Barnsley 1-0 Watford, Saturday 16th March 2013

‘Donovan?  A Doner VAN would be more useful.’

Oh Bobby Hassell, you are the love of my life…GET IN THERE MY SON.  Another week, another seat on the bench for Sir Bob.  But what’s this?  Long Throw Rory (Rory ra ra ra) gets himself injured early on and the Ginger Prince finds himself on the park at right back. And things go from good to great when he only goes and bags the only goal of the game, a free header from a free kick.  F***ING YES!!!  Aside from that, Bob didn’t have the best of games, getting booked for being slower than he thinks he is and kicking some bloke in the air after being sold (well) short.  Much improved though after the break, as he and Wiseman swapped and Hassell proved…sorry SHOWED, cos Hassell simply can’t PROVE owt to this manager…that he looks comfortable in the middle of defence and can play with anyone (today:  Crainie).

Anyway, we were the better team throughout.  Watford may be 2^nd (they didn’t look it) but we bossed it.  It was yet another example of a 2^nd division team being unable to pass it around when we pressed them.  These are not Man City (or Swansea, when they battered us last year).  Perkins won plenty of ball, but I lost count of how many times they’d try to cut inside Etuhu and he’d just nick it off them.  Do they never learn?  (No.)  Unfortunately, we weren’t quite as good IN possession as we were out of it, though we created what chances there were.

*** Crainie.  Won absolutely everything, stepped forward to intercept balls, laid balls off to team mates.  A supreme performance at centre half.

** Etuhu.  As above.  Sponsor’s MOTM.

* O’Grady.  Held the ball, put himself about, took alot of physical from Watford, coulda scored.  Shoulda scored?

Despatches:
Here’s a question.  How much would you take to sell Mellis?  This came up on the train. The answers were a) 5 million, b) 3 million, c) 2 million or d) £250,000?  To my mind, a bloke who’s in and out of Barnsley’s team can’t be worth more than a quarter of a mill, but based on a decent half at Man C (after they’d won the game) and a decent game out wide yesterday (cos he ain’t good enough to be in the middle) he’s worth millions.  In the words of Dave Selwood ‘Tha knows nowt.’  We weren’t even drunk (well, I wasn’t.)

Good job we DID bloody win tho.  By my reckoning, the bottom 11 teams recorded 8 wins and a draw.  And one of the 2 defeats was against another of the bottom 11 (Bristol at Wolves).  Still, for those doom mongers who feared the worst when we had the top 7 to play of our last 11 games…well, we’ve now beaten 2 of them.  It’s playing sh*te at the bottom (like Washday) who'll cause us problems.

Drink du jour:  No messing about today, none of your running out of spirits by Peterboro…a bottle of JD and a bottle of vodka pls, between about 5 of us.  Dave stuck to some weak bitter, fearful of the consequences.  Not that I drank much.  I just wasn’t feeling on form all day (heavy night).

Great atmosphere at Oakwell too.  Don't worry...'bout a thing!

Manchester City 5-0 Barnsley, Saturday 9th March 2013

Manchester City 5-0 Barnsley, FA Cup 5th Round, att. 46,728

Welcome to ....

Appalling.  Gutless.  Spineless.  Those are 3 adjectives I’d have (un)happily used yesterday, having seen us out of the game in 10 mins and Man City out of sight after half an hour.  But I’ve calmed down a bit since, which will make for a much more boring match report, I’m sure.  Besides, what do we have to complain about?  The Super Reds only delivered what we expected – getting a proper ar5e kicking from a side containing the odd world class individual (Carlos Tevez hattrick anyone?), nevermind Premiership class.  But I guess when you’ve spent a £100 (£70 on a train journey – cheers Virgin) before you’ve even kicked off, you rather hope your team will hold out for a bit longer than 10 minutes.  And we coulda been a couple down before City DID score.

A (former) Londontyke looks especially pleased with his new purchase.

And so it was that our eagerly awaited quarter final became 90 minutes of depression with Reds fans going down like their team, without a fight.  The atmosphere in the away end was like a home game at times.  As Loko said, at least Dirty Leeds went down singing and chanting.  We whimpered our way to defeat.

Pre or post match? - you decide.

