Wednesday, 15 January 2020

Tottenham Hotspur 2-1 Middlesbrough, Tuesday 14th January 2020

Tottenham Hotspur 2-1 Middlesbrough, FA Cup 3rd Round replay, att. 49,202

Welcome to...the Tottenham 'burbs.

I'm back up to 91 of 92 following this trip to the racket that is Tottingham Hotspur.  For all the positive vibes they've received over the last few years from their policy of playing English players, to their European Cup Final venture, they remain a business obsessed with making money.  Sharp practices tonite included charging a £7 booking fee for the tickets (£1 for members) and a staggering £10 to put a bag in a tent.  You have been warned.  (As an aside, in Germany...where everything is better....if they don't let you bring your bags in, they'll have a portacabin where it's free, or a charge you a nominal €1).

You cannot make this up.

It started well.  Prices for this match were capped at £20.  Spurs season ticketholders, not exactly enamoured with Jose Mourinho, stayed away in droves, to be replaced by debutants such as me, and the lapsed Essex Spurs fans we met on the train afterwards.  This was one for the tourists, though I'd initially tried to get tickets in the Boro end, worried the home end would sell out.  Instead, it was the other way around, as Boro sold out as soon as they went on general sale, though an allocation of barely 3,000 was surely below what they were entitled.  Did Boro not request their full entitlement?  Or have the rules changed?  Didn't teams used to be allowed 25%, or 20% of capacity?

Boro players giving thanks to their corner at full-time.

Anyway, tickets bought, at something like the 12th time of trying.  The site kept crashing on my devices, but I finally got through on my partner's.  I'd aimed to be at the opposite end to that giant one-tiered home end, but the website ground me down.  I eventually just clicked on the 'best tickets available' option and was given a pair high up in the home end.

The view from behind the goal.

My partner for the night, Loko, suggested we meet in Hackney for pre-match beer.  This was perfect, as we had craft ale at the Pembury Tavern, a place I hadn't frequented since working in Hackney...oooh....20 years ago...for the council.  (I was sacked/didn't have my contract renewed.  Little Boss said Big Boss didn't like me arguing with him.  Naive little old me thought that if you knew a better way to do things, bosses would be receptive to said ideas.  Like I said, I was a bit naive back then.  Best stick to telling bosses they're doing a grand job, even if they aren't).  Anyway, White Hart Lane station is 10 mins away from Hackney Downs.  Genius.  And you avoid drinking in Tottenham (another place I used to work, till I was offered a month's wage to leave.  'Can I have that in writing?'  I did.)

Chicken on a basketball (but check out those curves!)

Ah, great days.  That Tottenham place didn't like me telling a customer that they were right to complain, our service was shocking.  (It was a telecommunications company who appeared to only promote people based on being a particular religion.  I'll say no more.)  It was there I once got so drunk after work that I hoofed a rat in the high street 10 yards, as it came running toward me at midnight.  Best connection I've ever made.

Local map showing all the sights (one).

I digress.  The bag thing.  Ten whole pounds.  And I seriously considered just taking a carrier bag, but I thought it'd be ok...be like Arsenal...get a bag search and a tag on it to say you're not a terrorist.  But no, anything remotely resembling anything bigger than a lady's handbag was refused entry.  Loko had his laptop with him, so we'd have always needed to bring in one bag, which we did, as I stuffed mine in his.  We then queued for 45 minutes in the wind and rain to put it in said tent, as only 3 out of 9 staff had bothered to turn up.  (I'm not knocking them; minimum wage for 3 or 4 hours in the cold???)  So we missed kick-off, and the 1st goal, one-nil Spurs.

Bag ladies (and men) BEHIND us.

Luckily, we were in for the second, in the 15th minute, which is more than could be said for the 100 or so people behind us in the queue.  As we walked around the upper concourse, we could see the queue for bags still snaking onto the road below.  2-0 Spurs, half time (the second a smart finish from Lamela) and time for a beer.  Now, I'm sure you know Spurs have the longest bar in the world, 'parallel to the goalline' Loko said.  Aren't all bars behind the goal 'parallel to the goalline'?  Anyway, we were upstairs.  A pokey little bar took us all of half-time to get a beer, but we weren't bothered, we'd ticked off a ground, so we missed 20 minutes of the second half supping.

