Arsenal 3-0 Stoke City, Sunday 1st April 2018

Arsenal 3-0 Stoke City (official attendance 59,371; real attendance?  50k?  Who knows?)

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What with an Arsenal mate in town from Devon, I enquired if my peeps could procure a ticket; why of course.  Tim would have a spare, since his lawyer son can’t be bothered most of the time.  And you wonder who all those empty seats belong to.  I’m told ‘it’s a £36.50 game’ but Tim lets me off 150 pence and I get to see Stoke City before they’re relegated.  Bargain.

Empty seats at the Emirates.

For the 1^st time ever, I was downstairs, behind the goal.  What this means is I’m amongst Arsenal’s most fervent home support (insert own joke here).  I also get to stand for 90 minutes, though the lady in front is sat down, as enough ‘fervent supporters’ have failed to turn up to allow her an unobstructed view.  She’s great.  She has four different bags of sweets, from Haribo tangfastic to some chewy Refreshers I’d never before come across.

That's one hell of a day trip.

The match didn’t quite go to plan.  Stoke were meant to lie down and die and Arsenal were meant to score a hatful.  For 70 minutes, what we had was an organised away team comfortably holding off an Arsenal team intent on breaking record for the most number of square passes.  Not great for £35, unless you’re of a neutral bent secretly enjoying Arsenal’s trials and tribulations, and the exasperation of nearby fans.  I was sorted, then.  ‘But Stoke are amongst the finest 20 teams in the land’ I told Tim.  Or 19^th (second off bottom) to you and me.

The Clock End. Kick off this week?  Sunday, 1:30pm.

I don’t remember a shot of note in the 1^st half, certainly not for the Arse, though Ramsay clipped the bar in a scramble.  Arsenal were booed off at half time. They must be used to this by now.  No ‘Arsene Out’ chants tho.  Very disappointing.  I presume they’re on hold till they get knocked out of the Europa League.  In a sly dig at the thousands absent today, Wenger later said ‘they’ll be back on Thursday,’  Is this what it’s come to?  (Yes.)

Arsenal badges through the years.

Arsenal improved in the second half, or, at least, the ball was at the Stoke end far more than in the 1^st half.  Still, Stoke came closest, as a Shaquiri corner hit the far post, while defenders and forwards stood and stared.  That would’ve put the cat amongst the pigeons.  There were even a couple of chants of ‘Ar-sen-al, Ar-sen-al’ which has the same effect on me as ‘Liv-er-pool, Liv-er-pool’.  Drone.

Arsenal legends adorn the railway bridge.

75 minutes gone and Tarek is telling me things don’t look good.  I tell him not to worry, Arsenal are sure to get a penalty from somewhere.  The only question is which player dives.  My money’s on Ozil.  10 seconds later, Arsenal get a penalty.  I am not kidding.  And it’s Ozil. I am not kidding.  Although at the far end, it looks a penalty to me.  I am most amused later on, upon watching it on Match of the Day 2, that it was a perfectly fair tackle.  

Aubameyang in for penalty #1.

I have been to three Arsenal home games this season.  I have seen Norwich been denied a nailed-on pen for having a player chopped down, I’ve seen Welbeck fall over for an Arse pen and now this.  In the pub, Andy was telling me that Arsenal have the lowest penalty to appeals ratio in the league.  While this may be another way of saying they appeal for everything, I told him this can’t possibly be true, since Burnley haven’t had a penalty all season, so their ratio is infinitesimal.  Aubameyang sweeps it home, low to Butland’s left.

Lacazatte for #2.  Like buses, Arsenal pens.

The seal has been broken.  Aubameyang scores an excellent volley off a corner (strange he’s the one player Stoke choose not to mark), before Arsenal are given another penalty, when shoulders come together and (guess what?) the Arsenal player goes down.  Perhaps the Stoke player goes in a little too hard, expecting his opponent would give some strength back.  Aubameyang, on a hattrick, strangely gives up the chance, and the returning Lacazette scores a carbon copy to the 1^st.  As someone said later, maybe Aubameyang was expecting Lazazette to say ‘no, no, YOU have it’, as any Englishman worth his salt would.  But Lacazette is not English.

Ar-sen-al, Ar-sen-al.

There’s now some noise in our corner, as ‘you’re going down, you’re going down’ echoes around.  Tim is not amused, as it shows how far the Arse have fallen.  For me, it’s a sign of Arsenal’s fans becoming supporters, like everyone else, taking glee in seeing a side they don’t like, struggling.  I’m much more used to hearing how Arsenal are in a league of their own, and finally they are: too many points behind the Big 5, too many points ahead of 7^th placed Burnley, they are firmly ensconced in 6^th.

All in all, I really enjoyed my day out.  

Up the Arse!!!!!!!!!!

Drink du jour: N7 IPA in El Commandante; some citrusy Truman Brewery IPA in the Highbury Barn afterwards.

Away: 3,000, or whatever a full house is.
 
The Damage:
£35 ent
= £35

The Tunes:
A Deeper Understanding (The War on Drugs)
Stay Gold (First Aid Kit)

Emirates panorama v Stoke.

The force is with Arsenal.  Peckham, journey's start.