Alcohol’s a funny thing tho, innit?  I’m pleased I watched the highlights today, cos I had no memory of us having a shot on target.  Turns out we had 3.  And one of them was even part of a slick one-touch move involving Mellis, probably the only Reds player who didn’t look totally out of place on the Etihad pitch.  Shame we woz already 3-0 down by the time he appeared.   I also have no recollection of getting off the train at Euston, but Sarah reckons I ‘disappointed a little Andy who was hoping to go for another beer.’  Does he never learn???

The teams line up.

And so this week’s MOTM award shall go, in order of best pub to:

***  Euston Tap.  You know them big stone things outside Euston, with the names of places the train goes to inscribed onto their walls? (no?  Oh well.)   Turns out they’ve been turned into tiny tiny pubs with hand-crafted beer or somesuch.  Fabulous choice of beer (sorry Tim, no Fosters) and a spiral staircase.  I have a new favourite pub!

**  The 2^nd pub we went in at Manchester.  Good choice of beer and busy but not packed. Shame about ‘no football colours’.  What colours are NOT  football colours?  Puice? Turqoise?

*  The 1^st pub in Manchester.  After the debacle of changing pubs cos of ‘liveliness’ at our original choice, it was a relief to actually get a beer.

In real terms:
*** No-one.  How can anyone get a MOTM award chasing shadows?
** Mellis.  At least had the confidence to pass and move when he had the ball.
* Perkins.  Chased shadows as well as anybody!

Lambs about to be slaughtered.

On the plus side, Sarah bought some nice wool (£24 for 3 balls – Christ!) from the shop across the road from the pub, so it wasn’t like the day was a total waste.  And she was very pleased to see Yaya.  'There's only one Yaya!'  Personally, I was very pleased to see Bob and Craig.  Just a shame Bob wasn't coming back with us, cos our meeting was all too brief!

Misc:
Stephen Foster.  The fastest he moved all day was in grabbing a City player to swap shirts with at the end.  Pathetic.

The away contingent.

Dear Mr Rowing, (BFC club secretary)

as a letter to the Chron a couple of weeks ago said…..if you let big groups of friends buy tickets together for these type of games, it might enhance the atmosphere.  Instead, there were 3 Londontykes here, 4 there, a couple over there…etc  I mainly had an increasingly angry Loko trying to pick arguments with folk in front or behind.  I sat there, resigned.

Oh, and I hope Slacki managed to avoid knowing the score and had to sit at home watching the whole dreadful fiasco.  I wish I’d had a ‘fast forward’ button yesterday.

Bottom of the table and out of the cup.  I feel a bit of D:ream coming on...

The home end (the Bell End?)

Admiring the sweep of the stands

The tunnel side

Au revoir, City.  Who knows when we'll meet again?

Welcome to...(II)

Barnsley 2-3 Bolton Wanderers, Saturday 2nd March 2013

'I like my pubs like I like my women - ROUGH!'

The pre-match meet 'n' greet.

Morning all.  At half past one of a Sunday morn, amazingly awake rather than fallen asleep on the bus/in front of MOTD/The Football League Show (waiting for Barnsley) I am here. Alive.  Raring to go.  Now.  Well, cup of coffee and bowl of porridge on table, Boards of Canada in background (Geogaddi).  Slacki/Salisbury - they're a bit like Foo Fighters, but not s***.

Well, I'm a tad busy.  Walking/staggering home (for 2 weeks in a row I've made the mistake of having an extra couple of beers with Andy once the train reached civilisation) I realised that, actually, for once, my Sunday consists of beyond watching the MOTD I fell asleep during (yet recorded), the Football League Show I missed (yet recorded) and the washing up while listening to Cerys on 6 Music (after watching recordings of the previous).  Turns out it's Jake's 1st birthday party and I'm spending Sunday as I've done the day before - on the lash.  Does (did) anyone else spend their son/daughter's 1st birthday hiring a pub for their friends to drink beer?  Or just my mate Harriet? (Some of you will know her.  Molly - I believe you once arm-wrestled her on what was the Firkin pub on Euston Road).  Anyway, anyone wanting to drink beer and feel all 'God's country' is invited to the Yorkshire Grey (WC1) tomorrow, from 1pm, to imbibe.

The Trotters.

The match?