If by 'to do' one means 'to not winning anything'

If we'd managed to get in earlier, we could have enojoyed any of the numerous bars on the ground floor.  It looks almost shopping-centre like, which I'm not sure is good or bad.  Certainly, it's a lot more plush than the usual breezeblock Central of many a stadium, but on the other hand...it looks like a shopping centre.

I do like the artwork about the place.

The game looked sewn up, but with 7 minutes left, Boro scored.  A flutter of worry reached the home end, but Spurs soon put their foot on the ball and the danger passed.  The only question was how early to leave, to beat the rush.  We stayed, thereby beating the rush.  Why do folk leave early?  Good news on the bag front too, as it only took about 5 minutes to pick them/it up.  But I won't be bringing my bag again.  In fact, I may not come again, nice ground or not.*

*I considered the 4th round replay v Southampton.  'Only' 25 quid...but with that £7 booking fee, we're now over 30 quid.  No ta.

Time to go home.

The Damage (for 2):
£40 ent
£7 booking fee (non-members)
£10 bag drop
£10 2 pints
= £67
=£33.50 each.

The Tunes:
NME Singles of the Week 1993 (Various)
If You're Feeling Sinister (Belle and Sebastian)
Drone Logic (Daniel Avery)
Fabric 84 (Mathew Jonson)

Tottenham Hotspur Stadium.

Goal! to someone.  Spurs' 2nd.  My 1st.

Full-time.


Sunday, 12 January 2020

BFC 2-1 Huddersfield Town, Saturday 11th January 2020

‘You should have seen their daughters.  I could have licked that screen.’
Town centre rebuilding continues.

What a great day!
  It was just like the old days.  2 tables full of Londontykes on the Booze Express from Sheffield, alcohol flowing, rubbish being spouted…and Nice Guy Chris censoring the chants (ok, the latter never used to happen, but it does now).  Marius was over from Norway, so the crowds came out in numbers.  Loko half-inched supplies from work meaning beer o’clock started the minute the train set off up north.  Then it was downstairs at the Old Number 7, as Hudds had taken over upstairs (but that was fine, we had a table and there was still a decent atmosphere).  Then we saw a match (the boring bit) before a couple of highlights at the Sheffield Tap, neither of which involved beer.  Just imagine a real-life Jessica Rabbit (look her up).  Was it her top defying gravity or was it what was underneath?  We’ll never know. 
Down the hill to Valhalla.

Ah, yes the match.
  What a horrible set of cnuts they were.  What’s happened to Huddersfield?  What is it about ex-Premiership teams?  Petulant, snide, dirty….do they learn that in the Prem or do they just sign those kind of players once they get there?  Either way, fine by us, as they moaned and cried their way through the game, showing no actual effort in just winning.  They obviously had a problem with the referee, who refused to listen to their snivelling.  Mind, I didn’t hear them moan when one of their players walked on Mads’ back after the ball went out.  And the quickest they moved all day was to surround the ref after Bambo had kicked a terrier up in the air.  I presume they were begging the man in black to keep Bambo ON and only show a yellow?  (He did.)
The away hordes.  'Barnsley's a sh*thole' etc.  Yeah, yeah.

Yes, another vintage Bambo performance had done his best, but sadly we still won.
  Two-nil up, we’d barely had time to savour our imminent victory before Bambo wildly swung at a clearance, gives it straight to them…and it’s 2-1 and we’re hanging on.  Still, that was some finish, a rocket into the net from 25 yards that no keeper on earth would have dared get in the way of.  Earlier, Bambo had done his best Beckenbauer impression, going on some hair-brained run before losing it in their half.  They streaked down the pitch and only a last-gasp block from Mads saved the day.  (It comes to something when you have to rely on HIM.)  Mind, Mads also lost one in his own half when they had numbers up, but I am not kidding when I describe Huddersfield as the worst side I’ve seen this season. 
The old Main Stand.

We went one up early doors when Jacob Brown beat a defender wide-right with ease, before driving it across goal for a Mowatt tap-in.
  One has to admire how Mowatt still does everything he can to get it on his left foot even when he’s 3 yards out.  Later, Brown clinched it with another sublime ball to goal machine Conor Chaplin.  10 goals for the season and Loko paying out to Slacki before the transfer window’s even closed.  Job’s a good un.
Otherwise, we had all of the ball and none of the chances.  We wasted a break not dissimilar to those Hudds had showed us how not to do it, but really, it was comfortable.  They really were terrible.
Onwards and upwards!
*** Halme.  I know what we’ll do with our best centre half.  Play him defensive mid and hope for the best.  To be fair, a class act. 
** Brown.  The danger man.  He’s here, here’s there…he’s laying on the goals.
Chaplin.  Knock knock knockin’ on Barca’s door…actually, I hear Suarez is out for 4 months.  Barca to put in a cheeky bid for Conor.

