Blackpool 3-2 BFC, Saturday 20th April 2024

‘Can’t gi’ anywhere with that c*** at t’wheel’

I am still fuming. With play-off qualification yet to be achieved, we roll over and die at Blackpool, who themselves needed a victory to stay in the hunt. Is no-one at Oakwell aware of the importance of this game? We’ve gone from challenging for the top 2, to nailed on play-offs, to falling to get top 6...in the space of 6 weeks. Is today a new nadir? Reedy described Stevenage as ‘a truly dreadful performance’ so I don’t know what to say here. At least we took the lead at The Lamex. Here, we were battered from the start. ‘A matter of time’ was 12 minutes in, as a Tangerine skipped inside from the right and laid it off for some other orangey fella to sidefoot a 20 odd yarder past Roberts. That’s 4 in the last few weeks he’s conceded from distance. And there was only one place this bloke was going to hit it.

Ah, yes, our recent form. From having the best away record in the division, we’ve now lost the last 4. FOUR. Against Blackpool, did we win a tackle that first half? A second ball? Did a striker hold a ball up? Did Kane even manage a 6 yard square ball to a red shirt? (Yes, he managed that.) Coach Collins left McCart on the bench to play Jordan as part of a back 3, again. Today’s right wing back of comedy choice was Cotter. I wouldn’t mind, but I heard the bloke behind me say ‘at least he’s had some good games this season’. He’s had some good MINUTES this season. Luca Connell is out. Birthday treat (his, not mine). Not sure if the BFC tweet machine is particularly clever telling us it’s his birthday before he’s mysteriously missing from the line-up. In his place comes Grant. Now, you know I said last game he must be bad if Coach Collins can’t contemplate picking him ahead of Kane and Russell in midfield? He was terrible. Hauled off at HT.

HT? Yes, we limped towards the interval lucky to be one down. But in the 3rd minute of injury time the Super Reds righted this wrong, as Earl loses his man from a free kick. Good job we don’t concede from corners. An earlier free kick from an identical position had them hitting the bar. Another round of Collins-baiting ensues. His football was s*** or sh*te depending on where in the stand you were chanting. At my side, towards the corner flag, it was ‘Neill Collins, your football is sh*te’. But I think s*** is much more succinct. Catchy, even.

Still, half-time is when The Big Man earns his corn. Cosgrove is on for Grant and we’re going 2 up top. Oh yes, did I say Cole was up front? Rumours of his return to form were greatly exaggerated. He has a chance after 20 seconds (1st half), but his usual level of ball control sadly intervened and normal service resumed. Who will rid me of this incompetent fool? (Collins or Cole?) The change pays an instant dividend. 1 minute 22 seconds into the 2nd half we are three down. It’s at the far end so all I can see is carnage in our defence, the ball laid across and someone coming in and rifling home from 12 yards. It’s all so, so easy. ‘WE WANT COLLINS OUT, WE WANT COLLINS OUT.’ First time I’ve experienced that, and fair play to those calling for the manager’s head. I’ve always said the problem at Oakwell is that we’re TOO patient, TOO apathetic. (See: ‘Lee Johnson’). We normally prefer to watch the slide in silence, or chunter on, and, to be fair, silence did generally break out thereafter as demoralisation set in.

Coach Collins sends on Jalo and O’Keefe for Cotter and Cadden. He really doesn’t like Cadden, does he? I have a vague recollection of Jordan ending up at left wing back. Will no-one rid me…etc But it works! Well, McAtee scores. The beautiful game is laid to waste as a massive punt is flicked on by Cosgrove for McAtee to do his business. Takes me back to my Sunday League days. Collins isn’t finished though, and he gains our 2nd biggest cheer of the day as he hauls Cole for Aidan Marsh. The latter brings us back to 3-2, as he whips in a great cross. Cosgrove shoulda buried it, but his header is saved and Jalo puts the rebound in. At least I reckon it’s behind the line, as it’s cleared, cos I’m in line with it. While we celebrate it escapes my notice that the ref has disallowed it. Apparently handball. All I can say is that he’s got f***ing good eyesight this ref, cos I’ve just watched the ‘goal’ 3 times and it’s not even near Jalo’s hand. Or Cosgroves. And it’s never been near Roberts’ all match. I’ve heard of people not knowing their ar5e from their elbow, but this ref appears not to know the difference between a foot and a hand. (My mind has now wandered into wondering what the ref would choose from the old conundrum…a knob for a nose, or a nose for a knob?)

If I said we pull another back in the 94th minute (Phillips), it sounds like we’re all over them. And we are, for the last 2 minutes. Jalo goes down in the box and there’s a half-hearted appeal. In these days where it’s perfectly legal for defenders to obstruct players, it’s not a penalty for me. But it does afford Collins the opportunity to say the officials cost us a point. Listen, Neill, conceding three goals has cost us a point. Your tedious, boring, nothing football has cost us a point. Your bizarre team choices, your odd strategies (‘strategies’???), your s*** s*** football has cost us a point. Don’t hide behind blaming the officials, or ‘moments’, Football is about moments. 90 minutes worth of them.

Onwards and upwards!

*** No-one.
** No-one.
* Jalo. Looked interested.

Londontykes’ MOTM: 1= McAtee / No-one 3= Jalo / Phillips / No-one

Despatches:
I write this listening to some drum n bass, hearing the refrain ‘Is it even worth it to go through all this pain?’. Is it? I dunno. We might yet make the play-offs and yet the support is thoroughly downhearted. Or at least the match-goin support is. I dare say it looks alright on Ceefax*. ‘Still 5th! Come on you Reds!’ Maybe we can lose next week, put us out of our misery. Save us some money. The other week I asked where we’d like to celebrate promotion. Now we are hoping 2 of Lincoln, Oxford and Blackpool don’t win next Satdy. Where did it all go wrong? Where, eh Neill?