Christ.  It was like Keith Hill all over again, but without the passing (!!).  At least in the old days we could go side - side - backwards - hoof forward from Steele.  Today, 1st half, we couldn't even do THAT.  The 1st half was appalling.  It took us 4 minutes and 50 seconds to control a ball in their half.  Yes, I know, cos I looked at the scoreboard.  Some good news tho - it was still nil-nil.  Not for long.  Our (latest) hapless centre back partnership failed again and gave Ngog a tap-in.  So Steele spitefully saved it, but thankfully it went straight back to Ngog to side foot home.  Not a defender in sight - as I like it.

We blundered around for 20 minutes or whatever (who cares) and then a weak clearance brought a 20 yarder from the edge of the box into the bottom corner.  Round of applause that man.  Least, me and a few east upper bods gave him a round of applause, cos a) it was a good finish and b) at this stage of proceedings, it looked like that was as good as it was gonna get - them scoring a decent goal.

We trudge off at HT dispirited, depressed and outclassed.  Naturally, the manager made no changes to personnel and the team came out TRANSFORMED.  Within 8 minutes we were level.  The Polish bloke scores a soft 20 yarder (I'm sure Bogdan didn't see it till late cos of the number of players in the box) and then the keeper drops one for O'Grady to tap in.  For 5 minutes I get to feel like a medieval soothsayer, having told the 10 year old I'm babysitting for (true) at half time 'don't worry, we're kicking towards the home end this half, we're bound to score 3.'  I believe sarcasm should be taught early.  The crowd's rapturous response is soon killed when Bolton grab what proves to be the winner.  Steele drops a free kick straight into AN Other Wanderer and it's 2-3.  Was it a foul in the 1st place (dunno), did Bolton nick a few yards when taking it (yes) do I feel sympathy for Steele, what with a left footer and a right footer waiting to take the free kick (obviously).  Most Reds fans tho will blame Steele despite his saving of 2 one-on-ones and general all-round safe hands.  Boooo, rubbish, Steele!

And then we spend 20/30 minutes dinking cute little crosses in for bigger defenders than we have forwards to head away.  Yes, that's YOU, Polish bloke and Kennedy.  Anyone else not there - check out the corner count.  I don't know how many we chipped in for big blokes to head and/or Bogdan to catch.  Embarrassing.  And before everyone blames O'Brien/Kennedy:  we have no-one on the keeper, and we're aiming at midgets. TAKE A F***ING SHORT ONE.  It'll be the closest we come to being Barcelona, that's for sure.  Hilariously, despite winning every header all day, Bolton bring on ex-Boro GIANT David Wheater to 'bolster' their defence late on.  Christ on a bike.

The Happy Wanderers.

Despatches:
The Bobby Hassell 'situation' is starting to nark me now.  I can handle it when the manager (and previous) who know far more than I ever will, that Bobby is not the answer.  But when the unconscious Etuhu comes back and plays like he still is, while McNulty is dropped to give Wiseman a run out, while Kennedy pretends he's a left back, while we have no defensive midfield cover.....if you can tell me that Bobby Hassell's sole existence is to be 15th choice (any position), well.....if I was him, I'd turn to God too.  I don't normally make it my business to feel sorry for 'believers' (that's their job on me, right?) but in this case I have to make an exception.  I would rather see my money wasted on seeing Bobby struggle (but die trying, dammit) than any of this lot.

Etuhu - see above.  F***ing dreadful.  Did a job filling in for Dawson in MIDFIELD but can't defend, nor run up a wing with the ball.  But brings way more to the Barnsley team than Sir Bobby of Hassell ever will.  Ever.  (Head in hands.)

Crainie/Wiseman - please don't play these 2 at the same time.  They look so alike I can't decide who to blame.  Lets play safe and say WISEMAN - YOU'RE F***ING S***.  Things must be bad, cos there I was at HT, having a p*** (I was in the toilet, I'm not an animal) and some guy goes 'what the f*** is Wiseman doing centre half.  He can't play centre half.  He might be a right back, he's not a centre half.'  Well, mister (I had my hands full, so I couldn't talk), from memory, he's not a right back either.  But one thing I DO know - he's better than Bobby Hassell (cos Keith and David have told me so).

