Brentford 0-2 BFC, Saturday 22nd October 2016

‘Why are you wearing a lady’s coat?’ 

Welcome to ....

Finally, a game in The Smoke, so we can have a lie in and a casual start. ‘cept we can’t, cos there’s some reason we have to be on a 10:52 from Waterloo so’s we can bag a table in the pub.  No problem, apart from not getting home till late the nite before after far too many pints.  Marius needs to feed his beer app (he’s up to about 864 individual beers apparently).  Sarah has come too, and we meet the Captain and Reedy in the Beer House, Waterloo.  Does what it says on the tin, so I have a latte.  Feel like s***.

Head to the Griffin, the away pub of choice.

I love Brentford.  So when Marius wanted a recommendation for his Autumn visit from Norway, I suggested this one, especially since they've plans to build yet another soulless monstrosity.  Small ground, completely enclosed (especially since the roof was built on the old away terrace), surrounded (literally) by pubs, easy to get to.  All we need is a win – something we haven’t managed since god knows.  We bump into Pompey in the back streets, having just parked up, and we’re one of the 1^st in the pub (The Griffin?)  The ploy to bag a table works; we have an entire corner.  A couple of trains later and we’re joined by several more Londontykes.  But why is Ben wearing a coat of colour and style only seen on folk of a female hue?  Worse, him and his mum are wearing matching shoes.  What is it with these Lockwoods?  Soon the pub is full, mainly of Barnsley, shouting ‘Arr much?’ every time they buy a round.  Welcome to my world.

I bet the new place doesn't look like this.

I see the team line up pre-match and fear the worst; Armstrong, Winnall AND Watkins?  It can only mean one thing, a couple of midgets up front and Marley wide midfield.  And so it is. Hamill is dropped for his Tuesday nite shenanighans and his s*** form.  This had better work.  No Scowen (suspended) and no Roberts (injured?).  Worrying.
I leave early for the ground, fancying a good perch for myself and the flag, if possible.  All works well and we have a choice; stand at the back and watch the game behind some pillars, or stand right at the front, pitch level.  A few of us opt for b) and while I enjoyed the novelty, I’ll problies not do that again for a while.  You simply have no perspective on the other half of the field.  Why’s he not having a shot?  Problies cos he’s 40 yards out.  Where’s that player just come from?  Who’s that?  So it is that the ball pings around their box and someone (we think it’s Armstrong) prods it home. 

One view from behind the goal.

Half time and I go and visit Sarah upstairs and discover a whole new world: a view.  Sarah is right behind the goal, virtually on top of the net.  Even better, there’s a spare chair behind her.  I’m having some of this. So, despite really looking forward to being on a terrace, I end up in the seats.  Salisbury moans cos it’s where he wanted to be before those pesky Londontyke kids all said they wanted to stand.  In truth though, you’d have to be 4 foot tall to really enjoy it.  The seats have zero space, and it was a good job we were on the end of a row to stretch the legs.  Even better, we have Super Sammy Winnall.

...and another

Kent and Armstrong (?) rip Brentford to bits down our left and Kent fires one in.  He’s never gonna score from there, but it hits the post and cannons to our erstwhile goalhanger supreme.  He can’t miss – and he doesn’t.  Another 3 yarder to add to his tally.  Thank f*** I’m upstairs,no doubt saving myself from being jumped on by Slacki, Jonesy and anyone else looking forward to seeing me splash out 50 quid if he scores 10 league goals for us this season.  (He’d missed a good chance 1^st half, a header; if he keeps getting the chances, he should make double figures.)  As I said, thank the lord for Sammy, cos he gives me an opportunity to stand up and stretch my aching legs.  The old war injuries and all that.

The scoreboard

Armstrong then wastes a 3 on 2 chance, going for goal when the pass was on before Davies is forced into making 2 one-on-one saves and tipping another shot over the bar.  Hamill is even given a trot out and breaks forward a couple of times, a bit like Kent looking good when he came on t’other week.  Everyone else looks happy to take what they’ve got as time runs out for Brentford.  Finally, after a draw and 5 defeats comes the dawn of victory.  Unlike the others, I’d hardly say we played well; it was a game littered with mistakes from both teams.  So I could hardly believe the ‘It’s just like Brazil’ chants towards the end.  Rarely did we put more than a few passes together.  Still, mustn’t grumble.

On top of the net, second half.

*** McDonald.  Superb.  Won everything, passed balls about and strode out of defence like Beckenbauer (or Jim McNulty).  Always had the ball under control this week, while dealing with a very tricky (dirty) customer in Scott Hogan, a lower league Diego Costa if ever I saw one.
** Davies.  Didn’t have an awful lot to do 1^st half, but came into his own in the last 15.  His catching was also first rate, though his kicking could still improve.
* Morsy.  Put in some tackles, but also broke through the lines a couple of times with the ball.

Londontykes' MOTM:
***
**
*

Even Toby's been allowed out...

