‘I’ve slept with a horse’ (Andy’s mum)
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| Defeat this way. |
Wow. You all saw it. 80% of the match was attack v defence and we lost. The second half, they made it into our half twice, managed a shot on target with one and scored with the other. We are rubbish. Johnson plays 4-5-1 (again) like we’re trying to hold Barcelona to a draw in the Camp Nou, yet we’re playing at home to a side at the bottom of division 3 (so I’m told, I haven’t looked at the table since we last won). Crewe were/are CRAP. Granted, they play pretty football when they have the ball, but, my god, they are so weak in defence, you’d have to be proper s*** not to score half a dozen against them. The left back and keeper are as bad as I’ve seen at professional level. So how s*** must we be??????????????
They score (see below, under ‘hapless goalkeeping’), we realise we now need to score, and run up the pitch and equalise within a minute (it’s THAT easy!) before giving them a late winner. That is all the synopsis you need. Stop reading now.
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| Dunno where the ball is, but it's on the way into the net (Crewe free kick) |
*** Pearson of Manchester United. WTF is he doing at Oakwell? After patronising us with his efforts last season, I’d hate to see him p*** away his career with a 2nd stint at a clueless 3rddivision football club. Ben – find a Championship club soon. Or see your chances of a higher division career fritter away. Just saying. Countless interceptions, countless breakdowns of opposition moves. Then has the temerity to pass to a player wearing red. So many times, I wish he’d just keep hold of it and dribble it till he lost it, cos passing it to a Barnsley player is only delaying the inevitable. Twitter MOTM. Even the technologically-savvy youngsters (for once) - Loko? - recognise he’s the best player on the park. By a country mile. And some more.
** Harris of Cardiff City. Everything you love in a winger. Beats players, whips the ball in, is ignored by the rest of the team and is substituted. Will be playing Championship football before we will.
* Mawson. Decent game, won headers, read the game well…and I can see why he’s captain – is willing to tell others what to do, eg, we had a free kick wide right, Wubara injured, he called back Scowen to hoof it while he went up top. I know, small details…but small details win games (not today, granted) Oh, and he scored a soft header from a corner.
Londontykes' Top 3:
1. Pearson
1. Pearson
2. Harris
3. Mawson |
| The Cost Cutting Clean Cut Crewe Crew (CCCCCC) |
Despatches:
One must start with the keeper, that free transfer from Brum whose name escapes me right now (Townsend…I remembered it at the end of the paragraph). The absolute highlight of my match was in injury time when he trotted up for a corner and I turned to my dad and wondered ‘whether he’d be as sh*t up front as he is in goal’ and he paid me back in spadefuls, as the ball dropped deliciously for him just inside the box and he swung and missed. I’m sure he conceded 2 goals from their one decent effort, tho Andy swears they had 5 shots on target (official stats) The 1st goal, he lined up the wall, covered the gap to one side, then moved right behind the wall while their bloke blasted in to the gap he just left. I’m reminded of the Rocky Horror Picture Show (I think)…’It’s just a jump to the
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| Unbelievable (if we hadn't seen it all before) |
F***, I wasted all that on the keeper. And I’m quite chilled about him – have a word with Reedy or Slacki. They come hundreds (ok, dozens) of miles to see that s*** and I have to make the return journey with them. They’re not happy.
The rest? Who cares? But I am willing to offer a theory: I reckon I could send a team out onto that pitch against ANYONE in division 3 and they’d do a better job than what they’re being told to do by LJ. You send out a team containing Scowen, Pearson, Harris, Winnall, Nyatanga, Mawson…Hourihane (!)…and just tell them to go out and PLAY….go on, decide YOUR OWN POSITIONS, YOUR OWN FORMATIONS….and I dare them to come up with something worse than I am currently watching. (Surely everyone knows their best positions??) I am rapidly becoming of the opinion that our manager is HINDERING our players/team rather than helping them. I said BEFORE the game that even I could manage us to 11th in this league with our players…then we lose to a team rock bottom, who’ve scored 7 goals all season (my dad tells me…as I say, I haven’t stared at the table, too depressing). Without naming said person here (cos this is being copied and pasted onto my blog), Andy Reed had a conversation this morn with the chairman of a 3rd division side who said he was surprised that a side of Barnsley’s stature had taken on a manager whose track record was so sparse. Does more need be said? Crewe, Shrewsbury, Doncaster, Blackpool. Remember – we have a top 4 budget. No excuses.
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| The match continues...but the locals have voted with their feet. |
ok, I’ll give you the rest of the despatches: Our players played some nice one touch football, especially the attacking players, yet Hourihane was a f***ing nightmare from the deadball, as anything inswinging never got past the 1st defender (think Chris Shuker) while anything outswinging was meat and taties to the keeper (till injury time, when young Josh was allowed to take one). There’s too many things wrong with this team but I’ve got 2 solutions rightaway: If we insist on 4-5-1, and Ryan Williams is fit, get him in for Hourihane. And if we DON’T insist on 4-5-1 – just bench Hourihane. The one thing Johnson calls correctly is that Conor can’t play in a 4-4-2 – so drop the waste of space!
Winnall. Apart from Townsend’s swing, my other highlight was when Winnall proved it’s easier to beat 2 players in the box than put a ball on target from 8 yards (my dad says 6). Beat 2 players, then, with the goal gaping, put it wide. If only he’d been just a little more s*** (or talented), Jacob (Marley) was on the backpost for a tap-in. Sadly, the ‘effort’ was neither shot nor cross.
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| The Ponty |
Drink du jour: ‘Show me the way to Ameretto’. A story with a happy ending. Returning to civilisation (via Doncaster) we find Tesco is no longer. It’s now B&M (whatever the f*** THAT stands for). Somehow, our choice of JD turns into ‘Ameretto’ but we recover to have one bottle of undrinkable sweet rubbish (the rest of the bottle is at Slacki’s house) or vodka. Noticeably, the vodka runs out. One of us runs to Sainsbury to get ice.
After The Captain commented earlier on my inability to fall asleep on the bus after a game this season …I fell asleep and was awoken by the bus driver in Honor Oak (where?) Thankfully, the half hour walk home gave me the chance of a McFlurry (Smarties). So t’was not all bad. (99p, suckers!)
Away: 136. I counted ‘em 1st half (twice) and never got beyond 80. Which means either I can’t count (probable) or nearly half their crowd hang out in the toilets or hotdog stand (possible). The proverbial ‘you must have come in a taxi’, bless ‘em. Went bananas at full time (bless ‘em). The ‘Cost Cutting Clean Cut Crewe Crew’ (CCCCCC) must have really enjoyed their day out. If one hadn’t seen it all before at Oakwell, they must have really thought they’d got away with it bigstyle today. Good luck to ‘em, I say. Bless ‘em.
Away: 136. I counted ‘em 1st half (twice) and never got beyond 80. Which means either I can’t count (probable) or nearly half their crowd hang out in the toilets or hotdog stand (possible). The proverbial ‘you must have come in a taxi’, bless ‘em. Went bananas at full time (bless ‘em). The ‘Cost Cutting Clean Cut Crewe Crew’ (CCCCCC) must have really enjoyed their day out. If one hadn’t seen it all before at Oakwell, they must have really thought they’d got away with it bigstyle today. Good luck to ‘em, I say. Bless ‘em.
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