O'Grady:  PURRLEASE.  There's a reason why he can't get a game for Sheffield Wednesday.  You'll have to work this one out for yourselves.  (Clue: it does not involve Washday having amazing centre forwards)

To business:
*** Perkins.  Ran around, looked busy, looked like he WANTED it.  Never actually did anything WITH it.  Sponsors MOTM.
** Polish bloke.  Scored, good movement, then spent last half hour perfecting the art of 'dink.'
* Steele.  Made 2 or 3 great saves yet will be remembered for the winner.  Balls.

Further despatches:
I guess Flitcroft has a master plan, dropping Harewood and Scotland for the Washday One, but really, it's one or the other to partner Dagnall.  If this really is a master plan, and we turn over Burnley on Tues, and Man C next week, I am truly an idiot (you can copy and paste this sentence FOREVER).  Having seen today, Manchester City must be quaking in their boots.*

*sarcasm.

ps, not entirely 'must know' but the drink du jour was Finlandia and Tropicana (orange) and journey home was enlivened (sort of) by a Celtic fan sticking his nut on some Dirty Leeds oik.  A small posse of white sh*te had been baiting this bloke (mainly a woman, the size of a bungalow, who would NOT shut the f*** up).  Sadly, I had my back to the 'action' tho I was amused to hear even Bungalow Lil tell him to 'sid down'.  Altho he was a young lad, and a bit of a chubster, my spies (Reed, Salisbury - ex-KGB) tell me the Scottish bloke was a brick outhouse and would've killed said oik.

Bristol City 5-3 Barnsley, Saturday 23rd February 2013

The Camberwell verdict is in. 

‘That was the sh*ttest 5-3 I’ve ever seen.’

My god.  What a horror show.  8 wins in 9 and we concede 5 to a side at the bottom of the league. Only Barnsley.

Like the Wolves game, we looked disjointed without a left wing back.  Flitcroft played Kennedy left back, again, and gave the disaster that is Jim McNulty a run out.  (His career must feel like Groundhog Day.  Doing well at Brighton, he gets injured and finds himself surplus to requirements upon his return, and so it is here.  He’s been awful ALL season.)  Oh, and with Delap somewhere out right and with Crainie and Foster in the middle, and Wiseman on the bench, I make Bobby Hassell approximately 8^th choice to get a game in our defence.  A defence which let in 5 against rock bottom Bristol City.

It was an odd game.  1^st 10 mins, they ran riot down our left, then we got to grips and pretty much ran the match.  I can forgive the 1^st goal – their bloke clearly climbs all over our defender, before Stead headed home.  The ref blew his whistle, pointed to the penalty area…I wondered why the Bristol fans were still cheering, he’d obviously disallowed it.  But he hadn’t.  The start of a very bad day.

Thereafter, the game reminded me of a school match (our championship-winning year, natch) I remember from yesteryear.  We were playing our big rivals away and the star striker missed a couple of early chances.  They then scored with every shot they had (6) before said star striker bagged a couple late on before blaming everyone else for our defeat.  Well, BFC on Satdy missed early chances, they started bagging, then after the game was lost, started scoring.  And so it was, that if you ignore Bristol’s 1^st four goals, we won 3-1 and looked like we’d score every time we touched the ball.

At 4-0, Hicksy and Loko had seen enough, but before they even got out of the ground, we’d pulled one back.  It was amusing to see their about-turn back into the stands (‘we can see you sneaking IN!’)  The goal itself was a scrappy effort, the ball being cleared from behind the line before an onrushing Tunnicliffe (I think) putting it in.  I see the goal has since been given to O’Grady, so presumably it was he who knocked it over the line in the 1^st place, though I swear the linesman hadn’t given it, so without the 2^nd effort, I don’t think it woulda stood.

2^nd goal was a great finish by Polish Tom, burying it for the edge of the box as he ran in, and the 3^rd was another low finish from the edge of the box from the outstanding Scotland.  HE’LL be playing in this division next season, even if we’re not.

Unfortunately, time and space preclude the description of Bristol’s other goals, beyond that they were ALL THE SAME.  A dead ball is hoofed into our box and forwards who’ve been unable to score all season are like kids in a sweet shop versus Steele, Kennedy, Crainie and McNulty (Foster proving so awful he’d been dragged off in the 1^st half).  How many headers we failed to win was unbelievable.  And we still had the ref to thank for chalking off a 6^th, as the goal of the game (a beautiful curled effort from the edge of the box) was ruled out for a negligible foul on Perkins.