Despatches:
I’ll start with Jackson, McDonald’s new partner in central defence.  As well as having a good game, he was actually telling the rest of the defence what to do, where to stand, etc.  Looks a sound acquisition.  Mind, Bree and Yiadom didn’t convince at right and left back respectively.  Hourihane was excellent in midfield, and unlucky not to make my top 3.  Ditto Watkins.  You know what you get with Watkins, and apparently it was his knockdown for the 1^st goal.  This puts him among the league leaders for setting up goals WITHOUT the aid of taking every free kick and corner.  Kent flickered in and out.  I’m still not convinced.  He certainly can’t defend, as him and Bree were made to look clowns by one Brentford short corner routine in the 1^st half.  He also has a tendency to cut inside too often.  Armstrong and Winnall?  Well, one looked good on the ball and one ran around a lot, but, really, they don’t hold onto the ball well enough for me.  God (Ryan Williams – everyone’s heard of him, but nobody’s seen him) even came on.  Christ, was he s***?  I don’t mind that he can’t get into the game cos he needs some minutes to get used to it, but the LEAST he can do is track back. Actually, no he can’t.  Which is how they ended up clean through down their right.  2 or 3 times, Williams gambled on getting the ball on their goalside of their man, only for their man to turn and run away with the ball.  He simply makes too many bad decisions when out of possession. I know, I know, harsh for a 10 minute runout (5 mins plus an unbelievable 6 mins of injury time).  But I AM harsh.

The view from the upper tier

Anyway, 2-0 win, job’s a good un.  They hadn’t lost at home in 10 and were/are top half of the table. This win is not to be sniffed at, they’re a decent team.  But we rode our luck and were probably deserved winners (just).  And there was even Paul Heckingbottom (‘he’s one of our own’) to look forward to on the Channel 5 highlights later.

Now, please (please) let us beat that little tw*t next week.  Without Hourihane and Scowen and who knows else.

Onwards and upwards!  

YOU REDS!  Full time at Griffin Park.

Drink du jour: ‘Craft lager’ in the Griffin. Why does it taste like any old cooking lager?  Then several Weihenstephaner in the Waterloo Tap before Reedy took most of us to some back street pub wot does Thai.  A cracking find.  Drank Blue Moon, but only cos my 1^st 2 choices had ran out. 

Away: 900 odd.  A good atmosphere despite the lack of noise from the home fans.  I thought terraces were meant to create some noise?  Maybe getting beat by us does depress one slightly?

The Damage:
23 ent
5 prog (!)  A 4000^th Brentford league game special.
3.30 steak and kidney pukka pie. It was alright, but a bit soggy.
= 31.30

Downstairs panorama

Upstairs panorama

Celebrations at full time.

BFC 2-4 Fulham, Saturday 16th October 2016

'I can't believe we're winning...and we're not.’

I always think a queue at the box office is a GOOD thing.

Yes, reality is dawning.  I saw Reading come to Oakwell and deservedly take the points despite being down to 10 men for the most part.  I saw Brighton take us to bits at the American Express Community Stadium…and I thought they looked a decent team.  I’ve now seen Fulham DESTROY us, 1^st win since before I was born (1970; last time they won, not when I was born, cheeky f***s.).  1^st Fulham goals since the infamous 4-3 win in the early 80s when we were 3 down.  The constant in these 3 defeats?  Barnsley FC.  In particular, the defence. Or ‘de-fense’ as Slacki described some nuance of American football in the pub late doors.

Things have changed at that there Barnsley. I know, I know.  We’re no longer queueing up to eke out a draw at home to Scunthorpe, we’re now with the big boys (Fulham?).  And, I’m sorry to say, as much as I love our style of football, hitting teams on the break at pace (we taught Leicester City everything they know) we’re now being found out.  Fulham had done their homework.  Despite no wins in 6, instead of sitting back, men behind the ball, grateful for a nil-nil, they did the high press.  And without a ball playing centre half (Mawson: sold to Swansea) or overlapping wing-back (Aidy White, injured) we are nothing.  Our back 4 today (Yiadom, McDonald, Roberts, Kpekawa) took more touches to control a ball than (Super) Sammy Winnall had contact with the sphere the entire game.  Not that Sam was s*** either.  

The teams come out (tho it's too sunny for a Samsung S5)

So, we failed to concede despite Fulham being able to cross as many balls in as they liked.  Why does Kpekawa stand 6 yards off his man?  My dad asked who our new assistant coach was, after the Tommy Wright business. I said I can’t remember his name, but I think he used to play left back for Ipswich (Jamie Clapham? I can’t be ar5ed to check.)  Daddy M said he needs to give this bloke some tips then.  Sadly, I remind him that our actual manager was one of the worst left backs we’ve ever had.  And I think that’s half the problem.  Given his own deficiencies, he wants an athletic big-ar5ed sh*thouse who LOOKS the part.  Instead, we have someone who’d be better off preening himself in front of a mirror admiring his taught body while wondering why he’s not quite as athletic as he looks. Nevermind the inability to defend, control a ball, head a ball….anyway, I can’t give the full list.  Reedy named half a dozen of his inadequacies on a platform at Donny rail station afterwards, before Slacki added 2 or 3 more.  Can I just repeat: FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY GRAND (allegedly), while we GAVE AWAY George Williams in the summer for the sake of a few quid.

