher heads the loose ball into an empty net.  Where’s our centre forward?  Super Sammy Winnall was about a yard in from the East Stand touchline, by us.  We are at our most potent when SSW is nowhere near their goal!  The crowd go delirious – the play-offs are ours – while the keeper collapses.  At first I thought he was play-acting, cos I’m sure I saw him turn around and react to us scoring before he went down.  Anyway, several minutes of treatment see him carried off and replaced by the centre forward; Colchester have already used their subs. Hard cheddar, etc.

Opposition goalkeeping injuries...sponsored by Hayselden.

So it is, we have time and space to do what the hell we like and what the hell we like is to walk around the pitch p***ing around with a football.  Barnsley FC: you will have all summer to dwell on these 10 minutes if we don’t make the play-offs.  And if we do get promotion, hell, have a triple Jagermeister for every minute you p***ed around on that pitch late on.  You can even include the injury time minutes, if yer like.

Colchester equalise, a right wing cross headed confidently home by some cheeky scamp inbetween a dozing Roberts and Mawson.  I know this cos Sky kindly showed this goal while we were in the pub in Donny afterwards.  It’s like the good old days under Little Lee.  F***ing f*** f***.
*** Fletcher of Man U.  This will be the most one-sided MOTM all season.  Even before his goals he was superb, leading the line, holding the ball up, running at players, taking a bit of physical.  Set up SSW’s chance.  Needn’t have bothered.  Twitter MOTM.  I’m hard-pressed to think of anyone else who did themselves justice.
** No-one.  Honestly, I don’t think anyone else was worthy. 
* No-one.  I considered Roberts, for being more dangerous up front than SSW, but no.  Any defenceman conceding 2 at home to Col U cannot be realistically considered.

170 Unitedites.  Allegedly.

Despatches:
Hammill and his f***ing showboating.  Tell you what Adam – wait till we’re winning by 2 or more, THEN perhaps ignore Brownhill’s shouts for a pass and showboat it out of play for a goalkick to them.  Idiot.  Winnall.  Did I tell you he was s***?  Doesn’t so much need ‘resting’ as dropping completely.  He is NOTHING without Marley Watkins. Mind, he’s not much WITH him.  SSW highlight of the day: their defender dives after being brushed by Winnall (the kind of thing Winnall always tries but never gets away with).  Ref gives free kick.  Ha.  Williams wasn’t at his best today. Maybe one day we’ll see him on his correct side.  Scowen was possibly alright, cos his energy got him up the field a bit, but I still remember him being skinned in the 1^st minute for their chance. Hourihane I never saw, though I believe he took a corner.  Brownhill ran around snapping, while Isgrove was poor today.  Another player who looked like he was back to his December worst.  Chapman came on, and aside from his backpost effort leading to Fletcher scoring, did nowt. Aside from THAT goal at Walsall, I’ve not been impressed.  Saving his best for the play-offs?Talking of which, no need to feel down.  I will echo Heckingbottom’s pre-match comments; going to Wigan with something to play for represents a supreme achievement given what went on before.  I have said for a number of games that if we need a result at Wigan, we’ll get one.  They’re champions, they’ll come on, take their applause, then lie down and die like good uns.  I know this cos it’s what we’d do.  It’s what we have done.  And if we don’t win, there’s always the chance that neither Gills nor Scunny will either.
All to play for – COME ON YOU REDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kick-off time at Oakwell.

Drink du jour: Bottled Erdinger, then I note an on-tap Primator in the Old #7 (the wheat beer the Sheffield Tap has on).  Yes please.  Cheeky Stella at Donny followed by copious amounts of vodka and orange for the train, partly to dull the pain of having Newcastle fans on the adjacent table.  They were surprisingly alright actually.  (Was I drunk?)  Then me and Gandhi tried a new pub in Kings X (Skinner’s Arms) where we even had decent bants with rugby fans.  Imagine.  (It was the army v navy at Twickers today.)  Oh yes, fell asleep on bus but for reasons I can’t quite fathom, its last stop was Peckham, so I was quids in anyway. Just needed a bus driver to wake me up.

Away: 170 odd, but never more than 150 at any given time.  Presumably loads were ‘doing a Kempy’ and having a beer in the concourse.
ps, has Jonesy calmed down yet?  He was going mental at the ref's temerity in adding extra time onto a match with one serious injury, a couple of goals, loads of subs and various bits of Col U timewasting.  In fact, I think you'll all find it was the ref who showboated the ball out of play, as well as made the cross and buried the late header.

pps, last thing \I said to my dad as I left: 'See you in a fortnight'.  We shall see, we shall see...

Panorama v Col U.

Pre-match blah blahs.

Nearly there.

Another large crowd, another disappointing result.