So, was it the worst of the season?  Given what went on before (8 wins in 9, a high level of expectation, capitulation against a crap team), I’d say so.  Tho given that we had most of the match and somehow conceded 5, I think the general opinion was ‘it was just one of them days.’

There was again good support from the fans.  I did like a chant of ‘we can see you sneaking out’ to winning Bristol fans staggering out, unused to success.  And then we retired to the Tobacco Factory for more cider or dark beer (depending on your taste).  At least THAT bit went well.  Then I saved Selwood from accidentally buying 8.5% Oranjeboom at the offy, in favour of something he could handle and we went cans on the way home, baby Oranjeboom (still 5%), Tetleys or Stella.

Oh, and the evening was topped off for me and Andy when we got chatting to a couple of homosexuals in a pub in Paddington.  One of them was a Malteser ‘with learning difficulties’ (his mate said).  Anyway, twas an interesting conversation, tho Mr Reed was bladdered.

Nearly forgot:

*** No-one
** Scotland.  Held the ball, attacked…scored.  What a player!
* Harewood.  Like Scotland, without the goal.

Despatches:
Dagnall looked lost, forced to play wide right.  Tunnicliffe came, saw and disappeared.  And aside from a goalline clearance, it’s true – there IS only one element to Delap’s game.

that is all.

Franchise FC 1-3 Barnsley, Saturday 16th February 2013

'nulla verecundia'

After days, nay, weeks, of meticulous planning, so it was that everyone f***ed off from the pub at Euston early, leaving me and Sarah to hang on for latecomers Gerry and Andy.  I don’t know who was less impressed – Sarah or Andy.  (Gerry didn’t care).  Me – I expect this kind of thing.

I’ve gotta hand it to MK.  Whatever I think of the fact they’re even in the league, it’s an enjoyable day out (isn’t it, Bob?).  Get to the station, walk up the hill to the spacious Wetherspoons, cheap and large choice of ale, no chance of trouble (apart from random Reds seemingly wanting to attract the attention of Plod).  Plus a taxi firm with a fleet of 400 cars – which meant that when Tim ordered 5 taxis they came within 5 mins.  DRINK UP LADS!

10 mins drive to the stadium, fall out the taxi and you’re straight into the ground.  Handily for Gerry, the concourse was level with the entrance, so after a word with a nice steward, he was allowed to sit in a chair designated for invalids.  Gerry even took one for the team, Caton joining him for the match.  (Only joking, P – don’t get a mard on!)

Being that we bought our tickets on the day, we could pick and choose our seats, away from the crowd (3702 Reds fans, since you ask – not including the executive box crew).  So we sat in front of Geraldo and Paul, our like being swelled by Mrs Reed, Molly and wife and Waddington.  Molly appeared on form.  He only has 3 games:  mild mannered, surreal and abusive.  He must feel very comfortable around Mrs Molyneux these days, cos it was Abusive Moll today.  Shouts like ‘you f***ing non-league cnut’ seemingly coming from nowhere.  Sarah went and sat on her own – no, not due to Molly, but ‘I’ve paid for a SEAT!’ while the rest of us stood to our hearts’ content.  May I say, bl**dy comfortable seats too, padded and huge.  It’s not like Old Trafford, where they really pack you in and anyone over 5’2” has an issue.

The match?  What a boring 1^st half.  MK were completely outclassed and we went one up after 3 mins, 2 up after about 19.  We shoulda been outta sight by HT.  Great finishes too.  Dagnall controlled a long ball from Mellis then banged it in from an angle with his left, while Wiseman marauded down the right and pulled it back superbly for Marlon to sweep home.  At HT I texted Andy Jones, saying what we really need is an MK goal, to make life interesting…

So it was.  MK came out fighting.  Quite literally, according to Farnham – the normally jovial Dave getting more and more frustrated by a ref seemingly intent on not booking a Dons player for some outrageous fouls.  (Later, when the ref actually started booking people, he ignored the worst foul of the day, when Scotland broke free and was dragged back.  Ref gave the free kick yet couldn’t comprehend it was a blatant booking.)

