BFC 0-1 Fleetwood, Saturday 24th October 2015

‘It’s not sh*t, it’s modern’

Reedy tries to commit suicide afterwards (note to the kids: not big or clever.)

The above was spoken while me, The Captain and Gandhi walked through Wakey, heading towards Kirkgate (Westgate?  Who knows?) for our trip home.  While discussing the merits of Wakefield’s architecture, young and old, it could equally be a comment on Little Lee Johnson’s attempts at football tactics down at that there Oakwell.  It’s certainly modern…one up front, pack the midfield, put more importance on possession than the creation of chances…but is it sh*t?  I think we can agree on one thing, and that’s the calling of a turd a turd.  Even those who were put through an atrocious home performance in midweek were agreed; this was worse.  Beaten by a fishing village* near Blackpool.  Have we hit rock bottom yet, or is that still to come?
*ex.  It’s all gone now.

Welcome to ...

According to the BBC’s website, Little Lee wasn’t fearing the sack after Tuesday night.  If he’s not now, there must be something wrong with him.  Or else the latest Chief Exec (or whatever he’s called) Bullsh*t Ben, doesn’t want to pull the plug cos it’s a failed appointment on his behalf.  Honestly, this midget from Newmarket (Little Lee) should’ve stuck to being a jockey, cos nought else has come out of that place (save for my partner, her family, and everyone else she knows – cos she occasionally reads this!)  I just hope Loko reads this, cos if he thinks I can’t manage us to 21^st (our current position) then I think he needs his head looking at.  I’m sorry, Little Lee, but your tactics are HINDERING not HELPING our players.  (Am I repeating myself?  Did I say this LAST WEEK?)  I am gobsmacked that he blames ’missed chances’ cos I’ve been at these games, and if I can offer ONE positive about today, it’s that we DIDN’T MISS A CHANCE.  Where are these chances to which he refers?  Training?  Cos we’ve not missed much at home to Crewe and Fleetwood, and away at Southend.  We have an entire midfield of creative/attacking midfield players and we create f*** all.  Absolutely f*** all.  We tippy-tappy it around nicely on the halfway line, but the minute it gets in their half, we panic, players fall over, can’t control a ball, become invisible (Winnall – yes, I mean YOU) and generally s*** themselves.  Come and watch me on a Thursday night – I can do all that.  Plus I can do the Winnall thing, blaming it on everyone but myself.

The inter-city 125.

I had a conversation pre-match about how it drives me up the wall that when I play 5 aside some idiots try to take on a player despite them being the last man.  I should expect it – these people have other jobs and some of their ‘footballing intelligence’ is negligible.  A bit like Marc Roberts, who tried it himself, lost the ball, and only stopped a goal cos he’s too huge to run around.  Dragged off at half time.  Oh, and got booked, cos he’s too slow to realise he’s never going to get to THAT tackle.  (Luckily, he wasn’t booked earlier for similar).  He obviously enjoyed life in the Conference so much with Halifax that he’s determined to take us back there with him.

The Super Reds sent out early 2nd half

A player who should (will?) be going in the opposite direction is Crowley of Arsenal, the nation’s ‘best 17 year old’.  Shame he’s now 18, cos he goes round in so many circles he must be dizzy.  Is that why he also got dragged off at half time?  ‘Boss, I’m feeling a bit woozy’.  Will SOMEONE tell him to part with the ball, cos he’s not actually doing anything with it, save for taking on the same defender multiple times to no avail.
Oh, and then there’s Little Lee signing Yet Another Loanee, this time some bloke I’ve never heard of from Southampton.  He’s a good looking fella too – but I prefer my footballers to be a bit more footballer.  Played (appeared) wide right, pulled up no trees, became substitution #3 and won Twitter MOTM.  Go figure.  We should get rid of our reserve and junior teams right now, cos there is absolutely no point to them if we are just shipping in loan after loan after loan after loan.

Talking of loanees, we were so bad that Michael Smith LOOKED ALRIGHT.  Seriously, he came on, held the ball up, kept possession.  Great.  Ok, so he ended up taking the ball back 10-15 yards every time, but at least he kept hold of it.  Never came close to scoring, but hey!  That’s not why we have forwards…

Say no more.