Official MOTM: Jordan Williams.  Was that cos he was ex-Hudds?

Londontykes' MOTM:
1. Brown 2. Halme 3. Jordan Williams
The Ponty v Hudds.

Despatches:Odour continues to look a cracking find at left back.  Jordan Williams got MOTM, but I can’t say I noticed him.  The centre halves proved they’re capable of a mistake (no news there).  Mowatt was tidy if unspectacular (no news there either) while the new guy…Austrian bloke, no idea of his name….had an awful opening 20, crossing the ball into the stand, etc…but got better and better.  Thomas was close to my top 3 too, driving at Hudds but just not quite getting the final ball right.
I took on a 7th bet of a tenner pre-match that we’re going down (so that’s two members of the Jones clan who’d better not kick the bucket before season’s end).  If I can convince the other 10,000 season-ticket holders, I can pay off my mortgage.  While I’m enjoying the recent upsurge (no, really!) we can’t keep scoring every week to keep us in it.  Not while we carry Laurel and Hardy at the back.  We just can’t.

And what was wrong with their fans today?  Don’t they know we generally have a good rapport?  If they’re not telling us ‘Barnsley’s a sh*thole, I wanna go home’ (go on then), they’re on the station platform after the match giving it ‘if you’ve got 6 fingers clap your hands’, followed by clapping.  Don’t they do intelligence in Huddersfield?  Still, they were right about Oakwell being a library today.  Why was the atmosphere so poor?  Local derby, 6 pointer, winning…the fans only got going in the last 5 minutes.
Then we were back at St P…so obvs we went to the Euston Tap, where we ended up sat outside in January, enjoying the clement weather and glorious beer.  No, I did not have any recollection of getting home.  Marius is convinced I stood outside my house piling a box of chips from Morleys into my face, but I know this not to be true cos I never go to Morleys.  Ever.
A minute's silence, pre-match.


Drink du jour: Crikey.  A selection of Brewdog…Wehenstephaner at the #7 and Sheffield Tap…spiced rum and ginger ale as well as some other random spirit on the booze express…then I’ve no idea what in London.  This is what happens when Marius comes…

Away: 4,476.  Also a little subdued.

The Damage:
£38 train
£3 prog
= £41
The Tunes:
None – couldn’t even listen to owt on the bus, cos Marius would not shut the f*** up.


East Stand panorama.

Ponty End panorama (cheers Jonesy).
A. Very Tall floodlight pylon.

Them Terriers again.

Monday, 6 January 2020

Crewe Alexandra 1-3 BFC, Sunday 6th January 2020

‘Change at Crewe?  No, I’d like my change now please.’

Welcome to ...

Woo hoo!  We’re in the 4th round draw for the first time since…well, since whenever that year was when we were gubbed at Man City.  And didn’t we do it in style, scoring three and winning handsomely?  Well, not quite.  Brown cracked one in on the half volley after 2 minutes from 20 yards and it looked like we’d run riot.  So we sat back, took it easy, never looked like wanting another goal (though Crewe were there for the taking) and got our rewards 3 mins into the second half when our defence wasted half a dozen chances to clear before they prod in.  Why don’t we play with centre halves?

Alexandra Stadium, from the nearby railway bridge.

Mind, it wasn’t like Crewe hadn’t had their chances.  Half an hour in or so, they blazed one over from close range while two Reds players lay injured in their half.  Course, our fans moaned it was unsporting, but I had no qualms about it.  The players lived.  Earlier, and I don’t say this lightly, we’d been saved TWICE with unbelievable last ditch interceptions from Diaby, including one where he got the faintest of touches to the ball, which meant they didn’t.  (Before I get carried away, check out where he is for their goal.  He’s funny.)

Teams don't do this enough anymore (tho it's out of date).