We weathered the early storm, then an innocuous clash left Etuhu down and out – literally.  While laid out, he never moved and a stream of medical types ran onto the field.  As he was carted off, still not moving, head in a brace, we feared the worst.  As we now know, he was ok (sort of) but it spooked the Reds players, who proceeded to fall apart.  MK pulled one back (Kennedy at fault – I’m only saying that cos I haven’t had a chance this season) and then Steele had to pull out a sharp reflex save from ‘Leeds scum’ Alan Smith.

However, after that, if anyone was gonna score, it was us on the break.  Every time we had the ball it was 3 v 3 and with 12 minutes injury time signalled, Perkins played the ball through for Dagnall to sprint onto, round the keeper and bury it into the net, right in front of us.  F***ING YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Quarter finals here we come, Millwall home please.

And later on, our day was made, when Smith went in for a challenge with his elbow and was sent off.  WE ALL HATE LEEDS SCUM, WE ALL HATE LEEDS SCUM.  Perfick.  I've since seen it on telly, and although their manager is right when he says he didn't elbow him in the head, you can see he tries to elbow our player (Delap?) in the midriff.  Is it only violent play if you elbow someone in the HEAD, Mr Robinson?

*** Super Chrissy Dagnall.  Scored 2, created havoc.  What a player!
** David ‘Perky’ Perkins.  Wasn’t always at the top of his game (they were s***), but when he was involved he was making a difference.
* Scott 'The Wise Man' Wiseman.  Why not?  Looked excellent 1^st half, then fell to bits for 10 mins in the 2^nd, before re-composing himself.  Story of the team, really.

Despatches:
Mellis looked pretty good – at this level.  Golbourne played well (again!) and Steele was relatively faultless.  Sign of a great keeper, making THAT save after having little to do.

Sarah’s top 3:
*** Hassell – ‘just because he played’
** Perkins
* Dagnall ‘well, I guess he scored 2’

WE’RE THE FAMOUS BARNSLEY FC AND WE’RE OFF TO WEMBERLEE.  WEMBERLEE, WEMBERLEE….

Chelsea Youth 3-0 Barnsley Youth, Friday 15th February 2013

Chelsea away (Youth Cup) or 'An Audience With Simon Davey'

Well, it even pays to go and watch the juniors these days, even if they were outclassed in the FA Youth Cup and lost 3-0.  Cos, as we waited for a taxi after the match, who else should also be waiting for one but Simon Davey!

It was Starf*cker Tim who spotted him (obviously) and Surreytyke Kim who confirmed it, with a cheery ‘Simon!’ getting him to turn our way.  Like a shark going for the kill, we were in.  The taxi firm handily sent a minibus, so we all jumped in together to the station (well, not Surreytykes, who live about 5 mins from Staines FC!).  Tim, Andy, Simon, his American mate and me then got a train together, before Tim insisted everyone came to the pub at Waterloo for a bevvy.  So, all in all, a good hour (even for Simon – we TRIED to be nice!)

Tis true, I sort of DID insult Davey, but it came out wrong (!)  All I said was that I didn’t think it was him outside the ground, cos he looked fatter than the old Davey….'which was ironic cos I remember at Norwich the fans calling you a fat Welsh ba5tard’.  He took it in good spirit, though his mate thought it was funnier.

Turns out Davey is now coaching 6000 kids in Atalanta, USA and the geezer with him was from his club.  They were over cos Davey was doing the cup draw (the theme was ‘FA Cup folklore’ he told us), their club has links to Chelsea (so they were staying at the hotel next to Stamford Bridge) and they were off to Arsenal the following day (THAT was some game!)  And no, he has no intention of returning, life is good.  Family life is now amazing, without his daughters being teased at school cos ‘daddy is about to get the sack’ (these are the Barnsley years) and there’s no more random tears when the family have their evening meal.  He even showed us a video of one of his daughters being serenaded by her male American high school chums, where she’s obviously very popular (I could see why).

As for what we garnered from Mr Davey, I’ll be boring and put what I can remember into bullet points.