Am I ranting? I hope so.  It also doesn’t help that Hamill hasn’t had a decent game this season, while Kent hasn’t the pace to outside a man, so keeps cutting inside only to lose it.  If he were a schoolchild, he’d definitely come under the tag ‘slow learner’.  As Hamill’s chief apologist, I can only say it’s difficult to run without legs, as one cheeky clip in the 2^nd half showed.  But still, he’s well below par.  Also, am I imagining this, or did I really see a team sheet in the club shop which said Hamill and Winnall were benched today?  It certainly explains some random coming up to me pre-match and saying ‘well, you must be happy’ (meaning Winnall).

The |Ponty.  Yup, still too sunny.

Oh yes, Fulham then lost the ball cheaply in their own half and Morsy (Twitter MOTM!) slipped a simple pass through to Sam Winnall (m’lord) to crash one in off the far post. Great finish.  Always liked him.  F*** me, WE ARE WINNING!  I’m chatting to the boke next to me (not my dad, the other one, the one who likes to wear perfume…sorry, AFTERSHAVE…to a game of football)…’I can’t believe we’re winning this game….and we’re not’.  Fulham run through us straight from the kick off, a cheeky flick, good movement, a sidestep and cool finish. If it was against anyone other than us, I’d be raving about it.  Instead, I toss a coin between irked and resigned.  Resigned wins.

Half time with the Londontykes East Stand (lower) diaspora, nobody disputes Fulham’s right to be not losing.  We’re lucky to be going in at 2-2 and hopefully Hecky can change things.  He doesn’t.  32 seconds in and it’s 2-3. Slacki hasn’t even finished his p*** yet.  (He’s only had 20 minutes.)  Their left back pushes up and his cross is so bad it flies into the net.  I wonder where our right back is: he’s standing on the apex of the 6 yard box.  I’m presuming it’s Kent who’s foregone his defensive duties.  Either way, it’s certainly Kent who’s in the same place to allow another Cottager to cut inside to whip in a pinpoint cross to centre forward Chris Martin to head home confidently.  The same Chris Martin who the Fulham fan on the train was berating for not scoring in 20 matches and never looking likely.  He looked phenomenal to me.  Sorry, I mean we made him look phenomenal to me.  Physical, niggly, a proper wind-up merchant….brilliant.  I’d take him tomorrow.

The Cottagers

Within a couple of minutes, all hope was extinguished as Joshua Scowen got clipped, scampered after it and dived into a tackle with Parker where he may have won the ball, but it was no surprise to see him depart under the ref’s orders; you simply can’t dive through the air into tackles like that these days.  I enjoy a few seconds of screaming at the ref for not giving the original foul, before it turns out he had.  Seems neither me nor Josh heard the whistle.  But as someone else said, perhaps he should have gone through Parker sooner, cos the latter really did run the show.  Note to Hecky: you need to react to what’s happening on the pitch.  Even if it’s getting a pedestrian Sam Morsy to stand next to Parker so he can’t just do what he likes.  If anyone’s expendable, it’s him.

And so, for the best part of half an hour, Fulham took pity on us, playing it around themselves (‘Please Mr Fulham, can we have our ball back’) without ever properly trying to score any more.  I’m presuming that’s why they kept kicking it over the bar from promising positions.  Then, as half the home crowd left (to be fair, most stayed till 85+mins) injury time came and we had our best 3 minutes of the second half.  Bree was sent on at right back, Yiadom pushed into midfield, and both looked a vast improvement on what we had.  We even had a cross (Bree) and  shot saved (Yiadom).  God knows what we’ll do against the Mags on Tuesday if we’re without both Scowen and Hourihane, but I’d take the risk of Yiadom in midfield again. Just please, please, let’s not have the opposition waltz around Morsy for 90 minutes.  I might not be there, but I’ll still feel the embarrassment.

Looking towards the away end.

*** Watkins.  A bit of muscle up front AND scored.  Completely deprived of any service 2^nd half, he disappeared.
** Winnall.  A bit of running around up front AND scored.  Completely deprived of any service 2^nd half, he disappeared.  Is now 3/10 of the way to costing me 50 squid.  A bad day all round.
* Bree.  Defended and attacked, which is 2 more things than anyone else in our back 4 did.