*yeah, yeah, whatever.

Still, I had a lovely day out. Treated myself to the train so I could drink copiously. Or as copiously as a sipper can. Had a beer on the North Pier, though Blackie was strangely quiet. Was that cos the coppers wouldn’t let supporters coaches in before 1? I was expecting the train to be packed but the only Reds fan I saw was...me. Mind, there were plenty in fancy dress at the ground. Willy Wonka and his oompah loompahs were there. And I saw a few clowns and donkeys on the pitch.

Oh, and a trip into the Blackpool club shop found you have to be over 18 to buy a replica shirt! I guess it’s cos they’re sponsored by a betting company...but they had kids’ sizes, so where’s the sense in that? Good luck in the play-offs lads.

I’ll leave youse with this. Remember when we beat Port Vale 7 nil and we shoulda been 2 down? I said then the result was false and that Port Vale would be relegated before we’re promoted. Guess what?

Drink du jour: Leffe on the train, Beavertown Neck Oil at Blooms on the North Pier, Astral Voyage session NEIPA and CLWB Tropica at The Cask & Tap, more Leffe on the train, Scheiderweisse at Piccadilly Tap.

Away: 2,135 (sellout)

The Damage:
£25 ent
£3 prog
£33 train
= £61

Tow Law Town 1-2 Boro Rangers, Tuesday 16th April 2024

Tow Law 1-2 Boro Rangers, Northern League Division 1, Ironworks Road, att. 50

I put my big coat away this week. What a mistake that was. Tonite I am absolutely bloody freezing at Ironworks Road, my favourite of favourite Northern League grounds. I don’t know what the temperature is, but with wind chill, it is bitter. A wind turbine above me on the terrace concurs, its blades spinning at some impenetrable speed, while it sounds like there’s a ‘copter overhead. There’s also a lady watching the game from her car behind me. She’s not daft. I count 32 others in the ground at kick-off.

Mind, there’s other entertainment to be had tonite. I am missing Dortmund 4-2 Athletico (5-4 on aggregate) and Barca 1-4 PSG (4-6 on aggregate) to see a side who’ve lost 31 games in 35 in the Northern League (32 from 36 after this evening). I could even stay in the social club at the ground and watch Southampton play Preston as they strive for promotion to the Prem. But where’s the fun in that?

Ironworks Road is a thing of beauty. 5 steps of terracing reach past the halfway line above a small bank. On the far side is the Main Stand, so beautifully decorated, and behind that, the North Pennines. It is worth the dastardly wind, though the bakers dozen of us positioned on this side 1st half dwindle to half a dozen by the second, as the others find other crevices to crawl into, away from the bluster. A few have gone to the far end, using the backwall and roof as protection. At the end where you gain entry, the picnic tables are unused, though a couple of old timers prop up the perimeter. No-one is on the small terrace behind the goal.

Tow Law, despite the defeats, are2nd off bottom. Their 3 wins ensure a 6 point gap to bottom side Sunderland RCA (1 win in 34) and a bloke I chat to thinks it’s only one to go down this season, as there’s no-one from the north-east getting relegated from the Northern Premier (East). Sounds feasible enough, though you never know with the vagaries of the FA’s geographical unit (do they have one)? A 3-way conversation breaks out once again about howthehell Bishop Stortford, Gloucester and Banbury are in National League North (Needham Market allegedly joining from next season).

Thus, the Lawyers are odds on to be spanked tonite. They’ve already conceded 154 goals. Even RCA’s 9-0 defeat tonite will only take them to 150. Goals are promised. And 13 mins in, Tow Law are already one down and Boro have hit the woodwork 3 times (although one of these was a defender’s slice). The goal they concede is criminal, as a 40 yard throw-in leaves not one, but two Boro in the clear. Forward A runs in and squares it to Forward B for a tap-in. Routine. The avalanche is on.

However, through a mixture of good fortune, poor finishing and a never-say-die spirit, Tow Law cling on and even manage the odd venture upfield. Boro are beaten down their left and the cross is headed home confidently. The hosts nearly go 2-1 up, as a header from a corner is narrowly ruled offside (though I’m not convinced myself). Boro, who’re used to playing on plastic, are struggling to get to grips with a bobbly pitch...though I guess they have wind in Middlesbrough?

I go for a warm in the social club at half-time. Good job it’s Soton-Preston on the telly, cos if they were showing the Champs Lge, I might’ve stayed in. The game is well underway when I creep back out. It takes me 30 seconds to get cold again. This’ll be a long half. Luckily, I’m out in time to see a goal, as more comic defending from Tow Law sees Boro rifle it in from close range. How many chances to clear? 3, 4? All that hard work gone to waste.

However, the team keeps trying. The left winger in particular has the beating of his man, so needless to say the manager takes him off. The player is suitably unimpressed as he passes me. ‘Why’s he taken you off? You’ve been the best player?’ ‘No idea’ came the grumpy reply. There’s still time for the Lawyers committee man to trade a few f-bombs with a Rangers player over allegations of play-acting. ‘I don’t mind you calling me a c***, it’s the bald bit I didn’t like.’ Tempers diffused, we’re back to the blood and thunder. A pretty good show, considering the conditions.

The Damage:
£7 ent
£1 half time draw
= £8