Of course, none of all this matters, cos if Paul Digby isn’t getting the blame for everything on the BBS right now I’d be amazed.  He’s the world’s most unlucky Reds player, every mistake he makes ends up in a goal.  Carelessly dispossessed on the halfway line, their bloke still had 2 centre halves and a goalkeeper in front of him, but he rounded Roberts with ease and coolly slotted past Townsend.  I wonder if Little Lee felt as vindicated as last week, when the goals went past Davies.  (‘SEE. I TOLD YOU HE WAS USELESS!!!’)  We all want Digby to do well, but when he comes in, one mistake always costs us and he never gets that run in the side. Good to see his teammates rally round too – 8 players’ heads go down, before Mawson says something…then Scowen looks like he’s gonna say something positive, but the arms outstretched look more of a ‘WTF????’.  Cheers lads, kick a dog when he’s down, that’s the way (team spirit being the vodka they drink later, one suspects).

The Ponty

So that was full time, 0-1. In between we had 3 shots on target (1^st half).  Scowen had a long ranger that elicited hoots of derision from the HOME fans (cos we’d finally had a shot on goal), someone else hit a long shot on the bounce that couldn’t get any power in despite it being on the half volley and Mawson hit a tremendous free kick towards the top corner which the keeper blindingly tipped over.  Not to worry, we will DESTROY them 2^nd half.  Actually, whatever constitutes ‘shots on target’ (I see we had 5 according to official stats) most certainly included a header from their defender which would’ve gone in had their keeper fallen down drunk and a cross that was so inaccurate it would have gone in had the keeper not had the temerity to catch it.  ‘Beaten by Fleetwood Mac’ said a mate later on.  (And, by god, that pub in Finsbury Park was full of smug Arsenal mates crowing about being top of the league....in October).

*** Smith (George).   Consistent, in a good way.  
** Mawson.  Won everything, composed.  
* Wabara.  Ok, I’m struggling, but he looked alright…didn’t he?

Londontykes' Top 3:
1. G. Smith
2. Isgrove

3. Mawson / No-one

Home Time - thank god.

Despatches:Ahhh, Little Lee.  At least he was brave enough to make a decision at half time.  Unfortunately, what came out was problies even worse.  After  20 odd more minutes of tippy tappy, we elect to hoof it long.  How depressing.  Watching Nyatanga’s sole raison d’etre to be getting it onto his left peg in order to hoof it up is one of the most dispiriting sights I’ve seen in a while.  Townsend played well, made some good saves, caught some crosses, but cannot understand that when he hoofs it, he HOOFS IT TOO FAR thereby ceding possession.  At least drop it behind their defence, but not as far as the keeper.  Little Lee figured he’d put Digby at the front of the diamond (so if he made a mistake, there’d be Scowen on the cover).  Did it work?  Yes – Digby never saw the ball, so was hard pushed to make a mistake.  Scowen saw LOADS of the ball, but what can he do from the halfway line?  Harris flattered to deceive and a couple of times he and Smith (George) linked well.  But like Crowley of Arsenal, I get the impression that he’s a bit depressed having to pass the ball to less talented players and ends up trying to do more than he should.  But why not have a shot when your option is crossing it to Winnall/Smith (Michael).
Oh, and Little Lee sending the team out early, at half time.  Trying to make a statement?  Gave them a bolloc*ing did yer, Lee?  Told them to sort themselves f***ing out, did you?  Rudderless, clueless, up sh*t creek padderless.  F*** it, I don't care - I get to tick off Morecambe and Accrington next season, while Little Lee signs on.
Drink du jour: I let myself down, my friends down, my family down.  I was off to a party once back in London, so neglected the vodka for a few beers (Leffe).  Suffice to say, I now know what I normally look like when I get to Kings Cross, cos Andy drank over a half a bottle of vodka and he was mortalled.
Away: The Inter-city crew were here, all 125 of ‘em.
The Damage:
3 prog 22.20 travel 19 t-shirt 18 2 mugs (one for my dad..’oh yeah, I’d seen that…I didn’t think it was very good’.
= £62.20

1st sighting of Oakwell

Back of the East Stand

East Stand concourse

Away end in the sun.