Londontykes MOTM:
*** Watkins
** Winnall
* Kent

The back 4 were simply APPALLING.  I’m sorry, I’ve got high hopes for Yiadom, but how many times were they free on their left?  Mind, at least I’ve hope for Yiadom.  What does £450,000 buy you these days?  One Kpekawa, a player not even good enough for Queens Park Rangers.  If I didn’t know better, I’d swear Tommy Wright and Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink were in on this one. The bloke can’t defend, can’t control it, and his efforts at overlapping involve jogging 10 yards behind Adam Hamill.  In essence, our forwards can’t play with any confidence, cos the back 4 just ooze PANIC.  McDonald and Roberts are decent DEFENDERS, but controlling a ball is not their forte and at least 3 times today they found themselves taking on the centre forward when losing the ball would’ve meant the Cottagers (great nickname!) being clean thru.  I despair.  I go mad on a Thursday nite when some 15 stone 40 year old does this in a game of 5 aside.  I thought I was dealing with PROFESSIONALS on a Satdy?

Those were just SOME of the occasions we got away with it.  Somehow we were one up when Marley Watkins (up front!  Imagine!) ‘beat the offside trap’ early doors to bury it into the far corner.  I’ll be honest, I was right in line with it, and I still think he was offside, though TV pics are inconclusive.  Fine, I’ll take that.  It was against the run of play, but we’ll come good.  I don’t think we left our half for the next 20 minutes.  Fulham were so dominant it was untrue.  Nice (quick) little triangles, while we stood around like the traffic cones we are.  Did I say we had a new player?  Morsy was in for Hourihane, mysteriously sidelined today. My god.  Is he ‘strapping’, ‘big-boned’ or just a fat lad?  I do know that every time Fulham played a one-two he was lost (in music?).  Needless to say he was the Twatter MOTM.  Who votes for these things?  On so many levels, he reminds me of one Jacob Ba5tard F***ing Mellis.  Without the talent.  Can someone remind me where Wigan are in the league?

Oakwell panorama, pre-match.

Despatches:

Bradshaw came on and again showed good touches.  I like how he brings others into the game.   What with his goals last year for Walsall, he’s like a cross between Marley and Sam (the positive bits).  Kent looked great for 10 minutes, then got tackled everytime thereafter.  Hamill didn’t even have the 10 minutes.  Blatantly needs to be benched (but not if it means playing Marley at wide midfield!)  Davies possibly conceded more than he saved (given Fulham’s profligacy; they shoulda had 7 or 8) and did himself no favours with the 3^rd.  Scowen and Morsy looked overrun, so I was surprised when one of my near neighbours announced Scowen had been our best player.  Morsy somehow set up our 2 goals despite being dogdirt.  I guess we’ll score 10 when he hits form (and concede 11).

You know, I’d really missed BFC after the last 2 weeks off.  I should have known better. Norris gave me my 3 Brentford tickets in the pub.  Perfect timing, since I was getting about 10 pints in, so I hastily put them in my back pocket. Fast forward an hour and a woman comes up to me as I'm leaving the chippy...'I think you've dropped these, love'.  Christ, nearly lost 70 quid's worth of tickets. Marius WOULD have been pleased next week....over from Norway and unable to get in! Also, I think someone needs to have a word with the programme editor at Oakwell. I'm not sure the prize of a 'singed ball' would be enough to tempt me to enter the fan v player quiz.


Drink du jour: JD and coke.  And we didn’t even finish that cos we were chatting to some horsey types who were off to see their 40 year old ‘unique’ looking daughter getting married to an embryo.  He really was THAT young.  Sti, it was a window into another world as Chris achatted to them about the ‘Breeder’s Cup’ which is held in…..come on kids…..Los Angeles. Who knew?  (Chris is off there next week, sans wife, on their 45^th wedding anniversary.  Surely this eclipses that pr*ck who told his girlfriend to get her passport ready cos he’s taking her abroad on Valentine’s weekend….to Wrexham v Barnsley?)  Oh, and 3 pints of Litovel in Kings X as well as Vedett pre-match.  Good on the Old #7, getting in a wheat beer on tap.
Away: 700 and odd.  A good effort from the notoriously fickle Fulham folk.

The Damage:
30 train3 prog45 3^rd strip shirt (it’s fab!)



The Tunes:

Mixmag Sept 15: (What Hannah Wants)
Shangri-La (Jake Bugg)

Brighton & Hove Albion 2-0 BFC, Saturday 24th September 2016

‘Normal service has resumed’

Off at Falmer

Another week, another loss.  Two games in a row of Armstrong and Winnall up front.  It’s not working, despite their hardwork.  Balls aren’t being held up, we’re being put back under the cosh and we’re losing goals.  Something has to give.  Pre-match, I thought it had. Marley Watkins was back in the team, but up front?  Oh no.  Let’s drop Kent and stick Marley wide midfield.  If it was meant to make us harder to break down, it didn’t work.  Brighton were all over us like a rash in that opening 15 and we’d had several let-offs before they scored.  And for a 2^nd week in a row, the opposition score from OUR attack.  Their left back clears a ball to the opposite wing and suddenly it’s 3 on 3.  As we retreat, their movement and passing has us all over the place and a low cross is buried by Glenn Murray.

