Well, that was a midweek treat. If I was one of those people who liked puzzles, last night’s game woulda left a Mastermind champ baffled. What on earth WERE we doing? I’ll start with the playing out from the back. Here we are, a middling Championship club, attempting to take short goalkicks to defenders in our own box, while the opposition press. If Arsenal can’t manage it, why do we think we can? We invariably got away with it, by kicking it 30 yards into touch. But if the keeper simply kicked it long from the off we’d be on the halfway line and the ball still in play (I’m presuming Collins keeps it on the pitch). I thought WE were the team with the high press, not the team inviting it on us. I didn’t see any advantage to us doing it, aside from the entertainment of wondering whether we’d get away with it. So in that sense, I got a dark kick out of it. What about our own press? Didn’t we ship in this latest Teutonic coach cos he he’s groomed in the way we play? Well, our press looked like Freezer running the keeper down on his own from time to time.
The entire match looked like one grand experiment in how not to win a football match. Clarke Oduor,started as one of the front 3, FFS. A nifty bit of footwork here, a nimble bit of movement there, does not make up for the fact that he’s not a forward in a million years. (Less kind Londontykes than I wonder if he’ll ever be a footballer in a million years. The player whose goal kept us up 2 years ago! What has happened to this lad’s career…?) And I still thought he was the only forward worth watching, if only cos his trickery beat the odd man. What did the rest provide? Freezer – graft, but nowt else. Cauley – I’ve no idea, though I once saw him run back 50 yards to win a ball. Perhaps that’s why he offers nothing the other way, knackered. Victor even came on. Nicked the ball off a defender brilliantly, had a 10 yard headstart, and still failed to get the cross in. As for Devante Cole. Is he fast? Or useless? Or fast and useless? If Jay Jay Okocha was so good they named him twice, is Devante so bad we SIGNED him twice? Carlton Morris was anonymous too. (He was out injured.)
Our biggest attacking threat second half (losing one nil) was centre half Kitching becoming a makeshift left winger. WTF? Or Benson dropping deep to launch a ball at Kitching and Helik, who pushed up to support a toothless attack. I can’t decide if this is experimental foreign genius or a throwback to the good old days of just lumping it forward to the Big Guy(s). So often, second half, Benson would be on the halfway line in the centre half position, while the aforementioned centre halves were 30 or 40 yards down the pitch. Maybe Benson is playing as a quarterback, the deep lying playmaker behind all his teammates? Again, foreign tactical nouse. I’ll say this. If you play backgammon, you might win 1 in 10 games playing idiosyncratically. However, you’ll lose far more than you win.
We went one down within 3 minutes. I was ‘lucky’ – I’d only just got in after more turnstile shenanighans as season cards weren’t scanning. ‘Have you downloaded it to your phone?’ the turnstile operator asked. ‘I tried, but that didn’t work either’. She let me in unscanned. I’d just taken my seat when I saw the Hatters break free down the right. Where the f*** is Williams??? (On the bench, since you ask.) The ball is squared to a man free in the centre. As a panicking defender covers him, he lets the ball run on for another free Luton player to run in and bury it into the bottom corner from 20 yards. A fine finish. I’ve since seen it on telly – the Luton right back hoofs a free kick 60 yards down the line, Helik misjudges the flight and fails to make contact, leaving the right winger in. Is it Helik’s fault? Or did he have to come across to cover for the absent left wing back? (FYI, Styles was left wing back. Maybe nobody had told him he’d been switched from centre mid tonite?) As I said, more conundrums.
Others may disagree, but I thought Luton looked way more dangerous throughout. They had big lads who looked faster and fitter than our little fellas. They nearly added a second when one of them brushed Benson aside to run clean through. Another attack ended with Bree miscuing from 8 yards. What a homecoming that could have been. In the meantime, we had a weak effort from Brittain, sidefooting a right wing cross which the keeper saved with ease. PUT YOUR FOOT THROUGH IT MAN! Though why I’m bothering to tell Brittain how to finish, I don’t know. This bloke will never score a goal for Barnsley. (Still, at least his crossing’s on point. If by ‘on point’ you mean ‘Shukeresque’. The one time he didn’t hit the first man, he put it too far in front of the lunging forwards and it skidded wide.)
Still, we’ve definitely improved our ability to tippy-tappy. 70% possession, and (I’m told by the BBC website) 3 shots on target. We NEVER had 3 shots on target. One of them must have been the Styles shot which the keeper did us the favour of saving even though it was going wide, thereby causing momentary pandemonium as it pinged around the box and Brittain had a ferocious shot blocked (was that the 3rd shot on target? I didn’t think they counted blocked shots?) Eventually, we ran out of forwards to bring on, none of them having had a shot. Luton looked comfortable, and I’m convinced they’d have had more if they needed to. Lansbury hit the shot of the match, a half volley from the apex of the box, which Collins did well to save. Oh, I remember another ‘shot’ we had…Benson charged down a defender and his ‘tackle’ rebounded at pace towards the away end goal. It went wide, but it provided a frisson of entertainment where there was none.
So there it is. 2 home games against the might of Cov and Luton. One we should have been knocked out of sight (but won) and last night. This does not augur well for the season, but it could be worse – I could be watching our one touch hoofball of last season. Yes, it’s nice to win, but if winning is the ONLY thing that matters, you might as well just read the result in the paper. I want to be entertained WHILE I watch the game, and I think the coach and players are TRYING (very!). If I’m being generous, they’re just a little out of practice. But the forwards are a real concern. I don’t know how long Morris is out for, but these Belgians had better be good. (ps, do they even EXIST? Or will it be more Phil Gridelet syndrome?)
Onwards and upwards!
*** Sibbick. I am honestly short of candidates, but he didn’t do much wrong and had to come across from right to left to make a crucial block 1st half.
** Kitching. I said I’m short of contenders, but it’s not his fault he’s playing left wing. Perhaps he’d have seen some of the ball if Styles would give it to him. (My friend Diane was convinced Styles was avoiding him on purpose.)
* Benson. Made some good passes…but also made some bad passes.
Official MOTM: Palmer. Not bad, considering he went off at half time. (He didn’t, but I never saw him second half.)
Londontykes’ MOTM: 1. Sibbick 2. Benson 3= Kitching/Palmer
Despatches:
Palmer was right in the game 1st half, but I honestly don’t know where he went 2nd half. Did he just join the crowd as Benson hoofed the ball up? Styles was in the game a lot more than Satdy. How does he manage to be in the game more at left back than centre mid? The only positive I can say for Brittain is that his ponytail is as bad as mine. (I’ve been putting off having a haircut since lockdown but I’ve lost my reasoning that ‘if it’s not safe enough to be in the away end of a football match, I don’t see how it’s safe to be in a barbers’). Collins made a save but at one point went for a wander, leading to the Bree miss. (I think it was from one of those short goalkicks. How I laughed.) As for the forwards, the lack of any more mentions should suffice.
Drink du jour: None. But I did enjoy my ham and pease pudding sandwich that I brought along. Mos’def the MVP.
Away: 748 (Att: 12,999) A tremendous effort from Luton. Midweek they bring more than a Bristol City on a Satdy.
The Damage:
£3 prog
= £3
plus petrol…£10? Yes, cheaper today, as I had Diane to share the petrol with.
The Tunes:
Imidiwan (Tinariwen)
Greatest Hits (Thin Lizzy)
ps, it was Slacki's daughter's Lola's 1st ever game. Poor kid. While I hope she enjoyed it, she'd better get used to it! (And yes, she said at half time that Daddy had said some very bad words during the first half.)
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