The West Stand

Southend United 2-1 BFC, Saturday 17th October 2015

‘Don’t come home too drunk’
‘Why?’
‘Cos you’re annoying’

Cracking pub and world's best pub sign

I enjoyed yesterday.  I mean, why let the football ruin a perfectly good day on the beer, at the seaside?  (Note: we never actually saw the seaside.)  Mr Reed did us proud, finding a most excellent boozer near the station.  The Railway?  A variety of real ales, plus Leffe on tap.  Even their ‘cooking lager’ was San Miguel.  Plus a barman who looked like he could be Paul Weller’s dad who played vinyl LPs from a pulpit while we basked on worn leather sofas.  And I’ve never had an apple and rhubarb calzone (with ice cream) as my pre-match meal before…

Oh, and good news for Andy Reed – Davies is in for Townsend in goal, so he doesn’t have to carry out his threat to boycott the match.

Welcome to Roots Hall

Then it was a 20 minute walk to the ground, past your average high street and several deserted office blocks.  England is a sad sight (site) these days.  And good job Phil made us buy our tickets in advance cos the ground looked fairly full – well, 2 sides.  There’s a lot to be said for having a small ground.  And despite the poor view, lowish, behind the goal, I love these grounds.  The low roof and small end made for a decent atmosphere till the fans, like the team, gave up.

Away fans settle down for some top notch action.

We went ahead with a penalty, Marley Watkins running at full pelt, being taken out by the keeper.  Andy and I discussed the merits of it being a sending off.  For me, he’d gone too wide and was never going to catch the ball, so the yellow looked fair enough to me.  Loko’s Sarfend mate reckons it was outside the area too, but I’ve not seen a replay.  What looked more of a red (and the more I think about it, the more I think it was) was when their fella lost his rag having not been given a decision, ran at Mawson and just went through him.  There was every intention to hurt him and the ball was the wrong side of the man.  Still, the injury allowed me time to have a p***, so that was no bad thing.

A recurring lower league problem?  Or Health and Safety gone mad?

Of course, we’d already conceded an equaliser before the injury.  The ball seemed to bounce around our box before their fella buried it low to Davies’ left.  Unerring.  Then, as I returned from the toilet, I was just in time to see a ball come in, Davies get a hand to it…and it land straight to their bloke on the backpost.  I think I heard a few Reds’ fans say his name too…though how they knew his name was ‘Prosser’ I’m unsure.  Anyway, I thought Davies should have done better, while Andy thought he did well to save it in the 1^st place.

I see what they did there.

2^nd half, Sarfend sat back and watched us keep possession to no great reward.  Either we took too long getting into attack, or Crowley would get it and just go round and round in circles.  I thought the Arsenal way was to give and go, let the ball do the work, but this bloke just hangs on and on to the ball, till Sarfend get all men back.  I can’t remember us even coming close, tho Davies kept the score down with a couple of good saves at the other end.

Scowen slots home the pen

In fact, aside from the failure to send their man off, the turning point was problies when, at 1-0 up, Scowen put a free kick in, it was flicked on, and the keeper made a point blank save from another Red (Watkins?)  We might have had half a chance at 2-0, and things were looking very comfortable at that stage.  Yet by half time we’d lost the game.

*** No-one.  They weren’t all particularly s***, just no-one deserved a MOTM. 

** Smith (George).  Thought he looked alright, as usual.

* I dunno….Mawson.  Looked composed for the most part.

Londontykes' Top 3:
1. Pearson
2. G. Smith
3. Mawson

World's fattest physio (and his sponsor)

Despatches:
I’ve had to allow myself a little chuckle, at the news Swindon have ‘parted company’ (ie, sacked) their manager Mark Cooper, who turned us down before we got Lee Johnson.  I have to say ‘a little’ chuckle, cos we’re still the ones with Lee Johnson.  Many of the players look like they’re trying their best (the defence, for instance) but something’s not right.  And then the Little One doesn’t even START our best attacking player (Harris) though I can forgive him not playing ‘fans favourite’ Winnall, cos when he came on he did his usual not much.  Harris meantime was permanently doubled up on – which means SOMEONE in a red shirt must be spare.  But what of Smith of Swindon?  He’s terrible, like a less talented George Waring.  Simeon Jackson was sent on for the last 25, but after initially looking keen, he disappeared.

We now have 4 wins and 6 losses against 3^rd division opposition.  Is it the players?  Is it the tactics?  Is it the manager?

No.