Brighton's hilltop fortifications

Before that, Davies had saved a one-on-one (great) and had two clearances charged down (not great).  Knockaert on the right wing was a particular threat, for all the plaudits Murray seems to be getting.  Kpekewa never got near him, but I’m prepared to give him the benefit – White wouldn’t have got near him either.  Winnall missed a(nother) simple header, but was given offside.  Dire syndrome.  We scraped in at 1-0, grateful not to be further embarrassed.  The second half will be different.

Through the keyhole tunnel

It wasn’t.  Brighton continued to press and within 3 minutes of the re-start they’re two up, a free kick from the left flicked in by Murray.  It’s all too easy.  We awaited Hecky’s changes and 20 mins in, on comes Kent, for Marley.  We have our best 5 minutes of the match as Kent shows Hamill how to take a player on.  We even have a shot, as a one-two and snapshot from Winnall (I’m sure it was him, tho newspapers suggest it was Scowen) nearly catch the keeper out.  It was the only time we threatened, despite Bradshaw and Morsy replacing Winnall and Scowen with 10 mins left.  We were well beaten and perhaps we’re now realising how difficult this division is.  The worry is that if we don’t get a result soon, things could spiral.

The teams come out

*** Kent.  Responsible for the 5 minutes of pressure we had.  That’s how lowly I rated the rest.** Roberts.  Says it all.  Decent display yet their centre forward still scored 2.  But the midfield were (again) overran.* McDonald.  As above.

Londontykes MOTM:1. Kent2= Roberts2= Scowen


Despatches: Obviously, the best thing about Brighton is…Brighton.  So a cracking few beers before and after in the Morning Star, and plenty of friendly locals wanting to chat, as well as appearances from Farnham, Jim, Pompey (and his navy mates).  We might even have recruited a new Londontyke or two…the doughball master from Brighton, the Chingford Massive and London Jesus.  We didn’t even have to queue for a train afterwards, though we did have a beer in the ground first.

As for the players, Winnall and Armstrong were invisible.  Winnall in particular was coming under various abusive comments from those around us.  I never even had to say owt!  (But I did.)  His inability to hold a ball up or pick a pass means he’s on very borrowed time.  Armstrong had one run late on and that’s it.  GET MARLEY UP TOP. Hammill either lost it or looked for free kicks that simply weren’t there.  Like Winnall, he goes down when he thinks he can’t get the ball.  He’s also on borrowed time, cos I’ve heard he’s not had a decent game this season.  I thought Yiadom was ok again, mainly cos Brighton attacked our left.  Anyone would think they knew Kpekewa can’t defend…and I’ve not seen owt to suggest otherwise.  Hourihane had a decent 1^st half, before disappearing, while Scowen ran about to no avail.  And Davies made a few saves, but the abiding memory was his inability to clear the ball.
Down to 7^th, riding the cusp of the play-offs.

I do like Brighton's stadium...

Drink du jour: I went all ‘Boho’ (lager) in the pub while I can’t believe I actually drank a pint of Fosters at the stadium, but there was nothing else.  Special mention to the fish and chips too.  Oh, and I didn’t fall asleep on the bus: one handy thing about catching a bus from East Croydon is that the last stop is Peckham!
Away: 712, though Andy disputes this, given that we’d sold 712 in advance.  Personally, I’m amazed it was even 700, looked about 300 to me.  Still, a fair bit of noise and a few chants of ‘your support is f***ing s***’ and ‘2-0 up and you still don’t sing’.  Another rousing chorus of ‘Barnsalee, Barnsalee’ at full time.  The fans are still with manager and team.
Will Winnall score 10 league goals this season? A new feature this year, as you all hope and pray I lose 50 of your finest maj’s English pounds.  Farnham: ‘No’.  Jim: ‘Yes, I think he will.’  9 games in, one goal.  It’s not looking good for SSW.
The Damage:
9 train
30 ent (which included travel to the stadium, though Reedy didn’t know this so we paid twice)
3.50 prog
= 42.50
The Tunes:
Blue Bell Knoll (Cocteau Twins)
Nowhere (Ride)

The Amex Panorama

That really IS the angle at the far end.

BFC 1-2 Reading, Saturday 17th September 2016

‘I can’t believe you haven’t punched him yet’ (part 2) 

Pre-match exhibition in the Civic.

I do apologise to Bob et al for the late posting of the match report.  Perhaps I’m too downhearted that the bubble has burst.  Or is it that I’m snowed under with work???
It was a fine day in Barnsley as the Londontykes (and Katrin) stepped off the train around midday to sample the fine delights of ‘tarn’.  And what delights they were!  1^st up, a whistle stop tour of the Civic’s small (but perfectly formed) BFC exhibition, followed by some clowns outside.  Apparently today was cabaret day.  We walked on, there was beer to be had.  1^st stop the new pub in the Arcade.

