I got out of the car. It was raining. I got back in the car some 4 hours later and it was raining. And inbetween, it rained. It rained, it carried on raining, and it rained some more. So it was the perfect day to take Sarah for a day out in Huddersfield, and while she overdosed on caffeine in a succession of coffee shops, I braved the inclement weather to traipse to the stadium and see another goalless defeat. HTFC must have known how much fans like to stand in the driving rain too, as it wasn’t just the away end that had abysmally long queues outside the turnstile with kick-off looming.
Despite only having one competition left to play for this season (the FA Cup) top coach Asbaghi decided to ‘rest’ Helik and Morris, and give a trot out to carthorses like Iseka and Halme. Oh, and a debut for young Aidan Marsh after his promising cameo against Bournemouth last week. They lasted 45 minutes, dragged off at half-time for a chance to stay in this trophy. Usual story, they scored, we created nowt and the fans bounced between support of the team, taking the p*** out of the team, and criticism of the ownership. But still they made noise. It was too cold not to.
The matchwinning goal? Halme gives it away on the halfway line with a shoddy pass and one pass later they are clean through. I wouldn’t mind, but Halme (frozen out all season, so lacking in match practice, speed and ability – the Holy Trinity? – had already tried giving the Terriers a goal earlier with another careless pass, this time in his own area. Iseka’s contribution appeared to be to hide behind defenders when we were in promising positions to cross a ball. Why doesn’t he run across or in front of the defender, on the OFFCHANCE we’ll put the ball there? Or do we practice crossing balls and having professional footballers deliberately miss the ball for an Iseka tap-in? He is dross. Marsh meantime, well, the one time I saw him with the ball, wide right, he tried to drag it with his left foot (on his right) onto his left foot…basically, a move which wouldn’t come off against a Sunday league defender, telegraphed as it was. (I presume he can’t kick it with his right foot.)
And what a difference! On came Helik, Morris and…ok, Benson….and for 10 minutes we blitzed Huddersfield. A cross to the backpost was headed goalwards by Morris, but it hit a defender (so I don’t hold to the ‘zero shots on target’ the stats say). A couple of minutes later, Benson, with plenty of space to aim at, gets the cross wrong enough for Kitching to have no chance of getting it on target. The latter was on his own, nobody near him. The closest we got was when a Hudds defender completely sliced a cross off the far post, about a minute after they scored. No idea how it didn’t go in…but it didn’t.
And of course, that ‘luck’ continued into the last minute, as Helik’s injury-time equaliser was ruled out by a ref not wanting another 30 minutes in the driving rain. I can’t knock him, I’d have done the same. (In all seriousness, I never saw a foul, no-one did – by Bassi, I’m told – and the ref has a better view. But dare I suggest the goal would have been given 9 times out of 10?) I didn’t see any Terrier appeal, but maybe I’m wrong. I was too busy celebrating that a) we’d whipped in a decent cross and b) had men in the box wanting to get on the end of it.
* later footage taken from someone's cameraphone showed the Huddersfield player throwing himself to the floor under neglible contact. Ref - you've been fooled again.
However, any claims of ill-luck have to be balanced by the number of chances Hudds missed. The most blatant in the 1st half came from OUR corner, as the clearance bounced in front of Jordan and Randy Camel (Andy Rammell) ran clear, only to miscontrol it to the keeper. (Am I the only one to remember Rammell’s inability on 1-on-1s? He was almost as bad as Oddjob.) 2nd half, they could have scored 3 or 4 on the break, as we pushed forward. Fair enough. Some of their misses would have put Rammell to shame.
So there it is, or ‘we can concentrate on the league’ as some wag (note: not WAG…though don’t get me started on that…how can someone be a wife AND girlfriend? Surely it’s a wife OR girlfriend? Oh.) put it in in the post-match pissoir. ‘I hope you stay up’ said a sympathetic middle aged Terrier on the way out. ‘Well, that’s not gonna happen.’ I leant forward and headed into the driving rain.
Onwards and upwards!
*** Morris. 2nd half, we suddenly had a player who could hold a ball up, thereby helping others join him in their half. Imagine.
**Jordan Williams. Same as the last few games. Looks confident joining the attack and defends ably (one unlucky bounce aside). Proved an able deputy for Brittain by also finding the stand from a promising shooting position.
* Bassi. A midfielder who finds other (Reds) players and is confident in possession. What’s he doing here?
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Morris 2= Andersen / Bassi / Jordan Williams
Despatches:
Our shooting. Who coaches them? Callum Brittain? Williams blazes one high and wide from inside their box. Styles hits one 15 yards wide (almost as far wide as the distance he shot from). Morris curling one a yard beyond the top corner. They’re just the ones I remember. Abysmal. Benson. Apparently I wasn’t harsh enough about him last match. An Artist Formerly Known As A Londontyke messaged me ‘I thought Benson had a much better game than usual. He was only sh*te, rather than weak as f***ing p*** sh*te’. I also had a conversation at half-time with a long time face I know. ‘How does Palmer keep getting picked?’ He asked his mate. ‘Are you trying to make my blood pressure f***ing rise? COWARD. That’s what Palmer is. Can’t stand him.’ Blimey. Anyway, there’s a couple of our mainstays in midfield. And you wonder why we’re bottom and out of the cup. By my reckoning, we have a Championship defence, a 4th division midfield and (perhaps) a 3rd division forward line.
It was nice of Asbaghi to compliment the support too, though he obviously couldn’t make out what we were chanting. While we are still ‘by far the greatest team the world has ever seen’, my own favourite was ‘Que sera sera, whatever will be will be, we’re going to Shrewsbury, que sera sera’. Or the less succinct ‘Barnsley get battered everywhere we go (everywhere we go)’. I can see Nice Guy Chris turning in his armchair. Oh, and there was still plenty of room for ‘We want Conway out’ which, admittedly, is a bit catchier than my ‘We want Conway to repay any monies he’s robbed from fans in order to pay for the club, followed by a sign of contrition and some investment in the team.’ But it’s early days.
ps, is my quote of the day the most Kes thing you’ve ever heard? But I heard it, I did! On the way to the ground.
Drink du jour: A lovely latte in some café in a Victorian (looking?) arcade. Lovely.
Away: 2,700, a sellout. (But why do Huddersfield give a third of the stand to their own fans when they’ve 5,000+ empty seats elsewhere in the stadium? Or is it our own fault, as ‘away clubs have the right to claim for up to 15% of all accommodation’ (the FSA website)? At a tenner a ticket, and the game 15 miles from Barnsley, is our team so bad that the powers-that-be didn’t think we’d sell out the whole of that away end? (Don’t answer that.)
Number of games since we last scored 2 goals or won a game against Championship-grade opposition: 13. 0100110110000 or LLLDDLDLLLLLL. Whichever you prefer.
The Damage:
c. £30 petrol
= c. £30
I’d have had a programme too, if I could find one. (There were plenty trodden into the wet concrete of the stand, so they did exist.)
The Tunes:
BBC 5Live
I’d have listened to some music, but it’s that Sarah – she just loves a bit of sport. (True.)
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