Drink du jour: We had to leave straightaway, which was a shame for 3 of us, who fancied more beer in that pre-match pub.  But Dave was on a (honeymoon) promise and our tickets demanded we all travelled together.  Still time tho for 3 Paulaners in some German bierkeller in Liverpool St (and Loko’s Sarfend mate joining us) before that tw*tish game rugby came on and they cranked up the volume.  Who knew Germans loved their rugby, so?  Me and Andy made our excuses, found another boozer, before walking arm in arm across the Thames (probably) and one for the road in the Barrowboy and Banker.  I returned home drunk and annoying (I’m told). 

Away: 487
 
The Damage:
22 ent
3 prog
8.3 travel
= £33.30

Half time entertainment, Essex-style

I can't help thinking these steps ADD to, rather than solve, the problem.

Cute.

A busy Main Stand.

Match action.

I remember when that end was terracing (and we were winning 3-0).

Late corner for the Super Reds.

An empty away end.

Entry to the Theatre of Dreams

BFC 1-2 Crewe Alexandra, Saturday 11th October 2015

‘I’ve slept with a horse’ (Andy’s mum)

Defeat this way.

Wow.  You all saw it.  80% of the match was attack v defence and we lost.  The second half, they made it into our half twice, managed a shot on target with one and scored with the other.  We are rubbish.  Johnson plays 4-5-1 (again) like we’re trying to hold Barcelona to a draw in the Camp Nou, yet we’re playing at home to a side at the bottom of division 3 (so I’m told, I haven’t looked at the table since we last won).  Crewe were/are CRAP.  Granted, they play pretty football when they have the ball, but, my god, they are so weak in defence, you’d have to be proper s*** not to score half a dozen against them.  The left back and keeper are as bad as I’ve seen at professional level.  So how s*** must we be??????????????

They score (see below, under ‘hapless goalkeeping’), we realise we now need to score, and run up the pitch and equalise within a minute (it’s THAT easy!) before giving them a late winner.  That is all the synopsis you need.  Stop reading now.

Dunno where the ball is, but it's on the way into the net (Crewe free kick)

*** Pearson of Manchester United.   WTF is he doing at Oakwell?  After patronising us with his efforts last season, I’d hate to see him p*** away his career with a 2^nd stint at a clueless 3^rddivision football club.  Ben – find  a Championship club soon.  Or see your chances of a higher division career fritter away.  Just saying.  Countless interceptions, countless breakdowns of opposition moves.  Then has the temerity to pass to a player wearing red.  So many times, I wish he’d just keep hold of it and dribble it till he lost it, cos passing it to a Barnsley player is only delaying the inevitable.  Twitter MOTM.  Even the technologically-savvy youngsters (for once)  - Loko? - recognise he’s the best player on the park.  By a country mile.  And some more.

** Harris of Cardiff City.  Everything you love in a winger.  Beats players, whips the ball in, is ignored by the rest of the team and is substituted.  Will be playing Championship football before we will.

* Mawson.  Decent game, won headers, read the game well…and I can see why he’s captain – is willing to tell others what to do, eg, we had a free kick wide right, Wubara injured, he called back Scowen to hoof it while he went up top.  I know, small details…but small details win games (not today, granted)  Oh, and he scored a soft header from a corner.

Londontykes' Top 3:
1. Pearson

2. Harris

3. Mawson

The Cost Cutting Clean Cut Crewe Crew (CCCCCC)

Despatches:
One must start with the keeper, that free transfer from Brum whose name escapes me right now (Townsend…I remembered it at the end of the paragraph).  The absolute highlight of my match was in injury time when he trotted up for a corner and I turned to my dad and wondered ‘whether he’d be as sh*t up front as he is in goal’ and he paid me back in spadefuls, as the ball dropped deliciously for him just inside the box and he swung and missed.  I’m sure he conceded 2 goals from their one decent effort, tho Andy swears they had 5 shots on target (official stats)  The 1^st goal, he lined up the wall, covered the gap to one side, then moved right behind the wall while their bloke blasted in to the gap he just left.  I’m reminded of the Rocky Horror Picture Show (I think)…’It’s just a jump to the left right and then a step to the right left, put your hands on your hips'…etc.  Apparently, Mawson told him exactly what he thought.  I was just hoping the ball went through the wall, to save this hapless keeper AKA Teacher’s Pet, the ignominy of the concede.  But if there was a doubt, witness the 2^nd - a ball is crossed from the right and the only place their bloke can hit the target is the near post – where Townsend ISN’T.  I’ve just seen it on telly and there’s no doubt, this is abysmal goalkeeping.  (I’d previously been wondering whether Nyatanga wasn’t tight enough).  Since LJ dropped Davies for no apparent reason (after an OUTSTANDING 2^nd half of last season), I am at a loss to figure out how one can drop a bloke after a 1-2 loss (when neither goal was his fault) while sticking in an untried keeper who’s had at least 3 poor performances in 6 games (and the other 3 he had nowt to do).  Lee: word to the wise.  Your job is now in serious peril.  Do what you need to do, mate.  Or Cryne will.