It is SUPERB.  Not as small as I was given to believe, but certain it’d be very busy if there were more than 30 in – and it has 2 floors.  A pint of Brooklyn later and we were sat on the balcony upstairs, overlooking the arcade itself.  And what was that melodic singing that was circling around my head?  Bl**dy hell, we’ve a choir further up the street.  Katrin thinks this happens every week. After a couple, it was onto the usual Old #7.  I was happily ensconced, but we had people to meet and a fanzine to buy. More great stickers, courtesy of the WSB lads, as well as features by a Mr P. Hicks and P. Waddington.  Get your copy, I’m not offering spoilers.

Some Londontykes in front of town centre 'development'.

Fish and chips followed (god, I’ve missed my home trips!) before I entered Oakwell with kick-off having not even happened yet.  I must’ve been keen.  As were the two teams, it was end to end stuff in an entertainingly open 1^st half.  We hit the bar early when Kent, desperate for an option, found none, and hit a 20 yarder which cannoned off the bar.  Reading missed the odd chance too and deservedly went ahead, albeit thru slightly comic circumstances as Hourihane plays a low ball across the box from a corner (the type Winnall blazed over from last season).  Only this time, someone’s obviously gone AWOL and Reading break upfield with numbers.  It’s no surprise to see the ball slipped through for an onrushing forward to be taken out by Davies.  Blatant pen.  Davies saves, we cheer, they score, we groan. 

Pre-match outside Oakwell

Then Reading miss a couple of chances as White came off early for Kpekawa.  Now, I realise it is heresy to criticise The Good Lord Heckingbottom, but this bloke looks AWFUL.  Certainly not a left back – and apparently that’s his main position.  (Before anyone argues, those were Hecky’s words in the Chron).  Christ, for a George Williams…or Smith.  He missed balls, missed headers…and backs off faster than that Brown bloke we used to have at right-back.  (That’s not meant to be racist, btw, his name was Brown.  Thankfully I’ve forgotten his 1^st name)  Hopefully he’ll improve.  He can’t not.

The teams line up

The game continued to be open, but Reading were clearly edging it.  Then Swift (the bloke on loan from Chelsea?) easily sidesteps Hourihane and rifles it in from 20 odd yards.  Davies does seem to let in a lot of long rangers.  Or maybe I’m imagining this.  But hope is not long in coming; 7 minutes to be precise, as Hourihane fouls then gets right in their player’s face, screaming at him.  You are a tease, Conor.  McCleary loses his cool and runs 15 yards to barge Hourihane over, Conor giving it the obligatory round-turn and two half hitches.  Or am I mixing up my boy scout knots?  Conor takes a yellow for his trouble, but he’s done his job.  He’s cleverer than Professor Fox at the University of Cunning, he is.

The Big Match

0-2 at half time.  I should be despondent, but I have that bizarre 1^st home game of the season feeling.  What is it called?  OPTIMISM.  Kicking towards the Ponty, against 10 men.  Score one and we’re in.Reading go solid 4-4-1 and we make hard work of it.  Hammill is fouled for the 6^th time (he really was, for those of you who think he did nowt, it’s difficult when you’re being chopped every time).  Scowen wishes he was 2 inches taller as he heads over an empty net.  Then, miss of the match.  Super Sammy Winnall, on the back post.  A deliberate flick of the head.  He knows exactly where he’s putting it.  Wide.  Like Odejayi, ‘cept with his head.  2^nd game in a row?  

418 Royalists.  Allegedly.

‘Come in Winnall, your time is up.’  Hecky throws his last two die.  On comes Bradshaw up front, with Janko coming on for Kent.  I’d have had Watkins on for Winnall at HT.  Now there’s no space, which is a shame, cos our boys had been putting stuff up top for  Armstrong and Winnall to fail to keep hold of all day.  But Bradshaw straightaway showed his value, heading a couple of knockdowns to his own teammates, one of which sees Armstrong, playing slightly behind him, bang it in 1^st time from the edge of the box.  It was such a surprise that no-one had time to be on their feet before the ball hit the net, possibly the 1^st time in 3 years my dad has seen the net bustle.
So, full on pressure for the last 10 minutes or so?  Well, we had the possession, we were camped in their half, but the chances failed to materialise.  In fact, the best was when they hit us 2 on 2 on the break and messed it up.  Still, at least we saw Davies come upfield for a corner, which is always entertaining.

A packed Ponty, pre-match.  

In short, best team won, but there were plenty of pluses to draw upon.
*** Yiadom.  Superb.  I like him.  I like him a lot.  Athletic, can tackle…AND can play.  Twitter MOTM.** Roberts.  Struggling for a 2^nd and 3^rd, but I thought Roberts held it together despite the efforts of Kpekewa and, to a lesser extent, McDonald.* Bradshaw.  We had FA up front till he came on.
Londontykes MOTM:
*** Yiadom
** Roberts
* Armstrong

Despatches:McDonald looked unsure in possession, forever chasing after his own miscontrols (but he got away with it).  Scowen was bloody awful.  Couldn’t tackle, couldn’t pass.  Constantly running to where the ball’s just been.  Hopefully a one-off.  Him and Hourihane were overrun in centre-mid. Hamill was kept quiet (see earlier) while Kent flattered to deceive.  Winnall was Winnall.  He’s s***, he’s lame, he never scores in any game…and on that note, I have a small fortune wagered on him this season.  50 of Her Majesty’s pounds (20 with Jonesy and Slacki, another tenner with Nice Guy Chris) says he won’t score 10 league goals for Barnsley this season.  Reedy’s after match summary: ‘If he doesn’t start scoring soon I can’t see him getting a game.’  And yes, play-off goals count too (!).

