After our narrow escape last season, the new season duly came around with lots of hope and expectation. A hard core of last season’s squad stayed, to be joined by a few exciting new signings. And so it was that we took to the field yesterday with barely a player I recognised in a daring new system called ‘4-4-2’.
Useless
Rubbish Poo Pants Garbage
Woeful Awful Dreadful Stroller
Battler Awesome (wish I had some supply)
Subs:
Under rated
Unrated
Carousel (goes round and round in circles)
What a catastrophe. Crushed by a TEAM fitter and faster than our own, who pressured our players high up field and attacked at speed. Y’know, like we used to do last season. (Although I have to say, we don’t possess anyone of the speed and skill of their 2 star players, Ikechi Anya and the bloke who looked like Ikechi Anya.)
Even before they took the lead against The Worst Offside Trap in the World, the writing was on the wall. Our players simply couldn’t get near any of theirs. Still, no excuse for standing still and sticking your paws in the air while Deeney waltzes through to score under zero pressure. Then Scotland equalises, shoulder charging their guy off the ball before drilling it home from 20 yards off the post. The optimist in me felt much better, we’d scored. The realist in me said they looked like they could score at will, while we had to rely on a defensive mistake.
Not to worry, within 4 minutes they were ahead again. Oh, how our defence laughed as a long pot shot headed out of play. Except that their right winger hadn’t given up on it and ghosted in at the far post to finish it. Actually, when I say ‘ghosted’, I mean ghosted past Kennedy who stood staring at the ball while the winger ran past him. I think everyone else at Oakwell saw the bloke coming. (Out of interest, how does Kennedy get a game ahead of Noble-Lazarus at the moment?) Of course, the goal would never have happened had the ref blown for a blatant foul at the other end, when Scotland was cleaned out chasing down a ball, but still, we had 11 men behind it when they collected the ball.
No worries. As long as we limp to half time only one down, we’re still in it. 2 minutes before half time, it’s all over. The winger skins Wiseman with ease before pulling it back for a close range finish. This is pathetic.
At half time, I debate with my dad’s friend Diane what the final score will be. I go 6-1, she goes fives. One of us will be right.
Finally, a decision from our manager. 2 subs are made (it could have been 9, to be honest) with the 3rd no doubt waiting for Scotland, who hasn’t completed 90 minutes since….when? Reuben is on for Kennedy and O’Brien, who everyone tells me is s***, replaces Dawson, who I say is s***.
And for 20 odd minutes we are the (slightly) better team, without ever looking like we’ll bag. In fact, I was probably perfectly happy with this, keeping it at 1-3, cos I was dreading what Watford could rack up if they fancied it. We miss an unbelieveable chance to make it 2-3 when a point blank header is saved by Almunia. Thankfully, I can’t remember who it was for me to apportion blame. Should never have missed tho.
Then my dad tells me ‘y’know, we’ve probably edged it so far this half’ and 2 seconds later it’s 1-4. Their bloke seizes on a loose ball and while some bottle blond midget scurries after him, he hits it home from 25 yards, low into the corner. Later, said bottle-blond’s last input is to miscontrol a ball just outside their box leaving Anya to sprint 80 yards unchallenged before beating Steele on his near post for 1-5. Class.
*** Scotland. Held the all up, got a few shots off, scored, had f*** all support from his teammates. Had to last the full 90 cos the subs had been used and missed a sitter late on. Sponsors MOTM.
** Reuben. Came on at left back and had as many shots as the rest of the team put together in that second half and probably as many crosses.
* O’Brien. Y’know, that s*** bloke. In the 2 home games I’ve seen, he’s been one of the best players we have. Which is problies why we’re 2nd off bottom! Came on as a right winger, whipped a couple of decent balls in.
Despatches:
Andy was apoplectic about Perkins’ ‘performance’. I made him least worst of 4 in midfield. Dawson had another shocker. Is he fit? As did Etuhu, who I saw shrugged off the ball by someone half his size, second half. Is he interested? Mellis was Mellis.
The ‘Derry Pele’ came on for 20 minutes and dribbled round about 15 players in his cameo. Shame he usually ended up where he started. It reminded me of a training session, where the aim is to keep possession rather than actually score a goal. Watford could have stood and watched and he’d still be dribbling around in circles. Does he never get dizzy?
As for the defence, I’ve been amused to read Flitcroft’s assertion in the Chronicle’s pre-season supplement (remember, I came back late, so have just read it) that one things’s for sure, it will be better this season. Wiseman, M’Voto, Ramage, McNulty, Golbourne, Kennedy, O’Brien, Crainie, Steele, Pollitt….seems everyone’s had a run out. Except…who? Who was that bloke we had last season, who was consistently ignored as we slid down the table then as needs must, came into the team in the New Year and helped kick start the Flitcroft Revolution? ‘It’s like de ja vous all over again’, said Shaka Hislop upon being asked about Barnsley’s plight. We have conceded more goals than anyone in the 4 divisions and have been hit for 5 three times already this season. (Someone had to tell me that, I’ve been trying to ignore our results.)
O’Grady battled well up front, but really, there were 9 appalling players behind him and Scotland. They had no chance.
Flitcroft is apparently no longer ‘in denial’. Well, with the next 3 games Leicester, Reading and QPR, it looks like things will get worse before they get better. One win, one draw, NINE defeats doesn’t sound good. Salisbury can’t see Flitcroft lasting beyond the 2ndinternational break. Dave on the other hand thought he might be sacked today. Has he been?
In case anyone was wondering, Watford brought 846 supporters and there were 9004 home fans. Just saying.
Journey back was pleasant enough. There were plenty of Watford fans on the train, but they didn’t gloat. Drink du jour? JD and coke, with lager for Dave. ‘Cept as soon as he saw the JD, he refused to drink the lager and stole his share. And returning to St. Pancras, we decided to show New Boy Tom (Salisbury’s ex-student) a good time with posh beers in that bar in St. P. We’ll take him to the Flying Scotsman next time!
Come on you Reds!
A
ps, I’m not implying nuffink, but it came out that the 2 prettiest female students on Salisbury’s course both achieved first class degrees!
Come on you Reds!
A
ps, I’m not implying nuffink, but it came out that the 2 prettiest female students on Salisbury’s course both achieved first class degrees!
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