• We turned down £1.2m for JCR from Reading (only to sell him months later for £150k.)
• Davey is adamant playing JCR at central midfield was the right thing to do.  ‘He only scored 2 or 3 a season till I moved him there.’  Our jaws hit the floor.  It wasn’t how WE remembered it!  We didn’t hammer the point tho…as I said, we were on our best behaviour in front of his guest.  Tim mentioned we’d seen JCR play central mid for Jamaica too ‘Exactly!’ said Simon.  ‘And he didn’t play again!’ said I.  The art of diplomacy.
• At BFC a certain board member was constantly undermining him, till he ‘got rid of him after 2 and a half years.’
• Cryne can’t be relied upon either.  After the Reading fiasco, the club had agreed to up JCR’s wage from 2 to 6k a week, but the powers that be always made themselves scarce when it was time to get the contract signed.  JCR was understandably p***ed off.
• He was pleased to get rid of the drinkers in the team….Kay, Austin and Howard.  He said Kay was the worst (best?).
• I asked him about Darlington (my 2^nd team, where he had another dodgy spell) – ‘Hereford and Darlington were run by crooks’, promises constantly broken.

He obviously felt hard done to at Oakwell, being sacked and all.  I did say that he was lucky to get the job in the 1^st place, as I thought the previous manager (Ritchie) was hard done to too.  So what goes around comes around.

We all left on good terms.  Davey posed for a couple of photos and Tim got him to sign an autograph with the next day’s cup draw on it:  2 v 4 (Barnsley v Millwall).  We know how THAT turned out!  All in all, he seemed like a decent bloke.  Not a pushover, confident in his thoughts on football and, I’d say, a steely determination to succeed.


Chelsea 3-0 Barnsley
Completely outclassed, once the 1^st went in, the score was never in doubt.  Having caught a train to Staines, we jumped into a taxi and met up with Surreytykes in a pub near the ground.  A quick beer and off we went to the game.  3 quid in, a pound for a teamsheet.  I’d never heard of any of 'em.  We hung the Londontykes flag up behind the goal, then took up a position beside the dugouts.  When I looked back at the flag, there were a dozen people stood in front of it, when they could have stood ANYWHERE in the ground.  Still, it made it look like we’d travelled in numbers!

Staines have a nice little posh new stand, where 80% of the crowd was.  I’d be hard pushed to say there were more than 300 at the game.  We missed an early chance, then we spent 20 minutes camped in our own half, no danger.  Then, once Chelsea scored, the floodgates opened and we were 3 down in no time.  2 of them were from the edge of the box.  I don’t think we’ll see this keeper play for the 1^st team.  Mind, no-one impressed me much, though I heard a few Chelsea say they thought out left back was tremendous, and Davey said the left winger played well (I suspect they were describing the same player)

So, at half time, off we followed Tim to blag our way into the exec bit.  ‘You need a ticket’ said a jobsworth on the door and Tim duly showed him his London to Staines rail ticket. No, we couldn’t come in.  But, if we walked out of the ground, and back into the stand, we could go in the bar which was built into the stand, part of the swanky gym in there. Now, here’s where a good dose of local knowledge comes in handy, as Kim and Andy knew the building, so we wound our way through its innards and ended up in the exec bit anyway.  We bought a round of drinks  but no, we couldn’t have some free curry, not without a ticket (damn tickets!) but 5 mins later we were in a box of our own, with free curry of our own, served by a man, on his own…and being regaled by the Commercial Director of Staines Town FC (yes, there is such a thing).  Lovely lady she was and for £500 we could have our own board at the ground, 2 free season tickets…etc etc.  My red and white scarf and northern accent was clearly not enough to put her off.  I left £500 lighter (not really).
So it was that we problies saw 15 mins of the 2^nd half from behind a window, before going back out into the chilled air and (me and Tim) standing up at the back of the stand for the rest of the game, taking in a swell view.

Good effort Reds on getting so far - but as Tim said, it was 'men v boys'.  Or slightly better boys v our boys.

Ho hum - MK Dons tomorra!

Middlesbrough 2-3 Barnsley, Saturday 9th February 2013

‘At what point would you NOT have accepted a draw?’

‘When the ref blew for full time.’

And so it was that we took the Boro.  Our 1^st win at the Riverside, against a side (somehow) still 4 points clear in a play-off spot, in a see-saw game we won against the odds.

1^st 25 mins was all Boro.  Kieron Dyer looked a worry, whilst their left winger skinned Delap a few times.  (Delap was somehow in the Football League Paper’s team of the day).  He later got to grips with the job, though not before he was the man on the back post who failed to stop their bloke knocking in the rebound for #2.

