‘3 of my favourite 4 moments of the day involved going to the toilet’
Cars have an obvious advantage over trains: flexibility. Go where you like, when you like. ‘Cept when you’re forced off the A1 due to flooding, you’re stuck in a traffic jam and you’re desperate for a p***. And that wasn’t the 8 year old in the car, that was ME. Yes, what a day. Nevermind the result (can it get any worse?)…it took the best part of 6 hours to drive from Sidcup to Barnsley and we were lucky to make kick-off. No time for beers, no time to see anyone, no time for chish and fips (unless you were prepared to miss kick-off; I was. I was starving and I knew a trip to the chippy would provide more enjoyment than anything I’d see at Oakwell.)
I got in about 5 past 3. I thought I was later. As I walked down the hill to Oakwell, I could see (and not hear) the stadium in complete silence. I honestly thought the match had started, but no, it was the obligatory Remembrance Day minute’s silence. And what makes one prouder of our nation’s heroes than catching sight of three of them, in full uniform, enjoying a fag outside the East Stand as I entered? (As a member of the armed forces, I guess there’s more ways to worry about death than cancer.)
I timed my entrance well though, in time for the opening (comedy) goal…which I still missed due to checking the teams on my phone. Keeper Collins takes a free kick from the right back spot, plays it along the floor straight to Clucas, who wellies it in from just inside our half. Wouldn’t have happened with Adam Davies in goal – he’d have sliced it into the stand. (As an aside, I was told Davies DID have a role to play today, earning his reputed £19k/week at Stoke by helping the forwards with shooting practice.) Oakwell historian Dave Wood told me at half time he couldn’t remember the Super Reds scoring a goal from that range, but I remember a Chron report in the 80s once describing a John MacDonald 45 yard effort. Grimsby H, midweek?
Brilliant. One down after 8 mins to a comedy goal to the only team below us in the table. Could it get any worse? (You know it could…) We attack the away end and have the proverbial penalty appeal turned down. Even I thought it was a pen, as some Stokie handles the ball above his head. But maybe that’s a ‘natural position’ in Hanley, I dunno. A minute later, James McClean finds himself one-on-one with Mowatt in the box. No contest. He dummies one way, goes the other, and Mowatt takes him out. So much for the Ponty booing the Catholic non-respector of Our Fallen. Pen despatched. We’ve played well, we’ve had chances, and we’re losing. Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before…(Jonesy was playing The Smiths in the car earlier - perhaps we should have this on repeat?)
Nothing to worry about though. We gave a better side than Stoke a two goal headstart last week and STILL got a draw, so….we pull one back not long after half time. Sub Thomas plays McGeehan in, and the miscontrol is rescued by a toepoke high into the net. GAME ON!!!! It gets even better, as Thomas is chopped down in the box for a pen….except it never happened. The ref somehow misses it and Mowatt drags the ball wide from a good position. I’m in the East Upper and it looked nailed on. Jonesy and Loko either side of the Ponty confirm it. And none of us are biased, are we?
Stoke wrap it up, 1-3, 1-4. The 3rd is a scramble off a corner. I thought one of our players was fouled, but no, I’ve since seen it on telly and 2 of our defenders crash into each other trying to clear. We are hapless. Then Thomas loses the ball running sideways in our own half and a loose ball runs to Clucas to slam another one in, this time from a mere 25 yards. Seems he also injured himself kicking the ball too hard. That’ll teach him.
Oh, and nearly forgot. Schmidt came on and scored. Mowatt, rather than continue his impression of Stephen McPhail by looking incredibly assured and only kicking the ball sideways, sprang the offside trap with a through ball and Schmidt, in acres of space, ran onto it and finished like a pro. Still, no pressure when you’re out the game. We never threatened again.
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| Welcome to...Oakwell at 3:05pm |
Cars have an obvious advantage over trains: flexibility. Go where you like, when you like. ‘Cept when you’re forced off the A1 due to flooding, you’re stuck in a traffic jam and you’re desperate for a p***. And that wasn’t the 8 year old in the car, that was ME. Yes, what a day. Nevermind the result (can it get any worse?)…it took the best part of 6 hours to drive from Sidcup to Barnsley and we were lucky to make kick-off. No time for beers, no time to see anyone, no time for chish and fips (unless you were prepared to miss kick-off; I was. I was starving and I knew a trip to the chippy would provide more enjoyment than anything I’d see at Oakwell.)