Oh, and a mention for the crowd.  Excellent in the second half, but full marks to the Ponty for the ovation at the end, having lost.  Together Everyone Achieves More*.  Christ, what have I turned into?

*TEAM.

Home time!

Drink du jour: Brooklyn, Erdinger…vodka and orange…something Czech back in The Smoke.  Amazingly, I DIDN’T fall asleep on bus home.  Had cunning plan to text all my mates instead.  That’d be Reedy and The Captain, then.

Away: 418.  Didn’t look it.

The Damage:
21 travel
2 fanzine
3 prog

Time to read the programme.

Panarama of someone's head.

West Ham United 1-0 Accrington Stanley, Wednesday 21st September 2016

West Ham United (London) 1-0 Accrington Stanley, League Cup, att. 39,877

Sunset over the Olympic Park

With every foreseeable Premiership home game a sellout at the 'London Stadium' (sh*t name, but in keeping with what was to follow) I accidentally came across this early opportunity to sample the delights of the old (new) Olympic Stadium.  Would it be as bad as I thought, watching football from beyond an athletics' track, or would the constant assuaging of the Golds and Bradys of this world prove true?  The dawning of a new era for West Ham, blah blah.

80s-inspired patterns at the London Stadium

It is truly AWFUL.  You ARE miles from the pitch, you CANNOT see who the f*** is playing on that other wing and as for the atmosphere...well, there's the odd fan standing up and trying (and failing) to drive the rest on.  Maybe the rest are tourists, like me, here to tick off a stadium rather than admire anything West Ham United have to offer.  The whole thing is a soul-sapping experience.  Has anyone ever deserted their team cos they have moved grounds? (Wimbledon/MK Dons doesn't count). Cos I simply could not watch football at this stadium every fortnight.

The teams shake hands.

I was impressed with the organisational aspects though.  From getting off at Stratford, you're channelled out to a road which has been shut down, and the walk is quite pleasant, what with views over the Queen Elizabeth whatever it's called Park.  Look!  There's the Aquarium!  Or is it the Velodrome?  I know my partner knows her stuff and was telling me, but I have to admit, I've no interest in the Olympics.  The area is a far cry from the Lee Valley I once knew, with the athletes' village now accommodation for the (richer) proles and brand spanking newness everywhere.  And it's still not finished, unless those cranes have been carelessly left behind.

Then like West Ham (London) they fade and die

The London Stadium is a tidy thing from a distance, with the steel struts interlinking above the roof. It might look passable close up too, were it not for the cheap West Ham United (London) branding on the outside, all blue and claret triangles in patterns once common in the 80s.  Compare this to the Emirates and their floor to ceiling photos of Arsenal players from past eras, all putting their arms around each others' shoulders.  'But West Ham are only tenants' I've heard.  Yes - tenants for the next 99 years or whatever.  Shabby.

There's the match!  Over there!

There were queues, but we were quick in - a cursory bag check making me think anyone could smuggle something into here.  It was cheap too, tickets tonite being £10-£20.  I decided to treat the missus, went large, £20.  I chose seats high up (row 70) on the halfway line, hoping for a decent view. What I got was a patch of grass somewhere in the distance and no hope of recognising players' numbers beyond anyone on this touchline.  And when I got bored (often!) and stared out across the stadium, all I got was the floodlights, long since patched onto the underneath of the roof, thereby preventing any view of the far stand.  It really is a crap experience, up (down?) there with the Ricoh Stadium match ordeal.  At least Wembley has escalators to show for the ridiculous amount of money spent.  At the London Stadium, they haven't even made up for the distance from the pitch by having any kind of steepness in rake for the stands.  So you're in a shallow stand a good distance from anything (not) happening on the pitch.  No thank you.

The land of half and half scarves.

This match wasn't a full house, but problies a respectable crowd given the nature of the opposition and that West Ham United (London) were so confident they played a virtual reserve side.  And for 90 minutes (plus injury time) you could tell why they were in the reserves.  It really was poor fayre from the formerly Happy Hammers as both sides had chances to win before Star Man Payet (on as a half time sub) pinched it with a last minute free kick with the home side having gone down to 10 men, Heart breaking stuff for Stanley, tho' a blessed relief for everyone else, fearing another 30 minutes of dirge.  It was, at least, an easy walk back, since most had left long before the end.  Though there is one vast improvement on Upton Park (sorry, 'Boleyn Ground Boleyn Ground Boleyn Ground Boleyn Ground'.  Do they never stop banging on about it?)  You no longer have to queue for an hour for the tube.  Give it another couple of years and I bet it'll be quicker still.  They'll be in the Championship.

