Barnsley 2-0 Crewe Alexandra, Saturday 21st February 2015

‘Klean Kut Krew Kut Krewe Krew’ (KKKKKK)

A beautiful day for it.

I know many of the customers of BFC (Ltd) were unhappy last week, having been beaten by five goals to one by Crawley Baggage Handlers.  But it’s ok.  Caretaker manager Burton criticised the players, noted how some simply gave up - then promptly picked them again.  So it was, MOTM last week Holgate was binned, as was non-striking on-loan striker Waring (fair enough).  As was NOT ‘Galactico’ (AKA Hourihane, AKA ‘Boorihane’), nor Lewin Nyatanga, whose performance last week was the personification of ‘not giving a s***’.  Or Leroy Lita.  Jesus Christ.  I’d rather not enter a stadium f***ing angry, but there it was.

It was s***.  I have enjoyed precisely ONE home game this season (Bradford, 3-1) and, as Andy was quick to remind me, I could have stayed in London and watched it on Sky.  Actually, now I think about it, I didn’t even enjoy that – how can I get hammered on a Sunday, when I have responsibilities come Monday morn?

The (proper) Crewe Crew.  313 of them.

So, the Crewe Crew.  Holgate dropped, Crainie switched to right back, M’Voto in at centre half with Lewin, Smith given another run at left back.  And Galactico being given a run out at right mid as we go defensive centre (Pearson, Bailey) at home to 17^th placed Crewe, with Scowen left mid.  Don’t worry, Lita and Hemmings will bang them in at the other end.  Christ.  (Have I blasphemed enough yet?)

Half time, 0-0.  If I said f*** all happened, I’d be doing f*** all an injustice.  I’m sure Burton said something about the side being fired up to put last week right.  Boll*cks.  Boorihane is given the heave-ho at half time.  F*** him.  Don’t we have a reserve team to stick him in for a few weeks?  (No.)  Oh, I tell a lie, something DID happen, 1^st half.  A long ball over the top of Nyatanga (GRRRRRRR) leaves their bloke clean through and reserve keeper Davies saves a one-on-one.  Why is Lewin Nyatanga in my team?  Why is Mason Holgate not?  I honestly have NO IDEA.

Camera gantry and Metrodome.

Galactico is taken off.  We have a new signing, a winger from Blackburn who is like a slimmer (!) version of what Jennings used to be; he (tries to) take a player on, he tracks back when he loses it.  He’s not great , but he’s a damn sight better than what we have seen in ‘attack’.  He dribbles the ball out of play 3 times in the 1^st 4 second half minutes, which at least shows that the rest of the side were under instruction to give him the ball.  After 20 mins, without a Boorihane unable to hit the 1^st defender off a dead ball, Scowan lugs a decent centre in for Nyatanga to head home.  Selection justified?  (No.)  The goal is met with general indifference.  I am not kidding.  This is a terrible game.

Crewe refuse to try and score an equaliser.  Decent of them.  They are the latest in a short list of awful teams we have beaten in the last few months (Leyton O, Yeovil).  Crewe manager and ex-Red Steve Davis will apparently do anything to prevent being considered for our poisoned chalice.  No danger, we have extreme nationalist Paulo Di Canio (AKA ‘D.I.Wankio’) lined up.  I can’t wait.

Bloody sunny, bloody cold.  How does that work?

Oh, we score a 2^nd.  I have no idea what happened.  Another corner, the keeper (possibly) fists the ball in the air, Crainie stares at it on the way down and the keeper then punches it into his own net.  Quite, quite bizarre and not quite the way sub keeper Rachubka wished to mark his debut having come on as sub for the injured Garratt.  As I said, the luck was with us.

*** M’Voto.  Won headers and could have broken their guy had their man dared to get in the way of one tackle. He didn’t.

** O’Sullivan.  I s’pose it’d be unfair to give it him for ‘not being Hourihane’ but he did come on, look keen, tried to make things happen.  Like Pearson in his 1^st game.  Opening day at work syndrome?

* Davies. Saved a one-on-one, catched stuff and kicked fine.  Perfection, without having much to do.

Londontykes top 3:

1. Scowen

2. M'Voto

3. Pearson

Offical MotM: Bailey.  Looked a world beater after 5 mins.  Repeatedly won the ball then gave it away thereafter.

Mansford's right.  Even the season ticketholders aren't turning up.

Despatches:
I hope this win doesn’t make for positive management.  In a division where everyone’s much of a muchness, we got lucky (home advantage?)  Awful game.  Can there be a worse forward line than Lita and Hemmings?  (Yes; Lita and Waring)  Luckily, Waring only got 25 minutes.  But how does Lita get a game?  If he’d never scored a pile of goals for someone else years ago, he’d never get a sniff of our 1^st team.  He is RUBBISH.  Certainly worse than Danny Rose, a youngster with potential now learning his trade elsewhere.  Or Oates, who came on in injury time and had more shots on target (one) than every other forward combined in ninety (zero)  We now have an oldster eking out one last pay day before he’s put out to pasture.  (Sorry, being PAID while he’s at pasture.)  Scowen showed promise, good pace, willingness to put a tackle in – but he’s not a wide midfielder.  Do we have a manager?  (No.)  Smith again looked good.  He’ll be out next week, then.

Drink du jour:  JD and coke.  Slack junior insisted.  Dad didn’t disagree.

Crowd: 8,635 (away 313)  

ps, talking of a new manager, and I know I'm sat watching The Championship, but if we cam limp to the end of the season, how about Brentford's Mark Warburton, let go at season's end for doing a fabulous job?  Though I'm not sure we'd be able to get used to the Super Reds attacking at pace...

Home time!