Unbelievable (if we hadn't seen it all before)

F***, I wasted all that on the keeper.  And I’m quite chilled about him – have a word with Reedy or Slacki.  They come hundreds (ok, dozens) of miles to see that s*** and I have to make the return journey with them.  They’re not happy.

The rest?  Who cares?  But I am willing to offer a theory:  I reckon I could send a team out onto that pitch against ANYONE in division 3 and they’d do a better job than what they’re being told to do by LJ.  You send out a team containing Scowen, Pearson, Harris, Winnall, Nyatanga, Mawson…Hourihane (!)…and just tell them to go out and PLAY….go on, decide YOUR OWN POSITIONS, YOUR OWN FORMATIONS….and I dare them to come up with something worse than I am currently watching.  (Surely everyone knows their best positions??)  I am rapidly becoming of the opinion that our manager is HINDERING our players/team rather than helping them.  I said BEFORE the game that even I could manage us to 11^th in this league with our players…then we lose to a team rock bottom, who’ve scored 7 goals all season (my dad tells me…as I say, I haven’t stared at the table, too depressing).  Without naming said person here (cos this is being copied and pasted onto my blog), Andy Reed had a conversation this morn with the chairman of a 3^rd division side who said he was surprised that a side of Barnsley’s stature had taken on a manager whose track record was so sparse.  Does more need be said?  Crewe, Shrewsbury, Doncaster, Blackpool.  Remember – we have a top 4 budget. No excuses.

The match continues...but the locals have voted with their feet.

ok, I’ll give you the rest of the despatches:  Our players played some nice one touch football, especially the attacking players, yet Hourihane was a f***ing nightmare from the deadball, as anything inswinging never got past the 1^st defender (think Chris Shuker) while anything outswinging was meat and taties to the keeper (till injury time, when young Josh was allowed to take one).    There’s too many things wrong with this team but I’ve got 2 solutions rightaway:  If we insist on 4-5-1, and Ryan Williams is fit, get him in for Hourihane.  And if we DON’T insist on 4-5-1 – just bench Hourihane.  The one thing Johnson calls correctly is that Conor can’t play in a 4-4-2 – so drop the waste of space!

Winnall.  Apart from Townsend’s swing, my other highlight was when Winnall proved it’s easier to beat 2 players in the box than put a ball on target from 8 yards (my dad says 6).  Beat 2 players, then, with the goal gaping, put it wide.  If only he’d been just a little more s*** (or talented), Jacob (Marley) was on the backpost for a tap-in.  Sadly, the ‘effort’ was neither shot nor cross.

The Ponty

Drink du jour: ‘Show me the way to Ameretto’.  A story with a happy ending.  Returning to civilisation (via Doncaster) we find Tesco is no longer.  It’s now B&M (whatever the f*** THAT stands for).  Somehow, our choice of JD turns into ‘Ameretto’ but we recover to have one bottle of undrinkable sweet rubbish (the rest of the bottle is at Slacki’s house) or vodka.  Noticeably, the vodka runs out. One of us runs to Sainsbury to get ice.  

After The Captain commented earlier on my inability to fall asleep on the bus after a game this season …I fell asleep and was awoken by the bus driver in Honor Oak (where?)  Thankfully, the half hour walk home gave me the chance of a McFlurry (Smarties).  So t’was not all bad.  (99p, suckers!)

Away: 136.  I counted ‘em 1^st half (twice) and never got beyond 80.  Which means either I can’t count (probable) or nearly half their crowd hang out in the toilets or hotdog stand (possible).  The proverbial ‘you must have come in a taxi’, bless ‘em.  Went bananas at full time (bless ‘em).  The ‘Cost Cutting Clean Cut Crewe Crew’ (CCCCCC) must have really enjoyed their day out. If one hadn’t seen it all before at Oakwell, they must have really thought they’d got away with it bigstyle today.  Good luck to ‘em, I say.  Bless ‘em.