Introducing the players on the big screen.

The Accy fans, fabulous noise throughout.

Full time panorama

Men of the Match.

...pretty bubbles in the air

Preston North End 1-2 BFC, Saturday 10th September 2016

‘I can’t believe you haven’t punched him yet cos I would have.’

Welcome to ...

It’s good to be back (good to be back).  Can one quote Gary Glitter in these climes?  Good job I don’t work with children.  Oh. 

I’ve missed going to see the Reds.  The journey (today with special guest Katrin from Germany, soon to be Bob’s boss), as well as Andy and the Captain.  The sight of a rambling Kempy outside the 1^st pub we came to.  The 2 or 3 other pubs we ignored so Andy could take us to the one with 6 customers, despite a big match being on telly.  But it WAS the one which had the best ale, and after a couple of Leffes on the train, I had Erdinger on tap.  And the all-day hangover I had on Sunday after Andy made me drink my fill of vodka on the train before taking Katrin and I to a gig up Islington way and Brooklyn on tap.

The Big Match

Inbetween the bouts of drinking, a match broke out in the EFL (WTF?)  And for 45 minutes there was only one team in it as we destroyed Preston.  They were barely able to get out of their own area.  What we didn’t do was drive home our dominance with goals, though at least we did go in one up at the break, Winnall doing what he does best, toe poking a goal from 2 yards out from Marley Watkins’ cross shot.

Goal for #9, Super Sammy Winnall!

Actually, there was only one team in it in the second half too, but this time it was PNE (or ‘Nob Enders’ as Burnley fans call them).  I’m not sure what happened, but we certainly sat back and despite Preston not really creating too much, it was no surprise when they scored – but what a goal.  McGeady (on loan at the Fowls last season) cut inside and hit a screamer from 25 yards.  TV pics do the goal a disservice, as it was always swerving away from Davies in goal; indeed, he did well to get a hand to it.

Super Sunny Deepdale

It was all hands on deck now as Preston went in for the kill.  Winnall was sacrificed and on came Morsy for his debut.  Looked like Hecky was trying to protect what we had.  Armstrong had already come on for Kent (just as Kent was starting to shine) causing Phil to have a moan, but then came a sublime piece of skill from my new favourite Newcastle player (a short list indeed).  Hourihane chips a ball 40+ yards to the right wing for Armstrong to chase.  Armstrong runs around the defender, backheels the ball, runs around him again and then curls it into the far corner with his left, right in front of us.  Two and a half thousand Reds fans go berserk.  I’ve missed all this.  We saw out the game with no danger, and probably looked the more likely on the break.  Love it, just love it.

Fans salute their heroes

*** Scowen.  He’s here, he’s there…all over the place.  But in a good way.  The perect foil for Houri-Houri-Hourihane.** McDonald.  For all Preston’s pressure, the centre halves stood tall.  McDonald looked solid.  Alfie who?* Roberts.  What a great pair at the back.

Despatches:
I thought Yiadom looked excellent at right back, save for one time in the second half when they got free.  Looks a better prospect than Bree, for all I want the latter to be our 3^rd right back in a row to join Everton.  Hourihane again put in a shift and his passing was excellent.  Davies didn’t have much to do, Hammill didn’t do much, while I thought Winnall hadn’t kicked the ball till he scored, but TV showed he had a shot earlier, tipped over.  Kent looked promising, though as I say, just as he was getting into the game, he got dragged off, while Armstrong…I wish he was ours.  
You Reds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The home end at the end.  (The sun ruined most of my pics)

Drink du jour: Vodka and orange.  We also saw Alistair Campbell on the platform at Preston (presumably on the way back from Burnley) while we ‘enjoyed’ an edgy few minutes on the train with a Sunderland-supporting ‘loyalist’ with a difficult-to-ignore facial tic who was coming back from Celtic-Rangers.  As I say, I’ve missed these trips.  Just time to drink myself to oblivion and fall asleep on the night bus home.  Yes, night bus.  Which meant ending up in Crystal f***ing Palace rather than my usual end of route stop.  Fell asleep on couch.  Still, Redfearn was happy.  He got his breakfast before I went to bed.   

Away: 2,100.  Another impressive turnout, but we need to make more noise BEFORE we score. Tho' it would help if the home support made some noise, aside from a dozen lads around a drum in the far corner.  No wonder everyone else avoided them.     

The Damage:
30 train 24 ent 3 prog    

The Tunes:
Milk and Kisses (Cocteau Twins)
Mixmag Aug 15 (Black Coffee)

The Stadium.

Behind the away end

The view from behind t'nets

Poster advertising the day's play

Surely there's more than 2,100?

'PNE, PNE, PNE'

Too sunny? Some people are never happy.

Some folk are always 'on point' even of a Satdy teatime.

Bite the Buffalo.  S*** name, great band.