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| A decent away turnout (I later learnt they'd had free travel). |
I timed my entrance well though, in time for the opening (comedy) goal…which I still missed due to checking the teams on my phone. Keeper Collins takes a free kick from the right back spot, plays it along the floor straight to Clucas, who wellies it in from just inside our half. Wouldn’t have happened with Adam Davies in goal – he’d have sliced it into the stand. (As an aside, I was told Davies DID have a role to play today, earning his reputed £19k/week at Stoke by helping the forwards with shooting practice.) Oakwell historian Dave Wood told me at half time he couldn’t remember the Super Reds scoring a goal from that range, but I remember a Chron report in the 80s once describing a John MacDonald 45 yard effort. Grimsby H, midweek?
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| Like our season, it's all a blur. Stoke bag #2 from the spot. |
Nothing to worry about though. We gave a better side than Stoke a two goal headstart last week and STILL got a draw, so….we pull one back not long after half time. Sub Thomas plays McGeehan in, and the miscontrol is rescued by a toepoke high into the net. GAME ON!!!! It gets even better, as Thomas is chopped down in the box for a pen….except it never happened. The ref somehow misses it and Mowatt drags the ball wide from a good position. I’m in the East Upper and it looked nailed on. Jonesy and Loko either side of the Ponty confirm it. And none of us are biased, are we?
Stoke wrap it up, 1-3, 1-4. The 3rd is a scramble off a corner. I thought one of our players was fouled, but no, I’ve since seen it on telly and 2 of our defenders crash into each other trying to clear. We are hapless. Then Thomas loses the ball running sideways in our own half and a loose ball runs to Clucas to slam another one in, this time from a mere 25 yards. Seems he also injured himself kicking the ball too hard. That’ll teach him.
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| The Ponty v Stoke. |
Oh, and nearly forgot. Schmidt came on and scored. Mowatt, rather than continue his impression of Stephen McPhail by looking incredibly assured and only kicking the ball sideways, sprang the offside trap with a through ball and Schmidt, in acres of space, ran onto it and finished like a pro. Still, no pressure when you’re out the game. We never threatened again.
It is not even mid-November and time is running out. It would be nice, presuming we’re going down, to do it with more than a whimper, but I don’t see it. ‘Should we give Murray the job?’ asked Jonesy. No. Will we? Undoubtedly. He’s cheap, and grateful. From doing nothing much as Mansfield boss, to our head coach…yeah, I’d take that as well. And whilst some saw it as promising that we’d drawn against 2 or 3 decent teams…and kidded themselves that ‘we look more solid’….we’ve now lost to Stoke and Huddersfield, the only teams who’d been below us since October. We’re also scoring in every game – but conceding more. Murray now averages 0.6 points a game. Yeah, f*** it, give him the job. Records are there to be broken and I reckon we could be down by February if we REALLY put our minds to it.
Onwards and…downwards!
*** No-one. Everyone had something wrong with their game.
** No-one. Did anyone do enough to warrant a star?
* No-one. Absolute garbage.
** No-one. Did anyone do enough to warrant a star?
* No-one. Absolute garbage.
Londontykes' MOTM: 1. No-one 2. No-one 3. No-one
Despatches:‘They’re there for the taking.’ I got a text from Wadd, sometime at the start of the second half. Shame I didn’t read it till 1-4. ‘Yes. We only need 4 more.’
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| Our 'loyal' support leaves early. Again. |
Despatches:‘They’re there for the taking.’ I got a text from Wadd, sometime at the start of the second half. Shame I didn’t read it till 1-4. ‘Yes. We only need 4 more.’
Collins. Maaaan….of all the days. The return of ex-keeper Adam Davies was no game to show he can do worse. Made a couple of great saves later, once we’d lost. Cavare. Will someone tell him he still has to defend, even if he looks half decent ON the ball. Sibbick. Doesn’t suit this 3 man central defence at all. Shame. Halme. Looked less assured than previous. So much for ‘building up an understanding’ Diaby. I continue to have my doubts. Someone this size can’t turn or jump. Dougal...actually, was maybe alright. Maybe. McGeehan, in for Wilks, scored, but did little else. Cauley wasn’t bad tho. He won’t be here next season.
And did I mention Jonesy also gave a lift to his Stokie mate? And fair play to him, he didn’t rub it in. I think he was too ill.
Drink du jour: a solitary Franziskaner in the car.
Away: 3,266? Something like that.
The Damage:
£20 petrol
= £20
The Tunes:
The Eminem Show (Eminem)
Triangulation (Scuba)
Claustrophobia (Scuba)
Triangulation (Scuba)
Claustrophobia (Scuba)
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| East Stand panorama v Stoke. |
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| Ponty panorama v Stoke (cheers Jonesy!) |
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| A present left on my desk, Monday morning. Thanks. |
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