Boro manager Mowbray described us as lucky (or at least, them as unlucky).  In truth, all 5 goals were lucky/appalling defending.  Of course, he made no reference to their jammy goals.  The 1^st, as Foster was being outpaced, and was nudged so as to fall over, ended with Fozzie desperately sliding the ball towards Steele.  However, it went wide of Steele who dived low to his right to pull off a super save, only for Carayol to tap in the rebound.  Now, obviously I’m biased, but what p***ed me off most about this goal was that earlier, when Perkins went shoulder to shoulder with an opponent on the HALFWAY line, and the opponent went down, the ref gave a free kick. Identical ‘foul’ and it’s play on and a goal.  In a place where it didn’t even matter.  Cheers.

Their 2^nd, a cross comes in, it deflects off a forward (again, Foster gets the blame on some reports) and Steele again pulls off a decent save.  Sadly, it’s nodded home by the bloke not being marked by Delap.  2-1 and we are heading for 3 or 4 at least.

Flitcroft then pulls off his genius.  Firstly, he listens to the Marshall and drags off a lacklustre Harewood, but then surprises by removing O’Brien, scorer of the 1^st (a half volley deflected over the keeper) and our star midfielder.  Injured?  Tactical?  Dunno, but he sticks on O’Grady (who looks slow, lumbering and strong, on this performance) and Scotland (who looks amazing).

We equalise out of the blue, a long throw by Delap (hurrah!) causing panic and the ball somehow squirming through to Golbourne, free on the back post.  He looks like he’s positively bricking it as he realises he might have to kick a ball with his right foot and he nearly lifts it over an empty net. GET IN THERE YOU B******S!  I love scoring against this bunch.  They’re like a lower league Wednesday.  Oh, hang on – Wednesday aren’t in the top division either, are they?  Anyway, what I mean is, they think they’re some sort of big team, yet their crowd is as fickle as they come.  The rest of the north-east simply mocks them.  I digress.

We’re not finished yet tho.  O’Grady chases a back pass down.  Well, trundles after it.  He only perks up when the keeper fails to control it, but, with the turning circle of the Ark Royal (joke c. 1982) he takes an age to turn around, by which time the keeper has dived on it.  BACKPASS!!!! Yes, it’s a free kick and after we dummy the taking of it twice, Golbourne lays the ball off for Scotland to rifle it home off a defender.  The Reds' hordes go wild!!!!  (I feel like I’m writing that every match these days.  Long may it continue.)

After 4 goals in half an hour, you’d think there’d be at least one more, but the scoring ends there and, to be honest, if anyone looked more likely to score, it was us.  They were getting desperate, leaving holes everywhere, while we counter attacked.  Certainly Golbourne wasted a chance to seal it, trying to lay the ball off to someone else cos, yes, he couldn’t kick it with his right foot when free on the edge of the box.

*** Dagnall.  Our ‘Luis Suarez’ (David Flitcroft) once again ran the game, taking it to Boro with several mazy runs.  O’Brien benefited in the 1^st half and Scotland and O’Grady found themselves in promising positions in the 2^nd, due to his non-stop antics.

** Scotland.  Changed the game when he came on.  Big and strong, yet not particularly tall, he reminds me of a more muscular, better goalscoring  version of Shipperley.  But I’ll tell you what perplexes me (and Professors Stephen Hawking and Brian Cox)…how the hell has ex-Barnsley legend Mick McCarthy given away Scotland on a free while signing Francke Nouble (the very same) for £350k.  The world has gone mad.  Thanks Mick, we owe you.

* O’Brien.  I still maintain he was our best player outside of Dagnall.

Despatches:
Aside from a turn and thump in the 1^st half, Harewood was awful.  I don’t know how he lasted as long as he did.  Hassell came on at 2-3 and the crowd gave him a fantastic ovation.  We’re winning away without him and he’s still head and shoulders our most popular player.  Though Scotland had a few chants.  It was great to see Wiseman and Mellis stuck on the bench too.

Drink du jour:  A four pack of Leffe from the Co-op to go with my fish, chips and mushy peas from ‘The Frying Pan’.  Well, you’ve gotta celebrate, haven’t you!!??

YOOOOOUUUUU REDDDDDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ps, this week’s quote comes from my dad.  He reckons he’d have settled for a draw all the way up to the ref blowing the final whistle – which he did, after 5 mins of ‘injury’ time (no injuries, but plenty of goals and substitutions, so fair enough).