Thankfully, their goal was the kick up the proverbial we needed, and they never threatened again.  Odour fooled everyone by crashing a free kick off the bar instead of crossing before we enjoyed a lucky break; the linesman didn’t spot Thomas coming back from an offside position to collect the ball and switch it the left.  A foul, a free kick won, and the resultant cross was headed back across by Diaby (him again) for Chaplin to nip in with the header.  ‘He’s just a goal machine’ sang Girls Aloud.  


Charlton Athletic?  Pride of Cheshire?  Really?

Then, in the last minute, with their keeper Jasskelainen (sound familiar?) up the pitch for a corner, we score one of the strangest goals I’ve ever seen.  Dougall hoofs up a clearance and it’s a straight race between Thomas and their bloke.  Thomas wins a 70 yard sprint (I knew there was a reason Strudel hadn’t subbed him off) and taps home.  I dunno if TV shows this, but if you see a bloke in a red coat behind the goal, chuntering on to a steward having collected the Londontykes flag, that’s me.  So I had a unique view of Thomas bearing down on goal, with the rest of our collective side-on to the pitch.

Keep Saturday 23rd May free!

Onwards and upwards!


The flag had a stand to itself.

*** Brown.  Why not?  Led the line well, got about 4 shots off (needs to hit the target more often tho) and bagged a cracker. 
** Diaby.  Go on then, just to make myself laugh.  Saved two certain goals.
* Chaplin.  Ran about and did notch.

Londontykes' MOTM: 1. Brown 2. Oduor 3. Diaby

Despatches:
To be truthful, there was barely a decent individual performance on show, which makes me very positive about our chances next season when we’re playing Crewe in division 3.  Finally, we play BADLY and WIN. 

I enjoyed a lively chat at half-time, as, having seen off one of Kempy’s crew(e), I find myself debating with an idiot a longstanding supporter with a different opinion to me, who was explaining that what we need is an experienced player to partner Diaby.  Once I’d stopped laughing, I told him otherwise, but who’s this to settle the argument?  Reedy rocks up and I ask him who’d he’d rather see partnered up with a decent centre half, Mads or Diaby?  ‘Neither’ he says, and walks off.  I like that man’s style.  And opinion.


The Reds hordes.

Drink du jour: Leffe on the 3 hour train jouney there, one measly pint of Krombacher Weizen in a craft beer place we walked past 5 pubs to get to in Crewe, and Stella bought from the station bar for the journey back. 

Away: 1,141

The Damage:
£11.50 train
£15 ent
= £26.50

Programme?  Never saw any on sale.  Another club unwilling to make money out of me.

The Tunes:
Ghosteen (Nick Cave)
She Hangs Brightly
(Mazzy Star)
So Tonight That I Might See (Mazzy Star)


Crewe Alex panorama
Outside the stadium, pre-match.

A less than roaring trade at the box office.

The away turnstiles.

Entering the arena.

The teams line up.

What's a monkey doing there?  Bring cheeky?

The Londontykes' Flag Stand.

Crewe flags out in force.

Looking towards the home end at half-time.

That is an impressive stand.

Reds Reds Reds!!!
Inside the away stand.
Alexandra Stadium.




Sunday, 5 January 2020

Dulwich Hamlet 6-0 Braintree Town, Saturday 4th January 2020

Dulwich Hamlet 6-0 Braintree Town, National League South, att. 2,730

Welcome to ....

This was a turn up for the books.  Dulwich, having had a poor run of results, save for winning the New Year’s Day game at Hampton, go 3 up within half an hour and go on to pummel their opponents, Braintree, six nil.  I didn’t see that coming.  No-one did.  It certainly helped alleviate some of the relegation worries around Champion Hill, even if there’s a fair amount of the season to go yet.

The teams come out.
I can thank Wayne Rooney for my attendance today, as the England and Manchester United legend made his debut for Derby at home to Barnsley this week, the game being switched from New Year’s Day to the 2nd, for the TV public.  Cue the Super Reds’ cup game at Crewe being moved to the Sunday, giving me this blank Satdy.  Cheers Wayne.  And cheers whatever betting company is paying his £80k/week wages, while his own teammates earnings are delayed.  You can’t make it up.

Up the Hamlet!


The Damage:
£12 ent
£2 prog
£5 beer (Erdinger, x2)
= £24


The sun sets over Champion Hill.

Matchday parking.

The teams meet 'n' greet.

There's no place like...

1st half action.

The view from the Main Stand.

The Main Stand.

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